Preview – Bad Movie Twins

The Good Son Preview

“Sit down, Jamie and Patrick,” Kyle says solemnly. He has an angry look on his face, but there is sadness in his eyes. “We love you,” he says once they are seated, “and that’s why it hurts so much to see you going down this bad road.” Jamie and Patrick protest. Look around, they’ve given up that flashy New York lifestyle for the simple life. Sure, they haven’t watched Citizen Kane, but that’s only because they haven’t finished their GMT Rulez. “Maybe Citizen Kane doesn’t even qualify for GMT, ever think about that?” Jamie says, pointing at his temple. Kyle is unamused. “So what are these magical rules? What rules are going to save you from yourselves,” Kyle says, throwing down newspaper headlines detailing their latest escapades. “Bad Movie Twins Kill Man in Train Battle!” one says. “Bad Movie Twins Put the Fresh Back in Fresh Horses!” another one screams. “Bad Movie Twins Win Delaware Breakdancing Championships!” the last one reads. Jamie winces as that one hits the table. Entering the DBC was certainly a bad move, no matter how dope their routine was. Jamie hangs his head in shame, but Patrick isn’t going down without a fight. “We are good. Look… look at these rulez!” He screams pulling out Rule #8 – Sequels, Please, but now it’s crossed off and reads “Beginning, Middle, End.” “Really,” Kyle scoffs and begins to walk over to Patrick’s desk. “Don’t go near that!” he squeals in horror, but it’s too late. Kyle pulls out Patrick’s latest draft of Citizen Kane 2: The Legend of Charlie’s Gold. “Let’s get out of here,” Patrick sputters in rage, gathering up the draft, but as they open the front door Scott Bakula is standing in their way. “Sit down… my sons… my good sons.” That’s right! We are diving into a 90’s classic with the Elijah Wood/Macaulay Culkin vehicle The Good Son. This movie kind of freaked me out as a kid. Probably because the film centers on a young boy getting terrorized and we were young boys when it came out. But time to get over my fears. I’m a man! I’m forty! Let’s go!

The Good Son (1993) – BMeTric: 20.2; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 24.4%; Notability: top 18.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 17.2%; Higher BMeT: Super Mario Bros., RoboCop 3, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Mr. Nanny, Leprechaun, Beethoven’s 2nd, Cop & ½, Sliver, Boxing Helena, Weekend at Bernie’s II, The Beverly Hillbillies, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Son of the Pink Panther, Made in America, Coneheads, Carnosaur, Surf Ninjas, Dennis the Menace, and 41 more; Higher Notability: Last Action Hero, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, The Meteor Man, Hocus Pocus, We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story, Coneheads, RoboCop 3, Rising Sun, Life with Mikey, Son of the Pink Panther, The Three Musketeers, Loaded Weapon 1, Super Mario Bros., Indecent Proposal, Once Upon a Forest, Made in America, Look Who’s Talking Now, Josh and S.A.M., Sliver, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, and 26 more; Lower RT: Look Who’s Talking Now, Warlock: The Armageddon, Deadfall, Son of the Pink Panther, RoboCop 3, Mr. Nanny, Hexed, Weekend at Bernie’s II, Best of the Best II, Carnosaur, Father Hood, Calendar Girl, Surf Ninjas, Ghost in the Machine, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, My Boyfriend’s Back, Only the Strong, Cop & ½, Sliver, Gunmen, and 21 more; Notes: Look Who’s Talking Now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Weekend at Bernie’s 2. What a time to be alive. Meanwhile, let’s make Culkin a psycho.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Who in the world would want to see this movie? Watching “The Good Son,” I asked myself that question, hoping that perhaps the next scene would contain the answer, although it never did. The movie is a creepy, unpleasant experience, made all the worse because it stars children too young to understand the horrible things we see them doing.

(I feel like there is an argument that Ebert is clutching pearls a bit here. Wood and Culkin are too young to understand? I’m not really sure about that. Besides that I get what Ebert is talking about though. The movie does seem unpleasant.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gHxeAadqOs/

(If I let you go … you think you could fly? That line is seared into my brain. I think this was a trailer on one of the VHS tapes I had growing up. I wonder if there is a database for stuff like that? Sadly, probably not.)

Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Dreamscape; Return to Paradise; True Believer; The Pom Pom Girls; The Sister in Law; Blindsided; Gorp; Our Winning Season; Joyride; Future BMT: The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; The Good Son; Money Train; Notes: Sleeping with the Enemy, The Good Son, and Money Train were back-to-back-to-back. He wrote and directed Dreamscape which seems like a wild film.)

Writers – Ian McEwan – ( Known For: Atonement; The Cement Garden; On Chesil Beach; The Children Act; The Comfort of Strangers; Enduring Love; The Innocent; The Ploughman’s Lunch; First Love, Last Rites; Soursweet; BMT: The Good Son; Notes: Huh. He is a novelist writing the novel that would be adapted into Atonement. He apparently had a screenwriting career as well, which is where The Good Son comes from. Like, legit famous person outside of film.)

Actors – Macaulay Culkin – ( Known For: Uncle Buck; Home Alone; Jacob’s Ladder; My Girl; Entergalactic; Saved!; Party Monster; Changeland; Only the Lonely; Rocket Gibraltar; Sex and Breakfast; The Nutcracker; Adam Green’s Aladdin; See You in the Morning; The Wrong Ferarri; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Richie Rich; The Pagemaster; Getting Even with Dad; BMT: The Good Son; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 1995 for Getting Even with Dad, Ri¢hie Ri¢h, and The Pagemaster; Notes: Y’all know Macaulay. He is probably the quintessential child-actor-who-couldn’t-quite-make-it-as-an-adult-actor, but he almost maybe didn’t want to? He appears on Red Letter Media shows quite a bit, and I know he had a music career of some kind. He also notably sued to get his parents removed from his trust fund, which it appears he did successfully.)

Elijah Wood – ( Known For: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey; Sin City; The Faculty; Back to the Future Part II; Deep Impact; I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Maniac; Green Street Hooligans; Cooties; 9; Happy Feet; Internal Affairs; The Ice Storm; Forever Young; Celeste & Jesse Forever; Future BMT: Radio Flyer; Flipper; The War; Black & White; Paradise; BMT: The Last Witch Hunter; The Good Son; North; Notes: And you know Elijah. He did make the transition from child star to adult star, mainly via The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Notably, his appearance is Back to the Future Part II is merely as the kid who makes fun of McFly for playing a baby game in the future diner.)

Wendy Crewson – ( Known For: Room; Air Force One; What Lies Beneath; Away from Her; On the Basis of Sex; Antiviral; The Nest; The 6th Day; Eight Below; Kodachrome; Into the Forest; The Santa Clause; The Kid Detective; Better Than Chocolate; The Santa Clause 2; Gang Related; The Doctor; A Home at the End of the World; Mercy; The Clearing; Future BMT: The Vow; Bicentennial Man; The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause; Corrina, Corrina; Skinwalkers; Folks!; To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday; BMT: The Covenant; Death Wish; The Good Son; The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising; Notes: Apparently is good friends with Harrison Ford.)

Budget/Gross – $17-28 million / Domestic: $44,789,789 (Worldwide: $60,613,008)

(That feels like a legit hit. And yet, I suppose it isn’t surprising that they didn’t make a sequel … you’d have to watch the movie to really understand why that doesn’t make sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (7/28): The Good Son is never good enough to live up to its unsettling potential, failing to drum up much suspense and unable to make Macaulay Culkin a credible psychopath.

(I’m not so sure. It feels to me like Culkin is precisely the mold you want. Specifically, someone so charming and innocent looking you can’t possibly believe that they are a sociopath. Feels credible to me.)

NY Times Short Review: Anything but, evil personified.

Poster – The Downright Bad Son

(What a bizarre poster. No wonder Ebert was shocked and horrified at the marketing for this film. Other than the tagline this really does look like a pleasant romp with America’s favorite Good Son, Macaulay Culkin. All around bad effort. D)

Tagline(s) – Evil has many faces (D-)

(Sure… I’m not giving this an F, but it’s close. This could be the tagline for numerous films across history. That is unacceptable.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.7 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 28.9 A Good Man in Africa (1994), 25.8 Two for the Money (2005)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), The Good Son (1993), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Citizen Kane): 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 22.4 Hot Pursuit (1987), 20.2 The Good Son (1993)

(Yeah there were a few options, but The Good Son has been on my radar for years. It is one of those films I distinctly remember watching when I was a kid, but also one of those films I maybe just watched the same 30 minutes of on HBO four or five times.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Morse is No. 4 billed in The Good Son and No. 5 billed in Drive Angry, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 5) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, and Jimmy Hollywood we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood became very close friends during production, and remain so to this day.

Jesse Bradford was originally slated to play Henry. Macaulay Culkin’s father wanted his son to star, saying he would pull Macaulay out of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) if he wasn’t cast in this movie. Fox agreed due to Macaulay’s bankability.

Richard and Connie are played by Macaulay Culkin’s real-life brother, Rory Culkin, and sister, Quinn Culkin.

The cigarette that Mark and Henry smoke was an empty tube filled with dried parsley and lettuce leaves.

The original director, Michael Lehmann, was replaced due to clashes with Macaulay Culkin’s father.

The film was not released theatrically in the UK because of the James Bulger case. It was released on video in 1995, with an 18 certificate. The scene in which Henry deliberately drops a mannequin over an overpass was edited because the BBFC feared that children would try to imitate the stunt. The 2002 DVD was passed uncut with an 18 certificate.

In 1988, Michael Klesic was cast as Henry Evans. The film was soon after put on hold due to a lack of funding. A few years later, the original child actors had grown too old for their roles, and Jesse Bradford was cast as Henry. The project was shelved again and again, and the actors outgrew their characters. The project was re-cast again, and finally shot and released in 1993.

Henry wears two different colored shoes – one black Nike and one white. It was stated by the director it represents evil and good respectively.

The movie is partly inspired by The Bad Seed (1956).

This is Quinn Culkin’s second and final acting role with her first film being an uncredited cameo in “Home Alone” (1990). She ultimately decided to not to follow in the same footsteps of her brothers.

The sight on Henry’s crossbow is a hood ornament from a Buick Riviera.

Elijah Wood later admitted that he was delighted as a child actor to be in an R-rated movie, since he was routinely watching horror movies at the time and had sophistication on dark subject matter.

Macaulay Culkin and Elijah Wood were trained by stunt coordinator Jack Gill, and rehearsed for six weeks before shooting the climactic scene so that they could be comfortable acting while hanging from a cliff 180 feet above water. When Henry’s mother dropped him, a shot of Culkin himself falling away from the camera on the actual cliff was required. After discussions with Culkin and his parents, he agreed to do a 30-foot fall on a cable on the actual cliff, 180 feet above the freezing lake, but he wanted one thing in return for this act of bravery: a BB gun. Culkin performed the cable fall perfectly and was given his BB gun.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Preview

Jamie looks down at the GMT Rulez. Rule #7 – Lotsa Twists. He crosses that off so it reads “Just One Well-timed Twist.” He looks back up at the drama unfolding in front of him. “Why don’t you tell him who you really are?” Patrick says, swirling his glass of scotch. Cowgirl Jamie looks between them and shrugs her shoulders, turning to Jamie. “Jeannie DuBois, ace reporter for the Times of Delaware. You have to understand major public interest stories don’t just walk into Delaware every day.” Jamie turns away, the stench of betrayal heavy in the air. “But I really did like you, Jamie. I really did want to watch Here on Earth with you. To understand you.” He stops her with a glance. “I can handle you just loving me for my rock hard abs. I can even understand you liking me because I’m famous… but please, have some respect for me and don’t lie about Here on Earth. I should have known when you said you thought every moment of Here on Earth was sexy that something was off. Is it sexy that Sam’s knee cancer came back at the very moment she found love with Kelley?” Jeannie flinches. “I didn’t think so. So please, just go,” Jamie spits. Patrick is already at the door. He pulls it open to allow Jeannie to leave and is shocked to see people waiting on the porch. “My word, is that Kyle from SexyMannequinTimes.com?!” Jeannie says, her eyes growing large, just before they push her out the door and pull Kyle and Rachel in for hugs. Patrick and Jamie are delighted. “The four of us back together again! Fantastic!” they scream, but there is nothing fantastic about the look on Kyle’s face. That’s right! We are finally sinking our teeth into the original Fantastic Four films. And I mean original. That’s because we aren’t just doing Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer from the early 2000’s. They’re also bringing along their friend, the never released Fantastic Four adaptation from 1994. It was just a way to keep the rights to the film and it works… worked so well that we had to get it into BMT. Fantastic. Let’s go!

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) – BMeTric: 48.4; Notability: 109

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.4%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 36.7%; Higher BMeT: Epic Movie, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Norbit, I Know Who Killed Me, Bratz, Daddy Day Camp, Who’s Your Caddy?, Are We Done Yet?, Postal, Captivity, The Comebacks, Underdog, The Hills Have Eyes 2, Redline, Ghost Rider, The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Primeval, The Ten, License to Wed, and 6 more; Lower RT: Redline, Remember the Daze, Daddy Day Camp, Epic Movie, Kickin’ It Old Skool, Because I Said So, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, 88 Minutes, Good Luck Chuck, Full of It, Who’s Your Caddy?, Silk, License to Wed, The Number 23, The Reaping, Are We Done Yet?, Premonition, Mama’s Boy, Postal, Norbit, and 70 more; Notes: Wo, the number one notability film of 2007! A 100+ Notability is quite rare.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Sequel finds the earth imperiled by a mysterious force that is wreaking havoc with weather systems (and global landmarks), and making the impending N.Y.C. nuptials of Reed (Gruffudd) and Sue (Alba) difficult to plan. The culprit may be the Silver Surfer for possibly the returning Victor Von Doom (McMahon). A special-effectsapalooza masquerading as a feature film. Look for the comic’s cocreator Stan Lee as a party guest.

(Surprisingly up on the film. Given the Movie Guide always had to be terse due to the sheer amount of information it contains, it is somewhat surprising how flippant he is with “and global landmarks.” … is that supposed to mean something significant? I can’t figure out why that turn of phrase is in the review at all.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wiu5eZ_7vSY/

(That does look way cooler I have to say. The first looks dumb and has dumb music, this at least has normal trailer music and seems like it has a good bad guy.)

Directors – Tim Story – ( Known For: Barbershop; Think Like a Man; The Blackening; Hurricane Season; The Firing Squad; Future BMT: Think Like a Man Too; BMT: Fantastic Four; Tom and Jerry; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Shaft; Taxi; Ride Along; Ride Along 2; Notes: Oh wow, I didn’t know he was doing The Blackening. Actually looks like a fun movie. It is a horror movie starring an all black cast. The poster is pretty funny.)

Writers – Don Payne – ( Known For: Thor; Thor: The Dark World; Future BMT: My Super Ex-Girlfriend; BMT: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: He used to write on The Simpsons (and won four Emmys as part of that crew). Kind of funny how he ended up falling into superhero stuff.)

Mark Frost – ( Known For: The Greatest Game Ever Played; Storyville; Future BMT: The Believers; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: He did indeed write both of them, which is kind of surprising.)

John Turman – ( Known For: Hulk; BMT: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: I now know there was a Crow television series since he apparently wrote an episode of it. It looks awful. Very syndication-y like the Highlander series.)

Stan Lee – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Thor: Love and Thunder; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Black Panther; Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; The Avengers; Iron Man; Spider-Man; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: Far from Home; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Even after his death he was doing cameos in the Marvel films as they knew he wasn’t going to be able to continue due to his health. In the first he’s a mailman, in the second he plays himself.)

Jack Kirby – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Black Panther; Eternals; Avengers: Infinity War; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Captain Marvel; The Avengers; Iron Man; Captain America: Civil War; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Incredible Hulk; Future BMT: Justice League; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: He basically invented the Avengers including Black Panther, Captain America, and Thor.)

Actors – Ioan Gruffudd – ( Known For: Titanic; San Andreas; Black Hawk Down; Horrible Bosses; Ava; The Secret of Moonacre; The Professor and the Madman; W.; Playing It Cool; Wilde; Amazing Grace; The Gathering; Keep Watching; Fireflies in the Garden; Buttons, A New Musical Film; The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box; This Girl’s Life; Forever; Stories USA; Shooters; Future BMT: King Arthur; 102 Dalmatians; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Sanctum; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Awake, and Good Luck Chuck; Notes: Appeared in the music video for Uptown Girl by the Irish boy band Westlife.)

Jessica Alba – ( Known For: Sin City; Never Been Kissed; Knocked Up; Sin City: A Dame to Kill For; Machete; Barely Lethal; The Killer Inside Me; The Sleeping Dictionary; Stretch; Some Kind of Beautiful; Meet Bill; Killers Anonymous; El Camino Christmas; The Ten; A.C.O.D.; The Veil; Dear Eleanor; P.U.N.K.S.; Paranoid; An Invisible Sign; Future BMT: Into the Blue; Awake; Entourage; Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; Machete Kills; Idle Hands; Camp Nowhere; Honey; The Eye; Little Fockers; BMT: Valentine’s Day; Fantastic Four; Good Luck Chuck; Mechanic: Resurrection; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; The Love Guru; Escape from Planet Earth; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress in 2011 for Little Fockers, Machete, The Killer Inside Me, and Valentine’s Day; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2006 for Fantastic Four, and Into the Blue; in 2008 for 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Awake, and Good Luck Chuck; and in 2009 for The Eye, and The Love Guru; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Awake, and Good Luck Chuck; Notes: Met her future husband Cash Warren on the set of Fantastic Four, he was Tim Story’s assitant.)

Chris Evans – ( Known For: Ant-Man; Avengers: Endgame; Knives Out; The Gray Man; Don’t Look Up; Avengers: Infinity War; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; Captain Marvel; Free Guy; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Avengers; Captain America: Civil War; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Not Another Teen Movie; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Snowpiercer; Lightyear; Thor: The Dark World; Gifted; Future BMT: The Nanny Diaries; Street Kings; Push; What’s Your Number?; The Perfect Score; TMNT; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Often appears with actors like Ben Affleck and John Krasinski when they need a gaggle of people to do bad Boston accents. Especially in things like SNL digital shorts.)

Budget/Gross – $130,000,000 / Domestic: $131,921,738 (Worldwide: $301,913,131)

(See, still not bad. I imagine not pulling in any more money despite spending more was the death knell for the series though. And Chris Evans apparently accepted the Captain America role while they were discussing the possibility of a third movie. I can’t imagine they would do a third without him, he was the best part of the first two by far.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 37% (64/172): While an improvement on its predecessor, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is nevertheless a juvenile, simplistic picture that has little benefit beyond its special effects.

(At least it is an improvement. For some reason I always had the impression that the second one was really bad and killed the series. Seems like it is not the case.)

Reviewer Highlight: The performances are plywooden, the cornball visual gags are groanworthy, and Tim Story still can’t direct his way out a sack with a map. – David Fear, Time Out

Poster – Sklogtastic Four: Rise of the Shiny Slider

(Guys. What are we doing here? This is a horrible poster. The first one was boring. This one is also boring but also insane. D- and only because the Silver Surfer is dope.)

Tagline(s) – Rise (What the F)

(Noooooo. Are you trying to kill me? What the fuck, guys? Just the one word… Rise? Dumb. That’s dumb. Have your brains broke?)

Keyword(s) – good

Best Options (superhero): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005)

(Two more superhero films in the books. I looked it up at one point. I’m not terribly far off from having seen every single superhero film since 1980. It is a little demented.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jessica Alba is No. 2 billed in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and No. 2 billed in Mechanic: Resurrection, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Jessica Alba wore a blonde wig because her hair had suffered from all the bleaching in Fantastic Four (2005).

The Silver Surfer was created by Doug Jones wearing a prosthetic suit developed by Spectral Motion, and a new VFX program from Weta Digital which augmented the Surfer’s reflective surface.

Jessica Alba, upon receiving criticism about her performance in this film, said that the director, Tim Story, told her “It looks too real. It looks too painful. Can you be prettier when you cry? Cry pretty, Jessica… Don’t do that thing with your face. Just make it flat. We can CGI the tears in.”

The forest scenes were shot in the same forest as was used in the first three “X-Men” movies.

The studio hated Doctor Doom’s make-up so he remains hidden under a cowl in most of his early scenes.

Originally, Laurence Fishburne was keen to provide the voice for Galactus. He happily switched to the role of the Silver Surfer when it was decided to make Galactus mute.

Plans for a third installment, as well as a Silver Surfer solo film, were discarded after this film flopped at the box office.

Was given a PG rating by the MPAA, the first Marvel film since Howard the Duck (1986) to earn this rating.

The Surfer speaks of “the one I love.” This refers to Shalla-Bal, who (in the comics) was Norrin Radd’s girlfriend before he became the Silver Surfer.

Andre Braugher turned down a supporting role in ER (1994) to take a part in this film.

For this outing, some slight revisions were made to the make-up of The Thing, giving him a larger brow and broader shoulders. This brought the design more in line with the then-recent comic book revision.

Susan worries about having a son with all the public scrutiny. In the comics, Reed and Susan Storm have a son named Franklin Benjamin Richards, who has telepathic powers.

Susan Storm’s wedding dress is a custom made design by the German luxury fashion brand Escada.

In 1980, producer Lee Kramer wanted to make a Silver Surfer rock opera starring his then-girlfriend Dame Olivia Newton-John with music by Sir Paul McCartney.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Jessica Alba, 2008)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Couple (Jessica Alba, Hayden Christensen, Dane Cook, Ioan Gruffudd, 2008)

Fantastic Four (2005) Preview

Fantastic Four (2005) – BMeTric: 44.9; Notability: 91

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 0.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, Are We There Yet?, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Stealth, Cursed, Dirty Love, Doom, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Chaos, Supercross, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Sex and Breakfast, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, One Last Thing…, and 48 more; Notes: Amazing that any film would have a higher notability than this one for 2005, but there is Kingdom of Heaven.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – And the really good superhero movies, like “Superman,” “SpiderMan 2” and “Batman Begins,” leave “Fantastic Four” so far behind that the movie should almost be ashamed to show itself in the same theaters.

(Oh wow … you know, it is actually rather embarrassing that Fantastic Four and Batman Begins were put out in the same year. But the worst part is that they doubled down on the style! Surely it should be blatantly obvious that the cheesiness was no longer going to cut it at that point.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIx2jkXYu34/

(Oh wow this trailer is awful. But precisely in that 2005-frenetic-heavy-metal-music-video trailer. It is only at the end that is starts to look like a more normal halfway decent movie.)

Directors – Tim Story – ( Known For: Barbershop; Think Like a Man; The Blackening; Hurricane Season; The Firing Squad; Future BMT: Think Like a Man Too; BMT: Fantastic Four; Tom and Jerry; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Shaft; Taxi; Ride Along; Ride Along 2; Notes: Was a rapper at one point signed to Ice-T’s label. His rap name was M.C. Taste … in case this is some elaborate joke I’m just copying this off of IMDb. That is a crazy fact.)

Writers – Mark Frost – ( Known For: The Greatest Game Ever Played; Storyville; Future BMT: The Believers; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Nominated for four emmys, once for Hill Street Blues, and three times as a writer and producer for Twin Peaks. Started out on the production crew of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.)

Michael France – ( Known For: GoldenEye; Hulk; Cliffhanger; Future BMT: The Punisher; BMT: Fantastic Four; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Cliffhanger in 1994; Notes: More prolific that this suggests, he was seemingly writing spec scripts all over the place. Wait? … We haven’t seen The Punisher for BMT. That seems impossible, we watched Punisher: War Zone in 2012! You know what, this is one of those films that we watched prior to BMT and then forgot about.)

Stan Lee – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Thor: Love and Thunder; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Black Panther; Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; The Avengers; Iron Man; Spider-Man; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: Far from Home; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Y’all know Stan Lee. There was a sad struggle over his estate prior to his passing as he was in declining health.)

Jack Kirby – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Black Panther; Eternals; Avengers: Infinity War; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Captain Marvel; The Avengers; Iron Man; Captain America: Civil War; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Incredible Hulk; Future BMT: Justice League; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: One of the most significant comic writers in history and was especially known for his contributions to the silver age of Marvel comics.)

Actors – Ioan Gruffudd – ( Known For: Titanic; San Andreas; Black Hawk Down; Horrible Bosses; Ava; The Secret of Moonacre; The Professor and the Madman; W.; Playing It Cool; Wilde; Amazing Grace; The Gathering; Keep Watching; Fireflies in the Garden; Buttons, A New Musical Film; The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box; This Girl’s Life; Forever; Stories USA; Shooters; Future BMT: King Arthur; 102 Dalmatians; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Sanctum; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Awake, and Good Luck Chuck; Notes: Welsh. Has done a lot of television in recent years including 30 episodes in the series Harrow as Dr. Harrow.)

Michael Chiklis – ( Known For: Don’t Look Up; The Do-Over; Hubie Halloween; Parker; Nixon; Rupture; 10 Minutes Gone; High School; Deathstroke: Knights & Dragons – The Movie; 1985; Rise: Blood Hunter; Pawn; Do Not Disturb; Taxman; Future BMT: Eagle Eye; When the Game Stands Tall; Wired; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Soldier; Notes: Won an Emmy for The Shield, which he’s mostly known for. I know is partially because the future BMT film Wired, the Belushi biopic, got him somewhat blacklisted from film for a while.)

Chris Evans – ( Known For: Ant-Man; Avengers: Endgame; Knives Out; The Gray Man; Don’t Look Up; Avengers: Infinity War; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; Captain Marvel; Free Guy; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Avengers; Captain America: Civil War; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Not Another Teen Movie; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Snowpiercer; Lightyear; Thor: The Dark World; Gifted; Future BMT: The Nanny Diaries; Street Kings; Push; What’s Your Number?; The Perfect Score; TMNT; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Straight out of Boston. And it would have looked like he was going to be known for being the Human Torch in the bad Fantastic Four films, but then he basically became the most famous superhero character ever, so whatever.)

Budget/Gross – $100,000,000 / Domestic: $154,696,080 (Worldwide: $333,535,934)

(Decent. No wonder it got a sequel. Impressive what $100 million used to buy you.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 28% (59/214): Marred by goofy attempts at wit, subpar acting, and bland storytelling, Fantastic Four is a mediocre attempt to bring Marvel’s oldest hero team to the big screen.

(Yeah, sounds about right. Especially the “goofy” part. I remember everything being about how dumb The Thing and other stuff looked in the film when it came out.)

Reviewer Highlight: If there was ever any doubt that action scenes depend more on context than flash, Fantastic Four proves it. – Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Poster – Sklogtastic Four

(This feels very early 2000’s. They wanted something sleek and cool… they certainly got something sleek. Those four look like they’re gonna slide right off that poster. More boring than bad, but I’m not offended by it. D+)

Tagline(s) – Prepare for the fantastic. (F)

(Ha. No. So you’re saying that I’m supposed to look at this poster and think “Fantastic Four… prepare for the fantastic.” That’s stupid. I actually am offended by that one.)

Keyword(s) – good

Best Options (superhero): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005)

(We are obviously doing both. We weren’t limited to Superheroes, but I did want to see if there were other options. You would think there would be more “obviously good” superheroes, but nope. I guess Superman would have counted, although I did generally limit myself to movies where the word was the whole word.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jessica Alba is No. 2 billed in Fantastic Four and No. 2 billed in Mechanic: Resurrection, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Stan Lee has said that Michael Chiklis’s Thing is his favourite performance in any “Marvel” film ever.

Jessica Alba had a kidney infection during the filming and nearly fainted when she was with Julian McMahon in the space station scene.

For most of the shoot, Michael Chiklis was terribly uncomfortable in the hot Thing suit. The final street battle, however, was filmed in Vancouver in December, leaving Chiklis as the only comfortable one of the four (the rest were in the skintight blue uniforms).

As part of his costume for The Thing, Michael Chiklis wore prosthetic teeth. To prepare himself to speak with the prostheses, Chiklis wore them when reading to his children.

Chris Evans improvised some of his dialogue.

Michael Chiklis was offered the role of Thing after Jennifer Garner suggested him for it.

The sequence of Johnny Storm morphing into a ball of flames and soaring over Manhattan took 4 months to create.

Thing notices puppets at Alicia’s art gallery and she says they belong to her father. In the comics, Alicia’s stepfather Philip Masters is the super-villain the Puppet Master, a foe of the Fantastic Four.

Paul Walker was considered for the part of Johnny Storm.

Jessica Alba dyed her hair blonde for this movie but wore a blonde wig for the second.

The scene on the bridge took about 5 weeks to shoot.

During development Chris Columbus pushed for the film to have a heavily comedic tone along the lines of the Batman (1966) TV series. Despite being hired because of his comedy background, Tim Story was able to persuade Columbus that going for an outright comedic tone would end in disaster, and pointed to the success of Spider-Man (2002) as proof that the film could still contain plenty of humor while having a generally serious overall storyline.

In the early 1990s Bernd Eichinger’s option on the rights to The Fantastic Four were about to expire, to avoid this he commissioned Roger Corman to make a film (The Fantastic Four (1994)) as quickly as possible so he could keep hold of the rights. This was mainly to thwart Chris Columbus who was after the rights at the same time. Corman’s version only cost $2 million, neither him or his cast and crew knew that the film was dumper-bound. It has however been seen in bootleg and download versions, with the general critical consensus being that it was a terrible movie.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Jessica Alba, 2006)

Arthur 2: On the Rocks Preview

“So this is the DVD player,” Jamie says, showing Cowgirl Jamie around. He’s ready to get his Kane game on, but CJ keeps trying to distract him. “Before we start the movie,” she quickly interjects, “tell me more about this Good Movie Twins venture. How will it be different from Bad Movie Twins? Can we expect more Rich and Poe stories under the GMT banner?” Questions, questions, questions. What’s with all these questions? Jamie looks at his GMT Rulez and crinkles his brow at Rule #6 – Exposition 4 Days. He crosses that out and replaces it with Graceful Subtlety. “Let’s not be boring,” he says snobbishly and adds mysteriously, “Life is Art, Art is Film, Film is Life. Art.” They stare blankly at each other for several moments before Jamie turns back to the DVD player, but before he can pop in Citizen Kane, CJ again shouts, “Wait!” Jamie sighs. “I’m not feeling an artsy fartsy film today,” CJ explains and before Jamie knows it she’s next to him, touching his arm and slipping his Collector’s Edition copy of Here on Earth into his hands. “It’s just that I find everything about this film super sexy.” Jamie takes the box set into his hands, the metal casing growing slick with his sweat. “Weeelllll,” he hesitates, but knows full well that it’s only a matter of time before he caves. The spell is broken with the sounds of ice clinking in a glass. A lamp goes on in the corner revealing Patrick, he’s been there the whole time. “Not so fast, Cowgirl Jamie,” he says, a steely look on his face. “Or maybe I should just call you… Saboteur!” Jamie is digging this unexpected turn of events. “This is Life. This is Art. This rocks,” he whispers. That’s right! We are indeed watching Art… Arthur 2: On the Rocks, that is! I only vaguely remember catching bits and pieces of the original Arthur on Comedy Central back in the day. Always seemed a bit boring. But now that I’m a sophisticated adult I’m sure I’ll understand why it was a huge hit that spawned a less warmly received sequel. Let’s go!

Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988) – BMeTric: 49.9; Notability: 45

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 4.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 6.5%; Higher BMeT: Caddyshack II, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail; Lower RT: Two Moon Junction, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Johnny Be Good, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Fresh Horses, Watchers, Hero and the Terror, Hot to Trot, Illegally Yours, The Blue Iguana, War Party, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat; Notes:That feels like a huge Notability score overall. I also wonder … I have a new thing cooking. This is a perfect test. How many times did Arthur 2 play on television in 1988? The answer is 23 times. That’s 31st most for any wide release film that year. Guess what else played 23 times that year. Fresh Horses. What a fucking year.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – The problem is, we don’t care what secrets the old billionaire has in his past. We don’t care how cleverly Arthur attempts to deal with the crisis or how successful he is. The very attempt to cope is a mistake; Arthur should sink deeper and deeper into bewildered confusion, until he is rescued once again by the fates, a benevolent heaven or his own good luck. The last thing we want to see in this movie, in other words, is Arthur getting better.

(I 100% agree. See the recap for more about this, but this movie ultimately feels like an annoying and useless epilogue to an bizarrely compelling original.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9j4GzzGKiI/

(I mean, roll back the hits. Definitely makes it look like he’s drunk more often in the second one. In the first one he’s only drunk a handful of times, but he’s drunk in basically 100% of that trailer.)

Directors – Bud Yorkin – ( Known For: Inspector Clouseau; Twice in a Lifetime; Divorce American Style; Come Blow Your Horn; Start the Revolution Without Me; The Thief Who Came to Dinner; Never Too Late; Love Hurts; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Nominated for 7 Emmys and won 3 for An Evening with Fred Astaire and The Jack Benny Program. He would ultimately stop directing in 1990 with the completely forgotten Jeff Daniels film Love Hurts.)

Writers – Steve Gordon – ( Known For: Arthur; The One and Only; Future BMT: Arthur; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Wrote and Directed the original, but died in 1982.)

Andy Breckman – ( Known For: Rat Race; I.Q.; True Identity; Future BMT: Moving; Sgt. Bilko; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Nominated for four Emmys, primarily for SNL and Letterman. Still writes a ton of television, but also seems to have had a radio program for the last 25 years? Hard to tell.)

Actors – Dudley Moore – ( Known For: 10; Arthur; Bedazzled; 30 Is a Dangerous Age, Cynthia; Foul Play; Like Father Like Son; Best Defense; Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland; Micki + Maude; The Wrong Box; Six Weeks; The Hound of the Baskervilles; Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies; The Bed Sitting Room; Blame It on the Bellboy; Lovesick; The Pickle; The Mighty Kong; The Third Alibi; Derek and Clive Get the Horn; Future BMT: Crazy People; Unfaithfully Yours; Wholly Moses!; Romantic Comedy; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Santa Claus: The Movie; Notes: Comedian and accomplished jazz pianist. Somewhat sadly died in the early 2000s after a series of long illnesses. Nominated for an Oscar for Arthur, and famously quite short (around 5 foot 2 inches).)

Liza Minnelli – ( Known For: Arthur; Cabaret; New York, New York; The Muppets Take Manhattan; Silent Movie; The Oh in Ohio; The Sterile Cuckoo; Lucky Lady; In the Good Old Summertime; Stepping Out; Journey Back to Oz; Rent-a-Cop; Charlie Bubbles; Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon; A Matter of Time; BMT: Sex and the City 2; Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 1989 for Arthur 2: On the Rocks, and Rent-a-Cop; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Sex and the City 2 in 2011; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars, and won for Cabaret. The daughter of Judy Garland. Was also nominated for 7 Emmys and won one for a variety special. Which now makes me realize she’s an EGOT winner.)

John Gielgud – ( Known For: Arthur; Caligula; The Elephant Man; Murder on the Orient Express; Chariots of Fire; Gandhi; Elizabeth; Hamlet; DragonHeart; Around the World in 80 Days; First Knight; The Power of One; Quest for Camelot; Shine; The Portrait of a Lady; Julius Caesar; Appointment with Death; Becket; Lion of the Desert; Shining Through; BMT: Arthur 2: On the Rocks; Notes: Won the Oscar for Arthur, and also nominated for Becket. Was nominated for 5 Emmys and won one for Summer’s Lease. Wait … he also is an EGOT winner! I wonder if this is the only BMT featuring two EGOTers? Maybe, although you’d think one of the bad Whoopi films could fit the bill.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $14,681,192 (Worldwide: $14,681,192)

(That’s pretty terrible. But then again it was the sequel to a off-beat comedy made eight years later, so who knows what they really expected.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (3/23): Arthur’s boozy charm curdles into a bad hangover in this unnecessary sequel.

(Yeah, that sounds about right. The unnecessary part I mean. The fist film is kind of a perfect original comedy of the type you rarely see now probably for that exact reason: films and tv are very much in the “what’s happening in season 3 / the trilogy” mode.)

Reviewer Highlight: The excruciating “Arthur 2 on the Rocks” should come with a surgeon general’s warning: “This sort of stupidity may sap your will to live or to watch movies ever again.” – Sheila Benson, Los Angeles Times

Poster – A Kid in Drunk Arthur’s Court

(WTF, mate? You needed a few more shrimp on that barbie. What is the framing device being used here? Some mild points for the classic tilted A in the title but otherwise this is kind of embarrassing. D+)

Tagline(s) – No Money. Still Funny. (C+)

(Alright, this is also clearly embarrassing on its face… and I’m not going to make a case that it’s actually good… … … but… it’s tight. That’s all I’ll say. Someone wrote out four words and it ended up on the poster for a reason. Tight.)

Keyword(s) – good

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (daddio): 50.0 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988)

(Kind of a funny series of films we got going since so many of them appear to be relying on the one or two specific films to get by. Next week is kind of the same way.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 25) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Kathy Bates is No. 8 billed in Arthur 2: On the Rocks and No. 3 billed in Tammy, which also stars Susan Sarandon (No. 2 billed) who is in That’s My Boy (No. 3 billed) which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (8 + 3) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 25. If we were to watch Unfaithfully Yours, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The character of Susan Johnson was not played by Jill Eikenberry who had portrayed the character in Arthur (1981). This was because Eikenberry was at the time unavailable due to being contracted to L.A. Law (1986), playing Ann Kelsey.

Dudley Moore has been said to have based his characterization of Arthur partly on Peter Cook, whose excessive drinking had soured his and Moore’s comedic partnership in the 1970s.

The closing credits dedication states: “The film is dedicated to the memory of Steve Gordon”. Gordon wrote and directed Arthur (1981) and sadly passed away soon afterwards in 1982. Arthur (1981) was the only theatrical movie directed by Gordon.

Dudley Moore is seen playing the piano in this movie. In real-life, Moore was a pianist. On movie sets, Moore would often entertain the crew by playing the piano between breaks in filming.

The cast features three Academy Award winners: Sir John Gielgud, Kathy Bates, and Liza Minnelli.

The scene where Arthur (Dudley Moore) asks Fairchild (Paul Benedict), to put on one of his wife’s dressing gowns, when Arthur says, “C’mon Fairchild, I know you want too!”, you can hear the camera men laughing.

Preparing stage plans for the studio sets to be built on the Warner Brothers’ Burbank lot, Set Decorator Gene Callahan and Art Director Hub Braden designed preliminary set plans with elevations of all of the proposed stage sets. Viewing Arthur (1981) on video, the original upstairs bedroom set was copied and rebuilt for this movie. Arthur (1981)’s set designs incorporated levels, with entrance doors requiring a door-step landing, to step down onto the set, similar to a theatrical stage set plan. This step element was changed in this set by eliminating the step-up hallway platform. Paper doll miniature sets were mounted and presented for discussion and final approvals by Director Bud Yorkin. Set Designers were then staffed with the commencement of drawing plans and elevations. All of the New York City sets were actual locations with no studio-built scenery. Minor modifications and set dressing were added to all of the interior and exterior location sights in New York City. The yacht interior was a Burbank stage set. The yacht’s interior lounge finish was a Phillipine Mahogany wood skin veneer finish. After the skin veneer was applied to the walls, after an overnight stage closure, the veneer wrinkled due to the frigid stage temperature. When the stage was scheduled for filming the set, the stage heaters had to be continuously maintained to prevent the veneer from wrinkling.

The basement New York City clinic set was one of the first completed stage sets; except that this set’s revisions had repeated major modifications. Compared to a television budgeted set, the clinic set should have cost sixteen thousand dollars. Every time Director Bud Yorkin and Production Designer would fly into Los Angeles from their New York City filming schedule to survey the progress of their stage sets under construction, Yorkin would order character wall treatments added to the clinic set. The lower bottom vertical set walls were extended forward, with bulging wood ribs skinned with chicken wire, stuffed with newspapers, then finished in a plaster skim coat. With each of their round trip-visits, the walls were repeatedly added with more bulging layers. Their theory, such a New York City building would have had the upper floors weight, forcing the sinking of the lower basement walls, causing the sag. The final cost of this small typical movie office stage set, instead, skyrocketed to a final cost of two hundred fifty thousand dollars. A money power struggle had developed between the studio and the production company with this as an example of “I’ll show you how much we can spend!”

While the original Arthur (1981) grossed $95.5 million on its first release, this could only muster $14.7 million at the box office.

The opening scene is a takeoff on the Grey Poupon mustard commercials of the 1980s, in which two Rolls-Royces pull up next to each other and the passenger in one car taps on the window of the other car and asks, “Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?”

Arthur and Linda move into an apartment at 140 W. 4th Street in Greenwich Village with a rent of eight hundred fifty dollars a month after being initially “cut off” by his family.

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Liza Minnelli, 1989)

Killer Elite Preview

Jamie and Patrick sit and watch Citizen Kane. Tears pour down their faces. It’s beautiful. “It’s Citizen Kane by a length!” The announcer calls as the horse crosses the finish line. The mayor pounds them on the shoulder, “She’s a real classic. These horses are so fresh. We’re doing boffo business!” Patrick wipes the tears from his face. Indeed, what they have accomplished is boffo, but even he can admit that they really should stop fooling around. While it seemed important to establish themselves in their new town, this whole racetrack business is really more of a Bad Movie Twins thing. He turns to Jamie to tell him to get the DVD player warmed up for some CK action, but he’s annoyed to find him talking once again with Jamie, the cowgirl they have been using to corral the horses that are a little too fresh. “Hey Patrick,” Jamie (the cowgirl) says, “me and Jamie were talking about catching a movie. I think it’s called Big Ass Crane. About a sentient crane that threatens Houston.” Patrick scowls, skeptical about how good BAC could possibly be. “I really want you to come, too,” Jamie (the cowgirl) says, placing her hand on Patrick’s. Patrick is startled (he’s a happily married man with 6 children!) and looks down at his Good Movie Rulez. Rule #5 – Love Triangle. “Uhhhh, no,” Patrick says quickly, “Why don’t you go back to the house and watch Citizen Kane together?” He adds helpfully. The Jamie’s nod, warming to the idea. “More like Citizen Crane, right?” Jamie (not the cowgirl) says, playfully. Patrick breathes a sigh of a relief and changes Rule #5 to Love Story. “Yeah that’s elite,” the mayor says looking over his shoulder. “It’s not elite,” Patrick says mockingly before putting on his sunglasses. “It’s killer.” That’s right! Not the best segue into a movie about ye olde assassins, but it’ll have to do. I feel like in my head I conflated this film with Righteous Kill. I was fully expecting this to be about police officers or something. But it’s not… it’s about something totally different. Let’s go!

Killer Elite (2011) – BMeTric: 21.7; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 32.4%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 25.0%; Higher BMeT: Jack and Jill, The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Shark Night, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, The Roommate, The Darkest Hour, Hellraiser: Revelations, Conan the Barbarian, Abduction, I Don’t Know How She Does It, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Zookeeper, Apollo 18, Twixt, The Dilemma, and 61 more; Higher Notability: Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Green Lantern, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Hop, Cars 2, The Smurfs, Your Highness, New Year’s Eve, Red Riding Hood, Jack and Jill, Battle Los Angeles, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Sucker Punch, I Am Number Four, The Hangover Part II, In Time, Johnny English Reborn, Larry Crowne, Priest, and 17 more; Lower RT: You May Not Kiss the Bride, Hellraiser: Revelations, Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, The Roommate, A Little Bit of Heaven, Hick, Abduction, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, Dream House, New Year’s Eve, Trespass, Honey 2, Red Riding Hood, Creature, Season of the Witch, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Atlas Shrugged: Part I, The Darkest Hour, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, and 40 more; Notes: That is a shockingly low Notability now that I look at it. A film like this just feels like it should have 70 well known people in it.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Killer Elite” is inspired by a story that ingeniously finds a way to explain why two teams of ex-SAS men would want to kill each other. That doubles the possibilities for casting, and here Jason Statham and Clive Owen, who in fact have no reason to dislike each other, are engaged in a deadly game of international murder. Robert De Niro plays a hostage taken by a sheik of Oman, who uses him to settle a score neither team has any reason to care about, so basically what’s at stake is their professionalism.

(Wow. What a zag by Roger. Although this would have been prime time “good for what it is” Ebert, so actually it makes a lot of sense.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q8VIPJAox8/

(I remember this trailer so distinctly. Specifically the flip with the chair onto Clive Owen. Incredible use of Rock you like a Hurricane as well.)

Directors – Gary McKendry – ( BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: How bizarre. He directed an Oscar nominated short, then this, then one more short and then … literally nothing else? That seems insane. He one effort was a Statham, Owen, De Niro picture?)

Writers – Matt Sherring – ( BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: And this guy just has a single other thing in development maybe? How did this thing get made?)

Ranulph Fiennes – (BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: He wrote the book … this movie is based on a book. And this guy is nuts. He was a famous adventurer, and tried to blow up the Dr. Doolittle set as some sort of protest.)

Actors – Jason Statham – ( Known For: Operation Fortune: Ruse de guerre; F9: The Fast Saga; Wrath of Man; Snatch; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; Furious 7; The Italian Job; The Meg; Collateral; The Fate of the Furious; Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw; Furious 6; The Expendables; Spy; The Bank Job; The Expendables 2; The Transporter; Death Race; Homefront; Wild Card; Future BMT: The Pink Panther; War; The One; Turn It Up; BMT: The Expendables 3; Crank; Killer Elite; Crank: High Voltage; Mechanic: Resurrection; In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale; Ghosts of Mars; Notes: Was on the National British Diving Team. One funny story I remember from a podcast I listened to in like 2011 was that a comedian’s ex-girlfriend was dating Statham and he wanted so badly to hate him, but it turned out Statham is hilarious, really nice, and extraordinarily handsome, so he actually just ended up really enjoying the few times he’s met him.)

Clive Owen – ( Known For: Sin City; Closer; Inside Man; Children of Men; The Bourne Identity; The Informer; Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets; Gosford Park; Trust; Anon; Shoot ‘Em Up; Croupier; Last Knights; Ophelia; Close My Eyes; The International; Duplicity; Blood Ties; The Song of Names; Bent; Future BMT: King Arthur; Gemini Man; The Pink Panther; Derailed; Elizabeth: The Golden Age; Beyond Borders; The Rich Man’s Wife; BMT: Killer Elite; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Closer (remember that guy?). He ended up almost being as famous for starring in The Knick than anything else. Was Bill Clinton in American Crime Story?)

Robert De Niro – ( Known For: Joker; Goodfellas; Heat; Taxi Driver; The Godfather Part II; American Hustle; The Irishman; Cape Fear; Once Upon a Time in America; Casino; Sleepers; Silver Linings Playbook; Stardust; The Deer Hunter; A Bronx Tale; Limitless; The Untouchables; Raging Bull; Jackie Brown; Ronin; Future BMT: The Family; Great Expectations; Shark Tale; Meet the Fockers; The War with Grandpa; Little Fockers; Arthur and the Invisibles; Hide and Seek; Showtime; Analyze That; The Fan; 15 Minutes; The Comedian; Stanley & Iris; BMT: Amsterdam; Dirty Grandpa; Killer Elite; Righteous Kill; The Big Wedding; New Year’s Eve; Grudge Match; Godsend; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Dirty Grandpa in 2017; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2003 for I Spy, Showtime, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash; Notes: Y’all know De Niro. Six time nominated for Best Actor (won twice for Raging Bull and Godfather Part II). And he’s still working. Mostly it is in comedies as a mea grandpa or something, but he still will show up in things like The Irishman and Amsterdam.)

Budget/Gross – $70,000,000 / Domestic: $25,124,966 (Worldwide: $57,084,522)

(Oooooof there it is. Why would you give $70 million to an unproven director and writer. Wait … what year was this made? See 2011 it feels like they were already not funding dumb stuff, so how did this slip through?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 28% (35/127): A rote, utterly disposable Jason Statham vehicle that just happens to have Clive Owen and Robert De Niro in it.

(I mean … slammed? Now it makes a bit more sense. So they thought they could elevate it, but it just ended up wallowing in the mud with Statham. No offense to him, they said it not me.)

Reviewer Highlight: Clumsily directed by Gary McKendry and poorly written by Matt Sherring, rookies both, the convoluted movie collapses under the weight of its own cliches. – Peter Howell, Toronto Star

Poster – Killer Snore-lite

(I like the orange, but that’s about it. Old school framing and the scene itself is just a bunch of people standing around in black and white. Very middle of the road. C.)

Tagline(s) – May the Best Man Live (A, but sarcastic. Like a cheeky A.)

(Wooooow. That is a punch in the gut right there. May the best man live. It’s so close to a self parody that maybe it’s perfect. Maybe it’s the best tagline of all time and you will never know it.)

Keyword(s) – good

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 50.0 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Amsterdam): 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 21.7 Killer Elite (2011), 12.0 Great Expectations (1998)

(Yup, there weren’t much options. Great Expectations had a slightly better showing maybe to continue the streak, but we couldn’t pass up Killer Elite.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 6) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jason Statham is No. 1 billed in Killer Elite and No. 1 billed in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 6. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Sir Ranulph Fiennes, an English adventurer, polar explorer and former S.A.S. man is the author of The Feather Men, the novel on which this film is adapted. Although he has often claimed the novel was a true story, the families of the real dead S.A.S. men named in the novel who died on S.A.S. exercises, and the S.A.S. themselves publicly attacked it as sick exploitation and complete fiction. The S.A.S. even went on the record to disown both Fiennes and the book, with Lieutenant Colonel Ian Smith telling the Daily Mail “It was utter bullshit”, the figment of a fertile imagination. What was really upsetting, was that it was making a story out of a tragedy.” Maggie Denaro, the widow of one of the dead S.A.S. men said of Fiennes, “It’s time he grew up. He’s made his money out of the book. He should come clean. When the book came out saying Mike had been murdered, we knew it wasn’t true. But that didn’t stop our children from being upset when other people believed it.” Although Fiennes claims he sent a manuscript of the book to the S.A.S. and the families of the dead men, who gave their approval, they have all unequivocally denied his claim.

The controversy over whether the story is true or not has as many twists as the plot itself. As mentioned above, all the families and the S.A.S. denied they had been consulted or involved in any way with the book. However, an article the Daily Mail Online was forced to include an amendment when the widow of Major Mike Kealy admitted she had read and approved of every page that related to her husband.

Robert De Niro is the only American born actor in this film.

In the scene where the SAS are going on training in the Brecon Beacons, they are seen wearing the incorrect uniform for the period. In 1981 the British Army wore 1968 pattern Smock, Combat but here they are seen wearing P84 smocks which did not start being rolled out until circa 1985.

Fresh Horses Preview

“Home sweet home,” Patrick says, looking around at their Delaware mansion. Jamie pulls the shrink wrap off the Citizen Kane DVD and pops it into the player. But before the magic of cinema can wash over them, the doorbell rings. Jamie is annoyed. His first post, “Citizen Kane: Hot or Not?” won’t write itself and he could feel the genius flowing. “Uh, Jamie,” Patrick says from the front door, “you might wanna come see this.” Jamie snaps his laptop shut in disgust, but when he gets to the front door he gasps. A large crowd of people have gathered on the lawn. “Seems like the video of us kicking that guy off the train went viral,” Patrick says. Out of the crowd comes the Mayor. He grabs them by the hands and faces the cameras. “Ladies and Gentlemen, these boys here saved the train!” Everyone cheers. “Not only that, but I reckon this viral video could save the town. Really pump up the volume on local tourism. That’s why I’ve come here to ask the Good Movie Twins to help promote our latest venture, the local racetrack.” Everyone looks on hopefully. “We really have to get back to Citizen Kane,” Jamie says gruffly, but before he can head back inside Patrick grabs his shoulder and exclaims loudly, “But before then we’d be happy to help.” The crowd erupts. An hour later Jamie and Patrick find themselves at the track. Patrick squints his eyes, “Where are the horses?” he asks, confused. “That’s just it, we don’t have any,” the mayor admits. At that, inspiration hits and Patrick take out the Good Movie Twins rulez to change Rule #4 to read, “Animals”. Easy enough. “Horses, coming right up,” they say, putting on their sunglasses, “and these horses are gonna be fresh.” That’s right! We are watching *checks notes* Fresh Horses… wait, that can’t be right. Let’s go!

Fresh Horses (1988) – BMeTric: 24.1; Notability: 28

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 15.6%; Notability: top 13.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Mac and Me, Caddyshack II, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Johnny Be Good, Alien from L.A., Arthur 2: On the Rocks, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Big Top Pee-wee, Red Scorpion, Cocoon: The Return, Two Moon Junction, Critters 2, Hot to Trot, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, 976-EVIL, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Short Circuit 2, Action Jackson, and 19 more; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Bad Dreams, The Presidio, Short Circuit 2, and 13 more; Notes: Yeah it got 0% on RT so naturally nothing is beating that. I’m shocked by the Notability. But I suppose when you have had 35 years to make people famous having 30 famous people involved in your movie is almost inevitable? Then again, only 33 or so films had higher that year. The 80s were a wild time where this was definitely a major release and yet until this very moment I had no idea this movie existed.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars – Collegian McCarthy, engaged to a wealthy dullard, falls for Ringwald’s underage no-no, a semi-shantytramp who lives across the river from his Cincinnati campus. Slightly better than expected, thanks to fine Midwest location work from the director of Hoosiers. Ringwald isn’t totally convincing in the kind of role Gloria Grahame invented.

(First, loving the non-word “semi-shantytramp”. Also loving the name drop of Gloria Grahame. Only made better by having just watched It’s a Wonderful Life where … I guess that’s what he’s talking about. Regardless, given her character in that film I can definitely understand the reference despite not having seen any of her other major roles.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POguCw3CIhc/

(Jesus Christ. I suppose it should be mentioned he’s engaged at the start of the film, she’s 16, and the whole film is insanity. What is the opposite of being hyped for a film? The Anti-Money Train?)

Directors – David Anspaugh – ( Known For: Rudy; Hoosiers; The Game of Their Lives; WiseGirls; Little Red Wagon; Future BMT: Moonlight and Valentino; BMT: Fresh Horses; Notes: Won two Emmys for Hill Street Blues. Was apparently personally recommended for USC film school by Jack Nicholson.)

Writers – Larry Ketron – ( Known For: Permanent Record; Vital Signs; The Only Thrill; BMT: Fresh Horses; Notes: Contributed to the TV Movie Ghost Cat in 2004.)

Actors – Molly Ringwald – ( Known For: The Breakfast Club; Sixteen Candles; Pretty in Pink; The Kissing Booth; Siberia; The Kissing Booth 3; The Kissing Booth 2; The Pick-up Artist; King Cobra; Tempest; SPF-18; King Lear; Betsy’s Wedding; Office Killer; Malicious; Cowboy Up; Cut; All These Small Moments; Strike It Rich; Bad Night; Future BMT: Not Another Teen Movie; Teaching Mrs. Tingle; Jem and the Holograms; Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone; For Keeps?; BMT: Fresh Horses; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress for Betsy’s Wedding in 1991; Notes: Was a John Hughes staple of the 80s. I always assumed she was way more famous than she actually was because I watched The Breakfast Club so many times as a kid.)

Andrew McCarthy – ( Known For: Pretty in Pink; St. Elmo’s Fire; The Spiderwick Chronicles; Weekend at Bernie’s; Less Than Zero; The Joy Luck Club; The Good Guy; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Only You; Quiet Days in Clichy; Main Street; Stag; Getting In; I Woke Up Early the Day I Died; New Waterford Girl; Night of the Running Man; Camp Hell; The Beniker Gang; Things I Never Told You; Waiting for the Moon; Future BMT: Class; Mulholland Falls; Heaven Help Us; Year of the Gun; Kansas; BMT: Mannequin; Fresh Horses; Weekend at Bernie’s II; Notes: One of the eight original members of the Brat Pack. Emelio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, him, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, … that’s all I got. Sheen isn’t actually one, and I was missing Anthony Michael Hall, Demi Moore)

Patti D’Arbanville – ( Known For: Real Genius; Morning Glory; World Trade Center; Time After Time; Bilitis; Celebrity; The Extra Man; The Boys Next Door; Big Wednesday; Modern Problems; Rancho Deluxe; The Main Event; Flesh; Call Me; The Fifth Floor; Personal Velocity; Hog Wild; Happy Tears; L’Amour; Future BMT: The Fan; Wired; BMT: I Know What You Did Last Summer; Perfect Stranger; Fresh Horses; Fathers’ Day; Notes: Apparently she’s the one being referred to in the Cat Stevens song Lady D’Arbanville. Was married to Terry Quinn for a long time … which has only occurred to me now is not Terry O’Quinn from Lost.)

Budget/Gross – $14 million / Domestic: $6,640,346 (Worldwide: $6,640,346)

(How … how did this movie make $6 million. It makes no sense. I dare anyone to find someone who watched this film in theaters when it came out.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/6)

(Oh I get to make a consensus: What the hell did I just watch? Is this a movie? Am I alive? Where am I? Who am I? What are words? What is life?)

Reviewer Highlight: Bad bad bad, stunningly bad. – Nell Minow, Movie Mom

Poster – Dope Horses

(Egad! This poster has me thinking this film is an elaborate joke of some kind. That one is a solid C-. Super pretentious, but is it wrong that I kinda like the bold purple with the black and white picture and simple yellow lettering? The colors are… fresh.)

Tagline(s) – Love doesn’t have to last a lifetime. (C+)

(Huh… I mean it certainly gets to the point. Almost gives away what should be left to the audience. Not clever either, but it’s more interesting than it should be. It feels intriguing, which is something.)

Keyword(s) – good

Future BMT: 67.4 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Romance): 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 24.4 Fresh Horses (1988), 21.6 For Love or Money (1993), 19.1 Other People’s Money (1991), 14.3 Sweet November (2001), 12.0 Great Expectations (1998), 10.6 A Good Year (2006)

(Arthur 2 is going to be done in a few weeks. The rest are more like … comedies with romantic elements maybe? Milk Money for sure is about kids hiring prostitutes, not exactly traditional romance.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Andrew McCarthy is No. 2 billed in Fresh Horses and No. 1 billed in Mannequin, which also stars Estelle Getty (No. 3 billed) who is in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (No. 2 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch Little Fockers we can get the HoE Number down to 15.

Notes – The film was made and first released about two years after its source stage play by Larry Ketron had been first performed Off Broadway on 11th February 1986 at the WPA Theatre in New York where it starred in its lead roles Craig Sheffer and Suzy Amis. They are played in the movie by Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald respectively. Larry Ketron penned this screen adaptation of his own play.

The meaning and relevance of the title phrase ”Fresh Horses” is that it is a term used for horses that riders use to replace their tired horses during a long ride. This is referred to by Tipton, who argues at one point that men have an urge to want to switch out their tired used up horses for fresh unridden ones, horses meaning women in this case.

One of the few PG-13 rated movies that allowed the use of the word f-word more than one time and still maintain its rating. Neither use was in a sexual connotation.

Second and final of two theatrical feature film collaborations of actor Andrew McCarthy and actress Molly Ringwald who had both previously starred together in the 1980’s hit movie ‘Pretty In Pink’ (1986) about a couple of years earlier.

Mary Stuart Masterson was attached to star in the lead female role of Jewel with her father Peter Masterson attached to direct the film according to an article published in the 20th March 1987 edition of show-business trade-paper ‘Daily Variety’. However, neither ended up working on the picture with the Columbia Pictures studio executives going for the re-teaming of the stars of ‘Pretty in Pink’ (1986), who were Andrew McCarthy and Molly Ringwald.

Allan Marcil, executive producer on the picture, according to the film’s production notes, wanted to shoot the picture near the Ohio-Kentucky border region where his wife grew up. This was because the geographic boundary provided a cultural and social dichotomy necessary to the story.

The song No Tomorrow by David Foster, Kenny Loggins, Arlene Matza and performed by George Hawkins is used during the end credits in the theatrical and the VHS version of the film.

The Fly II Preview

“I guess we’re having a little trouble with #4,” Jamie says, hoping to get some Good Movie insight from their new elderly friend. It seems right up his alley since it has to do with friendship: Rule #4 – Animal Friends/Animal Enemies. But the old man isn’t listening, he just keeps staring at a door at the back of the train that has a big money sign painted on it. “Why are you staring at the train’s treasure room?” Patrick asks, once again suspicious of this stereotypical old man. “Oh, I don’t know…” the old man starts before dramatically pulling off his disguise and drawing a gun on them. “Maybe because you’re gonna help me rob this train of its jewels,” he finishes. “He’s got a gun!” a nearby passenger screams. Panic ensues and the passengers flee, leaving the train car empty except for them. The young man explains how he saw them at the train station and knew it was his opportunity to use them to help him get away with his heist. He says something about forcing them to dance in order to distract the train police, but at that point Jamie and Patrick have stopped listening. They half-heartedly twin chop the gun out of his hand and backflip their way between him and the treasure room. “No, we’re not going to help you with this scheme. We’re not even going to get ourselves wrapped up in some complicated quest to stop you and your dastardly deeds. That was the old Movie Twins. The Bad Movie Twins. Now we’re the Good Movie Twins. In fact, we’re not just Good…” Patrick says and Jamie finishes, “We’re fly. And that’s exactly what you’re about to do.” At that they Twin Kick the faux geezer out of the moving train. That’s right! We are picking up a classic… and then we’ll watch that classic’s dumb sequel. It’s The Fly and The Fly II. The first one is a Cronenberg classic. The second is the one directed by the dude who did the creature effects for the first film… I’m not joking… that’s what happened because they probably thought, “whatever, this is just a cash grab anyway.” Let’s go!

The Fly II (1989) – BMeTric: 56.0; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 14.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights, Leviathan, Listen to Me, Lock Up, Pink Cadillac, Family Business, Millennium, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Three Fugitives, Dead Bang, Let It Ride, Renegades, Slaves of New York, The Karate Kid Part III, and 16 more; Lower RT: Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Stepfather II: Make Room for Daddy, The Toxic Avenger Part II, The Horror Show, Worth Winning, Night Game, Second Sight, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, No Holds Barred, Wild Orchid, She’s Out of Control, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, The Blood of Heroes, The Lemon Sisters, and 25 more; Notes: We are doing okay with 1989 now I think, just look at the Top BMeT list. This will be 7 of the top 8 watched for BMT, with only Karate Kid III outstanding there. I have a subtle goal which is to watch the top 10 BMeT films of every year from 1980 to now. I think the early 80s can be done if we loosen up the restrictions, but I already have ideas about that.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB – A case of “like father, like son”; too bad director Walas isn’t like David Cronenberg. Stoltz, son of deceased Jeff Goldblum, has attained puberty at five with the intellect to match; now he’s being unknowingly exploited by – here’s a novel twist – the scientists in whose care he’s entrusted. Alternatively sull and messy but mostly dull.

(First, double semi-colon. Jesus Christ Leonard, you’d outdone even yourself. Second, like father like son? You talking like Big Momma and his (her?) son? I’m surprised “mostly dull” gets a BOMB. BOMBs are ultra rare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yS6E2EXlnI/

(Horrible horrible horrible. I hate it. Annoying and not scary or good. The last bit of the trailer does get you a bit amped and teases the puppet at least.)

Directors – Chris Walas – ( Known For: The Vagrant; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: The Vagrant looks absolutely wild. Anyways, he did the makeup for the original Fly (and was nominated for an Oscar for it). This seemed to be his one and only attempt at a truly major release, although he is a genuinely famous special effects artist working on Return of the Jedi, Enemy Mine, and Gremlins.)

Writers – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Hocus Pocus 2; *batteries not included; Nightmare Cinema; Riding the Bullet; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; BMT: Critters 2; The Fly II; Notes: Very notably was a secretary at the Star Wars Corporation in 1977. He’s a pretty big name horror director from the 80s)

Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat– ( Known For: Pitch Black; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; The Silent Scream; After Midnight; The Return; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Under the fold is the incredible revelation that they are the directors of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. They are brothers and writing partners.)

Frank Darabont – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Mist; The Blob; Frankenstein; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I feel like he’s mostly notable for the big issues he’s had with The Walking Dead and getting paid for that … but yeah, also he’s the director for Shawshank. I’m a little stunned all of these credits are for exclusively The Fly II with not credit for the original writers or anything?)

George Langelaan – (Known For: The Fly, Return of the Fly; Curse of the Fly, The Fly; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: They obviously had to credit him for the story and characters. But again, a little crazy that Cronenberg gets nothing on the sequel? It makes no sense.)

Actors – Eric Stoltz – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Back to the Future; Jerry Maguire; Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Little Women; Some Kind of Wonderful; Mask; Say Anything; The Prophecy; The Rules of Attraction; Singles; Kicking and Screaming; 2 Days in the Valley; Memphis Belle; Rob Roy; Her Smell; 5 to 7; The House of Mirth; The Wild Life; Killing Zoe; Future BMT: The Butterfly Effect; The Honeymooners; Fluke; Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer; BMT: Anaconda; The Fly II; Notes: Famously the original Marty McFly in Back to the Future (still uncredited there presumably because he’s still included in some wide shots?). Mostly does small things and television spots, but was also a star of the Battlestar Galactica spinoff Caprica it looks like.)

Daphne Zuniga – ( Known For: Spaceballs; Vision Quest; The Sure Thing; The Initiation; Modern Girls; The Dorm That Dripped Blood; Staying Together; Last Rites; Heartbeats; Gone Missing; Charlie’s Ghost Story; Mad at the Moon; Who’s Driving Doug; Enemies of Laughter; Summer Forever; Future BMT: Gross Anatomy; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I obviously know her from Spaceballs. She’s continued to do a lot of stuff, mostly guest spots on television, but she was also on 40 episodes of One Tree Hill.)

Lee Richardson – ( Known For: Network; The Exorcist III; Prizzi’s Honor; Prince of the City; Brubaker; Q&A; Daniel; Middle of the Night; Tiger Warsaw; I Am the Cheese; Future BMT: The Believers; A Stranger Among Us; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Uncredited as FDR in the Truman television movie. Was nominated for a Tony Award for Vivat! Vivat Rgina! In 1972. Died in 1999.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $20,021,322 (Worldwide: $38,903,179)

(That seems bad considering how much must have went into effects. A little odd that there is no info at all about how much this movie costs seemingly.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (5/17)

(Oh a consensus: Often horribly graphic and … well just horrible, The Fly II exchanges the creepy for the just plain gross.)

Reviewer Highlight: Worthless sequel to a very good film – Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress

Poster – The Fly II: Superfly

(Christ, they just knocked off the first film’s poster. Really was a cash grab. Although then again there is a rich history of just trotting out the same thing for a sequel. Back to the Future comes to mind. I like the tone, wish the font was a little better, and can’t give it much of a score since it is a knockoff. C.)

Tagline(s) – Like father, like son. (F)

(We talking Big Momma’s House 3? I sometimes wonder when we have a tagline this generic whether we could build a trilogy of films with the exact same tagline.)

Keyword(s) – good

Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Horror): 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014)

(Yeah, no very good options here, until you pulled in some Thrillers. At the very least The Good Son would have been an option … but spoilers, we are doing that later.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Eric Stoltz is No. 1 billed in The Fly II and No. 4 billed in Anaconda, which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Chris Walas wanted Geena Davis to reprise her role as Veronica Quaife for the birth scene at the beginning of the film. Geena Davis declined, because she had found the maggot-baby dream sequence in the original film emotionally upsetting and was replaced by Saffron Henderson, despite being 10 years younger than Davis.

The first videotape of Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) (where he theorizes that the teleporter improved him) is actually part of a deleted scene from The Fly (1986). The scene was slightly edited for this film, and Veronica’s (Geena Davis) voice was dubbed over by Saffron Henderson (who plays Veronica at the beginning of The Fly II (1989)).

The Telepod props from The Fly (1986) were destroyed after filming was completed and had to be rebuilt.

John Getz (Stathis Borans) is the only actor reprising a role from the The Fly (1986).

The green flashes of light between each credit in the title sequence were actually borrowed from an alternate, unused title sequence for The Fly (1986).

In at least one draft of the script, Martin was going to see yet another videotape of Seth Brundle (this time nearing the end of his transformation), in which Seth talks about his “cure”. This would have required brand-new footage of Jeff Goldblum in makeup from the previous film, and the concept was subsequently dropped from the script.

The movie was originally given an X rating by the MPAA because of the graphic scene where Hargis’ head is crushed underneath an elevator. Director Chris Walas appealed the decision, and the MPAA gave the film an R rating without any edits to the scene.

In some US states, theaters playing The Fly II (1989) had a nurse on hand for the audience’s reactions to its content.

Mel Brooks suggested to Chris Walas that Daphne Zuniga play Beth Logan, after Zuniga starred as Princess Vespa in Brook’s “Star Wars” spoof Spaceballs (1987).

The book next to the sleeping technician in the control room at the beginning of the film is “The Shape of Rage”, an anthology of writings about the films of David Cronenberg, who directed this film’s predecessor.

A scene was taken out of the film which reveals the reason why Bartok and his scientists can’t get the Telepods to work is because Stathis took the operating disc from the Telepods and all the research on it to ensure the Telepods couldn’t cause any more damage than they already had.

Although “The Fly III” never happened, a comic book sequel, “The Fly: Outbreak” by Brandon Seifert, was published in 2015. “Outbreak” takes place years after The Fly II (1989) and it follows Martin Brundle attempting to cure Anton Bartok of his mutant condition.

Originally, writer Mick Garris’s script was about Veronica being convinced not to abort her baby by a religious cult who would keep and raise Martin after he was born. The rapidly aging Martin is joined by a group of kids with their own unique abilities or deformities and Martin could discover he could communicate with insects and would lead the kids to escape the cult and live in the outskirts of L.A.. This premise was abandoned for being too strange and family friendly. Another draft included Bartok scientists using cloning technology to resurrect Seth Brundle, still stuck as BrundleFly at first, and would discover that his son Martin (who was originally meant to be a child/teenager throughout the film) could communicate with him. Chris Walas disliked this version of the story as he thought it was too odd of a premise to the point where it came off like a family-friendly horror film about a boy and his bug monster. He even threatened to walk off the project if the script wasn’t changed, so the Fox executives relented and hired Frank Darabont to overhaul the script.

There had been a change in management at Fox between The Fly (1986) and this sequel, and the new head of Fox hadn’t even seen the previous film. Director Chris Walas claims that they wanted the film to explore themes of defying destiny and what it means to be a son, but the Fox executives ordered them to ditch the existential themes and make the film a standard, gory movie that teens could enjoy on their date. Mel Brooks would later remark that he had never seen so much studio interference on a movie before.

Money Train Preview

Jamie and Patrick wait by the train tracks whistling a jaunty tune. Their bags are packed for Delaware and they are feeling good. Real good. Good Movie Twins is up and running and they even have their first movie picked out. Jamie stares down at their mint DVD copy of Citizen Kane. “What’s this one about again? I hope it’s a biopic of Carol Kane,” Jamie says hopefully before starting to get antsy. “Where is this train? When are we gonna get to Delllaawwwaarreeeee?” he whines and Patrick sighs. He pulls out their Good Movie Twins Rulez are Coolz card. “Rule #3 – Trains, Planes, and Cranes,” he mutters and Jamie perks up. “All those are great… is there a train, plane or crane in Citizen Kane?” he asks, but before Patrick can respond he feels a tap on his shoulder. “Hello, you young whippersnappers, I was hoping that perhaps you were a couple of good boys who could help an old man with his luggage.” Jamie and Patrick look at each other and then at the old man. He has a mass of frizzy white hair, tiny bifocals and a newsboy hat… in fact everything about him screams OLD… suspiciously so. But before Patrick can voice his skepticism the old man takes note of Jamie’s DVD. “Oh, boy Citizen Kane. That one is my favorite. No trains, planes or cranes. Although trains and planes are a big part of a lot of good films.” Suddenly Patrick sees an opportunity for GMT research. Instead of brushing off this suspicious old man he instead crosses off Cranes from Rule #3 and agrees to help him just as their train pulls in. With their moods only further enhanced, Patrick and Jamie put on their sunglasses. “This train is gonna be money.” That’s right! We’re watching the moniest of trains in Money Train. No it’s not a train made of money, it’s just an armored subway train that contains boatloads of money… specifically on New Years Eve. You ready for a countdown? Let’s go!

Money Train (1995) – BMeTric: 41.1; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 4.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.7%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Vampire in Brooklyn, Showgirls, Fair Game, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Congo, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Virtuosity, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Showgirls, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers; Lower RT: National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Delta of Venus, The Big Green, Jury Duty, Theodore Rex, The Walking Dead, Born to Be Wild, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Vampire in Brooklyn, Canadian Bacon, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Jade, and 19 more; Notes: Loving that notability for a 90s film. How we haven’t seen Under Siege 2: Dark Territory yet is beyond me. Same goes for Jury Duty.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – The costars of White Men Can’t Jump try to reignite their chemistry as randy N.Y.C. transit cops – and brothers (!) – who fight over the same woman, argue over Woody’s gambling fever, and get involved in the theft of a money-laden subway car. Violent, overly contrived buddy flick with some big subterranean action scenes. The stars are funny together, but Blake is way over the top as the boys’ megalomaniac supervisor. All in all, “token” entertainment.

(Token, get it? Like subway tokens. Blake is indeed insane, and gambling fever? Woody should get that checked out. I give this review 3 Maltins. That’s out of four. Needed mor esemi-colons.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Odo80-WFgM/

(I remember this trailer so well! I remember the explanation of them being brothers being on constantly. Have to say … this trailer is rocking. I’m amped to watch this movie now.)

Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; Dreamscape; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Return to Paradise; Blindsided; The Pom Pom Girls; True Believer; The Sister in Law; Gorp; Joyride; Our Winning Season; Future BMT: The Good Son; The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; Money Train; Notes: This basically ended his major motion picture run he was one from 1987 to 1995. Wrote Dreamscape.)

Writers – Doug Richardson – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Die Hard 2; Future BMT: Hostage; BMT: Welcome to Mooseport; Money Train; Notes: His one-two punch of Money Train and Bad Boys in 1995 is something else. I assume he’s a script doctor, otherwise his credits make no sense.)

David Loughery – ( Known For: Shattered; Fatale; End of the Road; Lakeview Terrace; Nurse; Dreamscape; Blindsided; Flashback; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Obsessed; Passenger 57; Tom and Huck; BMT: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; The Intruder; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier in 1990; Notes: Tom and Huck and The Three Musketeers. He’s like a case study in adapting classic literature poorly.)

Actors – Wesley Snipes – ( Known For: Blade; Coming 2 America; Blade II; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar; King of New York; Major League; New Jack City; White Men Can’t Jump; Dolemite Is My Name; Waiting to Exhale; Chaos; Jungle Fever; Brooklyn’s Finest; Undisputed; Cut Throat City; Gallowwalkers; Mo’ Better Blues; One Night Stand; Chi-Raq; The Recall; Future BMT: U.S. Marshals; Blade: Trinity; Passenger 57; Wildcats; Murder at 1600; The Fan; Drop Zone; The Art of War; Sugar Hill; Play It to the Bone; Boiling Point; Streets of Gold; BMT: The Expendables 3; Rising Sun; Demolition Man; Money Train; Notes: Back doing movies like Coming 2 America and was just in the mini series True Story. Spent a shade over two years in prison for tax evasion.)

Woody Harrelson – ( Known For: Triangle of Sadness; The Hunger Games; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; No Country for Old Men; Out of the Furnace; Seven Psychopaths; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Solo: A Star Wars Story; Friends with Benefits; Zombieland; The Man from Toronto; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Now You See Me; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Midway; Natural Born Killers; The Edge of Seventeen; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Thin Red Line; Zombieland: Double Tap; Future BMT: Venom; Indecent Proposal; Now You See Me 2; Seven Pounds; Wildcats; Semi-Pro; After the Sunset; Free Birds; The Cowboy Way; Palmetto; Play It to the Bone; BMT: 2012; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Indecent Proposal in 1994; Notes: Made famous as Woody on Cheers. Nominated three times for Oscars for Three Billboards, The Messenger, and The People vs. Larry Flynt. Nominated 8 times for Emmys, five times for Cheers (he won once), and for Frasier, Game Change, and True Detective.)

Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Shotgun Wedding; Marry Me; Hustlers; Out of Sight; The Cell; Home; Second Act; Antz; U Turn; Parker; Selena; Jersey Girl; Shall We Dance; An Unfinished Life; My Family; Lila & Eve; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; El cantante; My Little Girl; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Enough; Jack; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Wedding Planner; The Back-up Plan; Monster-in-Law; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: The Boy Next Door; Anaconda; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Gigli; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Gigli in 2004; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Angel Eyes, and The Wedding Planner; in 2003 for Enough, and Maid in Manhattan; in 2006 for Monster-in-Law; and in 2016 for The Boy Next Door; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2005 for Jersey Girl; and in 2013 for What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Nominee for Worst Actress of the Decade in 2010 for Angel Eyes, Enough, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Maid in Manhattan, Monster-in-Law, and The Wedding Planner; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Jersey Girl in 2005; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show in 2020. Notably started as a fly girl on In Living Color.)

Budget/Gross – $68 million / Domestic: $35,431,113 (Worldwide: $35,431,113)

(Whoops, that’s terrible! I can see why it didn’t click with people though now that I’ve seen it, it is a bit too self-serious to work on the level of Con Air and others of that ilk.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (7/32): Loud, incoherent, and aimless, Money Train reunites Snipes and Harrelson — and proves that starring duos are far from immune to the law of diminishing returns.

(It is incoherent. I can give it that. You know? I completely forgot these two starred in White Men Can’t Jump. They don’t work as well here as a duo.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s stupid, but also breezier than the year’s other 12-score releases not worth a second look. – Mike Clark, USA Today

Poster – The Great Train Robbery

(If I could induct a film in the BMT HoF purely off a poster it would be this one. My word! This shit is off the rails (pun very much intended). Look at the majesty of two actors running from a fake train with a look on their faces like “What is this picture for?” The orange glow of the poster hurt my eyes and yet I’m drawn to it like a moth to a money train. Even the font is like “I’m gonna barely try but still be a little unique… just like Money Train.” I hate it… and yet I love it. Starts at a D and then comes all the way around to an A.)

Tagline(s) – Get on the fast track! (D)

(Ha! No! Sorry, that’s horrible. At least it’s short, I guess.)

Keyword(s) – good

Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)

Best Options (Action): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 41.0 Money Train (1995), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 24.5 Money Talks (1997), 21.7 One Good Cop (1991), 21.7 Killer Elite (2011), 14.4 The Great Raid (2005), 2.5 Man on Fire (2004)

(Spoilees, we are doing the Fantastic Fours later on, so this was actually the best option. And honestly, it’s by a long shot, there was no way I was watching The Great Wall.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Wesley Snipes is No. 1 billed in Money Train and No. 2 billed in Demolition Man, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. If we were to watch Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Two days after the film opened, two men poured gasoline over a ticket booth on the Brooklyn subway and set it alight in an incident similar to the one depicted in the film. The booth attendant was burned and later died of his injuries. Consequently, New York City subway workers called for a boycott of the film and the removal of all the posters from every station. Senator Bob Dole quickly came out in support of them. Columbia Pictures refused to bow to their demands.

This boasts the distinction of having one of the longest sets ever constructed for a film. At over three thousand feet long, twenty feet high, and four railway tracks wide, the set was roughly the same size as two Empire State buildings lying side by side. The original plan was to film in the real New York City subway, but the logistics proved to be too problematic.

Twelve New York City subway cars were shipped over to Los Angeles to the film set. They were converted to run on propane so that the rails on the film set did not need to be electrified, a potential health hazard for all of the crew.

The prop train used for the money train was an actual retired New York City subway train that was destined to be scrapped. After the film was completed, it was donated to the New York City Transit Authority, and currently resides in the Coney Island Rapid Transit Yard.

Most of the subway scenes were filmed on a four thousand-foot-long set built to resemble a typical four-track New York City subway trunkline. It included three stations, all of which were built as local stops with the platforms on the outside of the outer tracks. Included were I-beams between each track, spaced five feet apart just as they are in New York City. The ceiling, however, was much higher than on any actual New York City subway line.

While there are scenes that show R30 class subway trains running on the IRT Lexington Avenue Line, this would be physically impossible in reality. Due to New York City’s subway having been constructed by competing companies, trains for the lettered lines would not fit on the numbered lines, as they are too wide. IRT trains are narrower and shorter than BMT/IND trains.

Robert Blake claims that his first meeting with Producer Jon Peters consisted of Peters wrestling Blake to the ground. At the premiere, Blake said Peters told him he wrestled with Blake to see if Blake would lose his temper.

Originally, the movie was developed by Director Tony Scott and Screenwriter Doug Richardson. After some time, Scott left the project and was replaced by Joseph Ruben, who fired Richardson and had the script re-written.

The sex scene between Wesley Snipes and Jennifer Lopez was not in the original script, but was added after filming had begun.

The Wall Street station scenes were filmed at the Union Square station on the IRT Lexington Avenue line. The 33rd Street station is the real one, on the same line. All scenes filmed on the subway set featured retired carbon steel R-30 subway cars, painted red. Scenes filmed on the actual New York City subway featured stainless steel R-62 cars.

The subway car used as the money train in the film is a modified R21 subway car. The car was modified by the Metropolitan Transit Authority and film crew in a way that looks absolutely nothing like the actual revenue collection trains used in the system.

The Wizard Preview

Jamie and Patrick walk the streets of New York City. “We need rulez,” Patrick says, pounding his fist into his gloved hand and pulling his coat tight against the winter chill. No matter how many crisp, cool Bud Lights they drink they keep arriving back at the standard 9 rulez of BMT. Jamie stops and pulls out the laminated BMT rule card they carry around. Number 1 was “Full Body Burns = Rad.” He considers this rule but can’t find fault with it. “They are rad,” he mumbles, disappointed. Suddenly Patrick has an idea. He takes out a marker and uses it to cross out Rule #1 in order to write “CGI.” Jamie frowns, but has to admit that pretty much everything great now has lots of CGI. “So you’re saying we just have to come up with equal but opposite rulez for GMT. OK. Well what’s rule number 2?” Jamie asks, hoping this one works out better. Patrick looks at the card again, “Uh, let’s see. Rule #2 – Settings = Awesome” Now they’re both frowning. Settings are awesome. Who doesn’t like a big time film set at Christmas, New Years, or the Fourth of July? Who wouldn’t want to watch a Hawaii vacation, a glamorous Hollywood night, or a crazy time in the Big Ap… suddenly they stop. They look around at winter in NYC. The cold skyscrapers. The slushy streetz. The salt strewn sidewalks. “Too gritty,” Patrick says. “Too grand,” Jamie agrees. “We need to get out of this dump. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Patrick asks. Jamie nods his head and croons, “Delaware,” extending the word for real effect. With that they cross off Rule #2 and replace it with “Settings = Boring.” Patrick puts on a pair of real cool sunglasses and smirks, “That’s wizard.” That’s right! We’re not heading to Delaware, we’re heading to Caaallliiifffoorrrnniiiaaa for a viewing of the cult classic (at least in our cult) The Wizard. Starring Fred Savage (but let’s be real, mostly Super Mario Bros 3) this was a staple of our childhood. It’s time to revisit it and see what all the hubbub was about. I’m sure it’s wizard. Let’s go!

The Wizard (1989) – BMeTric: 27.2; Notability: 22

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 12.8%; Notability: top 21.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.3%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III, The Fly II, No Holds Barred, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Cutting Class, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, DeepStar Six, Pink Cadillac, The Toxic Avenger Part II, Shocker, The Punisher, The January Man, The Horror Show, Leviathan, and 12 more; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights, Leviathan, Listen to Me, Lock Up, Pink Cadillac, Family Business, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Millennium, Three Fugitives, Dead Bang, Let It Ride, Renegades, Slaves of New York, The Karate Kid Part III, and 34 more; Lower RT: Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Worth Winning, The Toxic Avenger Part II, The Horror Show, Stepfather II: Make Room for Daddy, Night Game, Second Sight, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, No Holds Barred, Rooftops, Wild Orchid, She’s Out of Control, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, The Blood of Heroes, and 23 more; Notes: I mean, those scores look right for a not-so-bad masterpiece right? For a film where I knew at the end I would say “sure me I liked it.”

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – “The Wizard” is one of those movies that provokes the Hey, Wait a Minute Syndrome – you know, the kind where you keep saying things like, “Hey, wait a minute. How could a 9-year-old boy walk miles along a desert highway without being noticed?” Or “Wait a minute. Do you mean to say a trucker wouldn’t even stop if he saw two little kids coasting down an interstate highway on a skateboard?” Or “Wait a minute. Do businessmen on their lunch hours really gamble on video games with little kids?” Or “Wait a minute. Could three little kids (for their ranks have swelled by now) really make it from Utah to Los Angeles without anything terrible happening to them?” But wait a minute. I know, I know, “The Wizard” is only a silly Christmas kiddie movie, and we aren’t supposed to ask questions like that. But we must. In an age when child abduction is the subject of half the TV docudramas and all of the milk cartons, how are we supposed to blind ourselves to the central fact of this movie, which is that a 13-year-old boy and his 9-year-old brother, accompanied part of the way by a 13-year-old girl, manage to walk, hitchhike and con themselves all the way from Utah to the National Video Game Championships in L.A.? The movie is filled with shots of these little kids walking down highways, and hitching rides, and walking into bars and video parlors and Reno gambling casinos, and there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t question the sanity of the film and fear for their safety. It was only after the three kids arrived safely at the championships that I began to question the ethics of the film, which is, among other things, a thinly disguised commercial for Nintendo video games and the Universal studio tour.

(Honestly, Roger Ebert nailing it. This film reads much much much differently as an adult than as a child. Much like Dutch, you see the penultimate scene in that film and think about the kid walking along a highway and think that Dutch is a psycho. This is the same. As a kid it seems like magical nonsense. As an adult it is a harrowing tale of three children almost getting killed on the highways of America. And yeah … it is all under the guise of a commercial specifically for Super Mario Bros. 3.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UL39WARA8lQ/

(A touch of romance? Kids’ films are so weird. And this one especially. It is a real trip, traveling a thousand miles across the country is just very stress inducing. And then this trailer being maybe the first real life footage of Super Mario 3 people saw? Wowza.)

Directors – Todd Holland – ( Future BMT: Krippendorf’s Tribe; Firehouse Dog; BMT: The Wizard; Notes: Mostly a television director. He created and wrote Wonderfalls, including directing 5 episodes.)

Writers – David Chisholm – ( BMT: The Wizard; Notes: Wrote a show called Over My Dead body which has 51 votes on IMDb … dare me to watch all of it? I’ll make a podcast about it. Mostly wrote TV movies.)

Actors – Fred Savage – ( Known For: The Princess Bride; Austin Powers in Goldmember; The Rules of Attraction; Little Monsters; The Boy Who Could Fly; Vice Versa; The Last Run; Future BMT: Super Troopers 2; BMT: The Wizard; Welcome to Mooseport; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Daddy Day Camp in 2008; Notes: Was nominated for two Emmys for The Wonder Years. Does a ton of television directing now. Too bad we can’t watch Little Monsters for BMT. Only 9 reviews though so … maybe someday.)

Luke Edwards – ( Known For: American Pie 2; The Super; Malicious; Mother’s Boys; Guilty by Suspicion; A Beginner’s Guide to Snuff; Future BMT: Newsies; Jeepers Creepers 2; Little Big League; BMT: The Wizard; Notes: Still acts a ton on television. Including an episode of NCIS, noice.)

Jenny Lewis – ( Known For: Bolt; Pleasantville; Don’s Plum; Foxfire; Big Girls Don’t Cry… They Get Even; Little Boy Blue; Trading Hearts; Future BMT: Troop Beverly Hills; BMT: The Wizard; Notes: A genuine rock star, she was lead vocals for the band Rilo Kiley and even apparently did some backup vocals for The Postal Service.)

Budget/Gross – $6 million / Domestic: $14,278,900 (Worldwide: $14,278,900)

(Actually, that’s fine. A $6 million dollar commercial and certainly they got their money’s worth. And guess what? Super Mario Bros. 3? Huge game. So yet more proof that The Wizard was indeed wizard.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 27% (6/22)

(Oooo a consensus: This can join Mac and Me and Leonard Part 6 as one of the great movies-that-are-actually-commericals. And it’s also the best of the bunch.)

Reviewer Highlight: Video-addicted kids may well find this exciting, but for anyone old enough to stay out later than 9 P.M. it’s a distinct bore. – Janet Maslin, New York Times

Poster – The Sklizzard

(Hell yeah. I love my Wizard poster. It’s so bad. That’s so bad, in fact, that its come back around and is now an A. Too much nonsense to really comment on. Besides Mario are the other video game images from games? What game is that snake from? A+ font work. When I’m teaching my poster analysis class this will be the font example.)

Tagline(s) – They’re on a cross-country adventure to the world’s greatest video championship. It’s more than a game…it’s the chance of a lifetime. (C)

(Nope. I’ve already stopped reading. Why not just that last sentence. It’s more than a game… it’s the change of a lifetime. That’s good. You ruined it with all those other words.)

Keyword(s) – good

Best Options (Comedy): 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 28.8 A Good Man in Africa (1994), 27.1 The Wizard (1989), 24.5 Money Talks (1997), 24.0 Isn’t She Great (2000), 22.3 Hot Pursuit (1987), 21.9 Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995), 21.6 For Love or Money (1993), 19.1 Other People’s Money (1991), 14.3 Hot Rod (2007), 10.6 A Good Year (2006)

(So many good options here, but you best believe we weren’t giving up an opportunity to use the word “wizard” as slang for good. Also, The Wizard is a film I’ve seen four or five times and I kind of unironically love it as a kids’ movie.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Christian Slater is No. 5 billed in The Wizard and No. 4 billed in Mindhunters, which also stars LL Cool J (No. 3 billed) who is in Rollerball (No. 2 billed) which also stars Chris Klein (No. 1 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (5 + 4) + (3 + 2) + (1 + 2) = 17. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – The movie has developed a cult following, with movie-themed retro gaming tournaments hosted across the country. Luke Edwards, Fred Savage, and Jenny Lewis have made appearances at these events.

Beau Bridges and Christian Slater both admitted they had little to no interest in video games when they were cast. They played during filming, and became fans.

The dinosaurs in the film are a real-life tourist attraction at what was once the Wheel Inn Restaurant in Cabazon, CA, near Palm Springs. They also appeared in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985) and in the music video for Night Ranger: Sing Me Away (1983).

Participating theaters distributed issues of “Pocket Power,” a pocket-sized version of “Nintendo Power” magazine.

The original pitch for the movie was “The Karate Kid (1984), but with video games.”

The literal translations of some of this film’s foreign language titles include: “Joy Stick Heroes” (Germany), “Sweet Road” (Japan), “The Wizard of Videogames” (Italy and Brazil), “Videokid” (France), “The Champion of Videogames” (Spain), “Gameboy” (Sweden), “Game Over” (Finland), and “The Child Genius” (Canadian French).

When Lucas plays Rad Racer (1987) with his Power Glove, he presses five keys that each play a different musical note. The 5 sequential tones is the famous five-tone musical phrase in a major scale (D’ E’ C’ C G) that the aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) used to communicate with the Earthlings, and vice versa.

Haley finds the Video Armageddon ad in the July 1989 issue of Video Games and Computer Entertainment. The cover story is the US debut of the TurboGrafx-16 by NEC Home Electronics and designed by Hudson Soft. It had been released 2 years earlier in Japan, as the PC Engine, and outsold its competitors there, including the Famicom (the Japanese name of the Nintendo Entertainment System). It was less successful in the US.

The smoking effects on the casserole seen early in the film were done using a technique called “AB Smoke,” in which one chemical is applied to a surface, and another is later applied, which reacts with it, creating the smoke effect.

After several rejections, the producers got permission to shoot in a Reno casino when they let a state official’s kids meet Fred Savage, who was also starring on The Wonder Years (1988) at the time. The state official’s kids were filmed as extras, but according to the special edition Blu-ray commentary, their scenes were cut.

The tour guide at Universal Studios mentioned a movie title Mayhem in Monte Carlo starring Zsa Zsa Gabor and Paul Reubens (as Pee Wee Herman) in the romantic leads. The movie doesn’t exist.

The truck that Spankey is driving when the trucks block the road in front of the P.I. is the same truck used in Over the Top (1987) starring Sylvester Stallone as Hawk. It still has HAWK written on the door.

The structure Jimmy builds with toy blocks in the beginning resembles the Video Armageddon stage at the end of the film.

Even tho he is uncredited Toby maguire first movie appearance extra.

Firestarter (2022) Preview

“Wow, that was a really great memory,” Jamie says, wiping tears from his face. “It’s true, we had so many very good memories, but that was the most emotional and exciting of all of them,” Patrick agrees. They both wish other people could hear about the very good adventure they remembered, but alas, there is no one around to share the memory with. Suddenly they hear a familiar voice, “Hey, guys, do you need someone to share that very good memory with?” They whirl around and are stunned to see Kyle. “Kyle!” they exclaim in glee. “We’re so glad you’re here,” Patricks says, while Jamie nods his head vigorously, “there was a moment where we were concerned we were actually bad, but it turned out to be a false alarm.” They go to hug Kyle but he steps back, a look of concern on his face. “No really, share the good memory because the only thing I’ve seen from you lately is pretty gosh darn bad.” At that he pulls out his phone and shows them a viral meme of their Dino World temper tantrum. “They’re calling you the Tantrum Twins,” Kyle says solemnly. Jamie and Patrick hang their heads in shame, but also make a mental note to trademark Tantrum Twins, which is very marketable. “I don’t know what’s happening, Kyle,” Patrick admits, “It’s like we’re lost without our BMT true north. Being good is hard.” Kyle ponders this for a moment. “Well what made being bad so easy?” he poses. Jamie and Patrick look at each other, inspiration growing bright on their faces. “The rules! Rulez are coolz!” they say excitedly. “We just have to do the same thing, but for… good stuff… Good Movie Twins.” Patrick says, eyes gleaming. “Good Movie Twins,” Jamie whispers, “that’s fire.” That’s right! We are transitioning to a new year of BMT with “good” films. Oh ho, don’t get it twisted, these are still BMT films, just ones where the title suggests they could be good. We start off with the Firestarter twins, Firestarter (1984) and this year’s FIrestarter (2022). Both are not “fire” as the name suggests. Let’s go!

Firestarter (2022) – BMeTric: 63.9; Notability: 22

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.8%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter; Higher Notability: Black Adam, Jurassic World: Dominion, Pinocchio, Amsterdam, Morbius, Disenchanted, The School for Good and Evil, The Bubble, Moonfall, Deep Water, The Man from Toronto, Spiderhead, Don’t Worry Darling, The 355, Where the Crawdads Sing, Blacklight, Slumberland, Samaritan, Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight; Notes: Yup, a huge BMeTric for the year. And will probably stay up there, it seems to be genuinely reviled.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – The Stephen King novel on which the new version of “Firestarter” is based was published in 1980 during a phase of the horror master’s career in which the writer seemed fascinated by kids with inexplicable powers. Charlie, played by Drew Barrymore in the 1984 film and Ryan Kiera Armstrong in this one, is cut from similar cloth as Danny from “The Shining” and the title character in “Carrie”—people who discover they’re not like normal kids. There’s nothing scarier than an out-of-control child. Trust me. King’s work would inspire generations—Elle in “Stranger Things” owes a great deal to Charlie, for one—which made a remake of this 40-year-old tale of pyromania inevitable. And yet, once again, inevitability doesn’t equal creativity. So often remakes feel more like contractual requirements than artistic explorations or updates of timeless themes. There is no better recent example of this than “Firestarter,” a film that goes through the motions with such apathetic predictability and pure cinematic laziness that you may want to set whatever device you’re watching it on ablaze.

(Uh oh, that sounds perhaps just a tad bit boring instead of horrible, no good, nonsense. Which I admit, is all I want really.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v_8ATW_3yI/

(An alternate ending!? And holy shit, they put “liar, liar, pants on fire” in the trailer! Just for that I’m giving this trailer an F. For shame. For shame.)

Directors – Keith Thomas – ( Known For: The Vigil; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Has a degree in Religious Education which is interesting. Otherwise really nothing on him. He directed an episode of Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities.)

Writers – Stephen King – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; Stand by Me; Mr. Harrigan’s Phone; The Green Mile; The Shining; It; The Mist; Doctor Sleep; Misery; Gerald’s Game; Carrie; It Chapter Two; The Running Man; Christine; Carrie; 1408; 1922; Pet Sematary; Dolores Claiborne; Cujo; Future BMT: The Dark Tower; Children of the Corn; Sleepwalkers; Creepshow 2; Thinner; Needful Things; The Mangler; Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice; BMT: Firestarter (2022); Firestarter (1984); Dreamcatcher; The Lawnmower Man; Maximum Overdrive; The Rage: Carrie 2; Graveyard Shift; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Maximum Overdrive in 1987; Notes: Ah a classic. I do need to read more of his books and I wish I could have read this prior to watching the films. He somewhat notably almost died in a car accident which completely changed how he approached writing (and life) if I recall and ended up with him starring in Dark Tower ultimately in a bizarre way. Something like that, I haven’t read those either.)

Scott Teems – ( Known For: The Quarry; That Evening Sun; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Seems like a horror writer through and through, also has a credit in Halloween Kills.)

Actors – Zac Efron – ( Known For: The Greatest Showman; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Hairspray; 17 Again; Neighbors; The Disaster Artist; Gold; Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile; The Beach Bum; The Lorax; Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising; The Paperboy; Scoob!; High School Musical 3: Senior Year; Liberal Arts; Parkland; Me and Orson Welles; At Any Price; The Derby Stallion; Melinda’s World; Future BMT: That Awkward Moment; Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates; The Lucky One; Charlie St. Cloud; We Are Your Friends; BMT: Baywatch; New Year’s Eve; Firestarter; Dirty Grandpa; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor for Baywatch in 2018; Notes: A Disney kid with High School Musical, which made him famous. I like him, although I can’t say his track record in recent years has been spotless. Very BMT-ful.)

Ryan Kiera Armstrong – ( Known For: Black Widow; The Tomorrow War; It Chapter Two; The Art of Racing in the Rain; The Glorias; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Daughter of Dean Armstrong who is a legit actor. Was in Anne With An E.)

Sydney Lemmon – ( Known For: Tár; Velvet Buzzsaw; BMT: Firestarter; Notes: Has done mostly television work, although she was in Tar this year. The granddaughter of Jack Lemmon.)

Budget/Gross – $12 million / Domestic: $9,589,250 (Worldwide: $14,889,250)

(Ehhhhh, actually not as bad as you would expect because it was so cheap. Additionally, given it was on Netflix and is now I Prime I assume they are partially making their money optioning it.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (16/157): There was plenty of room to improve on the original, but Firestarter trips over that low bar and tumbles toward the bottom of the long list of Stephen King adaptations.

(Juuuuuust a shade over 10% which is too bad. I usually don’t go for smaller publications for the highlight, but this was decently funny.)

Reviewer Highlight: At least this one is mercifully short. – Radheyan Simonpillai, NOW Toronto

Poster – Firesklogger: It’s Fire

(Is it bad just cause it’s the same as the original? I say no. Still works. Orange color scheme pops and the font is delightfully different. Eye catching and gives you a taste. All around pretty good. I think the only suggestion would be to go a little more artistic. Newer posters can have a bit of an Instagram sheen sometimes. Going old school would have worked nicely. A-.)

Tagline(s) – None

(Booooo. F. Although I can also imagine if they did something dumb like “She’s fire” I would have been forced to give it an F-, so a win from that angle.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Firestarter (2022), Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), Memory (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

Best Options (good): 63.9 Firestarter (2022)

(A new cycle! We won’t be able to see that graph until next week though. This does complete our 2022 year. We watched 13 films, which is pretty good I think, although also the absolute minimum we can watch in a year. But better than last year, and puts us on a good footing for the future. I think Umma maybe, and Black Adam definitely are the only two we really missed out on.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Zac Efron is No. 2 billed in Firestarter and No. 1 billed in Dirty Grandpa, which also stars Robert De Niro (No. 2 billed) who is in Righteous Kill (No. 1 billed) which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – John Carpenter, who did the music for this film, was set to direct the original Firestarter (1984), but was replaced when his previous film, The Thing (1982), failed at the box office. He would instead direct another Stephen King adaptation, Christine (1983).

Final film for Executive Producer Martha De Laurentiis, who died December 4, 2021. Her first film as a producer was the original Firestarter (1984), and she would go on to produce several other Stephen King adaptations with her husband, Dino De Laurentiis.

In the back alley when Charlie sees a stray cat there is a dumpster for the waste removal company “Joyland” referencing Stephen King’s book of the same name.

The beer that Irv offers Andy is labeled ‘Ayuh’, a northeastern phrase akin to ‘yep’ that is heavily present in the writing of Stephen King.

Ryan Kiera Armstrong previously appeared in It Chapter Two (2019), another Stephen King adaption.