Oh man, so get this. I was just hanging in the sewer (natch) when I found this sweet like … ancient thing. But then it turned on, and all of a sudden I was in ancient Japan! Well, when I got there I got bopped on the head by a gaggle of British arms dealers and I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) April’s here, and she’s got a boatload of gifts for the Turtles. They are all pretty sweet, but Splinter’s is the sweetest. What is his gift, and where did she get all this sweet stuff?
2) So obviously it turns on and zaps April back in time. Whoops. Who comes in her place?
3) Well the turtles just gotta go and save April! While back in time they learn all about the conflict that is occurring in feudal Japan. What is it?
4) Uh oh we got a betrayer in our midst! Who betrays the gang?
5) Why do some of the turtles want to stay back in time? And why do some of the honor guard want to stay in the future?
Bonus Question: The Turtles look sadly at the notice that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV is canceled. What are they going to do now?
Answers
1) You guys remember how April was an antique dealer in the first film? Me neither, but it looks like she still is because he’s been shopping at the flea market. Splinter’s sweet gift is an ancient scepter from Japan. Hope it doesn’t turn on and zap April back in time!
2) The prince of a warlord who is just not at all impressed with his father’s warmongering ways. Well, too bad, because now he’s a non-turtle in time, and the turtles have to go and rescue their platonic female reporter friend from ancient Japan.
3) Well the warlord wants to keep on warlording, but the townspeople, you see, are a bit tired of war. They would like peace. The warlord doesn’t like that, so he’s talking with a few British asshole who really want to give the warlord cannons. So there is a bit of an uprising to stop they endless war.
4) It’s Casey Jo…. er, wait. No, it is just someone who looks exactly like him with a British accent. By guess is if they did TMNT 4 (which apparently was also going to take place back in time, lame) that it would have been revealed that he was in fact specifically Casey Jones’ ancestor. You know what? I’m going a step further and I’m guessing they were planning on some split screen action! Anyways, that guy betrays them and they un-betrays them later when he himself is betrayed. It is a betray-fest up in feudal Japan in the end.
5) The turtles feel unappreciated in their own time. They are freaks, who have to hide in the sewer, and despite being heroes they can never reveal their true nature to New York City, the city they love. They believe that now that the villagers know them, accept them, and appreciate them they will have a happier time in the past. The honor guard love hockey and playing arcade games in the bar, the future is objectively awesome and they want to stay there, but Casey Jones forces them back into the past (obviously).
Bonus Answer: F it. They made a boatload on these things, they can do it themselves! Alright, here’s the plot. A mad scientist sits in his lab studying ancient manuscripts, until he comes across an image that looks suspiciously like the scepter. Uh oh. “Yes, this is precisely what I need!” he laughs maniacally. Back in the lair the turtles are obviously being dummies. Back to the scientist who has now appeared in the Foot Clan headquarters. They are leaderless, but this guy knows how to get them back on track: get him the scepter and he’ll get the treasure beyond their wildest dreams. Meanwhile April has taken the scepter to a museum, what safer place could there be? Well, the turtles’ house, but they are dumb, so here it goes … whoops now the Foot Clan has it and the scientist is using it to swap places with … Casey Jones?! That’s right, time for that split screen. Well the scientist comes back with booty, and uses it to create a scepter magnifier in order to bring the armies of Feudal Japan into New York City to begin a war against the Turtles! Oh no! Well, too bad, because the turtles are great and they defeat the scientist, turn the magnifier on the scientist, and defeat him. The end? Nope, the mid-credit scene reveals that scientist’s name? Krang. Boom, we back babyyyy!
It’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV. Simple. A little messy, but they really needed to resolve some loose ends … specifically the odd lack of split screen for Casey Jones.
Bad Movie Twins 