Lost & Found Recap

Jamie

Dylan Ramsey’s love life is a total mess at the exact moment that a stunningly beautiful, professional cello player moves in next door. Realizing he’s in love he does anything to win her affection, including steal her dog so they can search for it together. Can he… give the dog back to her, I guess (and perhaps get the girl) before it’s too late? Find out in… Lost & Found.

How?! Act I: Dylan Ramsey is a restaurateur extraordinaire in need of THE BIG LOAN, but his love life is a disaster. Just then he meets his new neighbor, Lila, and immediately knows this smart, super attractive, talented woman is perfect for him: a self-confident loser. If only she also had the self-confidence to realize it! Luckily the power of positivity is destined to bring them together. Or is it? Bum bum bum. That’s because Lila’s scummy ex-boyfriend, Rene, who totally cheated on her and didn’t foster her self-confidence, is in town. Uh oh! What’s a boy to do? You know, other than never go to work and steal Lila’s dog so that she all day searching for it with you. And so his life as a dognapper is born. Act II: The whole middle of the film is mostly him making snide remarks to Rene and lamenting having to spend a bunch of time with a lame dog that totally ate his best friend’s anniversary ring that he conveniently had to hold onto (that’s just good writing). Act III: Things come to a head at the big party Dylan’s restaurant is holding to try to secure THE BIG LOAN. Coincidentally Lila is also there so that she can speak to the head of the philharmonic to try to get a job. There’s a scene where Dylan sings Neil Diamond and totally gets THE BIG LOAN, but at the same time Lila finds out that he has her dog. Oh no! After a while of moping around Dylan finds that Lila actually forgives him for his transgressions and takes him back and they smooch a whole bunch. THE END. The film hinges on a regressive “low self-esteem woman needs the right man to fulfill her promise” plot with Dylan espousing the self-help stylings of The Secret. Dylan’s advice is to dream big, have confidence, and good things will happen. So the big question: Did Dylan imagine Lila into existence through the power of positive thinking?

Why?! Love, duh… at least as far as the “romantic” storyline goes. He’s smitten with Lila and all the insane things he does is tied up in that. She actually doesn’t seem as interested in love at the moment. She’s fresh out of a toxic relationship and just trying to find work in a new country (we could analyze exactly what kind of visa she has all day but I’ll spare you). Then there is the background business loan that Dylan needs to expand his successful (?) restaurant… but I choose to ignore that. Oh and a minor B-plot MacGuffin Alert as Dylan really needs to find the engagement ring he’s been tasked to keep safe… but no one else cares about that.

Who?! Movie Within A Movie Alert! Another rare type here as portions of a fake movie about a kid who has to shoot his own dog were shot for the film. The kid? Frankie Muniz. Speaking of dogs, I also appreciate when the canine actor is given an actual credit in the film. In this case Jack was played by Cody. Good dog.

What?! There are a number of small product placements, including an extended shot of a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and the forced consumption of Pepto-Bismol by a dog. I do love when there is something in there that is so small you can’t even think of how or why it would be product placement. Like there is a moment when a character is drinking conspicuously from an Orange Julius cup… did Orange Julius pay for that? If yes, why?

Where?! This is obviously set in California. From the beautiful vistas to the California license plates to the Dodgers paraphernalia. If that was it, I think I’d land this at C+/B- territory. However, there are two scenes set explicitly in the Hollywood Bowl… which means this probably jumps all the way up to an A-.  

When?! Because I’m insane, I went back through the film and made sure we couldn’t get an exact date. The closest we get is the Victoria’s Secret catalogue that Dylan gets in the mail. Clearly says Spring ‘98 on the cover and he’s getting the new issue so it is a rough estimate. Too bad I couldn’t find when those magazines were released more precisely. D+

Anyway, overall the film is pretty lightweight all-around and is particularly embarrassing at the end when Dylan secures the big loan from Martin Sheen by dressing up and singing a Neil Diamond song. I shudder even thinking about it. As for the Friend we brought, Soultaker starring Joe Estevez was a pretty enjoyable film to watch. It plot is thin, but the acting and writing are off the hook. The main actor in particular is just so weird it’s almost like meta-acting. Almost like he looked at the role and decided to play the type of actor that would take such a role instead of the role itself. The ending is nonsense too. Not bad in my opinion. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! I was lost, but now … I am found. All it took was a meandering story about a vulgar restauranteur with a heart of gold. Let’s get into it!

P’s View on the Preview – I would have thought this film on first blush was a Happy Madison joint. In reality it seemed like a weird Spade vehicle that might have started as a Spade/Farley buddy comedy that was retrofitted after Farley’s death. Late 90s Something About Mary clones are maybe a blind spot for me, so that was probably the most interesting bit. What are my expectations? I would just be happy if there is enough gay panic, gross humor, and racial stereotypes to remind be that “yup, this is what comedies used to be like”. It was a wildly different time.

The Good – I genuinely liked Spade and how they made a big part of the film the idea that he needs to get this woman to know him because he comes across as a jerk. This is something that gets glossed over elsewhere: the sarcastic schlubby guy needs to have a sweet and funny side to make the mutual attraction at the center of the film make sense. I had one good chuckle which, again, is above average. We’ll get to the intricacies of the plot in the next section, but it is a surprisingly coherent plot given together it has to hold about five different threads together (main romantic storyline, restaurant needs a loan, Spade needs to hold his friend’s ring, French ex-beau in town, Spade’s employee is obsessed with him).

The Bad – Oh boy, the gay panic, child rape jokes, a hard f-bomb. It was a wild time indeed. The storyline is one of the best examples of the “plot cloud” I’ve ever seen. And little of it makes much sense … like, why is this bank allowing this restaurant to cater an event as part of a loan application (I know I know, Spade did it at cost, but why would Martin Sheen give a shit?)? Why does Sheen basically say loans aren’t based on money … and then turns around and gives the loan after Spade lip-syncs some Neil Diamond?! None of it makes sense. And finally, while it is clear the bad guy is a bad guy because he cheated on Lila we are told … most of his actions during the film make him look fine? He’s clearly controlling and smarmy, but Spade is kind of mean and inconsiderate to his friends as well. I can absolutely see why Leonard Maltin thought the bad guy came across as better than Spade during the film, especially at the time.

The BMT – It is weak. I think you can add it to the repertoire of late-90s and SNL-alum comedies. But the film isn’t over the top with the weirdness that you have to show it to people. Like, there isn’t a four minute long gay panic scene or anything, which would have made the movie a bit more must-see. We’ll see more Spade films, specifically Black Sheep with Farley qualifies. Did it meet my expectations? I feel like we are on an interesting streak of films kind of half meeting my expectations. We got gay panic, and child rape jokes, and gross humor out the wazoo. But it was too few and far between to sustain the shock-horror throughout.

Roast-radamus – I don’t think Artie Lange is a Planchet … he’s just filling into the Laurel and Hardy / Abott and Costello mold that Farley left behind with his death. Reading Jamie’s section I do think the Orange Julius thing was a real Product Placement (What?). Because SNL must have some connection to Orange Julius. They have to. Definitely a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Los Angeles complete with a trip to the Hollywood Bowl. And then there is a discussion about the dog. It isn’t a MacGuffin, but it is a “thing” that is a linchpin to the plot. You can imagine any plot: boy meets girl, boy steals [object, e.g. a car, a dog, a prized surfboard] from her to get closer to her, hilarity ensues. It is a something, not a MacGuffin, but it is the “why” of the film. We won’t use it for the awards, but it is something to think about.

StreetCreditReport.com – Almost nothing, which shouldn’t be a surprise since I basically didn’t know this movie existed until I watched it. Roger Ebert eviscerated it which is a plus. It probably is one of the worst dognapping films. Could definitely make a list of worst David Spade films. And probably could be considered for a Worst Films Starring a French Movie Star list of some kind as well. But even those are pushing it.

Bring a Friend Analysis – This week we watched the Joe Estevez and Robert Z’Dar classic Soultaker? Never heard of it? Well, it is about four people whose souls become displaced after they die in a tragic car accident. They then must race against death itself, players by Joe Estevez … kind of, he’s like a dark angel character, but Z’Dar is like his boss as well. Anyways, it was written and stars Vivian Schilling and it was clearly a passion project for her. As a bad movie the acting is probably its strongest attribute. The weirdness of Joe Estevez and Z’Dar’s interactions help. And finally some of the weird choices like the drug dealing alcoholic asshole friend, and very strange scene with the mother are probably what you’d see online. I really liked this film. It is wild, and just entertaining enough to sustain the run time. Probably the only time is starts to die a bit is in the end when it just takes forever to get to the point. I really liked this as a friend. A B I think, very entertaining, but nothing super special and specifically interesting.

You Just Got Schooled – This time I had it easy because it turns out Soultaker is considered one of the best episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 ever made. In a poll it ranked 18th among fans, and it was noted as a favorite of current MST3K writer Elliott Kalan. The episode is very good in my estimation, having watched a number of MST3K over the years. The comparison of the main character to Tonya Harding, the constant 60 Minutes references, the riffing on the screenwriting in general, and notes concerning Joe Estevez’s status as the lesser Estevez brother are all gold. I would say that while Soultaker itself is entertaining in its weirdness, the MST3K episode made it a very easy rewatch a week later. Indeed, while I may have only occasionally indulged in Soultaker by itself, I think if someone had never seen MST3K this is a fine introduction and companion to the film. It is nice that it, in a way, lends a stamp of approval to the film as an unqualified bad movie.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

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Lost & Found Quiz

Let’s see. All of this might have just been in my mind, but I’m pretty sure I stole a poor woman’s dog in an ill-fated attempt to make her fall in love with me … wait, is that right? That doesn’t make any sense. Do you remember what happened in Lost & Found?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) David Spade is a lovable restaurateur in Los Angeles with a heart of gold. When we first meet Spade he’s getting broken up with by his girlfriend. What job does she have?

2) Let’s get some facts straight about Spade’s restaurant. What kind of food does it serve? And why do they need a loan?

3) Meanwhile, a very attractive French woman, Lila, moves in next door and Spade just knows that if he can spend time with her, he’ll be able to make her fall in love with him. One problem, the suave Rene has arrived from France to cramp his style. Why did Lila break up with Rene?

4) In order to secure this time together Spade naturally steals Lila’s dog. Second problem, the dog then ends up being involved in the misplacement of Spade’s friend’s diamond ring! Whoops! What two things does Spade think could have happened to the ring, and which one was correct?

5) In order to secure the loan in the end Spade lip syncs (and then eventually sings) some Neil Diamond for the adoring crowd at the shindig he is catering. Why? Why would he do such an embarrassing thing?

Answers

Lost & Found Preview

Jamie and Patrick sit dejected in their tuxedos. Stallone just left, having thanked them profusely for winning him an Oscar for the 6-hour double feature release of Rich and Po3: Dark Web 3D/Daylight. ‘The irony!’ the critics exclaimed about the film. ‘A classic send-up of Hollywood excess!’ they raved. Sigh. Can’t anyone make something bad anymore? But Patrick isn’t so easily discouraged. “Time to put our big boy cable-knit sweaters on and get back to it. What should the fourth film be called?” But Jamie isn’t hearing it and rips off the sleeves of his tuxedo. “It’s time to take matters into our own hands and enter the tournament of champions ourselves. I know we can win. Look at these big ol’ muscles.” But Patrick insists that they need to find Rich and Poe. Nic Cage was very clear. “Humph,” sighs Jamie, “write it then. But I’m going back.” With that he reaches for the power in Patrick and *blink* he’s gone. Patrick tries to follow, but the power within him doesn’t work that way. Only gives him mad hacking skillz… and what use is that now? He sighs and settles down to write. Hours later, and only a few words typed, he hears a knock at the door. Opening it, two police officers greet him. “Bad Movie Twins? I’m Detective Lost and this is my partner Found. May we come in?” They look vaguely familiar to Patrick. That’s right! We’re watching Lost & Found starring the one and only David Spade. I didn’t even really know that this film existed until I was searching for a poorly reviewed Martin Sheen film and this seemed to fit the bill. And lest you get concerned that it wasn’t a real movie it got released to 2500 theaters and still has the 46th worst opening for a wide release film of all time. Probably because it was released at the same time as The Matrix… otherwise I’m sure it would have made mad bank.

Meanwhile, Jamie is back in the wasteland of the BMTverse. Better start his walk to New Angeles. In the distance a plume of dust rises and a bunch of rollerbladers approach. “Finally,” Jamie thinks, “some people a rad as I am instead of that dumb Patrick and his dumb scripts. Maybe they can help me find this tournament.” But as they approach they seem to morph into one dark figure… and the air around Jamie turns cold. That’s right! We’re watching the Joe Estevez vehicle Soultaker. We picked this mostly because it actually stars Estevez, rather than just featuring him, and seemed ridiculous, without us realizing it was a MST3K film from season 10. Apparently a well regarded episode, so something to watch in conjunction with the film.

Lost & Found (1999) – BMeTric: 41.8 

LostFoundIMDb_BMeT

LostFoundIMDb_RV

(Pretty stable. Seems like a genuine bad film, which everyone agrees is bad, and it only doesn’t cross the 50 mark because no one bothers to watch it. Just wait for the Bad Movie Twins bump!)

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars – Spade plots to win his beautiful new neighbor’s affections while they search for her missing dog – which he has kidnapped. Crude, offensive, unoriginal, often painful to watch; only redeeming feature is the engaging Marceau. Fundamental error: her “slimy” ex-boyfriend is more likeable than the leading man. Spade also takes credit as cowriter. 

(Judging by the preview I find it hard to believe the boyfriend is more likeable. Crude and offensive is better than boring and unfunny. As a matter of fact, Maltin doesn’t really say it isn’t funny. It probably isn’t, but that is maybe a promising sign.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUNgL4jTPeQ/

(That music! That voiceover! I remember the “you couldn’t raise my shorts with a crane” joke … otherwise I literally don’t remember anything about this film. Looks dumb.)

Directors – Jeff Pollack – (Known For: Above the Rim; Future BMT: Booty Call; BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: I think he was a music video director, and then ended up producing and writing Fresh Prince. His directorial efforts all seem somewhat out of nowhere to be honest.)

Writers – J.B. Cook (written by) – (BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Not much about him, except he then went on to write / produce mostly cartoons including Kind of the Hill.)

Marc Meeks (written by) – (BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Almost all of his credits are for Location Management, which he now does for Netflix. If I were to guess I think he was likely in the general Sandler / Happy Madison production team, but never really got credits. He did other management stuff, and then got hired on in a more official capacity at Netflix after Sandler’s deal. Again, entirely a guess.)

David Spade (written by) – (Future BMT: Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Joe Dirt; BMT: Lost & Found; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; Notes: Became famous alongside Chris Farley and Adam Sandler on SNL in the early 90s. Ended up starring in a series of buddy comedies with Farley prior to his death.)

Actors – David Spade – (Known For: Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation; The Emperor’s New Groove; Hotel Transylvania; Reality Bites; Tommy Boy; Hotel Transylvania 2; A Very Brady Sequel; Politically Correct Party Animals; Beavis and Butt-Head Do America; The Rugrats Movie; Light Sleeper; Future BMT: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol; Coneheads; Loser; Sandy Wexler; Racing Stripes; Father of the Year; The Do-Over; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag; Joe Dirt; Senseless; Black Sheep; Entourage; BMT: Jack and Jill; The Ridiculous 6; Grown Ups 2; The Benchwarmers; Lost & Found; Grown Ups; I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actress for Jack and Jill in 2012; Notes: His older brother was the husband of the designer Kate Spade who passed away in 2018.)

Sophie Marceau – (Known For: Braveheart; The World Is Not Enough; A Midsummer Night’s Dream; Al di là delle nuvole; Female Agents; Un bonheur n’arrive jamais seul; Firelight; Future BMT: Ne te retourne pas; Anna Karenina; BMT: Lost & Found; Alex & Emma; Notes: A very famous French Actress she’s been attached, but never married to a series of equally famous French directors / producers / actors including Christopher Lambert for 7 years.)

Ever Carradine – (Known For: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; Dead & Breakfast; Future BMT: My Boss’s Daughter; Bubble Boy; Foxfire; Safelight; Constellation; BMT: Lost & Found; Notes: Daughter of Robert Carradine and married to Coby Brown who is a film composer.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $6,552,255

(Absolutely brutal. A top fifty worst wide openings ever, plausibly because they thought it could perform like There’s Something About Mary … but it didn’t.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 13% (7/52): Aside from a few laughs, everything else is entirely predictable, including the jokes.

(Predictable and not funny … great. Reviewer Highlight: A rancid little nothing of a movie! – Stephen Holden, New York Times)

Poster – Sklog-st & Found (F)

lost_and_found

(Oh boy… I’m trying to imagine seeing that in a theater. It’s like an anti-advertisement. Look at all that empty space? And no color scheme. And terrible font. And not even clear it’s telling me anything about the film. It’s simply awful.)

Tagline(s) – A comedy about a guy who would do anything to get the girl of his dreams – and did! (F)

One of these dogs must be Spade. (either an A+ or an F)

(The first is stupid and a bit embarrassing. The second is one that I’ll hold close to my heart for all eternity. It’s off the chains in both a supremely terrible and kinda good way. It’s like the BMT of taglines. So bad that it’s great.)

Keyword(s) – dognapping; Top Ten by BMeTric: 64.4 102 Dalmatians (2000); 46.4 Once Upon a Time in Venice (2017); 45.8 Beethoven (1992); 43.5 101 Dalmatians (1996); 41.8 Lost & Found (I) (1999); 33.3 Good Boy! (2003); 28.4 Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco (1996); 21.2 Our Idiot Brother (2011); 16.9 Wrong (I) (2012); 14.8 Ingrid Goes West (2017);

(Wowza, likely our first dognapping film I guess. Those top four qualify from a quality perspective, although it is a bit unclear if Once Upon a Time in Venice was actually released to theaters. I don’t think it was.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 15) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: David Spade is No. 1 billed in Lost & Found and No. 4 billed in Grown Ups, which also stars Adam Sandler (No. 1 billed) who is in Jack and Jill (No. 1 billed), which also stars Al Pacino (No. 3 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed), which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 1 + 4 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 = 15. If we were to watch Senseless, and Wicker Park we can get the HoE Number down to 14.

Notes – The part of Wally Slack was originally written for Chris Farley. After his death, it went to Artie Lange. (Makes sense)

Bye Bye Love Recap

Jamie

Ba-da-da-da-da! They aren’t loving it. That’s because Donny, Vic, and Dave are all divorced Dad’s who only get their children on the weekend and are dealing with the varied difficulties of the situation. Can they come to understand what divorce means and grow as people… uh… before it’s too late? Find out in… Bye Bye Love.

How?! Donny, Vic, and Dave are a group of divorcees struggling with coparenting. While Donny still pines for his ex-wife, Vic hates his and Dave can’t stop sleeping around (the cause of his first marriage’s demise). While the love of their children are often at odds with these struggles surrounding their ex-wives, they are not at odds with their #1 love: that sweet, sweet Mickey D’s. They look forward to picking up their kids not only because they love them but also because of the oasis of those Golden Arches. Your kids on the younger side? They’ll love the play place. They getting a little older? Let them ogle the rebel teen manning the cash register. They getting really old? Maybe they can take part in the McMasters program. No matter how old they are they’ll love the delicious hamburgers that no red-blooded American can resist… wait, what were we talking about? Oh right, Bye Bye Love. So anyway Donny is having trouble with his high school age kid who is growing out of weekends with Dad while also having trouble getting over his wife. This culminates in him finding love with Dave’s ex-wife (his long-time friend) and realizing that his selfish struggles with the divorce have made him shortsightedly overlook how hard it’s been on his daughter. Meanwhile Dave makes a right mess of a love polygon as a number of recent divorcees descend on his house wanting more than just to share his Big Mac. Through this debacle he learns that he needs to grow up. Finally Vic is a total boor who can’t help but get riled up by his ex-wife’s post-divorce lifestyle. But in the end you realize how much he has worked to be the best Dad he can be and that this troll of a man is actually a softy at heart (awww). I guess, in summary… this film didn’t really have much of a plot. THE END.

Why?! Love, duh. Seriously, the film is just three vignettes that give viewpoints on the struggles of a post-divorce love when children are involved. Three very white and very heteronormative viewpoints, which would have certainly not been the case if this was a film made today, but three viewpoints nonetheless. I think the moral of the story is that kids come first, and as long as that is kept in mind then everything will work out. Even if you seem like a terrible person, like Vic, everything is golden (arches) if you’re ba-da-da-da-da, lovin’ them (your kids).

Who?! There were a couple bit parts for future notable actors, the biggest being Jack Black who played a DJ at a party and has a single line. Additionally, Stephen Root showed up uncredited as a neighbor awakened by Eliza Dushku’s hijinks. The weirdest credit, though, is a special thanks for the Hon. Arthur J. O’Dea. He seems to have been a judge in Vermont… the only explanation is that he was used as a consultant for the script as it does appear he was a family court judge.

What?! Product Placement Alert! We occasionally get to talk about settings as a character. It’s much more rare to talk about products as a character (outside of Adam Sandler’s filmography). But here, McDonald’s is legit a character and several scenes center around those working at the local McD’s (and only having a tenuous connection to the rest of the plot). I’m actually not sure whether the reason for its inclusion is even real… is McDonald’s really a generally accepted, neutral site drop off location for divorced dads in the LA area? All evidence (this movie) points to yes. Ba da da da daaaaaa. I was lovin’ it.

Where?! Classic California. It just feels like California even before there was specific confirmation. But eventually you get some close-ups on some license plates. No clues from McDonald’s as people of all nations crave their tasty treats.

When?! Pretty obviously takes place around the end of May or early June as one of Paul Reiser’s plot points is the graduation of his daughter from middle school. Not sure we get any more specific. Probably should look closely at the McDonald’s menu and see if there are any specific seasonal offerings on there… or perhaps the film coincides with one of the returns of the McRib, which would really narrow it down.

I really didn’t mind the film as a whole. I think it kinda has a clever dynamic between Donny, Vic, and Dave where on the face of it you think Dave has his shit together and is processing his divorce the best, while Vic’s boorish behavior and hatred for his ex-wife is off putting and Donny is kinda pathetic in never moving on from his ex-wife. But as the film goes on, you realize that it’s kinda flipped around. Vic is a great Dad and he and his ex-wife just really should not have been married, while Dave is a man-child who doesn’t really understand what a real relationship means… Donny is still kinda just sad, though. Anyway, the only thing that really sets this apart is the absolutely stellar McDonald’s product placement in the film. It really is top of the line and I’d love to go back through BMT’s nearly 500 (!) films and figure out where it stands. It’s in the running at the very top. It’s really fun to have a film that is mostly fine, but with a crazy BMT aspect to it like this one. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Bye bye love, bye bye happiness, hello loneliness, I think I’m gonna grab a delicious Big Mac from McDonald’s. That’s how that song goes right? Let’s get into it!

P’s View on the Preview – The trailer and all of the notes were basically about how this was an extended advertisement for McDonald’s, so I got out my stop watch and got ready to count the TiMD’s for the episodes (that’s Time in McDonald’s, it’s not a real thing, and I did not really do this). It really was my entire fascination with the episode. Seeing Paul Riser and Matthew Modine act a bit had an outside shot of being interesting as well. My expectations for this film: It was going to be a weird, slow, boring film with a bizarre (but overblown) connection to McDonald’s.

The Good – The film has a much better message that I think it gets credit for. Quaid is a lunatic throughout, but they do go out of their way to show that while he ultimately manifests his mounting frustrations with his divorce in extremely destructive ways, he does love his kids and is arguably the best and least selfish father of the three. Similarly Modine seems to have everything together, a decent relationship with the ex and a girlfriend or two, but then he ends up being the most selfish and broken. The switcheroo on that level feels very earned and the film is an interesting tale of being divorced dads in the mid-90s. The highly touted Garofalo scene lived up to the hype as well, she was very funny.

The Bad – Could this film take place more in McDonald’s? It just felt the four or five scenes and probably 30 minute total run time just wasn’t enough. Tell me more about the McMasters program, and how it is helping unemployed seniors change careers late in life. Tell me more about how it is helping combat the adult homelessness problem in America. Ba-da-da-da-da I’m Lovin’ It! The film also feels very small in that everything in the three main characters lives come to a major crossroads all on the same day. Quaid is such a lunatic it is a wonder he wasn’t thrown in jail in the middle of the film (and then where would your kids be, dummy?). It was borderline mean-spirited. The entire structure of the film centers around a radio psychologist played by Rob Reiner which is very dated and in your face. But I guess without him the movie would literally have no structure.

The BMT – Sneaky great BMT. You know you have a weirdly good one when you can’t stop thinking about it for a few days and then end up writing a giant review where you probably miss about 14 things that blew your mind at the time. I basically didn’t mention Paul Reiser! He’s the main character! His storyline just doesn’t even end up in the review it is so tangential to the b-b-b-b-b-b-bonkers shit I’m seeing on screen. Sneaky great. Did it exceed expectations?: Yes! While weird and slow, the film was far from boring by being chockablock with McDonald’s. So much so that is amazing the McDonald’s executives saw the cut and didn’t say, “Yeah … but don’t you think there is too much McDonald’s?”

Roast-radamus – I mean … I would be shocked if this didn’t manage to win the Produce Placement (What?) award for McDonald’s. I think when I was a kid I got this movie in a Happy Meal, I swear to God. Does graduation count as a holiday? No? … fine. Definitely a contender in the BMT category as well. Really the entire legacy of this film rests on its status as a Mac and Me level product placement. It is right up there with Mac and Me.

StreetCreditReport.com – None! But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve it. I think if you made a list of worst films featuring McDonald’s it could have a shot. Or worst film focused on divorced dads. Worst Rob Reiner films? I guess you’d have to go with ones he’s acted in … Worst films which share a name with a song?

You Just Got Schooled – What could I possibly watch for this weirdo movie? Mad About You season 1 episode 1 starring Paul Reiser of course. While making this film he was in the middle of this series for which he was nominated for six emmys (he never won, he lost to Lithgow three times for 3rd Rock and Grammer three times for Fraiser). I have to say, now being thirty-something and married this series seems actually genuinely funny. Quaint, but not really old school, the first episode revolves around Hunt and Reiser trying to make time to have sex, and as a forgotten dinner party begins they end up having sex in the kitchen as the party is ongoing! Cheers would have went up to that door, but never really gotten through it, but this is the 90s, it was time to talk about being Master of Your Domain, and other more sexually explicit things in primetime. I don’t feel any particular need to actually watch the series, but a lot better than I expected. Fun to see the classic sitcom character as well: the friend who is only in one season and then disappears in Reiser’s friend Selby.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Bye Bye Love Quiz

Hey, I’m new here with the McMasters program, but I can’t remember all the bits and bobs of Mickey D’s. But you’re my teenaged trainer! You can help me remember! But first, what happened in the movie Bye Bye Love again?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In an initial voice over monologue it is explained precisely why McDonald’s plays such a prominent role in the proceedings. Why?

2) With three divorcees there comes three ex-wives with lives of their own. Can you describe the marital / relationship status of all three.

3) Young adult Max and old-timer Walter both work at McDonald’s and have an interesting relationship, what is it?

4) Paul Reiser’s daughter is rather upset at her father during the run up to her graduation, including driving drunk at a party the night before. Where does she drive to and why is she so gosh darn upset?!

5) At the very end Quaid goes to confront Rob Reiner during his radio program. Just give me the gist of Quaid’s reasoning for why Reiner is oh so wrong about divorced dads.

Answers

Bye Bye Love Preview

Jamie and Patrick sit glumly backstage at the Academy Awards juggling their newly won Oscars. 2 Rich 2 Poe: Reclamation was a smash hit, obviously, and hailed as ushering in a new age of post-irony filmmaking. Even their ruse to premier the film on an acre of newly razed Amazonian rainforest was taken as a commentary on how art is contributing to climate change through its unwillingness to engage in the political discourse leading to the President signing a new carbon reduction law at the premiere. “And it still might have been OK if you hadn’t knocked down that tree and discovered a cure for cancer,” sighs Patrick looking sadly at his Nobel Prize for Medicine, “they couldn’t help but give us good reviews after that.” Jamie scoffs angrily, “well you just can’t admit that you botched this whole thing. You should have listened to me in the first place. We needed robots and computer technobabble galore.” Patrick tugs uncomfortably at his cable-knit sweater, “well alright, Mr. Roboto, why don’t you take the lead on the next one. God knows they’ll let us write it. Just make sure it’s shit, alright?” Jamie smiles at the challenge, “oh it will be total garbage.” With that he pulls out a mini-recorder and begins an extemporaneous dictation of the entire script, “Title: Rich and Po3: Dark Web 3D. We open in Bulgaria…”

We pan over broken shards of glass and come upon a battered Rich. Christmas lights twinkle in the background as he struggles to reach for a picture of his beloved Jade and their toddler, Junior. He gasps in pain as he hugs the picture to his chest, “Bye bye,” he stammers… “bye bye… love.” That’s right! We’re continuing our journey through the films of Hackers actors by jumping to a little known film called Bye Bye Love starring Paul Reiser, Matthew Modine, Randy Quaid, and Wendell Pierce (aka Agent Dick Gill) in a minor role. Why’d we pick this film? When McDonald’s may as well be listed as part of the cast we don’t really have a choice. Let’s go!

Bye Bye Love (1995) – BMeTric: 16.6 

ByeByeLoveIMDb_BMeT

ByeByeLoveIMDb_RV

(That blip … seems real? Here is the dip, and here is the date after. Probably purging fake votes … then again, why would there be fake votes for Bye Bye Love? So maybe … some database error? Regardless, weird and wild stuff. Actually a classic 2014 increase there. Something happened in 2014, precisely on New Years’ Day I think. It’s weird.)

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Mediocre seriocomedy about three dads, devoted to their kids, trying to make their way through divorcehood. Some sincere moments and occasional comic insights are washed away in a sea of sappiness. Garofalo, as Quaid’s hilarious date from hell, almost makes the film worth watching.

(I’m not even going to pretend that seriocomedy is a real thing Leonard. I refuse. Just call it a goddamned dramedy like a normal person. And no mention of McDonald’s and how delicious it is? Ridiculous.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF0ws2vpSw4

(There appears to be what? Like five different scenes in McDonald’s? You can even tell by the trailer alone that it was bought and paid for by McDonald’s!)

Directors – Sam Weisman – (Known For: George of the Jungle; Future BMT: The Out-of-Towners; What’s the Worst That Could Happen?; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; D2: The Mighty Ducks; BMT: Bye Bye Love; Notes: Long time television director, he briefly produced family comedies in the mid-90s. Brother of producer David Weisman.)

Writers – Gary David Goldberg (written by) – (Known For: Dad; Future BMT: Must Love Dogs; BMT: Bye Bye Love; Notes: Created Spin City, and Family Ties among many other television shows.)

Brad Hall (written by) – (BMT: Bye Bye Love; Notes: Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s husband. On SNL from 1982 to 1984.)

Actors – Matthew Modine – (Known For: The Dark Knight Rises; Sicario: Day of the Soldado; Full Metal Jacket; Notting Hill; 47 Meters Down; Transporter 2; Any Given Sunday; Vision Quest; Birdy; Short Cuts; Memphis Belle; Pacific Heights; Married to the Mob; The Hotel New Hampshire; The Hippopotamus; The Confirmation; Wind; Go Go Tales; Une vie de chat; Baby It’s You; Future BMT: Le divorce; Cutthroat Island; Army of One; Backtrace; Girl in Progress; The Blackout; The Real Blonde; Family Weekend; Gross Anatomy; Equinox; Mrs. Soffel; BMT: Jobs; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Launched back into prominence with Stranger Things. I mostly knew him from the Jiminy Glick joke about two of his kids being named Matthew and Modine.)

Randy Quaid – (Known For: Independence Day; Brokeback Mountain; National Lampoon’s Vacation; National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation; Midnight Express; The Last Picture Show; Kingpin; The Last Detail; Freaked; Paper Moon; Parents; The Long Riders; The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; What’s Up, Doc?; Home on the Range; The Missouri Breaks; Foxes; Quick Change; Moving; No Man’s Land; Future BMT: Major League II; Not Another Teen Movie; Vegas Vacation; Days of Thunder; The Wraith; Heartbeeps; Last Dance; The Slugger’s Wife; Breakout; BMT: Pluto Nash; Caddyshack II; Hard Rain; Grind; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Has become a weird crazy person recently, involving extradition and revoked passports and squatting in Canada. Lives in Vermont now.)

Paul Reiser – (Known For: Aliens; Whiplash; The Spy Who Dumped Me; Beverly Hills Cop; The Little Hours; Funny People; Life After Beth; Beverly Hills Cop II; Concussion; Behind the Candelabra; War on Everyone; Diner; Joshy; Cross My Heart; Miles; The Thing About My Folks; Future BMT: The Darkness; The Story of Us; One Night at McCool’s; I Do… Until I Don’t; Crazy People; The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea; BMT: The Marrying Man; Bye Bye Love; Notes: Also, crazily, in Stranger Things. Most notable for his starring turn in Mad About You with Helen Hunt.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $12,096,673

(I still don’t understand … how does a film like this make over $10 million? Regardless, apparently the entire production was funded by McDonald’s so they probably didn’t care.)

#244 for the Romantic Comedy genre

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(Only First Daughter, Town & Country, and Say It Isn’t So made less for BMT films. The genre is making a shocking comeback. Right when it looked like it would be permanently relegated to Netflix and VOD in general)

Rotten Tomatoes – 19% (4/21):

(I’ll just have to make a consensus: Effective for some, but essentially just an extended McDonald’s advertisement. Reviewer Highlight: The angst of dating, the struggle with children, and the joys of McDonalds. – Scott Weinberg, eFilmCritic.com)

Poster – Bye Bye Sklog (D-)

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(A real tried and true favorite here. Just pile a bunch of humans up and that’ll look good (hint: it doesn’t) and then when you realize you don’t have enough human garbage to cover your poster just throw some sky on there because… why not? There’s sky everywhere. Why not in the poster? Also I’m not even going to try on the font, just to really insult you.)

Tagline(s) – Donny, Dave and Vic are best friends. They have everything in common … ex-wives, new girlfriends, and the kids for the weekend. (F)

(My god. Is this a novel? I grew a beard while reading this. What is it even saying? Are they just telling us the basic premise of the movie? Is this supposed to entice us? Just a million words in tiny font on the poster telling us to gear up for a depressing tale of divorce. I hate this.)

Keyword(s) – product placement; Top Ten by BMeTric: 92.6 Date Movie (2006); 91.2 Gigli (2003); 90.4 Fifty Shades of Grey (2015); 89.8 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997); 89.2 Vampires Suck (2010); 87.6 Left Behind (I) (2014); 87.6 Crossroads (I) (2002); 87.2 The Love Guru (2008); 86.4 Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987); 86.0 The Cat in the Hat (2003);

(You know what … I’m going to leave it. Just because this is just such an incredible product placement. This is just kind of a pointless keyword since everything has product placement of some kind.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Amy Brenneman is No. 5 billed in Bye Bye Love and No. 4 billed in 88 Minutes, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => 5 + 4 + 3 + 1 = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Ed Flanders’ final project.

Janeane Garofalo would later go on to play Paul Reiser’s adult daughter Mabel on the series finale of Mad About You.

Amber Benson, Eliza Dushku, and Lindsay Crouse went on to star in Buffy the Vampire Slayer the TV show together as Tara, Faith and Prof. Maggie Walsh.

In 1995, both this film and Houseguest (1995) featured extensive McDonald’s product placement, but neither film was accompanied by a promotional tie-in with the fast-food restaurant. (I could have sworn there were Bye Bye Love Happy Meals with little toy Matthew Modines … perhaps just a wonderful dream)

Lucille is wearing a different earring in each ear when on her date with Vic.

Matthew Modine and Paul Reiser later starred on Stranger Things (2016), with both appearing in the second season. While they do not share screen time, both actors’ characters are connected to the series’ Hawkins National Laboratory. (Huh)

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Recap

Jamie

Det. Joe Bomowski is on edge when his overbearing mother comes to town. When his mom witnesses a murder and he’s faced with hosting her until the case can be solved he takes matters into his own hands. Can he solve the case and get rid of his mom (and perhaps find love) before it’s too late? Find out in… Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.

How?! It’s just not Joe’s week. First he gets in a wild shootout during a sting operation, then his girlfriend/boss (you read that right) breaks up with him because he’s an immature man-child, and then his overbearing mom comes the visit. Gah! Women! Am I right? Anyway, after his mom ruins his gun in a failed attempt to clean it she heads off to the bad part of town to buy him a new one. Unable to get a gun due to a waiting period she heads around the corner to buy some heavy duty illegal firearms out of the back of a van. Illegal transaction being what they are she finds herself in the middle of a shootout and subsequent murder investigation. Wanting to get her son a leg up for a promotion, she decides to withhold information (Probably ain’t going to work given that he’s been carrying on an inappropriate relationship with his immediate superior… oh, and he’s a bad cop). As a result she kinda forces him to team up with her and they start to uncover a (not so) intricate insurance fraud conspiracy. You see a company had all these (illegal?) guns. Wanting to double dip they faked a warehouse fire, collected the insurance, and then were going to turn around and sell them on the black market. Joe figures all this out with the help of his mom and even while navigating his personal relationships, growing a little as a person, and learning to live and love again, he is able to track the bad guys down. They attempt to escape to South America, but are confronted by Joe’s mom. Taking her with them (but, why?) Joe is forced to make a daring rescue, while his trigger-happy mom saves the day with the help of her gun. In the end Joe gets engaged and his mom heads home as her work there is done… you know until they start having babies and she has to come back for the sequel Stop! Or My Grandma Will Shoot. THE END.

Why?! Love. Obviously. The love of a mother for her child, the love of a bachelor for his independence, and the love of money for an anonymously eeevil business person. The funniest thing to dive into is the business person, just because they seemed to be so lazy with that part of the plot. He’s a business person who had an insurance claim on a shipment of guns and weapons. Being geniuses they decide to double dip and burn down the warehouse so they can turn around and sell the weapons on the black market. Unfortunately for them some of the people involved steal some of the guns and sell them on the street, where they are discovered and immediately traced. After that everything goes to shit. I am 100% certain this is also the plot of a Michael Dudikoff film. It just has to be. It’s so vague.

Who?! Some early(ish) roles for some actors that became well known, most notably Ving Rhames who has a very minor speaking role as “Mr. Stereo,” for real. Most important though is that I love when animals get credits. A lot of films will not actually give a credit for animals, even when they are pretty prominent parts of the action. Here though they have a credit for Pixie, who played Estelle Getty’s little Yorkie. Only credit Pixie got.

What?! There are a number of product placements in this film but I think Cocoa Puffs is the best one. He’s forced to eat it as part of a large breakfast prepared by his mother. This of course gives him an upset stomach. Why did I like this one the best? Well after discussion with Patrick he pointed out that normally Stallone writes into all his films that his character is a health nut, which allows his to provide sage dietary advice to all his coworkers and potential love interests. Since he didn’t write this film, he is eating Cocoa Puffs. Must have killed him inside.

Where?! This is a pretty good LA film as it plays into the plot a little bit. Like Stallone grew up in New Jersey with his mother and when he got old enough he escaped, moved as far away from her as he could, and become a police officer. Where is far away from New Jersey? LA of course. That’s more backstory, though, and not much in the actual film. A-.

When?! Second film in a row where it takes place in large part in a police station and yet I couldn’t for the life of me determine anything close to an exact date. I’m really pretty sure that for all these films there is a way to find this stuff out, but perhaps I would need to start getting in contact with propmasters and writers on the films. Yeah that’s what I’ll do. I’ll become a crazy person. Perfect. F.

This is probably one of the worst written films we’ve watched. It’s almost like one of those bikini car wash films or something. Everything is two-dimensional and the premise of the film has to keep on getting reset in order to get to feature length. One moment you’ll see Stallone realizing that his mom isn’t that bad and maybe she is just trying to help and the next he’s screaming “She’s going to kill me!” Just over and over and over. The interesting thing is that I thought Estelle Getty was actually kinda fun and charming as the overbearing mom. Stallone was really overreacting… she just seemed like a regular mom (with some characteristics ratcheted up slightly for laughs). Apparently this was one of Ebert’s critiques even as he noted that they seemed scared to make her an actual nightmare, but instead landed on a fairly likable character. The biggest problem I had with the film was Stallone’s love interest who is supposed to be his boss but is written like a two-dimensional, marriage-obsessed, needy stereotype. It’s insulting. She’s a lieutenant in the LAPD! You couldn’t make her even a slightly strong character? Instead she spends the movie wringing her hands over whether this dope is going to stop being a dope and love her? Terrible. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Stallone looked over at Schwarzenegger’s Kindergarten Cop and was “I’ll have what he’s having, but way worse and nobody will like it.” Well, Hollywood can dish that out in spades. Let’s go!

P’s View on the Preview – I needed something, anything, that suggested this was something other that a cynically made one-note comedy. ANYTHING. Because if it was what the trailer suggested, then there was never any hope for this. And without hope … what is BMT really? Where would we really be if we just walked directly into a film that offered no laughs and no entertainment. WHERE?!

The Good – The movie is yet another film that you can kind of call quaint. The further you get from the cash-grab cynicism it was obviously made with, the more it just kind of seems like a weird cop-based sitcom from the 60s. This hard-boiled LAPD detective has a new roommate … his mother! And boy are they an odd couple! I liked Getty, who played the mother. Stallone was mildly amusing. I can at least see why people are giving it better reviews as time goes on, it was far far less aggravating than I expected. I think that is a testament to Estelle Getty, she’s such a cute little old lady!

The Bad – The film is trash and should never have been made. “Hard pass” should have been the only two words the screenwriter heard from the instant the mere concept was put forward. It is sad it was made. It was also not funny (despite claiming to be a comedy). And the B-story was a complete nothing. Some jabroni wanted to commit some light fraud by burning down a warehouse full a guns, yada yada yada, he killed like a dozen people and tries to flee to Mexico. Like … okay? And the love life storyline is tacked on … and no one looks very good after that one. The detectives are harassing their female superior officer, and Stallone’s boss/girlfriend’s actions towards her subordinate in Stallone is wildly inappropriate. Of all of the cop-plus-something movies, I would guess this is the worst one … but that isn’t a surprise when your formula is cop-plus-his-mother. Wait … I forgot about the cop-plus-a-literal-dinosaur film we saw a few years ago …

The BMT – Somehow cop-plus-something films are a sub-genre. A ridiculously specific sub-genre, but a bad movie sub-genre nonetheless. And I think it is just ridiculous enough to either be brought up again on its own as just a dumb 90s comedy, or as a combo with Theodore Rex, the aforementioned cop-plus-a-literal-dinosaur film. It really is a great sub-genre, and we should find a time to fit in one of the many cop-plus-a-dog films that obviously qualify for BMT.

Roast-radamus – I think this qualifies for a Setting as a Character (Where?) for LA, it plays a huge part. There is kind of a new category here for Evil Laurel & Hardy (Who?) for the skinny and fat guy comedic combo bad guys who are always joshing each other and sneezing and stuff … legit, weirdly an amazing thing in film now that I think about it. That is probably it though, unfortunately they decided against having the mother ultimately be the bad guy in what would have certainly been the worst twist ever. Sigh, what could have been.

StreetCreditReport.com – Weirdly most of the 1992 lists for some reason ignored this. Luckily Roger Ebert was all over this as the time. “`Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot’ is one of those movies so dimwitted, so utterly lacking in even the smallest morsel of redeeming value, that you stare at the screen in stunned disbelief.” … so I take it you didn’t like it Roger?

You Just Got Schooled – On the DVD for the film there is a short 5 minute documentary (advertisement really, although I’m not sure where it would be shown … these days it would be one of the earlier commercials that play in a theater before the trailers) operating as a making of clip. It was interesting. Nothing much more than what the trailer gives you, except you can see Sly just razzing Getty the entire time. It is pretty impressive. He’s telling off color jokes (like how they just unfroze her because he needed some ice cubes for a drink … get it, she’s old) and Getty clearly is just loving it. There are like 30 parts where he’ll say something a little inappropriate and then she’ll laugh and give him a little punch. You can really see the charisma of Sly at the time, and also a bit of how smart he probably actually is, he was really coming at her quick with one-liners. I wish there were more of these things for the bad movies we watch, it makes me appreciate even more the genuine dynamic Getty and Sly had in the film.

And that’s it. Cheerios,

The Sklogs