Fortress Quiz

Oh man, so get this? I was thrown into a future prison forever for trying to make babies, and now I have to karate chop the evil robot warden to get out! Unfortunately, a big baddie bopped me on the head during a fight and now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Fortress?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the beginning we see the horrible crime that Lambert and his wife committed. Making babies. How do they plan on getting by the scanning on the Canadian border so they can have their babies in peace?

2) Welp, that obviously didn’t work. And now both of them are in Future Prison, and Future Prison SUCKS. Future Prison is run by Prison Director Poe. What makes Poe so special?

3) Tangentially, what happens to all of the babies born in Future Prison?

4) How do they get the map of the prison from Poe’s office?

5) Ultimately how do they figure out they can get the Stomach Exploder Devices out of their stomachs so they don’t explode when they try to escape?

Bonus Question: At the end of the film we see Lambert and his wife taking care of their child in Mexico. But what a twist! What happens in the mid-credits scene?

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Answers

1) Lambert and his wife are in the military, and thus they have access to flak jackets. Apparently this blocks the bio sensors enough to allow them to sneak by the guards … that is, if the guards don’t notice, which they do!

2) Poe is like a human cyborg-y thing. He has a lot of installed robotics and he doesn’t have to eat or sleep or anything, he just exchanges various fluids ever so often in his office. He believes that his kind are the future, and that soon enough all of humanity will be horrible robot people. We’ll see about that!

3) The babies are all turned into cyborgs. Mostly they seem to be lowly drones whose jobs seem to be to just be a standing army for the corporation that runs the prison. But every so often you get a sweet Poe who can do so much more (until he BLOWS IT).

4) One of Lambert’s prison buddies is the barber / general helper for Poe in his office. He is promised consideration when parole comes up … but everyone knows he isn’t going to be paroled ever. So he decides to help, and with the aid of Lambert’s wife he manages to sneak the map out to Lambert so that they can plan their escape.

5) So earlier in the film the original Big Bad guy gets got and in the process Lambert ends up palming an exploder device. They pass it off to another prison buddy (an explosives expert) who studies it and figured out that it is highly magnetic, so you can draw it up and out of your stomach (easily although painfully). Et voila, it is time for the great escape.

Bonus Answer: We see Lambert’s wife turn on him and attack him, and indeed, what a twist! She has a robot brain! Replaced at some point in prison. Lambert kills his wife, but now will do anything to avenge her death. Sneaking back into Future Hellscape Los Angeles (FHLA) Lambert finds what is, in effect, the inverse of the Future Prison, the Men-Tel Coporate Headquarters. Getting together a ragtag team made up of vengeful relatives of his prison friends, Lambert plans for his version of Prison Break Season 4. It is time to break in and steal Scylla kill the Men-Tel CEO. Moving from floor to floor a la The Raid (wait, is this movie just a montage of other IP? … yeah probably), Lambert finally reaches the top only to realize that Men-Tel is being run by a robot!? No matter, time to eat lead robot CEO! Taking down the corporation Lambert triumphantly returns to Future Prison and releases everyone and they live happily in Mexico with Lambert’s son Abraham.

I would buy that for a dollar. It is called Fortress 2: The Raid Prison Break Season 4. Just tell it how it is.

Fortress Preview

“No, no, no, this is a mistake,” Jamie pleads as Kyle approaches with a glint in his eye suggesting he’s ready to pound some dweebs. “Who are you?” he yells, gripping Jamie by the collar. “Stop it, Kyle,” Patrick says calmly, “Think of everything you’ve gone through? When you were tracking our path through time, what did you find?” Kyle’s grip loosens as he remembers. “It was… better. You were making things better,” he says, breathing heavily. “That’s right,” Jamie continues, rubbing his neck and taking a step back, “and if we were these other twins, or whatever, why would we have come here? They are clearly hiding. Whoever these other twins are, they are the imposters. We are the Bad Movie Twins.” Kyle nods and they share a triple bro hug. Tears streaming down their faces they turn to Rachel and ask that she show them exactly what they are dealing with. An hour later, wearing the patented BMT black canadian tuxedos they designed for just such a situation (and they never leave home without them), they peer over a small hill at the lakeside Hallston Academy compound. Rachel wasn’t kidding. Armed guards, search lights, barbed wire, oil slicks, tacks, guard dogs, robot guard dogs, laser drones, half-cyborg bears, several hornet nests filled with specially trained hornets, several other hornet nests filled with regular hornets, you name it. “This isn’t a compound, this is a gosh darn fortress,” Jamie mutters, “And you know what a fortress needs?” Kyle, Patrick and Jamie all say it at once and without an ounce of irony: “Teamwork, yeah!” Searching the town, they not only find LePumice and Ty, they also conveniently find a couple more black jeans suits. With that Jamie pulls out one of his classic catchphrases, “Fortress schmortress.” That’s right, we’re watching another Christopher Lambert classic in Fortress. A high-tech futuristic prison that Lambert has to escape from? Say no more. Seriously shut your mouth, I’m busy watching this high-tech prison movie. Oh, I guess we do have to mention that we are pairing this with the amazing looking Lambert vehicle Beowulf. Fun fact, this was the first english language film adaptation of Beowulf. For real. Let’s go!

Fortress (1992) – BMeTric: 33.1; Notability: 22

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.0%; Notability: top 21.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 26.4%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Body of Evidence, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Toys, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, 3 Ninjas, The Lawnmower Man, Sleepwalkers, Sidekicks, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Beethoven, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Evil Toons, Ladybugs, Dr. Giggles, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Encino Man, and 5 more; Higher Notability: Toys, Cool World, Newsies, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, The Bodyguard, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Innocent Blood, Universal Soldier, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, This Is My Life, Encino Man, The Mighty Ducks, Radio Flyer, The Distinguished Gentleman, Kuffs, Mom and Dad Save the World, Man Trouble, and 34 more; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Folks!, Year of the Comet, Live Wire, Love Crimes, Frozen Assets, Cool World, Man Trouble, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Body of Evidence, Mom and Dad Save the World, Claire of the Moon, Passed Away, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Ladybugs, Mr. Baseball, The Distinguished Gentleman, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, and 41 more; Notes: Ah that’s more like it. After a few crazy high Notability films in a row, 22 is just about what I would expect for this. Just a little push to get this to 6.0 and it’ll basically be “average”.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Husband and wife flee futuristic society (which forbids them from having a second child) because she is pregnant again. They’re captured and sent to a high-tech maximum security prison run by the sadistic warden. (Is there another kind?) Intriguing premise is sabotaged by weak acting and a weaker script. Incredible international success resulted in a sequel.

(Yeah I could see that. All of the notes are about how everything was looking promising and awesome for a bit, and then all of the money disappeared and you got a borderline straight-to-video release in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U6oLx3xy8s/

(Ha, halfway to hell. God I love cheesy sci-fi nonsense. Combine that with a future prison filled with robots? Forget about it. Leonard Maltin is a fool, this movie must be great!)

DirectorsStuart Gordon – ( Known For: Re-Animator; From Beyond; Dagon; Dolls; Space Truckers; The Pit and the Pendulum; Robot Jox; Edmond; King of the Ants; Stuck; The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit; BMT: Fortress; Notes: Well known for producing H. P. Lovecraft adaptations on a small budget. He is known for casting Jeffrey Combs in films, and this is no exception.)

WritersTroy Neighbors – ( Known For: Fortress 2: Re-Entry; BMT: Fortress; Notes: He was the casting director for Enemy Mine. He gets character credits for the sequel, so I assume he wrote the original script.)

Steven Feinberg – ( Known For: Fortress 2: Re-Entry; BMT: Fortress; Notes: His biography claims he produced Moonrise Kingdom, but IMDb suggests he got a “grateful acknowledgment”. He has a crazy number of “grateful acknowledgement”s. He’s still getting them. He has a “thanks” for Hocus Pocus 2 coming out this year.)

David Venable – ( BMT: Fortress; Notes: He’s written a few TV Movies, but otherwise this is his only feature film. He wrote a single episode of SeaQuest 2032.)

Terry Curtis Fox – ( BMT: Fortress; Notes: Almost exclusively wrote for television including JAG, Stargate SG-1, and Diagnosis Murder.)

ActorsChristopher Lambert – ( Known For: Highlander; Hail, Caesar!; Southland Tales; Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes; Kickboxer: Retaliation; Resurrection; Subway; Beowulf; The Sicilian; Knight Moves; Bel Canto; Sobibor; White Material; Fortress 2: Re-Entry; Un + Une; Why Me?; Nirvana; Druids; North Star; The Point Men; Future BMT: Loaded Weapon 1; The Hunted; Gunmen; BMT: Mortal Kombat; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance; Highlander II: The Quickening; Fortress; Highlander: Endgame; Highlander: The Final Dimension; Notes: Lambert is French, although born in America and raised in Switzerland as his father was a diplomat. By all accounts a great guy, at least on the set of Mortal Kombat, and still acting with 10 projects in a state of production.)

Loryn Locklin – ( Known For: Catch Me If You Can; Denial; Future BMT: Taking Care of Business; BMT: Fortress; Notes: She was on JAG for six years, after which is seems like she retired.)

Kurtwood Smith – ( Known For: A Time to Kill; Girl, Interrupted; Dead Poets Society; RoboCop; Deep Impact; To Die For; Turbo; Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country; Broken Arrow; Hitchcock; Boxing Helena; Cedar Rapids; Last of the Dogmen; Heart and Souls; Amityville: The Awakening; Quick Change; El Camino Christmas; Citizen Ruth; Prefontaine; Shadows and Fog; Future BMT: Firestarter; The Crush; Under Siege 2: Dark Territory; Staying Alive; Oscar; BMT: Rambo III; Fortress; Notes: Most people probably know him for either That 70s Show or RoboCop. He’s in That 90s Show as well, which is coming out soon.)

Budget/Gross – $8,000,000 / Domestic: $6,739,141 (Worldwide: $6,739,141)

(Sources claim that it did well internationally, but I guess I don’t really trust Box Office Mojo prior to around 2000 completely. Could also just mean it did well on television and home video though.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 38% (6/16)

(Fact: I don’t think this is qualifying in a year or so. I think someone will give it a good review and then eventually it’ll settle at like 44% or something and never get close again. The consensus is basically: Fun with a unique look the problem with the movie is just that it is kind of a bummer.)

Reviewer Highlight: Even the requisite gore is sub-par, so it’s not even neat when some poor sap explodes and his entrails whiz by. Perhaps Gordon should go back to mining H.P. Lovecraft’s territory. – Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle

Poster – Fortress Schmortress

(Hahaha. Nope. That could honestly be the poster for any Christopher Lambert film. I’m not even really sure what they were trying to do. At least it has a color scheme and the gradient on the font is OK. C-.)

Tagline(s) – In the year 2017 one corporation is building a fortress for the ultimate takeover… your mind. (F)

(What thuuuuu. I don’t know what any of that means or really what it has to do with the film Fortress. They are not doing that. They are building a fortress as a prison.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.5 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Boys and Girls (2000), Texas Rangers (2001), Reindeer Games (2000), Halloween (2007), Fortress (1992), Senseless (1998), Impostor (2001), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (Christopher Lambert): 33.0 Fortress (1992), 30.5 Gunmen (1993)

(Phew. Not that Gunman looks terrible, it looks pretty amusing. We chose this first and then went for Lambert’s best non-theatrical release for Dimension. There aren’t that many people who made multiple Dimension films and less that made both theatrical and non-theatrical, so this was pretty limiting. Very excited for Fortress though.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Christopher Lambert is No. 1 billed in Fortress and No. 5 billed in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (5 + 1) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – According to an interview with director Stuart Gordon, Arnold Schwarzenegger was to star as John Brennick since Arnold was a big fan of Re-Animator (1985) in which Arnold’s stunt-double, Peter Kent was a cast member. Stuart Gordon: “…it was Arnold Schwarzenegger that got me the job and it was because of Re-Animator. We used Arnold’s body-double in Re-Animator. The first reanimated corpse is a guy named Peter Kent, Arnold’s double. He’s got those big muscles. He got Arnold to see Re-Animator and Arnold liked it so much that he had a screening of it in his home, inviting all of these people, including producer John Davis. John had the rights to Fortress and Arnold was going to do it. For some reason, I’m not sure why, Arnold finally decided that he wasn’t going to do the movie and dropped out. They had a big budget, probably like 60 million, 70 million dollars, which was a huge budget in those days. Now it sounds small. [laughs] Anyway, he dropped out and the budget went down. They cut the budget to about 15 million dollars.”

The film takes place in 2017.

Due to the fact that star Christopher Lambert had worked on several large scale productions, he was hired by the film’s producers as a consultant and oversaw filming.

Filmed at Warner Brothers Movie World in Queensland, Australia.

The film performed very strongly internationally, especially in Europe where Christopher Lambert is a bigger name, and in Australia, where it was filmed. The film also enjoyed a long and profitable afterlife on VHS.

Zed-10, the artificial intelligence running the prison, is voiced by Carolyn Purdy-Gordon, wife of director Stuart Gordon.

Although the film opened strong in the US on its opening weekend, Dimension Films found their movie losing screens when a wave of new releases in the next coming weeks took over most of the multiplexes.

Stuart Gordon was set to direct Body Snatchers (1993) when he got Arnold Schwarzenegger and producer John Davis’s offer to direct Fortress instead. Gordon accepted, although Schwarzenegger would eventually drop out.

A television series based on this film was briefly considered: the “Fortress” television series would continue on from this film and would follow John and Karen as they are pursued by the Men-Tel Corporation and they raise their baby son Danny. It became a sequel instead, Fortress 2: Re-Entry (2000).

Imposter Recap

Jamie

I keep on wanting to write, ‘Saboteur!’ when thinking about this film. But alas, this is just about some dumb bum imposter played by Gary Sinise. Our boy Gary gets his star turn in this film that can be best summed up as a one-note story streeeetched veeerrrry looooong. May as well get into a short recap with that, because the entire film is about that one note: is Gary Sinise an imposter? 

So Gary wakes up with his beautiful wife after a weekend camping trip relaxed and ready to show off a hot new weapon he designed for the big war with humanity’s intergalactic foes. Don’t worry about that camping trip. Sure there was a big ol’ fire but Gary is like “huh, what? Oh yeah we’re fine,” so the viewer can rest assured that the camping trip was no big deal and won’t play a role in the plot in the least. Just as he prepares for the big day Vincent D’Onofrio walks in and is like “Imposter!” and arrests him. He explains that the aliums have developed a new weapon and it’s real cool. Basically they send replicas of humans to Earth who don’t even know they’re replicas. They kill their doubles, assume their lives, wake up with all their memories, and go on with their lives… that is until they get switched on and assassinate someone. Sinise is like bullshit and springs free with his classic Gary Sinise strength. He’s able to contact his wife and attempts to get a body scan to prove he’s not an imposter, but is again chased off by D’Onofrio. He and his wife realize the key to all this is the camping trip (woah, what?) and so they head into the forest where D’Onofrio assures Sinise that he believes him. That’s because in the forest is an alien spaceship and inside is bum bum bum his wife’s body! (What a twist!) They kill the imposter wife but then find bum bum bum Gary Sinise’s hot bod in there too! (What a double twist!) He explodes. THE END.

There was a moment very early in the film (when they kept on droning on and on about the camping trip) that I thought, “wouldn’t it be funny if Sinise just turned out to be an imposter?” Like a whole movie set up around someone being like “I’m not an imposter!” but then he is. You’ve just watched an entire movie where the main character is an alien but doesn’t know it so it’s not even fun in an alien kind of way. And then they did it! It’s pretty dumb and makes the majority of the movie meaningless. If I rewatched it now Gary would be whining “but I love my wiiiife,” and I’d just shrug and be like ‘no you don’t cause you are just some alien drone so why should I listen to you? Sure you have all the memories of Gary Sinise. You’ve got those abs for days, for sure. I appreciate all that… but you’re also just gonna blow up and you’re not really Gary Sinise… no one is. Only Gary Sinise is. He’s a one of one.”

For a Hot Take Clam Bake I’m gonna come out and say it: the aliens’ plan was dumb and bad and failed. Sinise was supposed to blow up a giant weapon he designed and kill the leader of Earth (or something like that). Instead he blows up Vincent D’Onofrio in the middle of a razed forest. Guess what happens next? Big Gary’s weapon blows up the aliens. Because he’s got a big ol’ brain and knew how to kick their asses. Maybe the aliens should have just blown up the weapon when Fake Gary was hanging around the weapon all day. Nope. Let’s just blow up nothing cause we’re dumb. Dumb aliens. Dumb weapon. Dumb plan. You lose.

Hot Take Temperature: Day Old Wildfire. Patrick?  

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Imposter? More like Low-cost-er! Amirite? Gary Sinese v. Vincent D’Onofrio babbbbby! YEAH! What? You aren’t jazzed for that CSI: NY vs. Law & Order: Criminal Intent clash? The Battle of the Second Spin-off Stars? This is huge! Let’s go!

  • Throughout the years we’ve established nice concise phrases for certain types of films. Our most internationally famous one is obviously Dog Poo In Our Face for those films that are so bad they make us irrationally angry. This film ain’t that. This film is the second-most-popular classic Nothing Film. It is a film you’ve seen one-thousand times which feels like no one remembers and if it never existed the world wouldn’t change even a little bit. This film is a Nothing Film.
  • Basically this film feels like a less well known Phillip K. Dick short story that was squashed between The Minority Report and We Can Remember It for You Wholesale so no one remembers it until someone was like “do we have any more Phillip K. Dick stories to adapt”, and someone opened wikipedia and was like “only one … it’s called Imposter?”
  • To be clear this is actually based on a Phillip K. Dick story, I’m not making that up. It was first published in the magazine Astounding in June 1953 and can be found in some of his collections. That being said ain’t no one running out of Phillip K. Dick short stories to adapt, there are a billion of them.
  • Oh the movie, I almost forgot (because it is a nothing film). It uh … well, it um … D’Onofrio is suitably crazy in this I suppose? The whole thing seems to take place at night. The ultimate twist is so obvious that they felt the need to make the twist even twistier … but even then it was really obvious, and they didn’t have the guts to change the actual ultimate twist enough for me to really care that I kind of got it wrong.
  • I guess what I’m getting at is that this is a poor man’s Minority Report, and even that isn’t really considered very good anymore, so what really does that make this? Bad, I suppose. It makes it a bad movie.
  • Obviously a great Future Setting (When?) for a film that is sorely lacking in any superlatives. Well except for one of the worst Worst Twists (How?) ever in that it was obvious from the beginning that you are following around an evil android who is going to blow everyone up at the end (and he does). It is closest to Bad I think, just a Nothing Movie.

Check out the Quiz for my sequel Impo2ter. You kind of know it would be stylized like that right? Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Imposter Quiz

Oh jeez, imagine this, I just got accused of being an alium spy and am to be killed immediately. No trial? No problem for this future hellscape! Well, good thing I escaped, although I did get bopped on the head by a guard and now can’t remember a thing (like whether I’m a spy or not …). Do you remember what happened in Imposter?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) It’s the future and the world is at war! With whom though?

2) And our hero is a heroic military weapons manufacturer … wait, that can’t be right (checks notes). Yeah, he’s a weapons manufacturer. Anyways, why did this heo join the military with only mass genocide of our enemies on his mind?

3) Well, boy is Vincent D’Ononfrio’s face red! Or, well, it will be once he realizes his terrible mistake in accusing this heroic hero of being a spy. But why does he think he’s a spy?

4) Yada yada yada, our boy is on the run and trying to prove that the spy is really the one armed man (or something like that, he’s a fugitive on the run). He gets some help from Mekhi Phifer. Why is he willing to help this spy, what is he getting in return?

5) Ah, well in the end who ends up being the imposter and spy?

Bonus Question: In the mid-credits sequence Sinese wakes up in a lab, strapped to a table. But how? And who else is there to greet him?

Answers

Imposter Preview

“You senseless idiot!” Patrick says in dismay. Kyle was their last chance to save the world. He had already come to the conclusion that the HoE dimension was so powerful that it would burn out any time machine that found its way there. Kyle’s story only confirmed it. Now they were all stuck here. “Well that’s OK, Patrick, it’s really not so bad here. Unexpectedly pleasant in fact,” Kyle says, sharing a sweet moment with his beloved Rachel. Rachel smiles back, but after a second her smile starts to waver and she begins to weep. Kyle is shocked. “It’s just so wonderful here. What if we go back and our family can’t…” Rachel’s voice breaks. Kyle reassures her that they don’t have to go anywhere, but Jamie and Patrick have a job to do. “We have to help them if we can. Isn’t that why we went back in the first place?” She nods and tells them about the Hallston Academy building. Kids come and go, real baseball games during the day, imaginary baseball games at night. “Classic high school stuff, go on,” Patrick encourages. But when Rachel picks up the kids at school she’s noticed another building. One down by the lake. No one ever comes. No one ever goes. “And armed guards are always nearby,” Rachel finishes, her voice now a whisper. But Kyle sadly shakes his head, “it’s been fifteen years, Rachel, I can know when you are holding back. You need to tell them.” She takes a deep breath. “There are two people I’ve seen come and go. I’m sorry I never told you, dear, but I didn’t want to spoil our dream. Those people were…” and suddenly she looks straight at Jamie and Patrick, “the bad movie twins!” Kyle turns to them, enraged. “Imposters!” That’s right! We are watching the classic *checks notes* Gary Sinise vehicle… wait, that can’t be right… alright, well the Gary Sinise sci-fi vehicle we all know and love. He’s an imposter… or is he? You better believe they’re gonna try to twist us up. Let’s go!

Impostor (2001) – BMeTric: 23.7; Notability: 67

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 25.6%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 22.2%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Valentine, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner, Bones, Summer Catch, The Order, Say It Isn’t So, The Wash, and 44 more; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Monkeybone, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hannibal; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Head Over Heels, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Valentine, Double Take, Original Sin, and 33 more; Notes: I’m not surprised at how high the rating is here. I am shocked by how high the Notability. Jeez Louise! It is on Hannibal or Tomb Raider levels! That’s nuts.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB –  Is Sinise an alien spy impersonating a scientist married to Stowe in 2079? The movie’s distributor apparently didn’t think anyone cared enough to find out, because this malnourished Philip K. Dick adaptation sat on the shelf for more than a year. Most interesting features are the near home appliances in the early scenes, which include a voice-activated wall-screen TV that shuts off on command. You should be so lucky when watching this movie at home.

(Wow! Harsh. I would have never expected this to get a BOMB from Leonard. It seems maybe light-fare or boring, but he’s given really terrible horror films 1.5 just being like “I didn’t vomit while watching this film which is a plus.” But this is malnourished? A BOMB it is I guess.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6xFG7l8ss/

(The trailer is very weird. It makes it look incredibly cheap and poorly put together. Which is maybe why Leonard gave it a BOMB I suppose.)

DirectorsGary Fleder – ( Known For: Runaway Jury; Homefront; Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; The Express; Future BMT: Don’t Say a Word; BMT: Kiss the Girls; Impostor; Notes: Hmmm, he still does a lot of television (and maybe movies, although I’m skeptical his In Production work will be actually released in the end). In particular he did a Lincoln Rhyme television series which is basically the Bone Collector, which is rather intriguing … although me having never heard of it is probably a bad sign for its quality.)

WritersPhilip K. Dick – ( Known For: Blade Runner 2049; Blade Runner; Minority Report; Total Recall; The Adjustment Bureau; A Scanner Darkly; Radio Free Albemuth; Natural City; Morning Patrol; Barjo; Future BMT: Next; Screamers; BMT: Paycheck; Impostor; Notes: Probably a top ten most famous sci-fi writers ever. He won a Hugo Award for The Man in the High Castle, and was nominated for five Nebula Awards. Given that we’ve almost completed his BMT filmography with two films, his work tends to produce good films as well.)

Scott Rosenberg – ( Known For: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle; Jumanji: The Next Level; Con Air; High Fidelity; Beautiful Girls; Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead; Highway; Future BMT: Venom; Disturbing Behavior; BMT: Gone in 60 Seconds; Kangaroo Jack; Impostor; Notes: He mostly does blockbusters, and he did a lot of television from 2000-2015. Good friends with Fleder who he went to Boston University with. Somewhat notably was the “other person” involved in a bar brawl where Steve Buscemi was stabbed three times.)

Caroline Case – ( BMT: Impostor; Notes: Was a television writer on The Tom Show and The Army Show, but besides that she mostly did script and continuity work on Gary Fleder films. He also produced her documentary on William Goldman.)

Ehren Kruger – ( Known For: Top Gun: Maverick; The Ring; Ghost in the Shell; Scream 3; Dumbo; Arlington Road; New World Disorder; Future BMT: Transformers: Dark of the Moon; Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen; The Skeleton Key; The Brothers Grimm; Blood and Chocolate; BMT: Transformers: Age of Extinction; The Ring Two; Reindeer Games; Impostor; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in 2010; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2012 for Transformers: Dark of the Moon; and in 2015 for Transformers: Age of Extinction; Notes: The writer of the biggest movie of the year! He is a blockbuster machine, and that will likely continue to be the case given that Top Gun 2 is going to make more than a billion dollars.)

David Twohy – ( Known For: The Fugitive; Waterworld; Pitch Black; Riddick; G.I. Jane; A Perfect Getaway; The Arrival; Below; Warlock; Grand Tour: Disaster in Time; Arrival II; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; Warlock: The Armageddon; BMT: Critters 2; Terminal Velocity; Impostor; Notes: Wait they got the writer of the Fugitive to get involved with this? That’s nuts. He has a film coming out called Ice Moon Rising which seems insane.)

ActorsShane Brolly – ( Known For: Spread; Room 6; Flypaper; Rennie’s Landing; Devil’s Highway; 48 Angels; Future BMT: Underworld; Underworld: Evolution; Underworld: Rise of the Lycans; BMT: Impostor; Notes: Wow, it’s been a while since we got someone who is definitely not a lead actor sneaking into a preview. I’m going to leave it. He wrote a book called “You’d Think There Would Be More Suicides Around Here”.)

Vincent D’Onofrio – ( Known For: Jurassic World; Full Metal Jacket; The Magnificent Seven; Sinister; The Unforgivable; The Eyes of Tammy Faye; Men in Black; Ed Wood; Adventures in Babysitting; JFK; The Cell; Escape Plan; The Judge; The Player; Mystic Pizza; Strange Days; Run All Night; The Salton Sea; Chained; Kill the Irishman; Future BMT: The Break-Up; The Thirteenth Floor; Dying Young; Feeling Minnesota; BMT: Death Wish; CHIPS; Rings; Impostor; Stuart Saves His Family; Notes: Somewhat notable now as Kingpin and being one of the rare examples of an actor crossing from the Netflix Marvel series (Daredevil) into the Disney canonical series (Hawkeye). He was nominated for an Emmy for Homicide: Life on the Street, and then spent a decade as the lead in Law & Order: Criminal Intent.)

Gary Sinise – ( Known For: Forrest Gump; The Green Mile; Apollo 13; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Quick and the Dead; Joe Bell; Of Mice and Men; Ransom; I Still Believe; Open Season; Snake Eyes; The Human Stain; Albino Alligator; The Big Bounce; A Midnight Clear; A Wedding; SGT. Will Gardner; Bruno; All the Rage; Future BMT: Mission to Mars; The Forgotten; Jack the Bear; BMT: Reindeer Games; Impostor; Notes: I’m willing to bet a huge number of people know his exclusively from Forrest Gump (for which he was nominated for an Oscar), but he is an extremely notable actor (from things as lauded as Of Mice and Men for example). He was nominated for two Emmys (and won one of them) for Truman and George Wallace as the titular characters in both. He was the lead in nearly 200 episodes of CSI: NY and for the single season of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders.)

Budget/Gross – $30,000,000 / Domestic: $6,285,176 (Worldwide: $8,694,320)

(Horrible. It sat on the shelf for a year, probably because they didn’t know what to do with it or how to advertise it. I bet the $30 million figure it accurate given the behind the scenes stuff I saw, it seemed really expensive from a set perspective. But I’m sure they just dumped it with no advertising campaign at all as well.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 24% (23/96): With its low production value and uninspired direction, Impostor comes off as a mixture of The Fugitive and Blade Runner, only not as good or as involving.

(Yeah, it does seem like it is just a future Fugitive with less compelling leads. And if the trailer is to be believed it definitely looks cheap as well. So fair all around.)

Reviewer Highlight: Pushes the same old cliches in Blade Runner packaging. – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

Poster – Alium Copycat

(I find this poster both nicely made and hilarious. Nicely made because the artistry of it is interesting, the color scheme is good, and it hits in a nice “classic poster” kind of way. Hilarious because of the tiny Gary Sinise running out of an explosion. If I wanted a funny poster based project to embark on it would be posters like this where an actor appears more than once. Double Sinise. Font is bad, which is a shame. B-.)

Tagline(s) – In the Future, not everyone is who they seem to be. (F)

(My God, unacceptable. Usually something that is total nonsense is at least fun cause it’s nonsense. This is boring nonsense. Booooo.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.5 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Boys and Girls (2000), Texas Rangers (2001), Reindeer Games (2000), Halloween (2007), Senseless (1998), Impostor (2001), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (future): 33.0 Fortress (1992), 23.7 Impostor (2001)

(The question kind of is whether we’ll ever watch a 2005 or 2006 film … Looking at the list the prognosis is negative. We just love the 90s and early 2000s so much! You might be shocked (shocked!) that we didn’t pick the Christopher Lambert future prison movie classic, Fortress, but no worries, that is next week.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Gary Sinise is No. 1 billed in Impostor and No. 2 billed in Reindeer Games, which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 7 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (7 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Pearl Harbor we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – Young Spencer Olham is played by Mac Sinise, Gary Sinise’s son.

The adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s short story “The Impostor” was originally planned to be one segment (about forty minutes) of a three-part science fiction movie. The production company liked the early “dailies” so much, that the idea was fleshed out into a feature-length film. The other segments grew into the features Mimic (1997) and Alien Love Triangle (2008).

In the opening scene of the movie, footage of soldiers is taken from the 1997 film Starship Troopers (1997); and footage of a crater, with other explosions is taken from the film Armageddon.

A street scene is filmed in a courtyard of Cal Poly Pomona’s administration building, the same one used for Jude Law’s apartment building in Gattaca (1997). Several students and staff of Cal Poly Pomona were used as extras for this scene.

Spencer Olham is said to be “very good at integral and differential calculus.” This is a tongue-in-cheek reference to Gilbert and Sullivan’s musical “Pirates of Penzance” from the famously silly patter-song “Modern Major General.” (The line from the song is, “I am very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of being animalculus…”)

The operating room set was also used in Logan’s Run.

Maya Olham watches a televised news report that refers to a Ballard space institute – a reference to J.G. Ballard, the British science fiction writer.

The helmets that security forces wears are also the helmets worn in Starship Troopers (1997).

The film takes place in 2079.

Originally intended to be Miramax’s big Christmas movie for 2001, the film got delayed to January just days before it was set to open due to last-minute edits on Kate & Leopold (2001), which forced that film to take this film’s original date.

Senseless Recap

Jamie

In the not so distant past Senseless would have been prohibited from the BMT treatment. I distinctly remember watching this film when it came out. Probably perusing the aisles of Ye Olde Hollywood Video, Patrick and I saw the dope orange DVD case (VHS box? This landed right on the boundary) and were like “We gotta see the new David Spade joint, we loved him in PCU.” And boy would we have been right (because David Spade essentially plays the same character as he did in PCU). But even that vague recollection would have been enough for us to say, ‘No BMT Allowed!’ Good thing that rule is gonzo..

To recap, Marlon Wayans is a college student working numerous jobs to pay his way through school and support his mother and siblings. He has staked everything on getting a big junior analyst job, but with only one spot (and wealthy financier’s son, David Spade, in the competition) it would seem he’s out of luck. But oh ho ho, what’s this? An experimental drug that will enhance your senses? How fortunate for Wayans (and the audience, for surely hilarity will ensue). Soon he is hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling, and seeing his way into the lead (not to mention a new hot GF). Still worried about his chances, though, Wayans takes a double dose of the drug and hears, smells, tastes… you get it, right out of the competition again. Off the drug for good, Wayans studies his butt off for the final event and manages to win, but ultimately confesses that he got a leg up in the previous events. He loses the position, but the head of the company likes his spunk and gives him a job in the mail room anyway. Ultimately he gets the job and the girl. THE END.

From the description you’re probably like ‘sounds dumb, probably BMT will rake this film over the coals. Let me get my popcorn ready with my special popcorn spices. Hopefully I can find the special popcorn spices because I so rarely use them since they are special spices and not everyday spices. That would be expensive if I used my special popcorn spices for any old event. Better be special.’ But stop! Don’t pour all those special popcorn spices down your gullet just yet. That’s because (could it be?) maybe this film wasn’t so bad? I won’t go so far as to say that it was not so bad, not so bad, but there were a lot of pleasant things about it. Matthew Lillard was fun and sweet as Wayans’ BFF, the message of the film was good, and David Spade played his character as an aloof nemesis in a pleasing way. The biggest issue is a classic 90’s treatment of the 2D love interest and the fact that the premise of the film is complete nonsense. It’s like a child wrote up what they thought the process of getting an internship was like… why do they care how good Wayans is at hockey? What does that have to do with anything? Why would there be so many different events? It’s wild.

That gets me to my Hot Take Clam Bake… is this a better way for hiring? Should all talent searches be run this way? The one thing it certainly did was separate the wheat from the chaff. Who has time for a Billy Madison-esque academic decathlon to get a junior analyst position? People who are going to be great junior analysts, that’s who. And as a bonus, the competition is such a roller coaster of emotions that even those that dare to cheat the integrity of the decathlon are so physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually spent that they immediately confess and become a better person (and thus a better employee). Hot Take Temperature: Buffalo Wild Wings. Patrick?  

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Senseless? More like … Senseless, but like, more pejorative. Remember the year 1998, when gas was 25 cents, living was easy, and Marlon Wayans was a star? Those were the days. Let’s go!

  • I’ve seen this film before, but the only thing I really remembered from it was that he takes too much of the drug and his senses go all crazy. That was it.
  • David Spade though is shockingly good. A really interesting character as well. Usually in a film like this his character would be an irredeemable piece of shit. Like the bad guy in Van Wilder. A guy who gleefully ruins the main character’s life (or tries to) because he’s rich and wants to (? That seems like the motivation sometimes). David Spade’s character might be rich, but he just kind of knows he’s the best. He just knows that it is very unlikely that Marlon Waynes will defeat him to get the internship. And so he ultimately is snarky but cordial to Waynes, because why not? Waynes really just doesn’t seem like a threat. It is an interestingly pleasant part of the film.
  • Fine, Spade humiliating Wayans at the frat is rough, but Wayans shouldn’t even have to try to be in a frat to get the internship in the first place.
  • The not so pleasant bits are things like the fact that Marlon Waynes definitely cheats on his girlfriend, and lacks any sort of genuine remorse about it, and ultimately she forgives him for basically no reason.
  • Lillard is a funny character, but feels out of place in the film. He appears to be there solely to make jokes about masturbation and to teach people what a Prince Albert piercing is.
  • Other than that the film is mostly notable for its ludicrous premise. An internship finally determined by a quiz show format oral exam which depends on you playing sports and being in a fraternity? Seems unlikely.
  • Some good Product Placement (What?) with Coca Cola products in general. And also a pretty rough Worst Twist (How?) in that I legitimately predicted that Waynes wouldn’t get the job and would instead get a job specifically in the mail room at the end, and then it happened. It was inevitable. The film is, again, closest to Good in that there is some pretty funny stuff in it in the end.

I’ll write about the sequel which will be called Senseless 2: Protectors Assemble! That’s right, Senseless is a true blue superhero now! Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Senseless Quiz

Oh man, get this, I was taking this experimental drug but then I took too much (like a goober!). Obviously the side effects caused me to fall down and bop my head. Now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Senseless?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Well, in the beginning of the film we meet our hero. He has lot of jobs and lots of ways to get money. I count seven things.

2) Smythe-Bates Brokers prizes their junior analyst positions. But in particular they prize three specific things. What are they?

3) Protocol 563. What are the instructions? What are the consequences of overdosing?

4) After managing to get into the finals of the competition as an unprecedented sixth candidate, and getting into a frat, and becoming the star goalie of the hockey team, there is a final part of the competition. What is it?

5) Looking at that chart, what would the vice chair of the federal reserve do and why?

Bonus Question: Well well well, now Marlon Waynes is a true blue analyst on Wall Street. Good for him. In the mid-credits scene though he gets paid a visit by a mysterious, but familiar, stranger. Who?

Answers

Senseless Preview

Kyle and Rachel explain how once Lou Cash had told them what happened and gave them Patrick’s note, then convinced him to give them a time machine of their own. They traveled for fifteen years in search of Jamie and Patrick, falling in love and having a family in the process. Eventually they found the HoE dimension and their time machine burned out. “That was six years ago, I think,” says Kyle, looking fondly at his family. Patrick shakes his head in confusion. “But why did you follow us?” he asks, “I told you specifically not to in the note.” Now it’s Kyle’s turn to be confused. He pulls out the notes and shows them. On it are just two words, ‘Follow us.’ Patrick huffs in frustration and snatches the notes away. “This thing is covered in chocolate, Kyle,” he says while wiping the note clean, “you left this note all covered in chocolate for fifteen years.” With that he reveals the true message of the note: ‘Dearest Kyle, I told Lou Cash to give you this note when the time is right. He’ll know that that is when we’ve been lost to time, perhaps trapped in an alternate dimension. Please follow these instructions to the word: 1. Destroy the Dongle. I’ve long held the suspicion that only one true of heart can destroy it and that you are that person. Where others are bent by the immense power of the Dongle, it will crumble in your hands. 2. Do not come after us. 3. Ask Rachel out, you dummy. You’ll be forever with us. BMT.’ But only two words had remained once the note fell into Kyle’s chocolatey hands: ‘follow’ and ‘us.’ Jamie laughs softly at the senseless tragedy of the lives destroyed by Kyle’s love of chocolate. That’s right, we are getting senseless ourselves by watching the Marlon Wayans classic, Senseless. I saw this ages ago and don’t remember a thing except there was a part that involved a glow in the dark hamster or something. What can I say, I liked amnimals when I was a kid and so that’s the only part that stuck with me. But I’m no longer a kid. I’m a man! Let’s go!

Senseless (1998) – BMeTric: 27.5; Notability: 59

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 20.0%; Notability: top 4.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 3.4%; Higher BMeT: The Avengers, Psycho, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Species II, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, The Patriot, Lost in Space, Holy Man, Knock Off, Ringmaster, Godzilla, Major League: Back to the Minors, Air Bud: Golden Receiver, Jack Frost, Legionnaire, Home Fries, Barney’s Great Adventure, Phantoms, Urban Legend, Strangeland, and 30 more; Higher Notability: Armageddon, Godzilla, Lost in Space, 54, Patch Adams, U.S. Marshals, Soldier, Deep Rising, Jack Frost, Mercury Rising; Lower RT: 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, Slappy and the Stinkers, A Murder of Crows, Dead Man’s Curve, Caught Up, The Avengers, Almost Heroes, Tarzan and the Lost City; Notes: How is the notability so high? This is a weird comedy from the late-90s, and it is like Mercury Rising level of notability? Also, read the films with lower Rotten Tomatoes scores … we’ve seen one of those. That is wild wild stuff.

RogerEbert.com – 2.5 stars – Penelope Spheeris, whose “Wayne’s World” remains one of the funniest of ’90s movies, never finds a consistent tone here. The broad physical humor of the main plot contrasts weirdly with the character of the roommate (Matthew Lillard), who doesn’t seem to vibrate in the same universe. His character could be funny in a different movie, but he seems at right angles to this one.

(Two and a half stars is actually pretty good. And funny that Lillard in particular gets called out in the review considering he is going to be like fourth or fifth lead.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6pM-4m7xQ0/

(Wait … where is this movie set? I would have figured it was New York given the Wall Street connection, but then he says he’s from Chicago. I guess he’s like … originally from Chicago and they moved to New York maybe? Oh the movie looks kind of dumb.)

DirectorsPenelope Spheeris – ( Known For: Wayne’s World; Suburbia; The Boys Next Door; Hollywood Vice Squad; Dudes; The Kid & I; Balls to the Wall; Future BMT: The Little Rascals; Black Sheep; BMT: The Beverly Hillbillies; Senseless; Notes: Very famous Rock ‘N Roll documentarian and claimed to have formed the first ever music video production company. Her mainstream career was basically ruined by the Weinsteins after the failure of this film by her account.)

WritersGreg Erb – ( Known For: The Princess and the Frog; Future BMT: RocketMan; Playmobil: The Movie; BMT: Senseless; Notes: Probably a script doctor of sorts as his career contains multiple 10 year gaps. Has a movie slated for production called Cryptozoologists, which is likely a CGI film.)

Craig Mazin – ( Future BMT: The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Superhero Movie; Scary Movie 3; The Hangover Part II; Scary Movie 4; The Hangover Part III; Identity Thief; RocketMan; BMT: Senseless; Notes: Won two Emmys for producing and writing Chernobyl. Has a bunch of stuff in production including an Untitled Pirates of the Caribbean project.)

ActorsMarlon Wayans – ( Known For: Requiem for a Dream; Respect; Scary Movie; The Heat; On the Rocks; The Ladykillers; Naked; I’m Gonna Git You Sucka; Above the Rim; Sextuplets; Future BMT: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra; Scary Movie 2; Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood; Mo’ Money; Dance Flick; The Sixth Man; BMT: White Chicks; Norbit; Marmaduke; Little Man; Fifty Shades of Black; A Haunted House; Dungeons & Dragons; A Haunted House 2; Senseless; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Couple for Little Man in 2007; Nominee for Worst Screenplay in 2005 for White Chicks; and in 2007 for Little Man; Nominee for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for White Chicks in 2005; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra in 2010; Notes: Mostly does Netflix / streaming films at this point. He has a film called Boo! coming out which is probably in line with his Haunted House series. Oddly also has a Ben Affleck / Matt Damon film about Nike getting Michael Jordan as a client in the 80s?)

David Spade – ( Known For: Hotel Transylvania: Transformania; The Emperor’s New Groove; Tommy Boy; The Wrong Missy; Hotel Transylvania; Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation; Reality Bites; The Do-Over; PCU; Hotel Transylvania 2; Sandy Wexler; A Very Brady Sequel; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; Father of the Year; The Rugrats Movie; Light Sleeper; Mad Families; Warning Shot; Jungle Master; Snowflake, the White Gorilla; Future BMT: Joe Dirt; Grandma’s Boy; Coneheads; Entourage; 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Loser; Black Sheep; Racing Stripes; BMT: Grown Ups; Grown Ups 2; The Ridiculous 6; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; The Benchwarmers; Jack and Jill; Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Senseless; Lost & Found; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; and Nominee for Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Combo for The Wrong Missy in 2021; Notes: Still very successful. He’s from Arizona and is one of the Adam Sandler group which passed through SNL at the same time. He does a lot of television work, but also is one of the more successful Netflix comedy stars at the moment. Besides SNL he was also nominated for an Emmy for Just Shoot Me!)

Brad Dourif – ( Known For: Dune; Blue Velvet; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; Alien: Resurrection; Mississippi Burning; Drop Dead Sexy; Child’s Play; Bride of Chucky; Heaven’s Gate; Ragtime; The Exorcist III; The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans; Curse of Chucky; Child’s Play 2; Jungle Fever; Cult of Chucky; Murder in the First; Nightwatch; Future BMT: Seed of Chucky; Pulse; Child’s Play 3; Amos & Andrew; Fatal Beauty; BMT: Urban Legend; Halloween; Color of Night; Priest; Graveyard Shift; Halloween II; Senseless; Notes: We’ve seen him a bunch recently. He was nominated for an Oscar when he was 25 at Billy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. He is an incredibly recognizable character actor at this point in movies and television. For example he was in Star Trek: Voyager as a serial killer Betazoid for a long arc in the early seasons.)

Budget/Gross – $15 million / Domestic: $12,874,899 (Worldwide: $12,874,899)

(Yeah not very good. The budget was setting itself up for a decent success, but it was obviously not quite at the 30-60 million level they were probably hoping for.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 6% (1/17)

(Ah I get to make a consensus: In a long line of superhuman comedies the film is ultimately let down by the confused visions of its director and star.)

Reviewer Highlight: [Spheeris’] setups here are so witless and pedestrian that there’s no imagination to the crude slapstick punchlines; we’re just watching a bland jester pantomime sensory overload. – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Sense More

(Oh nooooooo! It’s like I made it in high school. I usually say I can imagine these posters hanging in a theater, enticing people to partake in the joys of cinema. But no no no. Not this one. I cannot imagine this hanging anywhere. Wow. D)

Tagline(s) – A secret experiment gave him super senses. Then came the side-effects. (D+)

(I feel like the title of the film itself is the better tagline. Senseless that he has super senses. So then they were left with a not very good and very long tagline for the poster. Boo.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.5 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.4 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 58.9 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Boys and Girls (2000), Texas Rangers (2001), Reindeer Games (2000), Halloween (2007), Senseless (1998), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (Men in Black II): 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 58.6 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 33.1 School for Scoundrels (2006), 27.3 Senseless (1998), 23.7 Impostor (2001)

(This doesn’t quite capture the fact that Senseless really is a rare one where Rip Torn is in both Men in Black II and Senseless in a major role. Chain reaction is always going to be one of those that we get worse films strategically. Too bad though, Cursed is notably bad and should be done sooner rather than later.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Matthew Lillard is No. 3 billed in Senseless and No. 6 billed in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (3 + 6) + (3 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch Wicker Park we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – To date, this is the last movie directed by Penelope Spheeris to get a wide theatrical release. She said in an interview that working with the Weinsteins on this made her want to stop making mainstream Hollywood movies. She thought, “How the fuck did I get here? What am I doing? I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to work in this movie business anymore.”

Brad Dourif does not blink in any of his scenes.

During the ending sequence, the song “Movin’ on up”, from the TV series The Jeffersons (1975),is playing as Daryl walks into his building and tips the doorman, who is played by Sherman Hemsley. Helmsley starred in “The Jeffersons”.

The exterior shot of David Spade’s fraternity was filmed at the Delta Tau Delta house at Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken, NJ. The letters on the front stairs were painted on for the movie and repainted after filming.

The punk band playing on the TV before it quickly gets changed is Naked Aggression.

Penelope Spheeris said producers the Weinsteins kept rewriting the script over and over, and it kept getting worse. At one point, she said to Bob Weinstein, “I don’t think this works,” and he said, “This is my fucking money and I’m going to spend it any fucking way I want to.” The movie ended up bombing and Spheeris said they blamed her, adding, “And as a woman, when you do a movie that doesn’t do well, then you’re done. You’re in director jail.”

Originally scheduled to be released in December 1997.

Boys and Girls Recap

Jamie

Woah, I feel like I was ready for Down to You and got a college version of She’s All That… having trouble parsing through that sentence? Well congrats, your brain hasn’t (yet) been diseased by years and decades of bad movies. What I mean is that in Down to You Freddie Prinze Jr. is kinda a lame macho bro with a friend who makes pornos and that’s like 90% of what I remember about the film. It’s kind of offensive trash that speaks ill of humanity as a whole and is asking questions that (I hope) the majority of people aren’t asking themselves about love. And yet, despite the presence of Jason Biggs, Boys and Girls is a very sweet and innocuous take on a college romance between two people that seem to get along great together despite their differences. Sound familiar? She’s All That is a good film with a similar premise. Thus, She’s All That:Down to You::Saved by the Bell:Saved by the Bell: The College Years. 

I think that’s an apt comparison as She’s All That is genuinely good and I wish they made 100 She’s All That’s so that I could have more of them to watch. Down to You… well, much like Zack Morris and A.C. Slater going to college, it was more about need than perhaps good sense. They needed to make another Freddie Prinze Jr. movie and so they did. But there is a reason it’s forgotten to the sands of time. Inoffensive fluff. Just to recap, FPJ is a giant nerd. Claire Forlani, not as much. But fate seems to keep bringing them together throughout their lives and so it’s no surprise that at Berkeley they actually become BFFFs. Purely platonic, people. Nothing to see here except a couple of the hottest people on earth definitely not making out in college. For sure. Anyways, one night in the midst of personal turmoil they finally hook up. FPJ is over the moon. Forlani, wellllll… and that pretty much ruins EVERYTHING. Flash forward to the end of school and Forlani is off to Italy. Or is she? Because she decides she is in love after all (awww) and she chases after FPJ and they smooch for days.

The funniest aspect of the film is reading about Freddie Prinze Jr. and how he wanted to play the character cause it kind of flipped the script on what he had been doing up to that point. Instead of playing the jock golden boy he got the chance to go a little awkward as a nerd alert central. Why is this funny? First of all, he basically abandons the nerd schtick about 15 minutes into the film. When all your acting chops come from your natural jock golden boy charm it’s a little hard to turn it around. Boy does he seem to look in the mirror halfway through and decide the golden boy jock isn’t so bad after all. Second, what does he turn around and do the very next year? Summer Catch. Hah! Spread your wings and fly, my golden boy jock! Fly!

To finish up with a Hot Take Clam Bake, I usually like to ponder the underlying relationship at the end of the film and gosh darn it, I think these kids are gonna make it. Oh no, not FPJ and Forlani, I mean Jason Biggs and Amanda Detmer. In a classic Rom Com BFF swap, the kooky friends of the main characters end up hooking up too. Sure they are both crazy, but I think they might be the right type of crazy to lead to a spicy, unpredictable marriage that is built to last. Flash forward ten years and it’s Biggs giving FBJ love life advice to help keep his marriage on track. Do I really think that? Not really, I mean Jason Biggs’ character openly espoused some pretty heinous opinions about the elderly, so it probably lasts a year tops just from that angle. Hot Take Temperature: Smoldering Coals. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Boys and Girls? More like Annoys and Hurls! Amirite? Remember the year 2000, when gas was 25 cents, living was easy, and Freddie Prinze Jr. was a star? Those were the days. Let’s go!

  • Wait a tick … do I like this film? Am I getting old or something? Because I feel like I kind of like a lot of films recently. Hot take though: Dimension Films was a good production company, so while they made a lot of stinkers over the years (probably from meddling by the Weinsteins by all accounts) their stinkers are often not all that bad and at least somewhat entertaining. Just a thought.
  • Freddie Prinze Jr. is a bad actor, but he’s also very charming. It is just amazing to me that he got away without really trying to elevate or modify his style basically at all for a decade. Seems nice though.
  • I’m convinced that the director screwed up Claire Forlani’s performance. I think she must have gotten some weird direction on acting somewhat spacey, but it falls very flat and comes off as mostly strange. She is intriguing though, and at times great in this film.
  • The only actually good thing in the film is Jason Biggs. Genuinely funny. Particularly a moment where Freddy Prinze Jr. tells him to just be honest with women and to be himself and love will come to him. So at dinner he ends up going on a big diatribe about how the elderly suck society dry and should, effectively, be killed for the greater good (and their licenses should be taken away as well). And then he’s like “you told me to be honest.” Really funny.
  • But the film is mostly just something you’ve likely seen elsewhere and better and the leads don’t necessarily have the best chemistry compared to some of their rivals.
  • Although it does have a unique factor in that the leads explicitly dislike each other for about half the film. They are friendly, but think that the other just doesn’t see eye to eye with how they think of the big L-O-V-E. And they seem mostly okay with that.
  • Probably the best Product Placement (What?) in the film is the inexplicable Slush Puppy cup Forlani is drinking out of at one point during the film. Do you think they paid for that? What a strange thing. Setting as a Character (Where?) for Berkeley and San Francisco in general. I think the film is closest to Good.

Obviously you can read about my sequel Men & Women in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Boys and Girls Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I’m just living my life, one meetcute at a time, when all of a sudden I meet (cute) like girl I’ve seen a bunch of times in my life! What a coincidence … anyways, the story was so mundane I basically immediately forgot everything about it. Do you remember what happened in Boys and Girls?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Our heroes meet twice prior to college. Where?

2) Speaking of meetcutes … how do Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jason Biggs meet?

3) This movie is a series of meetcutes … and nothing happens? So how am I supposed to make a quiz about it?! Anyways, what is FPJ’s major? What is Forlani’s?

4) What excuse does FPJ (oh wait … I mean Billy) give to get Forlani out of her date?

5) Where was Forlani planning on going after graduation and why? Why doesn’t she go?

Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene we flash forward to a big event in their lives, what is it?

Answers