Show Dogs Preview

Awakened by the stench of Frang, Jamie and Patrick are stunned to find themselves on a submarine. Suddenly a man busts into the room flipping a coin in the air, “Captain Luckman’s my name and welcome to my understaffed boat. The stench from this corpse knocked out my crew, laddies, and now we’ll never navigate the Straits of Sklogvania to rescue the President of the goddamn United States. Unless…” he says as he flips the coin again, “I knew it! Heads again. I guess you boys are my new crew. Get moving.” As Jamie and Patrick are hurried to the bridge they look at each other in wonderment. Was the world in fact torn asunder through their adventures across dimensions? Over the next several months they run and maintain the submarine under the tutelage of Captain Luckman. They come to consider the submarine their home and forget the lives they left behind. When it finally comes time to navigate the Straits of Sklogvania they do it deftly without hesitation. Captain Luckman looks at them with the pride of a father for his sons and decides to gift them his lucky coin. With tears in his eyes, he prepares to pay them a fond farewell, for after 25 years on the job he’s ready to retire. As he shakes their hands for that final time he looks them hard in the eyes and says, “Wake up.”

Jamie and Patrick awaken once again. The world is whole. It feels the same as before, but they somehow feel different… they just can’t figure out how. The Ivory Socket and the Obsidian Dongle are nowhere to be found, but they know they are safe. “Was it real? Or was it a dream,” asks Patrick. “We may never know,” responds Jamie. Suddenly when he reaches into his pocket he feels the lucky coin. “The coin…” he says. “And Frang,” gasps Patrick pointing to the very large shark corpse sitting in their living room. They collapse on the couch. “So what do you want to do now?” Jamie asks. Patrick smiles and puts on a pair of sunglasses. “I think we’ve earned ourselves some R&R. You thinking what I’m thinking?” Jamie and Patrick nod at each other. “Dog show!” They shout simultaneously. That’s right! We’re watching the worst talking dog movie in years (and that’s saying something). It’s got everything! A talking dog, … and I’m not sure what else. This is this generation’s K-9 starring Jim Belushi! Let’s get into it!

Show Dogs (2018) – BMeTric: 41.4

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(Firstly, to open below 6.0 is already nuts. The early votes are always skewed super high because … well, probably because of people getting paid to trump up word of mouth. But then to be below 4.0! I’m actually shocked the BMeTric is so low. It has less than 3000 votes on IMDb so far! That is crazy.)

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars –  “Show Dogs” is essentially “Miss Congeniality” in the dog show world, and if that doesn’t sound like your cup of kibble, well … you’d be right. Even by the low standards of this type of live-action, family friendly comedy, “Show Dogs” is especially lame. It’s actually kind of amazing that it’s getting a theatrical release at all.

(Holy shit that review. I’m a bit shocked it didn’t get the whole thumbs down once you read it. I’m actually not entirely sure where the 0.5 comes from. There isn’t anything in the review (at all) which suggests this is anything but a complete and utter travesty. How very very very odd.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7H0fCTBdFQ

(Loving this is set explicitly in Las Vegas. That is great. There are so many bad films in Las Vegas. And wow … the review was right! This is literally just Miss Congeniality with dogs. And Miss Congeniality 2 was set in Las Vegas as well. Amazing.)

Directors – Raja Gosnell – (Known For: Never Been Kissed; Beverly Hills Chihuahua; Future BMT: Home Alone 3; Scooby-Doo; Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed; The Smurfs; The Smurfs 2; Yours, Mine & Ours; BMT: Big Momma’s House; Show Dogs; Notes: Was an editor for over twenty years on major pictures, then transitioned to director in 1997 and has only done children’s films since. This film was a mini-comeback of sorts, having not directed a film for five years prior.)

Writers – Max Botkin (written by) – (Known For: What Happened to Monday; BMT: Show Dogs; Notes: Started writing in television for the animated X-men and Wolverine show in the late 2000s. He’s sold a few scripts, but has nothing officially upcoming.)

Marc Hyman (written by) – (Known For: Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted; Osmosis Jones; Future BMT: The Perfect Score; Meet the Fockers; BMT: Show Dogs; Notes: Started his writing career with All That (!). He has a writing credit for the Da Brat episode which I vividly remember for some reason. Has been a script doctor for the most part.)

Actors – Will Arnett – (Known For: Teen Titans Go! To the Movies; Despicable Me; Ratatouille; Men in Black 3; The Lego Batman Movie; The Lego Movie; Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping; Blades of Glory; Grindhouse; Monsters vs. Aliens; Hot Rod; The Rocker; Ice Age 2: The Meltdown; Horton Hears a Who!; Wristcutters: A Love Story; Arrietty; Brief Interviews with Hideous Men; Spring Breakdown; The Great New Wonderful; Series 7: The Contenders; Future BMT: The Comebacks; G-Force; R.V.: Runaway Vacation; Monster-in-Law; The Brothers Solomon; Semi-Pro; The Nut Job; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows; The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature; Let’s Go to Prison; Southie; BMT: Jonah Hex; When in Rome; Show Dogs; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Notes: Most famous for the character of Gob on Arrested Development, he’s blown up since then. Was married to Amy Poehler for over ten years.)

Ludacris – (Known For: Fast & Furious 8; Fast & Furious 7; Crash; RocknRolla; No Strings Attached; Furious 6; Fast & Furious 5; Hustle & Flow; Future BMT: The Wash; Fred Claus; BMT: Max Payne; New Year’s Eve; Show Dogs; Gamer; 2 Fast 2 Furious; Notes: Rapper turned actor probably most notably in the Fast and the Furious franchise. Was dropped by Pepsi after a protest instigated by noted sexual harasser Bill O’Reilly. Pepsi sucks anyways.)

Natasha Lyonne – (Known For: American Pie; American Reunion; American Pie 2; Sleeping with Other People; A Futile and Stupid Gesture; Robots; Detroit Rock City; The Intervention; Hello, My Name Is Doris; Kate & Leopold; Slums of Beverly Hills; Heartburn; Everyone Says I Love You; G.B.F.; #Horror; Antibirth; The Grey Zone; 4:44 Last Day on Earth; He’s Way More Famous Than You; Zig Zag; Future BMT: Yoga Hosers; Scary Movie 2; Dennis the Menace; Krippendorf’s Tribe; Blade: Trinity; Girl Most Likely; Girlfriend’s Day; Jack Goes Home; Addicted to Fresno; Freeway II: Confessions of a Trickbaby; Party Monster; But I’m a Cheerleader; Flirting with Love; BMT: Show Dogs; Notes: She’s been acting forever basically, dropping out of Tisch at 17 and working since then. She might now be starting to become more famous for her role on Orange is the New Black.)

Budget/Gross – $5.5 million / Domestic: $17,857,020 (Worldwide: $39,106,642)

(Wow that budget. The budget is extremely reasonable and made even the extremely modest box office take a roaring success. Incredible stuff.)

#37 for the Dog genre

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(Marmaduke is the second highest Dog film by BMeTric (the 2006 Shaggy Dog is number one). I honestly think the giant gap is the period of time in which live animal wrangling became uncouth, and now we generally have the technology to avoid the more distasteful part of that business … and people love dogs.)

#34 for the Family – Talking Animal (Live action) genre

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(We’ve watched Garfield: The Movie, Marmaduke, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, and Hot to Trot this year alone! The top are naturally the Alvin movies. I stand by my analysis above, the technology has made talking animal films more practical.)

#14 on the Worst Openings – Super Saturated chart

Rotten Tomatoes – 17% (10/60): Show Dogs may entertain very young viewers, but for anyone else, it threatens the cinematic equivalent of a rolled-up newspaper on the snout.

(No, stay away from the dog puns please. It is enough to just say that people who are older than ten will find the film unfunny and boring. Reviewer Highlight: Make a stand to Hollywood and vote with your wallet: We all deserve a better live-action talking-dog movie than this. – Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle)

Poster – Sklog Dogs: Karate Dogz 4 Life (F)

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(Woof (Thank you). This is already a travesty on every count (including some super cliche bubble font, come on) but then they tilt it… why is this tilted!?!?!? Is that dog laying on a towel in Vegas? Why is any of this happening?)

Tagline(s) – Unleashed and Undercover (B+)

(Uhhh, I guess this is good. It’s hard to tell because my brain melted while trying to process that poster. I mean it’s short and kinda clever with a double meaning of unleashed and tells me a little about the film. It’s fine.)

Keyword(s) – dog movie; Top Ten by BMeTric: 77.7 Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008); 68.0 The Shaggy Dog (2006); 67.1 Marmaduke (2010); 67.0 Scooby-Doo (2002); 64.7 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010); 64.0 102 Dalmatians (2000); 63.6 Beethoven’s 2nd (1993); 63.3 Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004); 61.8 Cats & Dogs (2001); 60.9 Underdog (2007);

(Yeah see above, we haven’t seem many of them. We were going to do the Cats & Dogs sequel but it turned out Cheech Marin wasn’t in Cannonball Run. And we’ve always meant to do the Scooby Doo series, but we’ve never gotten around to it. Our previous ban of kids movies covers most of the rest.)

Notes – Filmed at Pinewood Studios in Cardiff, Wales. (In Wales! I’ve been watching an inordinate amount of Only Connect recently which is filmed in Cardiff as well).

One of the two credited screenwriters, Max Bodkin, claims that the film was heavily rewritten by the other credited writer Marc Hyman and 12 uncredited writers. (Just a little peek into just how many people seem to write Hollywood films)

American Humane monitored the animal action. No animals were harmed® .(AHD 07402) (Noice)

During the first scene at the dog show the chihuahua Chloe and her mate Papi from the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua get a short cameo, with Chloe (noticible by the same voice from the movie and same diamond necklace) having a quick line about talking dog movies not being mainstream anymore. (They aren’t. I actually don’t think they ever will be. I think there will be more of them, but the truly dire kids ones will just go straight to VOD).

C’mon now, we can’t forget the most important note of all! Show Dogs was accused of making light of sexual abuse and was re-edited while in theaters to remove the scene. This is why we should really just watch every bad movie in theaters the instant it comes out. Once that BMT money rolls in I plan to do just that.

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Hunter Killer Recap

Jamie

When an American submarine sinks and the Russian President is taken hostage in a military coup a new submarine captain Joe Glass is sent to take part in a daring rescue. Will he be able to quell the rebellion and prevent a nuclear war before it’s too late? Find out in… Hunter Killer.

How?! Up in the Barents Sea, American and Russian subs are mysteriously sunk. In a *wink* *wink* coincidence the Russian President is traveling to a naval base sparking a national security crisis in the US. In response, another submarine, the USS Arkansas with its totally green greasemonkey captain Joe Glass, is sent to investigate. He’s all like “thank God I got my lucky coin or else I might be in trouble,” and he flips the coin and smiles at the camera. Simultaneously the US sends in a Special Ops team to check out the naval base and generally waste our time because we don’t care about that storyline. Anyway, when the USS Arkansas gets to the sunk US submarine they find everyone dead, but they hear survivors on the Russian sub. Before they can get them though they are attacked by another Russian sub and only survive through some nifty maneuvers and some help from a lucky coin. With the foe dispatched they are able to rescue the Russian submariners and find that it includes a very prominent Russian captain. Meanwhile, it turns out that there is a coup afoot at the naval base and a totally evil Defense Minister wants to start a war. Uh oh! In order to prevent this tragedy the USS Arkansas is ordered to the naval base to try to rescue the Russian President. Good thing they have that Russian captain on board because otherwise the mission is impossible. Anyway, the Special Ops team goes in guns blazing (obviously) and get the Russian President. They run real fast like Americans and get him into the submarine. As they cruise away, though, they are found by a Russian destroyer and things are looking grim. If only they had someone on board that the Russians loved and respected. Enter the Russian captain and President who are like “please don’t blow us up,” and the destroyer is like “fine.” The Russian Defense Minister is like, “not fine” and shoots giant ballistic missiles at the submarine, but the destroyer somehow knocks them out of the sky and blows up the naval base… which is totally unbelievable until you remember that Captain Glass has that lucky coin. It can do anything. Everyone hugs at the end and each country and their people have new found respect for each other. THE END.

Why?! There isn’t really a why to a lot of the movie. At least on the American side of things. I guess duty to one’s country? The crux of the film is a vast Russian conspiracy aimed at installing the Defense Minister as a de facto dictator. They set up a Russian sub to blow up in the vicinity of an American sub (making it look like an attack) and then attack and destroy the American sub as retaliation. At the same time they sequester the Russian President and start giving order (under the guise that the President is in fact giving the orders himself from the naval base). Once war occurs the Defense Minister will take the reins.

Who?! Obviously musician Common is one of the main actors in the film and that’s great. I’d also like to congratulate President Dover on her election as President of the United States of BMT. It feels like the right time for a change of administration. Finally two people involved in the film died before its release. Michael Nyqvist (who played the Russian Captain Andropov) and a producer John Thompson both died of cancer. Sad.

What?! I was really hoping that Butler’s lucky coin would be used as some kind of Chekov’s lucky coin. Like he gets cornered and distracts someone by flipping it or it stops a bullet or something equally cliche. Alas, it wasn’t to be. It was almost a red herring in how much they built up the lucky coin but he just kind of flips it a few times and it doesn’t even do anything magical. Come on, I want you to use it to plug a hole in the submarine or something.

Where?! A mix of Washington D.C. and Russia (or at least the waters around Russia). Very clear and nicely spelled out with some intertitles. I also want to point out that there was a brief Seal Team training scene in Tajikistan. I would have assumed this would be the only chance for us to get that location but apparently the film Spies Like Us is even more prominently set there. B+.

When?! Always hard in theaters to catch an exact date like this. It might be there (could have even been obviously displayed in the intertitles), but I didn’t catch it and I’ll have to figure it out when I buy the movie on DVD and watch it until the disc wears out. F.

This is a movie for dumb people but sometimes people want to be dumb even if you aren’t dumb, but in fact are big-brain smart people… you know? It has everything I want out of a submarine film: leaks, crush depth, fish in the water, wrenches, people getting crushed by torpedoes, depth charges (in modern day!), long speeches by a submarine captain, a submarine sitting on the ocean floor, a lucky coin, a military coup, things on fire, and a mini sub (babbyyyyyyyy). It is very much like me from the future wrote this fim… wait, did I come from the future and write this film? Anyway, I thought this movie was stupid silly fun that fit perfectly in that 35% RT range (but probably should have been higher?). I unabashedly enjoyed my experience. Oh and it seem like a ripoff of a little known Gary Busey film called Steel Sharks which is weird. And I’m being serious. This film is very similar to that film somehow. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone. I hunt and I kill bad movies for fun and for reals. I need a hunter killer up in here, let’s get into this BMT Live!!

The Good – The sub action is actually quite good, and comprises enough of the film to make me wonder “wait … did I just like this film” as I left the theater.. I don’t have the vast experiences with sub movies like Jamie, but I found myself extremely entertained in the back half of the film. I agree with most reviews that say this harkens back to some of the late-80s / early-90s idea of what an action film should be. Very self-contained and successful in its limited scope. I liked a good number of the actors involved, even if Gary Oldman did just yell incoherently 95% of the time. I was 100% sure he was going to be a twist bad guy, then he wasn’t, which was a pleasant surprise.

P’s View on the Preview – I had to scramble to get the preview settled, but I became interested partly in the director, who is kind of a strange choice in that he doesn’t seem to have made a big budget US film before. Besides that I’m all about the sub action. The less time I’m on the sub doing sub things the less happy I am.

The Bad – The entire extraction team subplot was pointless. They could have, effectively, done the same thing with a Hollywood satellite handwave and a team from Butler’s sub. Everything was coming up Gerard to a ridiculous degree. He basically flipped 20 coins and they all came up heads, and when people looked at him and were like “how did you know?” he just did a little Michael Jordan shoulder shrug and was like “I didn’t” (but you kind of know he did). You never felt much weight to his decisions because he always made the correct one and it worked out for him flawlessly. To that end basically no one died on the sub which meant there was no drama. And the politics of the film felt off, like originally it was very anti-Russia, but they cut it to go the opposite way to make it semi-pro-Russia realizing the original cut would feel too overtly political.

You Just Got Schooled – I couldn’t find a funny review of the film to watch or anything. But I did find this funny video of Gerard Butler explaining Scottish slang. Seems like a nice guy. But … does anyone else think he has a little bit of a Blake Bortles moonface going? He probably just lays off the beer for a month prior to any role he takes where he needs to actually look … not like Blake Bortles. Actually, have they ever considered having Gerard Butler play Blake Bortles in a biopic?

The BMT – Every Gerard Butler bad movie is a jewel to be treasured in BMT. I have no animosity towards the man, it is just that his action films are often just trite shadows of other action films. And thus they are very often excellent to watch for BMT. The BMeTric is going to go up, that is inevitable, so it’ll be a fine addition, despite the Rotten Tomatoes score being a little higher than we expected.

Welcome to Earf – Michael Nyqvist is both in Hunter Killer and Abduction starring Taylor Lautner, who was in The Ridiculous Six starring Adam Sandler, who was in Jack and Jill with Al Pacino, who was in 88 Minutes with Leelee Sobieski, who was in Here on Earth. Welcome to Earf!! For the record, Butler is also pretty easy as he was in London Has Fallen with Morgan Freeman who has been part of a cycle before.

StreetCreditReport.com – Amazingly there are a few lists that already include this film. Here and here. Otherwise this probably is most famous for being delayed quite a few times. And then again for being the yearly Gerard Butler film that comes out in October and is not very good.

BMT Live Theater Review – I do love my Vue now. I ventured off to the Westfield Vue in Shepherd’s Bush for this viewing and much to my chagrin it cost me 13 pounds. Bah, where is my 5 pound showing Vue?! Anyways, I managed to catch, I think, the third to last showing in London for the film, but there were more people there than I expect. The tension was palpable, with some of the crowd even gasping in shock at some of the more tense moments. Imagine if I actually watched one of these films with like … people in the theater. What a shock that would be. B experience, docked for me not managing to get my 5 pound Monday on, and for lack of a crowd dampening the mood.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Hunter Killer Quiz

Quizzes for BMT Lives are always tough. It is a challenge to try and recall what happened in a film you really only get to see once on the big screen. But let’s give it a show. Man the torpedoes boy, it’s time for a quiz!

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) When we meet our dashing new captain, what is he doing? And why does that make you love him so goddamned much?!

2) What makes Gerard Bulter’s character unique as a submarine captain? Hint, it has something to do with the coin he carries around with him. Partial credit if you can just indicate what the coin is.

3) What is the bad guy’s plans in the end, what are they after?

4) How many people were on the team operating surveillance, and how many died and how? In the most pointless garbage story of them all … I mean really, if you aren’t on a sub I don’t care about you.

5) Why can’t Gerard Butler just shoot up the defense minister at the end? Why the weird stuff about just having to wait until they get blasted apart?

Answers

Hunter Killer Preview

Jamie and the crew of the USS Rentacar arrive at the train station where they hope to catch the Little Old Librarian. “Which train is the one the terrorists take in the script?” Jamie asks Odin. “The 69:69 to Paris,” he replies. “Nice,” laughs the Predator in his Predator language and slams a spicy frito can of lime-a-rita mountain dew. “Come on that doesn’t even make…” Just then the 69:69 to Paris arrives and the world around Jamie seems to shift… something is seriously wrong. When it snaps back into place the space cops, Jamie, Vikling and his tribe, the entire student body of the Dracula School, The Predator, Captain Chip, a bunch of sexy hologram wolves, and the corpse of Frang pile onto the train. A bone-chilling laugh greets their arrival. “At every step you have shown how stupid you really are,” cackles the Little Old Librarian. “You’re the final piece of the puzzle. Now I will use your twin powers to use the Ivory Socket and control the world. Without Patrick you have no power to stop me, only power that I can exploit.” Jamie falls to his knees in despair. Could it be. Could his twin powers be useless to save the world after all? Suddenly he hears a small voice in his head, “You must still succeed.” He almost… recognizes the voice. Could it be? Without thinking he rushes at the Little Old Librarian knowing that he’ll be too late. He will be destroyed by his own twin powers. Suddenly she gets a distracted look in her eye and asks, “why are those wolves so sexy?” This slight delay gives Jamie just enough time to grab at the Ivory Socket. “Best twins ever,” he whispers as his hand grasps the socket. And then the universe was torn apart.

Patrick, Sticks, and Stones are in the z-movie multiverse version of Hawaii where all the ladies have big bazongas and they make the men go “whoa!”. Stones turns to Patrick. ‘Gosh dern it, use the Dongle! Use your powers! It’s the only way to make us real.” I turn to them tears streaming from my eyes feeling exploited and used. But before I can say a word one of the ladies with big bazongas lands a little aircraft nearby. “Thank God you’re here Sticks and Stones, there are terrorists and snakes and frisbees, oh my!” Their eyes turn pitch black and doll-like and they pull out their bazookas, “Anything I can do to help ma’am,” Stones says tipping his cowboy hat. As the two characters wreak havoc on z-Hawaii Patrick knows he can’t let these two madmen into the real world. Patrick sheds a single tear, for the trust broken, for the friendship lost, for the two people he saw so much of Rich and Poe in, the characters he now knows must be somewhere in a bad-movie multiverse. He zaps away, back among the blowing papers of z-LAPD precinct. How to use the Dongle though? All of a sudden Sticks and Stones appear in front of him, soaked in blood. “B-b-b-b-b-b-but how?!” Patrick cries. “We have a secret,” growled Sticks, “… we’re twins too”. No! What a twist! Patrick zaps to a terrible looking Mount Rushmore set, but Sticks and Stones follow. “Look into your heart gosh dern it, you know it to be true!” cries Stones. Patrick zaps across the world, across the z-movie multiverse, with Sticks and Stones taking chase. They end up back upon the Birdemic beach, winds whipping, all three combatants braced in a battle of Twin Powers. They are too powerful, Patrick knows it, without Jamie to aid in this ultimate twin fight he is going to be torn apart. He grasps the Obsidian Dongle and raises it into the air. “Best twins ever,” he whispers. And then the universe was torn apart.

They blink their eyes and look at each other. Sticks and Stones are gone. The entire crew of the USS Rentacar is gone. For some reason the corpse of Frang is still there filling the submarine they’ve found themselves with the overwhelming stench of decay. That’s right! We’re doing the final BMT Live of the year to watch the submarine instant classic Hunter Killer starring Gerard Butler. With Geostorm last year and Hunter Killer this year it seems like this is becoming an annual tradition that I’ll grow to love. Let’s go!

Hunter Killer (2018) – BMeTric: 3.8

(Pointless to actually show the graphs which will not show much as it literally just came out. We’ll see where it ends up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is just another Geostorm, which is just a shade above 50 BMeTric with a low 5 rating and 70K votes.)

RogerEbert.com – 2 stars –  Butler’s performance—or lack thereof—keeps “Hunter Killer” from breaking any ground in the field of war movies. It’s also an odd time to release a movie that embraces collaborating with the Russians and painting bad and good guys with such broad strokes.

(Usually I would scoff at the political narrative being painted at the end there, but in this case it is pretty interesting. They filmed this ages ago (given Michael Nyqvist died in June 2017 at least over a year ago), so they likely realized oh so late that they had managed to produce an accidentally tone deaf film. Probably part of the reason the release has been moved around so much. Its release could literally be: bury this right when people have kind of forgotten the Russia stuff and are instead interested in the election. Although perhaps that is going a bit far, the release date has been known for six months. Still interesting.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnP_z3qXDCQ

(I have a feeling he doesn’t actually say “submerge the ship” in the movie. If he does that is a huge oversight. The character Butler plays literally has lived on submarines for his entire career. And I don’t think there is a reason to refer to a submarine as a ship instead of a boat. Main complaint: the trailer makes me think the film isn’t set entirely on a submarine, there are like … shootouts with marins and stuff, which doesn’t make me super happy.)

Directors – Donovan Marsh – (Known For: Spud; BMT: Hunter Killer; Notes: Looking at Spud I think it is safe to say Donovan Marsh is South African, and has garnered awards recognition there. I think this is his first non-South African production.)

Writers – Arne Schmidt (screenplay by) (as Arne L. Schmidt) – (Future BMT: Chain Reaction; BMT: Hunter Killer; Notes: Primarily a producer. He used to be a second unit director in the 70s, then produced action films like RoboCop, and this is only his second writing credit, and first non-story credit.)

Jamie Moss (screenplay by) – (Known For: Ghost in the Shell; Future BMT: Street Kings; BMT: Hunter Killer; Notes: Somewhat enigmatic career. Seems like a production house screenwriter, punching up Ellroy’s Street Kings before doing a bunch of uncredited work. He is writing Safe House 2.)

George Wallace and Don Keith (based on the novel “Firing Point” written by) – (BMT: Hunter Killer; Notes: Wallace was a 22 year veteran of nuclear submarines working on the USS John Adams and USS Woodrow Wilson. Keith is a co-writer for historical books, a journalist by trade he has co-written over 23 books in his career.)

Actors – Gerard Butler – (Known For: Den of Thieves; 300; How to Train Your Dragon; Olympus Has Fallen; How to Train Your Dragon 2; RocknRolla; Reign of Fire; Tomorrow Never Dies; Coriolanus; Nim’s Island; Beowulf & Grendel; Mrs Brown; Dear Frankie; Harrison’s Flowers; The Cherry Orchard; Future BMT: Dracula 2001; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; Tale of the Mummy; The Ugly Truth; A Family Man; The Game of Their Lives; Machine Gun Preacher; BMT: Movie 43; Geostorm; Gods of Egypt; The Bounty Hunter; Timeline; Gamer; Playing for Keeps; London Has Fallen; Hunter Killer; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 2011 for The Bounty Hunter; and in 2017 for Gods of Egypt, and London Has Fallen; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple/Worst Screen Ensemble for The Bounty Hunter in 2011; Notes: Scottish. I would describe his career as almost shameless. He’s been in every manner of action film and solidified his stature as a leading man for any kind of film. Bankable and reliable, I enjoy my yearly terrible Butler film.)

Gary Oldman – (Known For: The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2; Dracula; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire; Leon; Darkest Hour; The Hitman’s Bodyguard; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; Batman Begins; Le cinquième élément; Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; True Romance; Lawless; The Book of Eli; RoboCop; Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; JFK; Air Force One; Future BMT: The Unborn; Lost in Space; Paranoia; Tau; Planet 51; Man Down; Criminal; Criminal Law; Quest for Camelot; Child 44; Hannibal; Romeo Is Bleeding; BMT: Red Riding Hood; The Scarlet Letter; Tiptoes; The Space Between Us; Hunter Killer; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for The Scarlet Letter in 1996; Notes: It is shocking to me how many bad films Oldman has been in. He goes from major series (Batman, Harry Potter), to weirdo indie film (Tiptoes), to bad kids Sci-Fi (Lost in Space) to everything in between. Impressive (if kind of shockingly bad in parts) resume.)

Common – (Known For: The Hate U Give; Smallfoot; John Wick: Chapter 2; Now You See Me; American Gangster; Girls Trip; Wanted; All About Nina; The Tale; Barbershop: A Fresh Cut; Selma; Rex; Date Night; Run All Night; Happy Feet Two; Just Wright; X/Y; Love Beats Rhymes; Future BMT: Suicide Squad; Every Secret Thing; Terminator Salvation; Entourage; The Odd Life of Timothy Green; Smokin’ Aces; Street Kings; LUV; Being Charlie; BMT: Movie 43; New Year’s Eve; Hunter Killer; Notes: Was a rapper in the mid-to-late 90s debuting as Common Sense in 1994. From Chicago, he then go into acting in the early 2000s and would guess, like Mos Def, ended up being more well known for than in the end.)

Budget/Gross – $40 million / N/A

(Almost inevitably a gigantic bomb. Only made $6 million opening weekend, so $15 million would be generous for domestic take. And worldwide it was only in theaters for a hot second, so likely very little from there as well.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 36% (29/80): Much like the submarine in its story, Hunter Killer cruises the murky action depths, following a perfunctory course into territory that’s been charted many times before.

(We were watching this keenly to see if it would qualify. I’m rather delighted that it looks like it will in the end. Getting a good-bad film at the end of October makes for a much more relaxing winter cycle. Reviewer Highlight: All the actors are sunk by playing caricatures prone to spitting out leaden, often unintentionally humorous dialogue. – Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times)

Poster – Hunter Killer for the Red October (A-)

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(Just fantastic. Yes it is clearly trying to connect this film to the classic Red October, but I don’t care. I do care that they used a terribly unoriginal font. That docks it a little.)

Tagline(s) – Start a Battle to Stop a War (A)

(I think I like this too. Gives some idea of the plot. It’s short and sweet and gives some clever juxtaposition. I could have gone for a little pun. But this is pretty solid.)

Keyword(s) – gunfight; Top Ten by BMeTric: 94.7 Catwoman (2004); 94.7 Battlefield Earth (2000); 88.8 Street Fighter (1994); 86.1 The Avengers (1998); 83.8 RoboCop 3 (1993); 82.5 Highlander II: The Quickening (1991); 81.7 Ultraviolet (2006); 81.2 Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992); 80.7 xXx²: The Next Level (2005); 79.4 Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009);

(Gunfight eh. We’ll finish this off haaaaaaard. I would guess that Stop of My Mom Will Shoot will be on the table for a Stallone Day at the very least.)

Notes – One of Michael Nyqvist last films before his death in 2017. (You might know him as the main character in the original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo movie)

Leading actor, Gerard Butler, sailed aboard the USS Houston (SSN 713) from May 6th to May 9th with director Donovan Marsh for research purposes. They discovered some nuances of a real operating submarine and submarine crew in an attempt to make the movie/script more realistic. (Good, I want that shit to be real for reals)

On June 16, 2015 the Alaska Dispatch News (ADN) reported that after Alaska Governor Bill Walker signed legislation essentially ending the state’s film subsidy program the producers of Hunter-Killer canceled all previously planned efforts to film exteriors for the project in Alaska. (Boom, take that Alaska!)

While aboard the Houston, Butler slept in the XO’s quarters. The director, Donovan Marsh, slept in the enlisted crew’s quarters. (To get both experiences, I get it)

Tony Scott was at one point set to direct. (I.e. at one point someone said into the air “I wonder if Tony Scott would consider directing this”)

While the Russian Captain Andropov mentions his former trainees, one of the names is Alexei Vostrikov – this is Harrison Ford’s character from K-19: The Widowmaker (2002), also a submarine captain. (NO)

McG was also considered for director. (I.e. McG called them up and asked if he could direct the film please)

The Russian submarines are referred to as “Akula” in the film. This is the correct NATO reporting name for the Russian Shchuka-B class of submarine. However, there is a much larger ballistic missile submarine using the “Akula” name referred to by NATO as “Typhoon”. A fictitious “Typhoon VII” was the eponymous ship in “The Hunt for Red October”. Oddly enough the Deep Submergence Rescue Vehicle (DSRV) used in both movies was called the Mystic and was actually out of service as of October 1st, 2008 making this either a goof on the part of the movie or dramatically changing the timeline out of the present day. (Alternative timelines bro. In this timeline Butler personally oversaw the rehaul of the Mystic DSRV thus making it available for use in the present day.)

The 15:17 to Paris Recap

Jamie

Lifelong friends Spencer, Alek, and Anthony have spent their lives trying to find where they fit and best follow their sense of right. When they end up on a train targeted by a terrorist they will have to find their courage within. Can they stop the tragedy before it’s too late? Find out in… real life when this happened… but also The 15:17 to Paris.

How?! This is gonna be a hard one to write about because on the one hand it details a truly courageous act of bravery by a few young men and on the other hand it’s a film experiment that is at times the worst thing I’ve ever seen put to screen. Perhaps on the level with the Atlas Shrugged films. Anyway, the story is very straightforward, Spencer, Alek, and Anthony meet as kids in Sacramento and become good friends. They are outsiders fascinated by the military and serving the country. Despite moving away from each other they keep in touch throughout their life. Spencer and Alek join the military and both have somewhat underwhelming experiences. While Spencer is medically rejected for special forces, ending up instead in a support branch of the Air Force, Alek enlists in the Oregon National Guard and is mired in Afghanistan. Hoping to see a little of the world on break they travel to Europe with Anthony and travel from Italy to Germany to Amsterdam and eventually grab a train to Paris (I forget which one). On the train a terrorist attempts to take control but the three friends (along with a couple other passengers) tackle and subdue the assailant. They are heroes. THE END.

Why?! Why was the film made? Oh, no. The motivations of the characters. Right. Uh… it’s just life, man. Seriously, the film does a pretty good job of feeling pretty true to life. It’s doesn’t shirk over the fact that Spencer hoped to be a search and rescue ranger in the Air Force, but didn’t medically make the cut. It shows both his frustrations along with Alek’s in feeling like the military didn’t live up to what they imagined it would be. This does a good job of framing the final scene for exactly what it was, an act of bravery that easily could have resulted in their deaths.

Who?! Obviously one of the defining features of this film is that many of the real life people involved portrayed themselves… to mixed results. There was a funny rumor that Clint Eastwood asked France if the actual terrorist could portray himself which cannot possibly be true. So you heard it here first: the internet sometimes lies.

What?! This is actually a hard category given how true to life (almost cinema-verite) style this film is. There is a small moment later in the film where the two main characters make fun of a tiny Coke can on the train which is probably less product placement than Clint Eastwood asking them what they remember from the first part of the train ride and them saying “uh, we made fun of a tiny Coke can and fell asleep.”

Where?! This is actually an interesting entry given that the film was partially chosen as an A+ setting film. In reality Paris is in the title but they never actually reach Paris (until the end when they get military honors from the French President). It is actually mostly set in Sacramento and then Italy is the main setting for their actual road trip. So I’m downgrading it. B+

When?! Ha! Also interesting since 15:17 is a weird exact time in the title. Not the traditional A+ setting for this either.  Since it’s based on a real event there is technically a brief moment in the film where you know the date and exact time at which things are happening, which is kinda amazing. It deserves it. A+

This film is more or less a mixture of a Christian and experimental film that somehow was released to theaters for reason that are… actually readily apparent. It was directed by Clint Eastwood. For the first twenty minutes I had to seriously consider whether this was the worst film I had ever seen. I had to turn it off twice and take breaks to get through it. Once we got to when the main characters were grown up it got a bit better. The acting was still pretty rough (the main guy Spencer was actually surprisingly OK) but it felt brutally honest and I appreciated that. The ending was actually pretty crazy with how close they come to death and having to recreate that must have been really hard. Anyway, it’s bad and only worth watching if you are interested in seeing a (failed) experiment in filmmaking. As for Hard Ticket to Hawaii, I can 100% see why this is a beloved Z-movie series by Andy Sidaris. It is over the top and pretty much hits every cliche of 80’s/90’s action all in one neat package. We got crazy clothes, crazy frisbee and skateboard scenes (what the kids want), crazy boobs everywhere (what the kids want), giant explosions (what the kids want), etc. etc. etc. It does seem to toe the line between inadvertently hilarious and purposefully so. That always makes it tough, but kudos to them if they did purposefully make a bad film… because it’s certainly hard to tell. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Sometimes I wonder, hey, why can’t I get a job that will allow me to mess around and pay me millions of dollars to flush $30 million dollars down the toilet. Well if you’re Clint Eastwood you can! Let’s go!

The Good – I do think there is a place for films like this. I actually felt a bit embarrassed in watching it, because it felt like I was making fun of some good hearted story and people and actors and ideals somehow. None of the multitude of problems with the film reflect on the actual values on screen. People should be able to have and appreciate art that reflects their wholesome all-American flag-waving values. The final third of the film picks up and I can kind of see why Eastwood made the film and decided to make it like this. It is an interesting story as well, although maybe more interesting as a book rather than a movie.

P’s View on the Preview – Is there any doubt at all what everyone would be curious about going into this film? Can these people act? Would this experiment Eastwood cooked up work? If not for that you would kind of just have a not very interesting idea for a drama if I’m going to be frank. Otherwise it was going to be vaguely interesting to see what parts of the lives of these three people we would see, and whether Eastwood would pull a fake-baby-in-American-Sniper on us or something.

The Bad – Whhhhhoooooooooo doggy, these people can’t act. And the stunner? The worst part of the movie is the beginning when nearly everyone was actual established (cough, television, cough) actors! The first third of the film is a travesty. The middle is a whole lotta nothing, and then the end is fine if the people could act (but they can’t). Also, if this wasn’t made by Clint Eastwood it would (1) have a budget of $1 and (2) be a straight up Christian film released to 400 theaters. The grand experiment was a failure, despite all the potential good the film might have going for it in the end.

The BMT – Yeah I think it has to be, and perhaps it’ll get us to venture into the drama sphere more. While bad dramas tend to be dull, there was a lot of meat on this bone to pick apart. And it certainly took me out of my bad movie comfort zone. Something to think about.

Welcome to Earf – Judy Greer was in The 15:17 to Paris and Marmaduke with Owen Wilson, who was in I, Spy with Eddie Murphy, who was in Norbit with Terry Crews, who was in Blended with Adam Sandler, who was in Jack and Jill with Al Pacino who was in 88 Minutes with Leelee Sobieski who was in Here on Earth. Welcome to Earth!

StreetCreditReport.com – Uh, what is the word I’m looking for? Oh yeah UP THE WAZOOOO! Here and here and here and here. People hated this film. It actually legit had to be done. How many bad dramas do we really get? I mean … considering we don’t really watch those low budget Christian films or VOD Nicholas Sparks knock-offs. Not many I tells ya!

Bring a Friend Analysis – Ah, the final friend of the cycle was Hard Ticket to Hawaii. This film is fun as hell. The stars are playboy playmates (wowza!) and they are extremely game for some silly shenanigans in Hawaii. Made by Andy Sidaris, the film is probably the closest we’ve gotten to the classic Room or Troll 2 territory. Actually it is probably really close to Troll 2. The issue I think I ultimately had was I had a hard time determining whether Sidaris was serious or not. The ending of the film certainly made me think he wasn’t (a giant terribly fake snake comes out of a toilet and they blast it with a bazooka), which is an obvious problem. You can’t make intentional bad films … but holy crap this gets close. A solid A- with an option to bump it to an A if I watch some other Sidaris films and realize that he is for reals.

You Just Got Schooled – I can’t think of something to do for 15:17 to Paris … but what about Hard Ticket to Hawaii! Maybe we can answer this question now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAVNlXUqaqI

Welp … yeah they are serious. For reals. “I’ll be a very sorry feminist” wowza! “A trained ape can make a movie” Phew! They compared their films to the Louvre! They don’t seem to be as delusional as someone like Tommy Wiseau or Claudio Fragasso, but they do seem very serious … fine I’ll give it an A!!! I’ve been convinced!

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

 

The 15:17 to Paris Quiz

In 2018 Clint Eastwood decided to conduct an experiment: make a movie based on a true story with the people (non-actors) who took part in the actual event! Time to conduct your experiment: desperately try and remember anything about this film.

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We open the movie with a teacher chastising Spencer and Kyle’s mothers about their behavior and suggesting, much to their chagrin, what diagnosis?

2) In the end Spencer makes a few friends, Alek and Anthony, at his Christian school. But alas, but ultimately move on. What happens to each of them?

3) Why can’t Spencer be a part of the Search and Rescue team?

4) Name at least two countries the men visit in Europe on their trip. Three for full points.

5) In the final fight our hero, Spencer, is almost killed twice, and should have probably died. What two things did he luck out with in thwarting the attack?

Answers

The 15:17 to Paris Preview

As the Space Cops pile into the space ship they lay it all out there. “Officer Libby, the Little Old Librarian you know and hate, used to be part of a major gang of corrupt cops. They would steal cocaine from evidence, use it to help write action movie screenplays in volume, ultimately sell the rights to a small number of them of which only one or two would actually be made, then have them taken out of their creative control and turned into something that they no longer recognized,” Jacobs sneers, spitting in disgust, “a truly devious plot by a truly devious cop. It is well known that she hoped to use the power of the Socket to play out the plot of one of those screenplays and create mass chaos to take over the world. So all we have to do is figure out which screenplay she want to see made by the ultimate film studio… life. Simple right?” He says as he pours 430 screenplays out of a burlap sack. Knowing they’ll never get through all of the screenplays in time Jamie gets an idea and they zoom back to Dracula School. With the help of the vampire students they start to make their way through the screenplays and boy howdy is it tough sledding. “Why do so many of these involve vigilante justice?” Asks one student. “This is the second sex scene I’ve read involving a dude ranch.” Says another, eyes glazing over. “Huh, this is interesting,” says Odin, “this also is mostly about vigilante justice and certainly has a dude ranch sex scene but… it also says ‘based on a true story’ at the front. Does anyone remember when a vigilante ninja cop stopped a bunch of cowboy terrorists on a train to Paris?” That’s right! We are transitioning to the final cycle of the year. As tradition dictates this is a cycle consisting of only films released in 2018. Previously this was to make sure we were up-to-date for Razzies season, but now it’s so we are up-to-date for Smaddies Baddies season. We start off with The 15:17 to Paris, which somehow hits two numbers on the Periodic Table of Smellements and is an A+ setting for both place and time (kinda). It also is a super strange experimental film that Clint Eastwood with the actual heroes of the event playing themselves… sounds like a tough watch. Let’s go!

Patrick, Sticks, and Stones sneak around to the back of the z-movie multiverse LAPD precinct. That’s weird, Patrick thinks, isn’t the whole reason they came and got him because the LAPD wanted to come and save him? Sticks and Stones have a wild look in their eyes as they jimmy the lock and start towards the evidence locker. “It’s just in here, gosh dern it, hurry up before they catch us,” Stones says. Patrick is super duper slow on the uptake and following them around like an idiot. He hopes those other ninja cops come soon, because his mind is feeling fuzzy again, and Sticks and Stones are starting to creep him out all of a sudden. When they reach the evidence locker Sticks blasts the lock with his glock, growling “I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it.” They pull out the Obsidian Dongle. Wait … what a twist! It wasn’t destroyed after all! Right then the samurai cop and his very tall partner come around the corner. “Stop right there you ne’er-do-wells! Patrick, they are insane they only want you for your twin powers, your ability to control the Dongle, and want you to bring them to the real world!” Patrick looks at them dumbly … “What?” The samurai cop comes at them with a katana ready to strike. Without thinking Patrick grabs the dongle and thinks “Take me and Sticks and Stones to … Hawaii?” And boom, his twin powers blast them to Hawaii. Well … the Z-movie multiverse version of Hawaii which was roughly the same except all the girls have big bazongas. “All these girls have big bazongas,” Patrick says. That’s right! We’re watching Hard Ticket to Hawaii, a B-movie with an A+ setting. Made by Andy Sidaris, I dare to say this is his most famous BBB (Bullets, Bombs, Babes) film, well known for its skateboarding and frisbee antics … and fine, the bodacious babes. Let’s go!

The 15:17 to Paris (2018) – BMeTric: 52.5

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(Loving that VOD bump. The rating is shockingly low. It didn’t even start high with all of the Eastwood-heads getting in there, it just started below-average and is now shockingly low. The BMeTric is astonishing all things considered. How bad can the acting actually be?!)

RogerEbert.com – 2 stars –  The movie’s greatest virtue, which might be enough to make it a critic-proof hit no matter what, is its poker faced sincerity. … A lot of U.S. moviegoers are going to feel seen by this film, and that’s a net gain for American cinema, which is supposed to be a populist art form representing the body politic as it is, not merely as the industry wishes it could be. If only someone could’ve heroically intervened to save this movie.

(Can’t say I disagree with the sentiment. There is room for gently jingoistic nonsense just like there is room for gory horror, cynical comedy, and sex-crazed teen romps. But certainly it looks like Eastwoods speed and very peculiar choice to cast three non-actors in the lead roles made this one very much non-critic-proof.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IC_lnyn2R2Q

(The army, God, the American Dream, and heroes babbbbbbbyyyyyyyyy. The voiceover is a bit odd in the middle. As a matter of fact it feels like the film is desperately trying to cover up the fact that the main actors can’t, in fact, act. Which is a solid choice.)

Directors – Clint Eastwood – (Known For: American Sniper; Mystic River; Unforgiven; Gran Torino; Million Dollar Baby; Sully: Miracle on the Hudson; The Bridges of Madison County; Changeling; The Outlaw Josey Wales; Space Cowboys; Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; Absolute Power; Invictus; J. Edgar; A Perfect World; Jersey Boys; Hereafter; Blood Work; High Plains Drifter; Letters from Iwo Jima; Future BMT: The Rookie; BMT: The 15:17 to Paris; Notes: Well known for talking to an empty chair at the Republican National Convention. I kid (although he did do that for real). His directing style might be called … rushed. Although arguably that is intentional. But clearly competent and efficient, churning out films like Woody Allen churns out scripts.)

Writers – Dorothy Blyskal (screenplay by) – (BMT: The 15:17 to Paris; Notes: She worked on Sully with Eastwood, and then ended up getting recruited to adapt the book the film is based on while working as a production assistant on Logan. I didn’t read it, but here is an interview detailing her career trajectory.)

Anthony Sadler, Alek Skarlatos, Spencer Stone, Jeffrey E. Stern (based on the book by) – (BMT: The 15:17 to Paris; Notes: These are the three heroes of the story, they wrote the book and then ultimately starred in the subsequent film in what Eastwood called an “interesting experiment”.)

Actors – Alek Skarlatos – (BMT: The 15:17 to Paris; Notes: He was in the US Army National Guard. Finished in third place on Dancing with the Stars. He is currently running for a position in local politics in Oregon according to wikipedia.)

Anthony Sadler – (BMT: The 15:17 to Paris; Notes: Not much info on wiki beyond detailing the attack. He was the civilian of the bunch, having been childhood friends with Skarlatos and Stone.)

Spencer Stone – (BMT: The 15:17 to Paris; Notes: He was in the US Air Force. Two months after the attack he was stabbed outside of a nightclub and almost died.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $36,250,957 (Worldwide: $57,050,957)

(It did … poorly. That isn’t even really fine, it was poor. Given they didn’t have to pay three leads though, where did the money go?)

#22 for the Terrorism genre

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(Swordfish is the only other film we’ve seen. This is, amazingly, the highest by BMeTric. Collateral Damage with Schwarzenegger is next up I think. By the way the note at the bottom is pretty excellent: NOTE: Movies such as Die Hard, Under Siege, Speed and The Rock are not being counted as their villains for the most part are about getting money or are disgruntled former employees. For it to be a “”Terrorist”” movie, the central action has to occur to promote a cause or for destruction’s sake.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 23% (35/149): The 15:17 to Paris pays clumsily well-intentioned tribute to an act of heroism, but by casting the real-life individuals involved, director Clint Eastwood fatally derails his own efforts.

(YAH THINK? It is an astonishing and immediately ill-advised choice. You don’t really flippantly make a movie. Although given how Eastwood directs, maybe he genuinely thinks you can. Reviewer Highlight: Performances in Eastwood films are usually uneven, but here his hands-off directing style shows no mercy … – Ignatiy Vishnevetsky, AV Club)

Poster – Bonjour, je suis American. Ça va? (A)

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(I actually enjoy this poster quite a bit. Artistic, black-and-white with red accents, and a unique font for a little spin.)

Tagline(s) – A true story. The real heroes. (D)

In the face of fear ordinary people can do the extraordinary (C+)

(The first one more or less confirms that this is likely just an experiment that Eastwood thought would be interesting to try, so it’s not particularly interesting. The second is good and hits all the marks, but is just too cliched to get a high grade. Probably 30% of all films made could have that tagline. I guess not Exit Wounds, since Steven Seagal is anything but ordinary.)

Keyword(s) – train; Top Ten by BMeTric: 93.2 Gunday (2014); 86.1 Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987); 82.5 Highlander II: The Quickening (1991); 80.7 xXx²: The Next Level (2005); 79.4 Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009); 79.0 Torque (2004); 77.7 Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008); 77.5 Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002); 72.8 Jonah Hex (2010); 72.5 Cell (I) (2016);

(Nooooo never Gunday. Never. As a matter of fact once you nix that, the other two missing films don’t qualify both being above 40% on Rotten Tomatoes. So arguably we are, in fact, done with the top train films as far as BMT is concerned. In reality it would probably be better to just filter out non-qualifying films … but whatever.)

Notes – The first person to tackle the terrorist on the train was a Frenchman. He later turned down the Légion d’honneur and asked to remain anonymous because he feared reprisals from other Islamists living in France. (Oh shit, that’s pretty cool)

Director Clint Eastwood enlisted the actual Americans who took down the terrorist to play themselves in this movie: Anthony Sadler, Alek Skarlatos, and Spencer Stone. (As we heard above, this was a terrible idea.)

Roughly eight weeks after the Thalys train attack, Spencer Stone was stabbed in the back several times by James Tran, outside a downtown Sacramento night club. Stone suffered wounds to his lungs, liver and heart, and he had to undergo emergency open heart surgery. In 2017, Tran was found guilty of attempted murder, causing great bodily injury and the use of a deadly weapon and was sentenced to nine years. Stone was quoted in the Sacramento Bee newspaper, saying, “At the end of the day, I forgive the guy. We all make stupid decisions, some dumber than others. I hope he learns from it.”

The plot tagline says “3 U.S. Airmen,” but only Spencer Stone is in the Air Force. Alek Skarlatos is Army National Guard and Anthony Sadler is a civilian.

This is the 36th feature film to be directed by Clint Eastwood. (He pumps these out)

Clint Eastwood was attached to direct The Ballad of Richard Jewell since 2014 but dropped out in 2016 to do Impossible Odds as his next directorial project after finishing Sully (2016). The project wasn’t ready yet and needed more time in development, meaning that Eastwood needed another project. He decided to sign on to helm this project as his next directorial film.

An image of Clint Eastwood’s face from Pale Rider (1985) appears on a character’s t-shirt.

Many of the professional actors in this film are better known as sitcom stars: Tony Hale and Judy Greer were both in Arrested Development, Jenna Fischer in The Office, Thomas Lennon in Reno 911!, and Jaleel White in Family Matters. (So basically this is a bunch of amateurs, and then a bunch of television actors … this sounds like it shall go swimmingly)