Writer-Director – Bad Movie Twins

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Preview

Jamie and Patrick look around the dance hall in downtown Lebanon, Kansas. People are dosadoing and promenading all the while staring in confusion at their jorts and leather vests. “Remind us again why we’re here? I thought we were gonna feel the rhythm take hold of our hearts… dance for our lives… what a feeling,” Jamie says, annoyed. Michael nods, “Yes, beep boop, The Dudikoffs want you to reconnect with the people. A beautiful artistic experimental dance is one thing. A people-pleasing, flashy dance is another. Time works differently in the catacombs. Beep boop.” Before embarking they had reassembled Michael, but not all the kinks were worked out yet. Jamie leans in close to Patrick’s ear to whisper something even Michael’s robot ears couldn’t hear. “Let’s blow this joint. Why not just go back to NYC and finish the Platonic Solids Series?” Patrick tended to agree. His neck had been itching for the feel of his cable knit sweater. Just as they turn to leave, though, an announcement rings out over the sound system. “Ladies and gentleman, start your engines because our special guest is here to show you how it’s done. ‘It’ is comedy. ‘It’ is sex appeal. ‘It’ is close-up magic. ‘He’ is three time Teen Choice Award nominee, one time People’s Choice Nominee, and current host of smash hit America is Very Good… Kevin James!” The crowd goes bananas. Kevin James emerges from a nearby restroom, grabs a microphone, and alerts all the attendees of the event that they should not go in there, implying that he destroyed the toilet. The crowd is laughing so hard that several of them faint. Jamie and Patrick turn around to find Kevin James staring directly at them from the stage mouthing the words “fuck you, Bad Movie Twins.” That’s right! Every once in a while you have to pick up a classic and this is one of those times. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls was a smash hit, both financially and in our hearts. Let’s go!

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) – BMeTric: 21.9; Notability: 41

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 21.6%; Notability: top 12.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.3%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Showgirls, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Congo, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, and 34 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Virtuosity, Showgirls, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Four Rooms, Money Train, Panther, Jefferson in Paris, Jade, Assassins, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead, Hackers, Canadian Bacon, Just Cause, Nine Months, Dangerous Minds, and 10 more; Lower RT: The Big Green, Jury Duty, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Delta of Venus, Born to Be Wild, The Walking Dead, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Canadian Bacon, Vampire in Brooklyn, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, and 18 more; Notes: A bit higher notability than I would have expected (given the somewhat limited cast). When are we watching Under Siege 2?

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – Sloppy assemblage of gags (with most of the good ones near the beginning) ostensibly about Ace’s anti-p.c. hijinks with battling African tribes while trying to locate a rare white bat. Clever opening spoof of Cliffhanger and a funny sight gag involving asparagus; otherwise, more of the same.

(Pretty much nails it. He gave the first 2 stars as well which I think is fair. Basically there the complaint was Carrey wouldn’t and couldn’t stop. That is very fair. The first is almost bursting at the seams trying to contain Carrey within a script not written for him. This one I think at least is written to accommodate his outlandish behavior.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfqPjRMsRP0/

(The trailer is pretty good because it tells you almost nothing about the story. The only issue I could have is displaying two of the more solid jokes (the asparagus gag, and the spears in the legs). Solid overall. I remember this trailer so vividly for the music.)

Directors – Steve Oedekerk – ( Future BMT: Barnyard; Kung Pow: Enter the Fist; Nothing to Lose; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: Wait … nominated for an Oscar? That’s right, he was nominated for Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius in 2002. Some might recognize him as the star of Kung Pow: Enter the First.)

Writers – Jack Bernstein – ( Known For: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: Mostly a television producing including 70 episodes of Royal Pains.)

Steve Oedekerk – ( Known For: Bruce Almighty; Cowboys & Aliens; The Nutty Professor; Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius; High Strung; Future BMT: Evan Almighty; Patch Adams; Barnyard; Kung Pow: Enter the Fist; Nothing to Lose; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: He really lived off of that Jimmy Neutron gig for a while. Over 50 episodes of the television series, and then 20 more of a spinoff.)

Actors – Jim Carrey – ( Known For: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; The Truman Show; Sonic the Hedgehog 2; The Bad Batch; Sonic the Hedgehog; The Mask; Liar Liar; Dumb and Dumber; Ace Ventura: Pet Detective; Bruce Almighty; A Series of Unfortunate Events; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Me, Myself & Irene; Horton Hears a Who!; The Cable Guy; How the Grinch Stole Christmas; Yes Man; Peggy Sue Got Married; Earth Girls Are Easy; The Dead Pool; Future BMT: Kick-Ass 2; Dumb and Dumber To; Fun with Dick and Jane; Once Bitten; The Incredible Burt Wonderstone; Pink Cadillac; BMT: Batman Forever; The Number 23; Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: I looked this up after, but he really never had a big downturn in his career as I had thought. Only somewhat recently did he take some time off before getting the Robotnik role in Sonic.)

Ian McNeice – ( Known For: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy; Valkyrie; Top Secret!; From Hell; No Escape; Valmont; Oliver Twist; Grizzly II: Revenge; A Life Less Ordinary; 84 Charing Cross Road; The Russia House; The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain; The Man Who Invented Christmas; Blackball; Personal Services; The Body; Funny Bones; The Cherry Orchard; The Fourth Angel; Whoops Apocalypse; Future BMT: The Black Dahlia; White Noise; The Beautician and the Beast; Year of the Comet; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Around the World in 80 Days; Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason; Town & Country; Notes: Oddly his three children live in Africa, but this doesn’t seem to be connected to this movie somehow.)

Simon Callow – ( Known For: Amadeus; Notting Hill; A Room with a View; Four Weddings and a Funeral; Shakespeare in Love; James and the Giant Peach; Maurice; Howards End; Postcards from the Edge; Victoria & Abdul; Mindhorn; Arn: The Knight Templar; No Man’s Land; Viceroy’s House; Late Bloomers; Thunderpants; Blue Iguana; Hampstead; Bright Young Things; The Man Who Invented Christmas; Future BMT: The Phantom of the Opera; Street Fighter; BMT: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls; Notes: Apparently he is an Orson Welles expert and biography.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $108,385,533 (Worldwide: $212,385,533)

(I mean that is huge. I think Carrey was at a weird point in his career where this was his first sequel. Because he didn’t really do another one until the Dumb and Dumber sequel many years later.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 21% (6/28): Nature Calls in this Ace Ventura sequel, and it’s answered by the law of diminishing returns.

(Many of the complaints appear to be that Carrey is meaner in this film than the first, which I also think is correct. Again, the original was written without a solid grasp of the character who was written more as a zany take on noir detectives in general. In this they were grasping around trying to decide who this character was actually supposed to be.)

NY Times Short Review: Pet detective and sacred white bat. Sloppy, cheerfully gross sequel.

Poster – Ace Ventura: When Nature Sklogs

(It’s a classic. If the Ace Ventura 2 poster was a criminal that I was describing to a sketch artist it would have been caught in ten minutes. It’s not perfect or really artistic in any way, but nice font and that outfit is absolutely outrageous. B-)

Tagline(s) – New Animals. New Adventures. Same Hair (C-)

(Was the hair what everyone remembered most vividly from the first film? I guess maybe, although I never thought of it that way. This is a nicely constructed tagline, but boy is it lame.)

Keyword(s) – wisdom

Top 10: The Dark Knight (2008), Inception (2010), Forrest Gump (1994), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Batman Begins (2005), Inglourious Basterds (2009), The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Future BMT: 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 84.0 Prom Night (2008), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 82.2 You Got Served (2004), 80.0 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.2 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.4 Poltergeist (2015), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.6 The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008), 65.5 Halloween Ends (2022), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), The Emoji Movie (2017), The Last Airbender (2010), Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), The Cat in the Hat (2003), Crossroads (2002), Norbit (2007), From Justin to Kelly (2003), The Master of Disguise (2002), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), xXx: State of the Union (2005), Sex and the City 2 (2010), Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021), Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), Fifty Shades Freed (2018), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), Little Man (2006), Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015), Taxi (2004), Freddy Got Fingered (2001), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), Zoolander 2 (2016), Kangaroo Jack (2003), Are We Done Yet? (2007), Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011), The Boy Next Door (2015), Wild Wild West (1999), Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000), Year One (2009), Are We There Yet? (2005), Big Momma’s House 2 (2006), Marmaduke (2010), The Roommate (2011), Tammy (2014), Abduction (2011), Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Independence Day: Resurgence (2016), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), New York Minute (2004), Hot Pursuit (2015), Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009), Big Momma’s House (2000), An American Haunting (2005), …

Best Options (Comedy): 88.5 Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003), 83.5 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 79.6 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000), 78.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011), 77.5 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009), 77.2 Superhero Movie (2008), 72.2 Bewitched (2005), 71.4 The Animal (2001), 69.3 College Road Trip (2008), 68.9 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004), 68.2 Yogi Bear (2010), 67.6 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.3 Fat Albert (2004), 65.0 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 63.7 The Dukes of Hazzard (2005), 62.2 Madea Goes to Jail (2009), 61.5 Scooby-Doo (2002), 60.8 Like a Boss (2020), 60.8 Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), 60.6 Meet Dave (2008), 60.4 Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (2015), 58.7 Scary Movie 2 (2001), 57.5 Maid in Manhattan (2002), 57.2 The Wedding Planner (2001), 56.9 Hanging Up (2000), 56.8 Land of the Lost (2009), 55.3 The Back-up Plan (2010), 55.0 Evan Almighty (2007), 54.5 The Smurfs 2 (2013), 54.0 The Smurfs (2011), 53.9 Annie (2014), 53.1 Aloha (2015), 52.6 Just My Luck (2006), 52.1 Loser (2000), 52.0 Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003), 51.7 View from the Top (2003), 51.5 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 51.4 Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000), 51.0 Little Fockers (2010), 50.9 Couples Retreat (2009), 50.7 Racing Stripes (2005), 50.6 Eight Crazy Nights (2002), …

(Yeah there are too many really to list. Originally we were going to do Dumb and Dumberer but then we botched it. But Ace Ventura 2 is secretly amazing so I’m not too worked up about it.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jim Carrey is No. 1 billed in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls and No. 1 billed in The Number 23, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 2 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 14. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – When driving to the consulate for the first time, Jim Carrey forgot his lines, so instead started singing the theme from the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Both actors stayed in character and the director loved it so they kept it in.

According to Simon Callow, Jim Carrey didn’t really want to make the film, which made on-set experiences awkward.

According to Jeff Daniels, Jim Carrey had explained to him the reasons why he didn’t like the sequel much. He disliked the whole “Ace is afraid of bats” angle, as he found it to be cheap, and even fought with the director about changing the script so that Ace was merely allergic to bats. Carrey was also very nervous about the film’s depiction of the native characters, and that people might take offense to them. He’s even surprised the film hasn’t been outright banned.

Jim Carrey spent a lot of time off sick, which affected the contract of actor Simon Callow. Callow’s contract had actually expired before he could finish filming his scenes. Despite this, he wasn’t paid overtime as Carrey’s illness was regarded as an “Act of God” in the contract. Which Carrey himself claims as “unfair”. Since Callow already had other commitments in London, the producers suggest he flew back regularly in first-class, as the contract had stated. It wasn’t until later that Callow found out that the producers were deducting the cost of his plane tickets from his overall salary. In his words he “finished up working almost for nothing”.

Despite Jim Carrey only doing this movie due to contractual obligation, the studio attempted to get him interested in doing another Ace Ventura movie several times throughout the years to which he declined.

Jim Carrey was paid $15 million to reprise the part of Ace Ventura, exactly half of the film’s $30 million budget. It was actually the film’s writer and Carrey’s friend Steve Oedekerk who suggested he’d negotiate with Morgan Creek Productions for this. Conveniently, Oedekerk himself became the film’s director, who then finalized this decision.

Up until Dumb and Dumber To (2014), this was the only sequel to a Jim Carrey film to actually feature Carrey, Likewise none of the actors with the exception of Carrey return from the first film.

Jim Carrey said that after doing this movie he realized he could not spend his entire life doing Ace Ventura movies. Writer/director Steve Oedekerk felt the same way, and also moved onto other projects.

The language used by the Wachootoo chief and in Ouda’s Wachootoo translation is isiXhosa, an Nguni language spoken in South Africa. IsiXhosa is the native language of Nelson Mandela and Miriam Makeba a.k.a. Mama Africa. The Xhosa people (amaXhosa) make up the second largest ethnic group in South Africa after their close relatives the Zulus (amaZulu).

Suicide Squad (2016) Preview

“We’re sorry, Mr. Dudikoff,” Patrick wails. He promises they’ll watch Citizen Kane. They won’t mention anything about possible sequels or squeakuels. They won’t drop scorching hot hot takes, or determine specific dates and times of the film. “Themes!” Patrick yells, “Themes and motifs! Just let us stay! Please!” Jamie leans against a nearby bust of Benjamin Franklin. He pops a Coors Light and the buttons on his tearaway sweatpants. His rocky mountains are blue, that’s how cool he is. Ever since he bumped into Gutes something has changed in Jamie. Rulez are Coolz, that’s for sure, but like… who’s rules? BMT rules are cool. GMT rules are cool. Gutes’ rules? Definitely cool. The rules at this school? Not cool. Drake looks back and forth at Patrick and Jamie. One begging to watch Citizen Kane every day for a year, the other now eight Coors Lights deep dressed only in a pair of jorts practicing what appeared to be capoeira. “Wonderful,” Drake says and both Patrick and Jamie stop. “You two are perfect. You remind me of myself. Well me and Charlie to be more accurate. So much the same and yet so different. Gripping onto rules with white knuckles and yet bucking against them at the same time.” He rings a bell and out from a side door walks a man… an identical man. “Hello, I’m Charlie Dudikoff, welcome to my school,” he says, “We need your help. We need the help of the only squad that can get down and dirty with the baddest of the bad and also have a really cool name. We hope that’s you. Are you ready?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other and nod. “Great,” Drake says, “Congratulations, you are now part of the Ultra-Hard Party.” Patrick and Jamie grimace a little. That’s right! We are doubling up on some DC delectables with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad. It’s tough sledding, but we’ve mustered all our strength. Let’s go!

Suicide Squad (2016) – BMeTric: 37.9; Notability: 110

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 17.6%; Notability: top 0.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 21.2%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Black, Zoolander 2, Cell, The Forest, Exposed, Yoga Hosers, Meet the Blacks, Cabin Fever, Norm of the North, Max Steel, The Darkness, Dark Crimes, God’s Not Dead 2, Blair Witch, The 5th Wave, Urge, Gods of Egypt, Get a Job, The Assignment, The Boss, and 24 more; Higher Notability: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Lower RT: Max Steel, Urge, Cabin Fever, Dark Crimes, Amateur Night, True Memoirs of an International Assassin, Wild Oats, The Darkness, Fifty Shades of Black, Norm of the North, Misconduct, Mother’s Day, Exposed, The Last Face, The Do-Over, Get a Job, I.T., God’s Not Dead 2, The Forest, Dirty Grandpa, and 32 more; Notes: My God, I forgot both these movies came out in the same year. The top two Notability films of 2016 knocked out in one go.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – At one point in the slog that is “Suicide Squad,” Will Smith’s character laments that he and his team of reluctant do-gooders must battle “the swirling ring of trash in the sky.” That’s a pretty apt description of the movie as a whole, too: It’s massive, messy and noisy. And it stinks.

(Yeeeeeeeeeeeah. That sounds right. Kind of absurd I’ve never seen these movies until now. But you know why I haven’t? Because they seem like huuuuuuuge wastes of time.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0Xb9BhfVjY/

(Wow that was a long trailer. Decent though. Not that surprising since Suicide Squad managed to have one of the best trailers ever for a bad movie. The Queen one. I can’t find it online which is too bad, it was real good.)

Directors – David Ayer – ( Known For: Fury; End of Watch; Bright; The Tax Collector; Harsh Times; Future BMT: Street Kings; BMT: Suicide Squad; Sabotage; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Suicide Squad in 2017; Notes: Was something of a street kid in L.A. growing up and then joined the Navy as a submariner.)

Writers – David Ayer – ( Known For: Fury; Training Day; S.W.A.T.; End of Watch; The Tax Collector; U-571; Harsh Times; Dark Blue; BMT: Suicide Squad; The Fast and the Furious; Sabotage; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Suicide Squad in 2017; Notes: I find it interesting that for all of the accolades of Training Day got, the screenplay really didn’t get much in terms of recognition.)

John Ostrander – (Notes: He’s uncredited as the writer of some of the comics seemingly. And while IMDb has him as a writer, TMDb insists that he merely got a “thanks” on the film. Which is why his section here is empty. A little behind the curtain details on some of the algorithmic quirks of the template.)

Actors – Will Smith – ( Known For: Independence Day; Emancipation; Men in Black; Aladdin; I, Robot; The Pursuit of Happyness; Men in Black 3; Jersey Girl; Enemy of the State; I Am Legend; Bad Boys; Bad Boys for Life; King Richard; Focus; Hancock; Bright; Hitch; Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues; Ali; Spies in Disguise; Future BMT: Shark Tale; Bad Boys II; Seven Pounds; Gemini Man; Collateral Beauty; Made in America; BMT: Suicide Squad; Men in Black II; After Earth; Wild Wild West; Winter’s Tale; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actor, and Worst Screen Combo for After Earth in 2014; Winner for Worst Screen Couple, and Worst Original Song for Wild Wild West in 2000; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay for After Earth in 2014; Notes: Remember when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock and then won a Best Actor Oscar for King Richard? He was nominated two other times as well.)

Jared Leto – ( Known For: Fight Club; Blade Runner 2049; American Psycho; Requiem for a Dream; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; House of Gucci; The Little Things; Girl, Interrupted; Dallas Buyers Club; Mr. Nobody; The Thin Red Line; Lord of War; Panic Room; Phone Booth; The Outsider; How to Make an American Quilt; Lonely Hearts; Prefontaine; Chapter 27; Highway; Future BMT: Alexander; Switchback; Black & White; BMT: Suicide Squad; Morbius; Urban Legend; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor for Morbius in 2023; Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for House of Gucci in 2022; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Suicide Squad in 2017; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for House of Gucci in 2022; Notes: Notable for being a method acting weirdo. He was/is in a band with his brother called Thirty Seconds to Mars. Won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Dallas Buyers Club.)

Margot Robbie – ( Known For: Babylon; Once Upon a Time in Hollywood; The Wolf of Wall Street; The Suicide Squad; The Big Short; Bombshell; About Time; I, Tonya; Birds of Prey; Focus; Mary Queen of Scots; Peter Rabbit; Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway; Terminal; Dreamland; Whiskey Tango Foxtrot; Goodbye Christopher Robin; Suite Française; Slaughterhouse Rulez; Z for Zachariah; Future BMT: The Legend of Tarzan; BMT: Amsterdam; Suicide Squad; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar twice for I, Tonya and Bombshell. Very excited for the upcoming Barbie film where she stars as (one of many, seemingly) Barbie.)

Budget/Gross – $175,000,000 / Domestic: $325,100,054 (Worldwide: $746,846,894)

(That is a huge film. That is plenty of money to say this was a reasonable success even prior to considering things like streaming rights and stuff.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (102/391): Suicide Squad boasts a talented cast and a little more humor than previous DCEU efforts, but they aren’t enough to save the disappointing end result from a muddled plot, thinly written characters, and choppy directing.

(Jesus, nearly 400 reviews on that guy. A little more humor sounds a little backhanded if I’m being honest. Like … just a little. Compared to the completely humorless Batman v Superman that probably points to it not being enough.)

Reviewer Highlight: For all its cast and crew’s inglorious chest-thumping, Suicide Squad is a failed, forced exercise in - of all things! you had one job! - ensemble chemistry. – K. Austin Collins, The Ringer

Poster – Ultra-Hard Party

(Definitely a trend in posters. Everything Everywhere All At Once had one that was similar. I don’t like it cause it’s breaking my rulez… my rulez that I made up and so are hard and fast. Although great font. Very solid font. And clever. B-.)

Tagline(s) – Worst. Heroes. Ever. (C+)

(I could make a snarky comment here, but I won’t because it’s not. It’s not great, but it’s eyecatching I guess and gets the point across. It actually makes a lot more sense as a Harley Quinn movie tagline and not Suicide Squad.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)

Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.4 Zapped! (1982), 45.8 Sidekicks (1992)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Man Trouble (1992), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Killer-Elite): 43.0 Young Einstein (1988), 35.1 The Fan (1996)

(Yeah so this wasn’t in the main dataset. And the options were either no fun (Young Einstein) or involved the actor we just used to get to Killer Elite (The Fan). So, Jamie went above and beyond and found some 2010s era newspaper info to deduce that Suicide Squad played on the same day at Citizen Kane at least once.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 11) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jared Leto is No. 2 billed in Suicide Squad and No. 2 billed in Urban Legend, which also stars Alicia Witt (No. 1 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 11. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Margot Robbie began training six months prior to shooting the film. Her training routine included gymnastics, boxing, weapons training, aerial silk training, and learning to hold her breath underwater for extended periods of time.

Margot Robbie revealed at San Diego Comic-Con International 2016 that although the cast members of the squad had extensive rehearsals together, she and Jared Leto did not rehearse prior to filming their scenes. She and director David Ayer felt it added to the unpredictability and madness of Harley Quinn and the Joker.

To prepare for his role as Deadshot, Will Smith shaved his head, and spent time training with Navy SEALs and Army Rangers, practicing firing a Glock 9mm handgun and an AR-15 rifle.

Tom Hardy was originally cast as Rick Flag, but dropped out to do The Revenant (2015). Hardy had previously played Bane in The Dark Knight Rises (2012), who was a former member of the Suicide Squad in the comic books. Hardy later expressed his regret at leaving the role, given that he did not want to lose the work.

Margot Robbie did the majority of her own stunts.

Margot Robbie kept the live rat that Jared Leto sent her and she even gave it a name; “Rat-Rat”, she added “If Harley got something from Joker, she’d probably cherish it”, she told E! Magazine.

It took the make-up team five hours for the prosthetic make-up to be applied to Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, with the make-up applied to his head and shoulders, while the rest was body paint.

Ryan Gosling was sought out first for the role of the Joker. He reportedly turned down the role because he did not want to sign on for a multi-picture deal that the studio was requiring.

Jared Leto got so immersed in playing the Joker that he wouldn’t break out of character on set even when he wasn’t filming. He even sent his fellow cast members “Joker-like” presents: a live rat to Margot Robbie, and bullets to Will Smith, a soiled Playboy magazine to Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, and a dead hog, anal beads, and used condoms for the whole crew. Scott Eastwood commented that Leto frightened him at times with his behavior, and Smith mentioned that he actually never met the real Leto.

Early cuts of the film included more interaction with Captain Boomerang and Harley Quinn, with Harley severely disliking him despite growing affectionate to all the other members of the squad.

The Joker’s car, the Jokermobile, is a customized based on a Infiniti G35 Vaydor [V35].

Jared Leto chose not to re-watch the performance given by Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight (2008) because he felt he needed to form his own version of the character. He did not want to copy or lift material from any previous film version. Instead, he focused more on the comic book versions of the iconic villain.

After renowned writer and director Kevin Smith received Harley Quinn’s bat he gave it to his daughter, Harley Quinn Smith.

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje did extensive research for Killer Croc, reading decades worth of material from the comics with the character. He also observed actual crocodiles and researched cannibalism.

When Harley smashes a storefront window to steal a purse, the shirts on display in the window read “SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM” which in Latin reads “If you want peace, prepare for war.”

The Ace Chemicals scene where Joker finishes Harley’s transformation was initially longer in the original cut, with Harley jumping into the chemicals and with more bits of dialogue from Joker.

The baseball bat used by Harley Quinn was given to Kevin Smith as a “thank you” for hosting Dawn of the Justice League (2016).

Awards – Winner for the Oscar for Best Achievement in Makeup and Hairstyling (Alessandro Bertolazzi, Giorgio Gregorini, Christopher Allen Nelson, 2017)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Jared Leto, 2017)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (David Ayer, 2017)

Poltergeist III Preview

Jamie and Patrick are playing with their favorite toy dinosaurs. They’re mother stops by and pats them lovingly on the head. They’re father stoops down and spends some moments joining in on the imaginary fun. Jamie strains to see his father’s face but it’s clouded by an image of Scott Bakula. Imposter! But the joy of this dino adventure is enough and they continue to play together: Patrick, Jamie, and their imposter dad Scott Bakula. There is a knock at the door and there are two men in suits there. They are talking to Scott Bakula. They are pointing at a sheet of paper that says that all their measurables are off the charts. General Knowledge: 100th percentile. Gymnastics: 100th percentile. Martial Arts: 100th percentile. Dance: 100th percentile. Philosophy: 100th percentile. The list goes on and on. They frown at the list. Dinosaurs: 100th percentile is nowhere to be found. Not a list they care about. The men tell them they are going away, going to have everything because of this list. They cry. They hit these men with their dinosaur toys and try to run away.

Jamie shakes his head at the memory and jerks his arm away from Patrick and grabs one of the toy cars. “Michael!” he calls and the groundskeeper turns. “Why are these toys here? Whose toys are these?” he asks, his voice shaking with intensity. Michael chuckles a little. “Ah, so that’s what you’re sniffing around about. You’ve heard the stories,” he says but starts a little when he realizes they don’t know what he’s talking about. “You’re saying you’ve never heard the story of how this place is haunted?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other and shakily murmur, “A gh-gh-gh-ghost?” Michael nods. “Not just one ghost,” he continues, “Two.” That’s right! We’re watching not just one ghost film, but two. And they’re some big ones. We are tackling the two very poorly received sequels Poltergeist II: The Other Side and Poltergeist III… no subtitle for three, guys? That’s a shame. How about Poltergeist III: Tower of Terror? Let’s go!

Poltergeist III (1988) – BMeTric: 64.0; Notability: 34

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 10.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.0%; Higher BMeT: Caddyshack II, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Poltergeist III; Higher Notability: Action Jackson, Sunset, High Spirits, Big Top Pee-wee, Caddyshack II, My Stepmother Is an Alien, Moving, Cocoon: The Return, The Couch Trip, License to Drive, Vibes, Cocktail, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Hot to Trot, The Seventh Sign, Mac and Me, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Bad Dreams, The Presidio, Short Circuit 2, and 6 more; Lower RT: Two Moon Junction, Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach, Johnny Be Good, Fresh Horses, Watchers, Return of the Killer Tomatoes!, Hero and the Terror, Hot to Trot, Illegally Yours, The Blue Iguana, War Party, Caddyshack II, Return of the Living Dead II, Mac and Me, Cocktail, Dead Heat, Vibes, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, Action Jackson, The Prince of Pennsylvania, and 2 more; Notes: Much lower Notability, much cheaper movie, much worse experience. It looks like maybe we probably watched the top five BMeTric of 1988. I wonder how many years we can say that about.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars – O’Rourke moves in with uncle Skerritt and aunt Allen – and is still pursued by strange evil forces. Undistinguished and occasionally plodding; eerily young O’Rourke died four months before the film’s release.

(Absurd. This movie is terrible. Just horrifically bad. I could maybe understand if it you gave a shoutout to the surprisingly good debut by Lara Flynn Boyle, but I just don’t get 2 stars here. It feels like someone didn’t watch this film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lCfugr2qJU/

(Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, Poltergeist in the city yo! Clearly a very very Chicago film … terrible trailer though. Literally shows nothing scary, just floating through the city. That’s it.)

Directors – Gary Sherman – ( Known For: Dead & Buried; Vice Squad; Death Line; Lisa; 39: A Film by Carroll McKane; Future BMT: Wanted: Dead or Alive; BMT: Poltergeist III; Notes: He used to basically make music videos prior to music videos being thing. Was a television commercial director prior to working in film and on television shows.)

Writers – Gary Sherman – ( Known For: Death Line; Lisa; Phobia; Future BMT: Wanted: Dead or Alive; BMT: Poltergeist III; Notes: Back in the 90s he wrote and directed and produced a procedural called Missing Persons. He also wrote an episode of the Poltergeist television series.)

Brian Taggert – ( Known For: The New Kids; Of Unknown Origin; Future BMT: Wanted: Dead or Alive; Visiting Hours; BMT: Poltergeist III; Notes: He had a long history of horror writing, including eventually Omen IV and Trucks, the television remake of Maximum Overdrive.)

Steve Feke – ( Known For: When a Stranger Calls; Hadley’s Rebellion; Future BMT: When a Stranger Calls; BMT: Mac and Me; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Mac and Me in 1989; Notes: Huge television writer in the 90s. Uncredited on this, probably was too busy working on Mac and Me.)

Actors – Heather O’Rourke – ( Known For: Poltergeist; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Poltergeist III; Notes: Wow, top billing. She’s incredible in the first film, some of the finest child acting (at least for someone that young) ever. Given things like E.T. I imagine a lot of that has to do with Spielberg who, for whatever reason, seems incredibly good at guiding child performers.)

Tom Skerritt – ( Known For: Top Gun; Alien; Steel Magnolias; Ted; Contact; A River Runs Through It; M*A*S*H; The Dead Zone; Harold and Maude; Poison Ivy; Singles; Up in Smoke; Ice Castles; SpaceCamp; A Hologram for the King; Big Bad Mama; Lucky; Smoke Signals; Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue; The Devil’s Rain; Future BMT: Tears of the Sun; The Rookie; The Other Sister; Fighting Back; BMT: Whiteout; Poltergeist III; Texas Rangers; Notes: Won an Emmy for Picket fences (nominated twice). He is a force to reckoned with in 90s direct-to-video and TV Movie work as well.)

Nancy Allen – ( Known For: RoboCop; Carrie; Out of Sight; Dressed to Kill; Blow Out; 1941; The Last Detail; The Philadelphia Experiment; I Wanna Hold Your Hand; Strange Invaders; Home Movies; The Buddy System; The Last Victim; Acting on Impulse; The Patriots; Not for Publication; Sweet Revenge; Kiss Toledo Goodbye; Against the Law; Circuit; BMT: RoboCop 2; RoboCop 3; Poltergeist III; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress for Dressed to Kill in 1981; Notes: Was married to Brian De Palma for a hot second. Apparently she’s also the cousin of Jim Breuer.)

Budget/Gross – $9.5 million / Domestic: $14,114,488 (Worldwide: $14,114,488)

(See, they dropped the budget, but then it didn’t end up doing nearly as well. If it could have pulled $20 I bet they would have tried to reboot the whole thing with Kane terrorizing some other family. Probably try and keep with the eeeeeevil techmology angle.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 16% (3/19)

(Fine, I’ll make my own consensus: Impressive camera trickery involving mirrors aside, the movie is a catastrophically soulless schlock.)

NY Times Short Review: The weakest yet.

Poster – Ghosty Spooktacular III: Lightning City

(This poster is bad but also I kind of want to hang it in my imaginary man cave. Fuck it, I’m giving it a B.)

Tagline(s) – No matter where Carol Anne goes… she never goes alone. (F)

(Noooooope. That is long and hurts my ears. It’s so clunky that the poster is better off not having a tagline than that tagline and that’s a crime.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Horror): 64.2 Poltergeist III (1988), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 44.3 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.3 Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), 34.6 Leviathan (1989), 32.2 The Seventh Sign (1988), 31.3 Student Bodies (1981), 28.1 Deep Rising (1998), 27.4 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.1 The Bride (1985), 25.0 Bad Dreams (1988)

(Bam, finally. We finally hit up the top spot for one of these. And we love franchises, Jamie is the self-appointed Franchise Man. So this seemed like a perfect choice.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Tom Skerritt is No. 1 billed in Poltergeist III and No. 3 billed in Whiteout, which also stars Kate Beckinsale (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 2 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 2) + (3 + 3) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Craig T. Nelson was approached to play Steve Freeling again, but he declined. “Two was enough” he says.

Following the death of Heather O’Rourke in February of 1988 after she finished her work on the film (April-June 1987), it was the decision of director Gary Sherman to temporarily shelve the project during its post-production phase. However, due to the amount of money that had already been spent, MGM insisted that the film be finished and released as scheduled for June of 1988 or they would find someone else to do it. Apparently, after the film was given a PG rating by the MPAA in November 1987, the studio had already decided to have Sherman re-shoot the ending with more graphic scenes, in order to “up” the rating to PG-13. Planning for this re-shoot began in December 1987 and continued into January 1988, but was temporarily put on hold when O’Rourke died Feb. 1. The re-shoot (which used a stand-in for Heather) eventually took place in March, and the film was then “re-edited” and given a PG-13 by the MPAA in April 1988. Director Sherman would later claim that no such “re-shoot” took place, instead insisting that Heather died before they could film the “original ending” and that the current ending using the body double was what they hastily threw together when forced to “finish” the film by MGM. However, he is contradicted by at least six other people who also worked on the film who confirmed that the original ending was in fact filmed before Heather died and that the re-shoot of the ending took place after her passing. These people include producer Barry Bernardi, actor Kipley Wentz, assistant editor Jeanne Bonansinga, composer Joe Renzetti, special effects makeup artist Doug Drexler and the man who provided the voice for the Rev. Kane, Corey Burton. His claims would ultimately be proven false by the Collector’s Edition Blu-ray release by Scream Factory, where the original film elements and the missing footage were discovered in a vault for a 4K restoration, including the original ending which Sherman denied ever existed. This Blu-ray release, as of 2020, has since gone out of print.

After filming of the scene where the cars chase Patricia and Bruce, the car’s explosion set the entire set on fire, almost taking a crew member and a few cameras he was rescuing. When Heather O’Rourke showed up for filming the next day and heard about the incident from director Gary Sherman, she was relieved that no one was hurt. She then asked Sherman, “Did you get the shot?”

Heather O’Rourke (Carol Anne) and Zelda Rubinstein (Tangina) are the only two actors to appear in all three Poltergeist films.

Heather O’Rourke’s bloated appearance in the film was the result of a misdiagnosis of her medical condition, which led to her being prescribed the wrong medication. This particular medication caused her body to swell and her face to get puffy.

Lara Flynn Boyle’s film debut.

There were originally plans for Craig T. Nelson to return for a Poltergeist 4, but the death of Heather O’Rourke, the ensuing media scandal about the Poltergeist curse that overshadowed pretty much everything else about the movie, the recurring deaths of actors involved in the film series, and the disappointing box office returns from Poltergeist III (1988) dissuaded the producers from continuing the franchise, and it ultimately ended at 3 films. The film series was ultimately rebooted with Poltergeist (2015), a remake of the original, but neither Nelson nor any of the series’ principle cast members made an appearance.

A theme running throughout this movie is that mirrors contain the spirits, meaning there are many shots where everything is reflected perfectly except for one startling aberration. This was achieved via a few different methods, such as split screen and travelling mattes, however the most commonly used method was room doubling. The ‘mirror’ isn’t there, there is instead constructed a perfect mirror image room connected to the foreground one that begins where the mirror should be, and the actors have body doubles with their backs to camera who imitate their motions. A metronome was running throughout those body double scenes in order to help the performers act in synchronicity. A simple theatrical technique, done well, that repeatedly gives an unnerving paranormal effect.

According to the film’s supervising dialogue editor, Corey Burton smoked half a pack of cigarettes before recording his lines as Henry Kane, in order to achieve the required raspy quality, and then kept smoking throughout the recording session.

In this film alone, Carol Anne’s name is spoken a total of 121 times. Much is said about the ridiculous number of times that the name “Carol Anne” is spoken in the movie.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Zelda Rubinstein, 1989)

65 Preview

“We are not helping the Gutes,” Patrick says sternly, but even as he says it his eyes stray over to the map that Jamie is studying intently. They bandy theories back and forth as they walk. “Testarossa means red head in Italian,” Jamie notes and Patrick rolls his eyes. “We need to be thinking outside the box. We need to go…” Patrick stops, looking around bewildered. While distracted by the puzzle they have inadvertently walked to the harbor/aquatic fitness center. “No!” Patrick yells angrily, “No, we are not helping. We have to watch Citizen Kane. We have to stop getting into BMT style jams.” At this point he’s storming around and has lost his shirt. It’s classic Tantrum Twins and Jamie decides to join in (although he doesn’t mind some minor BMT hijinks if it’s to help the Gutes). When they are all tuckered out they are surprised to see they are no longer alone. Chests heaving and glistening with sweat they are able to gasp a quick hello. The man nods his head, “Hello, you boys sure got yourselves worked up. The name’s Michael, I’m the groundskeeper here. Are you two lost?” Patrick nods his head, while Jamie shakes his and Michael chuckles. “Well you might not be lost, but you’re obviously confused. Give me a holler when you figure out where you’re heading. I’ve been here forever, so I know everything about this place.” He turns to go, but before Jamie can ask him about Testarossa Patrick grabs Jamie by the arm and begins to drag him back to their room. As he does he steps right on a bunch of toy cars someone left on the ground. Patrick curses but Jamie suddenly has a thought, a memory of his own favorite toys… his dinosaurs. That’s right! It’s BMT Live! Movies are back, Jack, and so we better hop on the BMT train before it leaves the station, choo choo. Last week a big ol’ dino flick called 65 starring Adam Driver made it to theaters and juuuuust qualified. Nuff said. Let’s go!

65 (2023) – BMeTric: 33.9; Notability: 21

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 0.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 13.6%; Higher BMeT: Your Place or Mine, House Party; Higher Notability: House Party, Your Place or Mine; Lower RT: Fear, House Party, The Old Way, Your Place or Mine, Maybe I Do, A Little White Lie; Notes: House Party is on the radar. Naturally, there isn’t much to say about this, except 33.9 BMeTric this early is pretty impressive.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – Beck and Woods offer some clever camerawork here and there, but also some erratic editing choices. And they borrow quite a bit from the “Jurassic Park” franchise: a giant footprint in the mud or a dinosaur’s yellow eye leering menacingly through a window. But maybe that’s inevitable at this point. Their film only gets truly enjoyably nutty toward the end, with its climactic combination of a sneaky quicksand patch, a ravenous Tyrannosaurus rex, a well-timed geyser eruption, and a catastrophic asteroid shower. But by then, it’s too late for us—and the planet.

(Not a bad point. But also I think the movie might be much worse if it was much crazier. If anything the small potatoes dinosaur version of Monsters (as an example) might have been the way to go.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6YfhX83Cj8/

(No … wait … no. Humans didn’t discover Earth. He’s not human! WHAT? The trailer is wrong! THE TRAILER IS WRONG!)

Directors – Bryan Woods and Scott Beck – ( Known For: Haunt; Nightlight; The Bride Wore Blood; University Heights; BMT: 65; Notes: If I were to guess, based on their IMDb notes, they might have met in college or during the MTV college film writing competition. Hard to tell, but they both are noted to have been involved with that in 2005.)

Writers – Bryan Woods and Scott Beck – ( Known For: A Quiet Place; A Quiet Place Part II; Haunt; Nightlight; The Bride Wore Blood; University Heights; BMT: 65; Notes: This is where they actually get their cred from though. A Quiet Place and the sequel are legit huge movies and are notably smaller budget monster films. They got their shot. Didn’t make it.)

Actors – Adam Driver – ( Known For: This Is Where I Leave You; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; White Noise; The Last Duel; Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens; House of Gucci; Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi; Marriage Story; Logan Lucky; The Dead Don’t Die; BlacKkKlansman; Silence; Lincoln; The Report; Inside Llewyn Davis; Paterson; What If; The Man Who Killed Don Quixote; Frances Ha; Annette; BMT: 65; Notes: Wow, his first true blue bad film. Too bad really. He’s an incredible actor. I would recommend Paterson. Notably was in the military prior to breaking out on the television show Girls.)

Ariana Greenblatt – ( Known For: Avengers: Infinity War; In the Heights; Love and Monsters; Awake; The Boss Baby: Family Business; Scoob!; The One and Only Ivan; Future BMT: A Bad Moms Christmas; BMT: 65; Notes: Ha, obviously besides being an up and coming young actress, she’s also the daughter of one of the Delancey brothers in Newsies.)

Chloe Coleman – ( Known For: Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves; Avatar: The Way of Water; Gunpowder Milkshake; Marry Me; My Spy; Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made; BMT: 65; Notes: He sister is apparently also an actress and was in Criminal Minds.)

Budget/Gross – $45 million / Domestic: $28,483,690 (Worldwide: $49,683,690)

(Yeah not good, although somehow this is also more money than I would have expected? I thought it legit made no money. At least the budget wasn’t giant. I heard that Driver’s salary alone was a huge part of that.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 35% (37/106): Sodden sci-fi that somehow finds a way to bungle Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs, 65 is closer to zero.

(I hate that last garbage quip for the record. But yeah, it is a bit amazing he even agreed to be in it.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s not schlocky enough to be so-bad-it’s-good and nowhere near good enough to be taken even a tiny bit seriously. – David Fear, Rolling Stone

Poster – Bad Dad Dino Dad

(I kinda like it, but it’s very early 2000’s. I also wish it popped a little bit more in the colors. Comes off a little gray. B.)

Tagline(s) – 65 million years ago prehistoric earth had a visitor. (C)

(Too on the nose and too long. So I’m going to pass on this one. But I will say I can see how something like this could work. You walk past this and it’s kind of an elevator pitch for the concept… and maybe you like the idea of a future man battling dinosaurs.)

Keyword(s) – year 2023

Top 10: Pathaan (2023), Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), Knock at the Cabin (2023), You People (2023), John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), Plane (2023), Cocaine Bear (2023), Mission Majnu (2023), Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023), Scream VI (2023)

Future BMT: 72.2 Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023), 36.8 House Party (2023), 9.9 Fear (2023)

BMT: 65 (2023)

(Oh boy, the Winnie the Pooh film is actually supposed to be awful. Like not fun awful. Like well and truly just the worst thing you’ve ever seen.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number “N/A”) – There is no current way to connect this movie to Here on Earth via BMT. If we were to watch A Bad Moms Christmas we can get the HoE Number down to 34.

Notes – The warning sound made by the ship’s computer just after the crash was first used 70 years ago as the sound effect for the Martian walkers, in the 1953 Paramount production of “War of the Worlds.”

Filming in 2021 in Kisatchie National Forest, Louisiana.

As a Marine, this is the first in Adam Driver’s film career where he utilizes his weapons training from his old career.

Prior to its eventual theatrical release in March 2023 this film had been penciled in for a release date on five separate occasions only to have them postponed by distributor Sony Pictures.

The film only had one press screening before its worldwide release, on this occasion in New York city and that was less than 24 hours before its release.

“Koa” in the Hawaiian language means “Warrior”.

This is the third science fiction film by Sony/Columbia Pictures to open with a spaceship being damaged by asteroids, following After Earth (2013) and Passengers (2016).

The film was shot in 40 days, as compared to the Jurassic World movies which have over 100 days of filming.

Jurassic World: Dominion Preview

Jamie and Patrick walk along the Canals of Amsterdam. They admire all the sites, including a few they recognize from Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo. It’s a magical time. “This is a magical time,” Says Producer Frank Brow. It would seem he has decided to play their triplet in hopes that they agree to join America is Very Good as permanent hosts. “And that’s darn tootin’. You can use that on the show,” he adds. The Brow-isms were coming fast and furious in what appeared to be his primary strategy for wooing them into the gig. “Yo, Brow, my man, we’ve always heard that Amsterdam is a place of forbidden wonder (if you know what I mean). Is that true?” Jamie asks, waggling his eyebrows. Mr. Brow gulps, and Patrick can see Brow’s brow getting moist with nervous sweat. He gulps and, with dollar signs dancing in his eyes, summons his courage. “Of course, come with me,” he wheezes. A moment later they stand in front of a red light district storefront. “Mr. Brow, well I never,” Patrick exclaims, “I’m a happily married man.” Mr. Brow apologizes, his face turning crimson. He beckons them again to follow. A moment later they stand in front of a coffee shop. “Mr. Brow, well I never,” Jamie exclaims, “Everyone knows we D.A.R.E. to not do drugs.” Mr. Brow apologizes profusely and admits that when Jamie parathentically said “if you know what I mean,” it turned out that he didn’t. Just as he’s about to explain, Jamie’s eyes light up and he points at something over Mr. Brow’s shoulder. “That’s what I mean,” he says with great excitement. Brow spins around to see a giant amusement park called “Dino Globe” with the tagline “Amsterdam: the only place where dinosaurs are legal.” That’s right! We are finishing the Jurassic World trilogy with the only entry that qualified for BMT, this year’s Jurassic World: Dominion. Spoiler alert! I heard that the T-Rex might fight another dinosaur and maybe even inadvertently save the day. They just can’t quite Sexy Rexy. Let’s go!

Jurassic World: Dominion (2022) – BMeTric: 44.3; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.8%; Notability: top 0.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.5%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter, Moonfall, Morbius, Blacklight, Pinocchio, Me Time, Spiderhead, Deep Water, The Invitation, After Ever Happy, Jurassic World: Dominion, Senior Year, Blackout, The 355; Higher Notability: Black Adam; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight, Firestarter, White Elephant, Prey for the Devil, Morbius, The Last Manhunt, Blackout, The Bubble, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, On the Line, The 355, The Invitation, Pinocchio, Memory; Notes: That notability will only go up. I assume this is ultimately going to be a 100+ Notability film all said and done, just will take a few years.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Worst of all, the series again fails to properly explore its most tantalizing question: how would our world change if dinosaurs were added to it? The opening section packs any halfway intriguing or funny thing that “Dominion” might have to say about this topic into a TV news montage—showing, for instance, a little girl being chased on a beach by baby dinos (an homage to “The Lost World”), a couple releasing doves at their wedding only to have one of them get snatched out of the air by a pterodactyl, and pteranodons nesting in the World Trade Center (possibly a reference to Larry Cohen’s “Q: The Winged Serpent,” in which an ancient Aztec god nests in the Chrysler Building). Ninety minutes of footage like this, minus any characters or plot at all, probably would’ve resulted in an artistically better use of a couple hundred million dollars than “Jurassic World: Dominion,” which will doubtless be a smash on the order of all the other entries in the franchise, even though it doesn’t do much more than the bare minimum you’d expect for one of these films, and not all that well.

(Actually higher praise than I would have imagined. The movie looks like garbage, no joke.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtQycgMD4HQ/

(I watched this trailer live as well. It is more obvious that the raptors actually look like garbage while watching the film. The scene with the raptors in the city is embarrassing.)

Directors – Colin Trevorrow – ( Known For: Jurassic World; Safety Not Guaranteed; Future BMT: The Book of Henry; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: His career is kind of balancing on a knife’s edge. He was supposed to do Star Wars 9, but then The Book of Henry was so catastrophic he got it taken away. The write up for his version sounded awful anyways. And now this. He’ll either retreat to a small Indie hit like Safety Not Guaranteed, or tee up another big film and his career will live and die by that.)

Writers – Emily Carmichael – ( Known For: Pacific Rim: Uprising; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: Ooooof, not an impressive set of films. She has otherwise exclusively written and directed shorts.)

Colin Trevorrow – ( Known For: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Jurassic World; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: Yeah he got a credit on Star Wars 9, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t really use any of this script. Oddly didn’t really start writing stuff until he was directing huge features.)

Derek Connolly – ( Known For: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Jurassic World; Kong: Skull Island; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Pokémon Detective Pikachu; Safety Not Guaranteed; Future BMT: Monster Trucks; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: Just a story credit, but he’s done an eclectic set of films since writing Safety Not Guaranteed which Trevorrow directed.)

Michael Crichton – ( Known For: Jurassic Park; Jurassic World; Twister; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; The Great Train Robbery; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; Jurassic Park III; Disclosure; Westworld; Runaway; The Andromeda Strain; Coma; The Terminal Man; Looker; The Carey Treatment; Dealing: Or the Berkeley-to-Boston Forty-Brick Lost-Bag Blues; Extreme Close-Up; Future BMT: Sphere; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; The 13th Warrior; Timeline; Congo; Rising Sun; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Twister in 1997; Notes: He wrote the original Jurassic Park book. Fun fact: he wrote Lost World after they had already decided to make the movie. There was never supposed to be a second Jurassic Park book at all.)

Actors – Chris Pratt – ( Known For: Thor: Love and Thunder; Avengers: Endgame; Guardians of the Galaxy; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Avengers: Infinity War; Her; The Magnificent Seven; Zero Dark Thirty; Jurassic World; Moneyball; The Tomorrow War; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Wanted; Jennifer’s Body; The Lego Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Onward; The Kid; 10 Years; The Five-Year Engagement; Future BMT: Passengers; What’s Your Number?; Take Me Home Tonight; Delivery Man; Jem and the Holograms; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Movie 43; Bride Wars; Notes: He’s kind of in everything now. He is very good in Parks and Recreation which is where most people probably saw him first.)

Bryce Dallas Howard – ( Known For: How the Grinch Stole Christmas; A Beautiful Mind; Jurassic World; Spider-Man 3; The Help; The Village; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Rocketman; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; 50/50; Pete’s Dragon; Gold; A Dog’s Way Home; Hereafter; Manderlay; Good Dick; Book of Love; As You Like It; The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Lady in the Water; Notes: Ron Howard’s daughter. She has notably directed a few of the recent Star Wars television show episodes.)

Laura Dern – ( Known For: Little Women; Jurassic Park; Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi; The Son; Blue Velvet; Downsizing; Marriage Story; The Master; The Fault in Our Stars; Wild at Heart; The Founder; Mask; Jurassic Park III; Cold Pursuit; Inland Empire; Wild; October Sky; Fat Man and Little Boy; A Perfect World; Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore; Future BMT: Little Fockers; I Am Sam; When the Game Stands Tall; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: She’s done a bunch of television in the recent years, including, oddly, an uncredited stint on White Lotus. She’s been in just three of the Jurassic Park movies, the first third and sixth.)

Budget/Gross – $165–185 million / Domestic: $376,009,080 (Worldwide: $1,001,136,080)

(A billion dollars. People just like dinosaurs yo.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (114/393): Jurassic World Dominion might be a bit of an improvement over its immediate predecessors in some respects, but this franchise has lumbered a long way down from its classic start.

(It is not an improvement on its predecessors. It is, frankly, the worst of the six movies so far and in my opinion it is by quite a distance. Yes, even the third one.)

Reviewer Highlight: This is not a story that begged to be told or a saga that demanded a finale. It’s another dispiriting example of how Hollywood never leaves money on the table. It’s just a shame that so much talent is wasted in the process – Leonard Maltin, leonardmaltin.com

Poster – Jurassic Sklog: Extinction

(D as in Dumb.)

Tagline(s) – The epic conclusion of the Jurassic era. (F)

(F as in For Sure Dumb.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 64.8 Halloween Ends (2022), 63.9 Firestarter (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 38.5 Memory (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

(Wait, what is the sub cycle? Oh right, films set in the future. … … Yeah, I mean, prove it didn’t? I kid in a way, but as the biggest baddest sci-fi film of the year it did seem like fair game for Achievement Unlocked, no films definitively set in the future qualified in 2022.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bryce Dallas Howard is No. 2 billed in Jurassic World: Dominion and No. 2 billed in Lady in the Water, which also stars Paul Giamatti (No. 1 billed) who is in Paycheck (No. 4 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 17. If we were to watch Bicentennial Man, Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Laura Dern strongly expressed her desire to return to the series in March 2017; adding that: “If you guys make a last one, you gotta let Ellie Sattler come back. She’s always the one who’s saving the day, man!”

Jeff Goldblum is the same age in this film that Richard Attenborough was in Jurassic Park (1993).

When Jeff Goldblum found out he was appearing with his two co-stars from the the original film, he wrote on Instagram about Colin Trevorrow a line he said in the original, “You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it.” He also added, “happy as a clamasaurus to be reunited with my brilliant costars from the original Jurassic Park Laura Dern and Sam Neill for the next installment of Jurassic World… Coming soon!!”

Sam Neil has often said he thought Dr. Grant would have long since retired by now, but maybe the threat of dinosaurs back on American soil would force him to reconsider that option.

Colin Trevorrow has revealed that this film is actually going to have more animatronics than its predecessors. As he put it: “We’ve actually gone more practical with every Jurassic movie we’ve made since the first one, and we’ve made more animatronics in this one than we have in the previous two.”

Trevorrow stated that the film would be set around the world, and said that the idea of Henry Wu being the only person who knows how to create a dinosaur was far-fetched “after 30 years of this technology existing” within the films’ universe. Additionally, the film would focus on the dinosaurs that were freed at the end of Fallen Kingdom, but it would not depict dinosaurs terrorizing cities, an idea that Trevorrow considered unrealistic. Instead, Trevorrow was interested in a world where “a dinosaur might run out in front of your car on a foggy backroad, or invade your campground looking for food. A world where dinosaur interaction is unlikely but possible–the same way we watch out for bears or sharks. We hunt animals, we traffic them, we herd them, we breed them, we invade their territory and pay the price, but we don’t go to war with them.” Trevorrow said that the film would also be about Owen and Claire’s redemption, and their responsibility to take care of Maisie, a cloned girl from the previous film. Trevorrow said about the film and its predecessors, “I have a dinosaur movie that I’ve always wanted to see, and it took two movies to earn it.”

Laura Dern told TIME that reuniting with the adorable animatronic nausutoceratops “was equally as jaw dropping, but nothing will be like that first moment I walked through a field on Kauai [in Hawaii] with Sam Neill and I looked ahead and I saw a triceratops. That was my first dinosaur and I will love that dinosaur the most forever.”

Speaking with CinemaBlend, Bryce Dallas Howard expressed hopes of going all out for the then-untitled Jurassic World 3 and bringing in more characters from the original Jurassic Park (1993) to finish out the trilogy. Howard also revealed that this is currently one of the many goals of Jurassic World 3, saying: “In terms of the third movie, the goal overall is to bring the entire saga together. It’ll be the sixth film at the end of the day. For me, what I’m most wanting, other than an undercut, is for there to be more characters from the earlier films.”

Colin Trevorrow said that the film would be a “science thriller,” describing it as being the Jurassic World film that would most closely match the tone of Steven Spielberg’s original Jurassic Park (1993).

One Jurassic World character returning that director Colin Trevorrow is especially proud of: Dr. Henry Wu. That’s according to the actor who plays him, BD Wong, who said: “Colin’s very proud of where he’s taken this particular character. He kind of rescued this character from obscurity from the original Jurassic Park movie….Then years later Colin came back and said ‘Well who’s not dead?’ and went through the roster of characters. There was only one person they could really, not even resurrect him, they just pulled him back from obscurity because he had not been attended to properly as far as I’m concerned. And he has now taken a turn into a whole other world in the franchise and become a more complex and more interesting individual. So where he goes in the third movie, cannot be said by me right now, but Colin’s very proud of it and rightly so.”

Amsterdam Preview

It was a classic Bad Movie Twins dance. Abs? Gleaming. Jorts? Brimming. Legs? Akimbo. Just when Kevin James thought it would end, his hand hovering over his patented “Not Good Buzzer,” the routine would ratchet up a notch. Jamie and Patrick stared daggers at him, their muscles burning at 45 straight minutes of experimental dance the likes of which a national audience had never witnessed. Ratings were spiking as other networks hopped on the broadcast. Over 200 million Americans watched as Kevin James was dragged from the stage screaming that Jamie and Patrick were punks. Punks who needed Punk’ding. The producers scoffed at his antics. They wouldn’t let a personal vendetta stand in the way of them getting the opportunity to declare the once Bad Movie Twins the Very Good Twins. Imagine! America is Very Good will be the top talent show on TV in no time as long as the Very Good Twins were part of the team. “That… that was amazing,” Producer Frank Brow exclaims, “and you can take that to the bank,” he finishes with a flourish. He doesn’t let his disappointment show when it becomes clear that Jamie and Patrick don’t recognize a classic Brow-ism. “Yeah, well we’re good now,” Patrick says shrugging. “Very good,” Jamie chimes in with a wink and The Brow almost faints, dollar signs dancing in his vision. “So this is the button… the Not Good Buzzer. You guys can just press it together if you like. Or we can get a second one.” Jamie and Patrick are confused. “Mr. Brow. This seems like a good gig for some Very Good Twins, but I think we just won the show… so…” Brow is picking up what they’re putting down. “The Prize. Of course. How would you like a trip to …” That’s right! We’re heading off to Amsterdam for David O. Russell’s very big bomb Amsterdam. It’s not a movie I wanted to see… but here we are. Let’s go!

Amsterdam (2022) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.8%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.2%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter, Moonfall, Morbius, Blacklight, Pinocchio, Me Time, Spiderhead, Deep Water, The Invitation, After Ever Happy, Jurassic World: Dominion, Senior Year, Blackout, The 355, White Elephant, Samaritan, Prey for the Devil, and 7 more; Higher Notability: Black Adam, Jurassic World: Dominion, Pinocchio; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight, Firestarter, White Elephant, Prey for the Devil, Morbius, The Last Manhunt, Blackout, The Bubble, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, On the Line, The 355, The Invitation, Pinocchio, Memory, Jurassic World: Dominion, and 2 more; Notes: That notability is off the chain for real though. I need to watch Black Adam at some point, got to hit up those big Notability films.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – But despite these sporadic moments of enjoyment, “Amsterdam” is ultimately so convoluted and tedious that it obliterates such glimmers of goodwill. It’s so weighed down by its overlong running time and self-indulgent sense of importance that its core message about the simple need for human decency feels like a cynical afterthought. And whispering the word “Amsterdam” throughout, as several of the characters do, doesn’t even begin to cast the magic spell it seeks to conjure.

(Yeah that is what it feels like. But also, isn’t that kind of David O. Russell’s M.O. at this point? The huge ensemble cast desperately trying to hold an overblown ripped-from-the-headlines plot together? Or should I actually say the magnetic charisma of Christian Bale trying to kill such a plot afloat.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLs2xxM0e78/

(I watched this trailer when it came out. Looked good. Oh wait, I should be more specific. Christian Bale looked good. I was a little disappointed it apparently isn’t. Because I like Christian Bale. Such is life I suppose though.)

Directors – David O. Russell – ( Known For: American Hustle; Silver Linings Playbook; The Fighter; Joy; Three Kings; I Heart Huckabees; Spanking the Monkey; Flirting with Disaster; Accidental Love; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Nominated for five Oscars for writing/directing American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook, and The Fighter. He might have defined Bradley Cooper as a serious dramatic actor.)

Writers – David O. Russell – ( Known For: American Hustle; Silver Linings Playbook; Joy; Three Kings; I Heart Huckabees; Spanking the Monkey; Flirting with Disaster; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Born in New York City, he went to Amherst College and got his start with a Documentary short about the Hispanic community of Boston.)

Actors – Christian Bale – ( Known For: The Pale Blue Eye; Thor: Love and Thunder; American Psycho; The Dark Knight; The Prestige; The Dark Knight Rises; Ford v Ferrari; Batman Begins; The Big Short; Little Women; Knight of Cups; 3:10 to Yuma; American Hustle; Out of the Furnace; Equilibrium; Hostiles; The Machinist; Empire of the Sun; The Fighter; Public Enemies; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; Exodus: Gods and Kings; Newsies; BMT: Amsterdam; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: He won an Oscar for The Fighter, but has been nominated four times in total. Welsh, he was a notable child actor (in things like Empire of the Sun) and starred in Newsies which was supposed to be the return of the big Hollywood musical … it was not.)

Margot Robbie – ( Known For: Babylon; Once Upon a Time in Hollywood; The Wolf of Wall Street; The Suicide Squad; About Time; The Big Short; Birds of Prey; Dreamland; Bombshell; I, Tonya; Focus; Mary Queen of Scots; Terminal; Whiskey Tango Foxtrot; Peter Rabbit; Suite Française; Slaughterhouse Rulez; Z for Zachariah; Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway; Goodbye Christopher Robin; Future BMT: Suicide Squad; The Legend of Tarzan; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars for I, Tonya and Bombshell. Australian, she obviously started out on Neighbours. They all do.)

John David Washington – ( Known For: Tenet; BlacKkKlansman; Malcolm X; Malcolm & Marie; Beckett; The Old Man & the Gun; Devil in a Blue Dress; Monster; Monsters and Men; Love Beats Rhymes; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Wait … wait. He is Denzel Washington’s son. And he was a professional football player, albeit as the running back for the United Football League’s Sacramento Mountain Lions. But still, what the hell.)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $14,947,969 (Worldwide: $31,245,810)

(That is a colossal bomb, but not surprising. Everything that was kind of mid-budget (and not fantastic) bombed this year. Hopefully that will change a tiny bit next year, but we’ll see.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (79/244): Amsterdam has a bunch of big stars and a very busy plot, all of which amounts to painfully less than the sum of its dazzling parts.

(Awwww. This film feels like it was just on the cusp of being kind of okay. But ultimately yeah, whenever Bale isn’t the center of attention the film kind of gets away from itself.)

Reviewer Highlight: Jaw-droppingly terrible, interminably dull… – Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – Amsterdaaaang

(I kind of dig this. Could use some better font, but the colors are interesting and the framing as well. Not the worst. C+)

Tagline(s) – Let the love, murder, and conspiracy begin. (A)

(Helllll yeah. Now that fits what we want. It’s giving a little hint. Short and sweet and rule of three. Even a little clever with the “Let the [blank] begin.” It’s good. You can’t claim otherwise.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 64.8 Halloween Ends (2022), 63.9 Firestarter (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 44.3 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 38.5 Memory (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

Best Options (pearl-harbor): 28.2 Amsterdam (2022)

(Hey there, I like that. Maybe the crown jewel of any cycle this year we left it out here and there (for comedy for example) entirely because we knew that if we could wait to juuuuuuust this week precisely it would come out on HBO Max. Perfecto.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Robert De Niro is No. 4 billed in Amsterdam and No. 1 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Christian Bale stopped talking to Chris Rock on set. He claimed that he was very funny, which made it hard for him to act.

The eye drops the characters use near the film’s end, are likely allusions to the cocaine eye drops that Adolf Hitler reportedly favored enthusiastically.

Of working with Anya Taylor-Joy on this film, David O. Russell said, “Anya is fearless and intuitively vulnerable and confident in a manner that is uniquely her own. She is different and strange in ways that are fascinating both toward darkness and toward light.”

Was a box office failure, losing the studio an estimated $97 million, according to Deadline.

A rumored title of the film was “Canterbury Glass.”

Was originally set to release on November 4, 2022, but was moved up to October 7 to avoid competition with Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022).

The cast includes three Oscar winners – Christian Bale, Rami Malek, and Robert De Niro – and two Oscar nominees – Margot Robbie and Michael Shannon.

Mike Myers also played a British military man with a similar look in Inglourious Basterds (2009).

This film was inspired by the Business Plot, a 1933 political conspiracy in which wealthy American businessmen and bankers plotted a military coup d’état to overthrow President Franklin D. Roosevelt and replace him with a fascist veterans’ organization headed by U.S. Marine Corps Major General Smedley Butler. Butler revealed the plot in a testimony under oath to the U.S. House of Representatives’ Special Committee on Un-American Activities in 1934. The committee concluded that a plot was indeed concocted, but none of the plotters were prosecuted. General Dillenbeck (Robert De Niro) is based on Butler.

Blacklight Preview

Jamie and Patrick find themselves back in their apartment. The door to Kyle’s room opens and he stops short, his eyes widening. “Did you decide not to leave?” he asks, hope in his voice, “Lou gave me the Dongle and this note and said I wouldn’t see you for a while.” He looks at the note, already covered in chocolate. “I guess I won’t have to follow you after all,” he concludes and attempts to give them back the Dongle. But Jamie and Patrick stop him and shake their heads. “You did follow us,” Patrick says solemnly, tears brimming in his eyes, “And you saved us.” They explain how Kyle is the key to the Dongle’s destruction. “We were going about it all wrong,” Jamie says, a little embarrassed, “we spent years trying to destroy the Dongle. We could never do that. But you can… just by keeping it.” Kyle bites his lip in trepidation. He looks back at his room. Having got up the courage to invite Rachel over, she now was waiting in his room ready to watch Ghost starring Patrick Swayze as their first date. They can see the concern in his eyes. If he has the Dongle will it put Rachel in danger? Does this mean he will never know love? “Don’t worry,” Jamie says smiling, “she’s also the key to all of this. And as a gift for all that you did we’d also like you two to take over BMT. It’s time for us to move on.” Kyle’s mouth falls open in surprise. “But what are you going to do now?” he asks, prompting Jamie and Patrick to look at each other. “We don’t know,” Patrick says, “something good… time to move out of the darkness and into the light.” That’s right! We’re moving away from the ironic and into the serious 2022 choices with one of two Liam Neeson action films that critically flopped this year. First up is Blacklight, which is about… an old person beating people up, I think. Let’s go!

Blacklight (2022) – BMeTric: 61.1; Notability: 27

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 5.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 2.3%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Brazen, The Bubble, Moonfall, They/Them, Firestarter, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Morbius; Higher Notability: Jurassic World: Dominion, Black Adam, Pinocchio, Amsterdam, Morbius, The School for Good and Evil, The Bubble, Moonfall, Deep Water, The Man from Toronto, The King’s Daughter, Spiderhead, Don’t Worry Darling, The 355; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, On the Line; Notes: Kind of amazing that Moonfall of all things has a higher BMeT. Maybe because more people saw it? That would make sense. Still, I feel like Moonfall is one of those films which ten years from now will have a 6.3 on IMDb and confuse anyone who watches it.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – Another season, another “Liam Neeson Has Skills” movie. Some of the variants of his popular “Taken” movies (the last one, “Taken 3,” was all the way back in 2014, how times flies) have been reasonably clever and even cinematically worthwhile on a surprising level (see for instance 2019’s “Cold Pursuit”). Mark Williams’ “Blacklight,” alas, is not among them.

(So … basically this is just a basic Liam Neeson snoozefest of an action film. Jokes on you RogerEbert.com. I watched The Ice Road. I’m immune to Liam-Neeson-omnia.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_N9pU4FMOs/

(Is … Liam Neeson trying to do something like an American accent? Or is supposed to be an Irish person who works for the U.S. government and has been in the country for so long he’s vaguely lost his accent? Anyways, I unironically love that we’ve reached the point where Liam Neeson explicitly has a granddaughter who calls the action hero in the film “grandpa” in the trailer. A perfect encapsulation of the current state of Liam Neeson’s career.)

Directors – Mark Williams – ( Known For: A Family Man; Future BMT: Honest Thief; BMT: Blacklight; Notes: Kind of amazing we never watched Honest Thief. Executive Produced Ozark for which he was nominated for three Emmys.)

Writers – Nick May – (BMT: Blacklight; Notes: Nothing on IMDb, but if you search the trades you can find articles about this specific film. Kind of funny, but it looks like the update was right, May ultimately did get a writing credit on the film.)

Mark Williams – ( Known For: Copshop; Future BMT: Honest Thief; BMT: Blacklight; Notes: If the article above is to be believed him getting a writing credit is nuts, but then again, he did write some of it, probably re-wrote a bunch on set, and him not him getting a credit was probably unlikely.)

Brandon Reavis – (BMT: Blacklight; Notes: Nothing about this guy at all. Given he has a story credit I would imagine he is the writing partner of May in some capacity.)

Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: Schindler’s List; Love Actually; The Dark Knight Rises; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Batman Begins; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Taken; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Widows; The Lego Movie; Gangs of New York; Excalibur; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The A-Team; The Commuter; Marlowe; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Ted 2; Silence; Future BMT: Memory; Kingdom of Heaven; A Million Ways to Die in the West; Clash of the Titans; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Daddy’s Home 2; The Marksman; Men in Black: International; Taken 2; Wrath of the Titans; Krull; Taken 3; Entourage; Honest Thief; High Spirits; Before and After; The Nut Job; BMT: Blacklight; Battleship; The Haunting; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 2013 for Battleship, and Wrath of the Titans; Notes: Y’all know Liam Neeson. Nominated for an Oscar for Schindler’s List. He was just announced as the main character in a Naked Gun remake that is happening.)

Aidan Quinn – ( Known For: Legends of the Fall; The Handmaid’s Tale; Flipped; Frankenstein; The Mission; Unknown; Benny & Joon; Wild Child; Desperately Seeking Susan; Michael Collins; Stakeout; Song for a Raggy Boy; Avalon; Haunted; Music of the Heart; At Play in the Fields of the Lord; If I Were You; Songcatcher; The Assignment; Elle s’appelait Sarah; Future BMT: Practical Magic; Reckless; In Dreams; Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius; BMT: Blacklight; Jonah Hex; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for An Early Frost and Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (both miniseries). He’s a classic “that guy”. He’s married to Elizabeth Bracco.)

Taylor John Smith – ( Known For: The Outpost; Shadow in the Cloud; Insidious: Chapter 3; You Get Me; Martyrs; Some Kind of Beautiful; Almost Friends; Wolves; Future BMT: Where the Crawdads Sing; BMT: Blacklight; Hunter Killer; Notes: We’ll see him again in Where the Crawdads Sing. There is shockingly little about him. Probably most notable for being in Sharp Objects.)

Budget/Gross – $43 million / Domestic: $9,591,094 (Worldwide: $15,902,207)

(Disastrous, but that’s what happens when you have a bad action film. Could be a bit of Hollywood accounting here as well though since according to the article above there were pretty specific commitments about compensation tied to the profit this film made. But who knows. $43 million seems absurd for a 2022 Liam Neeson film. It feels fake.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 10% (10/102): Turn it off.

(I actually genuinely hate the consensus. It makes little sense beyond that the word “light” is in the title. Anyways, actually a rare <10% Rotten Tomatoes film, although barely.)

Reviewer Highlight: One could even argue that it’s not a movie at all, only a rusted-out recycling bin of ill-fitting themes, notions, poses, conventions, affectations, tropes, tropelets and inert snippets of dialogue from other movies. – Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal

Poster – Skloglight

(I like the colors, but that’s about it. Tells me nothing about what I’m going to see, which is probably the point. Anyone who sees this poster and is intrigued is going to get exactly what they want: Old Man Neeson. C.)

Tagline(s) – They’re gonna need more men (C-)

(Meeehhhhhh. I guess it’s short in a somewhat pleasing way, but it’s far too generic to warrant any real credit. As a joke someone should take the last five Neeson films and photoshop the posters so they all have this tagline.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022), The Gray Man (2022)

Future BMT: 63.3 Firestarter (2022), 62.6 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 49.8 Umma (2022), 47.6 The Invitation (2022), 45.7 The 355 (2022), 44.2 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 37.7 Memory (2022), 24.7 Amsterdam (2022), 7.7 Black Adam (2022), 7.3 Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022)

Best Options (Action): 60.8 Blacklight (2022), 45.7 The 355 (2022), 44.2 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 37.7 Memory (2022), 7.7 Black Adam (2022)

(Yup, the best of the bunch. But no worries. Jurassic World 3 and Memory are both currently on the docket, so we will be hitting up a good number of bangers from the year.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 22) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Liam Neeson is No. 1 billed in Blacklight and No. 2 billed in The Haunting, which also stars Virginia Madsen (No. 9 billed) who is in Firewall (No. 3 billed) which also stars Harrison Ford (No. 1 billed) who is in Hollywood Homicide (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 2) + (9 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 3) = 22. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – The lowest rated Liam Neeson action film on Rotten Tomatoes

Principal photography of the film started in November 2020 in Melbourne, Australia. In January 2021 it was announced that a car chase scene would be filmed in Canberra.

A cinematic technique of fast zoom in, out and in again (or the opposite) are used to increase the suspense of the story and symbolize Block’s obsessional compulsive disorder.

Bolero Preview

Patrick and Kyle amble about the local Planetarium. The darkness makes it a perfect place to hide out. No fans mobbing him for Stallone’s autograph, no police asking him dumb questions about kidnapping. “This is nice, Mr. Stallone, but did you say we were here for a reason?” Patrick looks at him confused, “oh right… space and time… so like a wormhole?” He waits to see if that makes any sense. “That’s dumb, isn’t it?” Kyle nods. Patrick sits glumly on a bench and ponders his next move. If Jamie was here he’s sure they’d figure this out together. Instead he just has this dumb kid around. But just before he can tell Kyle how dumb he is a couple of fine looking ladies approach. “Excuse me, are you Sly Stallone?” they ask. Patrick nods, even though it’s not really true. “Oh my God!” one of them says, “I was just telling my friend that my only dream in the world is to have steamy sex with a big movie star like Sly Stallone.” Patrick is startled at their candor.

“It’s not about what we do. It’s about what you do?” Kyle tries to explain. “Imagine you are actually a bad guy who wants the Dongle, what would you do?” Jamie nods in understanding, “I would take it from you with my big muscles.” But when he looks at his shriveled 80-year-old arms he realizes that’s probably wrong. “No,” Kyle says exasperated, “you would say that you’re actually my long lost friend, right?” Jamie looks incredulous. “But I am your long lost friend.” Kyle throws up his hands in despair. Jamie sighs, if Patrick were here it wouldn’t be so hard. A panic overwhelms him. For the first time he wonders out loud, “But what if I’m Frank Stallone forever?”

That’s right! We’re finally watching Bolero, the Bo Derek film that pretty much ended her career as a feature film lead actress. We tend to avoid the non-thriller erotic films that Hollywood has churned out. But like Blame it on Rio, sometimes the idea is so bad you gotta do it. We are pairing it with another George Kennedy vehicle, The Terror Within, which looked like a fun post-apocalyptic horror film. Let’s go!

Bolero (1984) – BMeTric: 58.0; Notability: 21

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.2%; Notability: top 10.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 0.0%; Higher BMeT: Supergirl, Rhinestone, The Hills Have Eyes Part II; Higher Notability: Cannonball Run II, Supergirl, City Heat, Protocol, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, The River, Unfaithfully Yours, Conan the Destroyer, The Woman in Red, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Firstborn, Sheena, Rhinestone, American Dreamer, The Ice Pirates, Reckless, Exterminator 2, Firestarter, C.H.U.D., Breakin’, and 7 more; Notes: Oh yeah, that’s right, it’s a true blue 0% on Rotten Tomatoes film. And the BMeTric is solid to boot. That’s some cred.

RogerEbert.com – 0.5 stars – Let’s face it. Nobody is going to “Bolero” for the plot anyway. They’re going for the Good Parts. There are two Good Parts, not counting her naked ride on horseback, which was the only scene in the movie that had me wondering how she did it. The real future of “Bolero” is in home cassette rentals, where your fast forward and instant replay controls will supply the editing job the movie so desperately needs.

(Gross, but also true. Just saying it how it is Ebert. No one can fault you for that. And 0.5 is more than fair for this weirdo film.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpAk1A04gng/

(Dares to be different. Dares to be daring. LOL. That is one way of saying this movie is undeniably terrible … but it is borderline porn, so there we go.)

Directors – John Derek – ( Known For: Tarzan the Ape Man; Ghosts Can’t Do It; Fantasies; Once Before I Die; Nightmare in the Sun; A Boy… a Girl; Childish Things; BMT: Bolero; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director in 1985 for Bolero; and in 1991 for Ghosts Can’t Do It; Winner for Worst Screenplay for Bolero in 1985; Nominee for Worst Director for Tarzan the Ape Man in 1982; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Ghosts Can’t Do It in 1991; Notes: Yeah, so John Derek and Bo Derek met when she was seventeen and they moved to Germany and then Mexico in order to make sure he didn’t get arrested for statutory rape until Bo Derek turned eighteen.)

Writers – John Derek – ( Known For: Ghosts Can’t Do It; Fantasies; A Boy… a Girl; BMT: Bolero; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Director in 1985 for Bolero; and in 1991 for Ghosts Can’t Do It; Winner for Worst Screenplay for Bolero in 1985; Nominee for Worst Director for Tarzan the Ape Man in 1982; and Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Ghosts Can’t Do It in 1991; Notes: Was an actor mostly, including appearing in The Ten Commandments. He wrote and directed later in life.)

Actors – Bo Derek – ( Known For: Tommy Boy; 10; Tarzan the Ape Man; Orca; Ghosts Can’t Do It; Woman of Desire; Fantasies; 5 Weddings; People Cover Story: Bachelorette Baby Boom; Highland Park; Frozen with Fear; Sognando la California; Future BMT: Malibu’s Most Wanted; BMT: The Master of Disguise; Bolero; A Change of Seasons; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress in 1982 for Mommie Dearest, and Tarzan the Ape Man; in 1985 for Bolero; and in 1991 for Ghosts Can’t Do It; Winner for Worst Actress of the Decade in 1990 for Bolero, and Tarzan the Ape Man; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 1996 for Tommy Boy; and in 2003 for The Master of Disguise; Nominee for Worst Actress of the Century in 2000 for Bolero, Ghosts Can’t Do It, and Tarzan the Ape Man; and Nominee for Worst Picture of the Decade for Bolero in 1990; Notes: Was notably older than her step children when she met and married John Derek. She mostly acted in her husband’s productions early in her career.)

George Kennedy – ( Known For: The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!; The Dirty Dozen; Cool Hand Luke; Small Soldiers; Death on the Nile; Charade; The Flight of the Phoenix; The Eiger Sanction; Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult; Thunderbolt and Lightfoot; The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear; The Gambler; Earthquake; Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte; Shenandoah; In Harm’s Way; Airport; Airport ’77; The Boston Strangler; Airport 1975; Future BMT: Creepshow 2; The Delta Force; View from the Top; BMT: Bolero; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Bolero in 1985; Notes: Won an Oscar for Cool Hand Luke for Supporting Actor. He then became a pretty big B-movie actor in the 80s in things like Hired to Kill and Brain Dead.)

Andrea Occhipinti – ( Known For: The Sea Inside; The New York Ripper; Miranda; Conquest; A Blade in the Dark; The Family; Priest of Love; Más allá del jardín; Control; The Jeweller’s Shop; Amor de hombre; Who Killed Pasolini?; Queens; Horses; Tracce di vita amorosa; Preferisco il rumore del mare; BMT: Bolero; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst New Star for Bolero in 1985; Notes: Is Italian, although in this film he plays a Spanish person.)

Budget/Gross – $7 million / Domestic: $8,914,881 (Worldwide: $8,914,881)

(That’s not awesome, but again, I’m pretty skeptical of the budget. Also while early, it almost certainly made money eventually on home video or late-night cable packages.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 0% (0/23): Bolero combines a ludicrous storyline and wildly mismatched cast in its desperate attempts to titillate, but only succeeds in arousing boredom.

(That is a ton of reviews to still have 0%. And not surprising after watching this film. It is insanely weird, boring, and bad.)

Reviewer Highlight: Poor Bo no sooner has her initial introduction to amour than the new lover gets gored in a sensitive location, putting him out of commission. – Variety

Poster – Nolero

(I’m not sure what to say about this. It’s abstract and artsy in a way I can’t understand. Maybe I’m not creative enough. Just seems like a jumble of pictures that wishes it could just show you a naked lady on a horse. I like the font a lot though. The pink pops. C-.)

Tagline(s) – An Adventure in Ecstasy (C)

(It’s not lying. It’s also not all that interesting. Although, I’ll have to study the film very closely to make sure that’s true.)

Keyword(s) – past

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Gladiator (2000), Inglourious Basterds (2009), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Schindler’s List (1993), The Prestige (2006), Shutter Island (2010)

Future BMT: 88.7 BloodRayne (2005), 73.0 The Unborn (2009), 70.4 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.2 Black Christmas (2006), 69.9 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.9 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 64.6 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.8 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 56.8 Robin Hood (2018), 55.1 Annabelle (2014), 54.9 The Quiet Ones (2014), 54.5 Snow Dogs (2002), 53.8 Spy Hard (1996), 53.1 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.4 2016: Obama’s America (2012), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 51.6 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 50.2 The Last Legion (2007), 50.1 Halloween Kills (2021) … (and many more)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Fog (2005), Movie 43 (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Glitter (2001), Holmes & Watson (2018), The Master of Disguise (2002), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Grease 2 (1982), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Jonah Hex (2010), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Wild Wild West (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Black Knight (2001), Chernobyl Diaries (2012), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), The Musketeer (2001), An American Haunting (2005), Apollo 18 (2011), Ishtar (1987), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), The Nun (2018), Pinocchio (2002), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Bolero (1984), Bones (2001), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), House of Wax (2005), Season of the Witch (2011), The Tuxedo (2002), Mannequin: On the Move (1991), Pompeii (2014), Ghost Ship (2002), Assassin’s Creed (2016), The Scarlet Letter (1995), Dolittle (2020), Timeline (2003), The Quest (1996), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Wagons East (1994), The Three Musketeers (2011), Diana (2013), Ben-Hur (2016), Rambo III (1988), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), The Blue Lagoon (1980), Cutthroat Island (1995), Texas Rangers (2001), Sucker Punch (2011), Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001), Jobs (2013), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Original Sin (2001), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), American Outlaws (2001), Universal Soldier (1992), Winter’s Tale (2014), Harlem Nights (1989), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Identical (2014), The Chamber (1996), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), In Love and War (1996), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Gods and Generals (2003), The Lone Ranger (2013), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), Halloween II (1981), September Dawn (2007), Young Guns II (1990), Oscar (1991), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Evening (2007), The 13th Warrior (1999), White Comanche (1968), Gangster Squad (2013), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017)

Best Options (Romance): 58.0 Bolero (1984), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 47.3 Bad Girls (1994), 37.9 Nine (2009), 36.7 The Legend of Zorro (2005), 32.3 Mary Reilly (1996), 32.2 All the Pretty Horses (2000), 27.3 The Bride (1985), 23.3 Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994), 23.3 Tulip Fever (2017), 22.6 A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon (1988), 20.6 Havana (1990), 20.6 Year of the Gun (1991), 18.7 Love in the Time of Cholera (2007), 16.7 Inventing the Abbotts (1997), 14.5 Mrs. Soffel (1984), 13.0 Corrina, Corrina (1994), 13.0 Heartbreak Hotel (1988), 12.0 Great Expectations (1998), 11.9 Tristan + Isolde (2006), 9.9 Snow Falling on Cedars (1999), 9.3 Stealing Home (1988), 9.0 The Longest Ride (2015), 8.6 Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius (2004), 6.5 The Phantom of the Opera (2004), 5.9 Heaven Help Us (1985), 5.4 Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

(We finally did it! We finally did Bolero. And there it was, just sitting there waiting for us to do it as the top option for a romance set in the past. How could we skip it? Not a chance.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 20) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bo Derek is No. 1 billed in Bolero and No. 3 billed in A Change of Seasons, which also stars Shirley MacLaine (No. 1 billed) who is in Mrs. Winterbourne (No. 1 billed) which also stars Brendan Fraser (No. 3 billed) who is in Escape from Planet Earth (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jessica Alba (No. 2 billed) who is in Mechanic: Resurrection (No. 2 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 20. If we were to watch The Big Green, and Surrender we can get the HoE Number down to 18.

Notes – Olivia d’Abo, who was 14 at the time, appeared nude in several scenes.

Olivia D’Abo said in an interview in 1986 that she matured physically at age 13, a year before making this movie. In fact she said director John Derek thought she had breast implants until she took her clothes off on set the first time and he saw her breasts were natural.

This film was the final nail in the coffin of The Cannon Group, Inc. and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer deal that saw MGM distribute all of Cannon’s films in the U.S.

Rather than allow the film to be released with an X-rating, John Derek chose to release the film unrated instead. According to Wikipedia, “Bolero (1984) was released with no MPAA rating. Its nudity and sexual content disqualified it from an R rating. At the time of release, the NC-17 rating had not yet been established and the only higher rating being X, John Derek decided to release the film unrated. The film is officially on DVD with an R rating with no cuts.”

It was widely rumored in the media at the time of the film’s release that the final love scene wasn’t simulated.

For the horseback bullfighting scenes, the stars were doubled by brothers Ángel Peralta (Derek) and Rafael Peralta (Occhipinti).

According to Bo Derek, producer Menahem Golan would send her and John Derek memos to make the film more “erotic”. Derek would state that the film “was already erotic” enough.

Penultimate movie directed by John Derek. Ghosts Can’t Do It (1989) was his last.

According to Menahem Golan, the home video rights sold for $1.5 million.

Reportedly, writer and director John Derek had contractual final cut say rights over the picture.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture of the Decade (Bo Derek, 1990)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (Bo Derek, 1985)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Bo Derek, 1985)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (John Derek, 1985)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (John Derek, 1985)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Musical Score (Peter Bernstein, Elmer Bernstein, 1985)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Olivia d’Abo, 1985)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (George Kennedy, 1985)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Olivia d’Abo, 1985)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst New Star (Andrea Occhipinti, 1985)

Original Sin Preview

Jamie and Patrick get off the Paris Metro. They look at the thirty story apartment building where they were told the Dongle is housed. It’s tough, but nothing a little dew can’t solve. They cheers with their limited edition Fuchsia Fusion Mountain Dew Deluxe brought to you by Mountain Dew. With the smallest sip they feel the power (and it feels good). Five minutes later they parkour flip their way onto the roof and get into a Twin Chop stance. But there isn’t anyone there to chop. Suspicious. As they walk their way down to the low level terrorist’s apartment they do the calculus on what might be going on. “What if they knew we were from the future so they sent us here to get us out of the way while our past selves went to Budapest?” Jamie says. It’s a reasonable guess, but they had Kyle take the past Jamie and Patrick on a hiking trip to Greece and they seem to be having a grand old time according to their Insta posts. When they amble into the apartment they gasp. There’s the Dongle, sitting on the kitchen table, not a soul in sight. Is it a trap? Or is this their moment to seize the Dongle and finally remove it from the equation? Just as Jamie reaches for it, Patrick stays his hand. “Look around,” Patrick whispers and only in that moment does Jamie realize that the apartment is an exact replica of the apartment from the hit television show Mad About You. My God! It’s a trap! They must have made the apartment specifically that way as an elaborate ruse. They turn to run, but are stopped at gunpoint by Future Mikey. “Pick it up,” he demands, “this is the moment. This is your…” That’s right! We’re watching the Banderas/Jolie smash hit Original Sin which is about… something… I’m not sure, but you better believe it’s steamy. As for Bring a Friend, we are pairing this with another erotic (?) thriller (?) Swept Away starring Madonna which just didn’t qualify for BMT cause it was so bad they couldn’t release it wide to theaters. Let’s go!

Original Sin (2001) – BMeTric: 32.3; Notability: 30

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 22.0%; Notability: top 28.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 8.4%; Higher BMeT: Glitter, Jason X, Freddy Got Fingered, Driven, The Animal, Ghosts of Mars, Black Knight, Valentine, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Soul Survivors, Monkeybone, The Musketeer, Corky Romano, Scary Movie 2, The Wedding Planner, Bones, Summer Catch, The Order, Say It Isn’t So, The Wash, and 35 more; Higher Notability: Pearl Harbor, Monkeybone, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Hannibal, Impostor, Ghosts of Mars, Not Another Teen Movie, Bubble Boy, 15 Minutes, Swordfish, The One, Town & Country, The Affair of the Necklace, Scary Movie 2, I Am Sam, America’s Sweethearts, Along Came a Spider, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Texas Rangers, Joe Dirt, and 51 more; Lower RT: Texas Rangers, Soul Survivors, Glitter, All the Queen’s Men, Corky Romano, The Forsaken, Summer Catch, The Wash, Out Cold, Say It Isn’t So, Joe Dirt, Head Over Heels, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, Freddy Got Fingered, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Perfume, The Musketeer, Valentine, Double Take; Notes: Pretty minor. And when you are going against heavy hitters like Glitter it is no wonder a film like Original Sin would cruise under our radar for so long.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – The movie is not intended to be subtle. It is sweaty, candle-lit melodrama, joyously trashy, and its photography wallows in sumptuous decadence. The ending is hilariously contrived and sensationally unlikely, as the movie audaciously shows an irrevocable action and then revokes it. I don’t know whether to recommend “Original Sin” or not. It’s an exuberant example of what it is–a bodice-ripping murder “meller”–and at that it gets a passing grade. Maybe if it had tried to be more it would have simply been watering the soup.

(Wow. This is the second in a few weeks where Ebert is like “what are you guys going on about? This is a good movie” about a BMT film. I can see it for both Wicker Park and this. They both are a specific genre or indie film that could be liked for the performances and not be bothered by the execution in the end.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5xoAd6ejWk/

(I sure hope I can call it “extremely steamy”! And cha Ebert gave it a thumbs up, he was like “good for what it is.” It actually it a great example of that. The trailer? It did seem bodice-ripping, so I give it a thumbs up.)

Directors – Michael Cristofer – ( Known For: The Night Clerk; Body Shots; BMT: Original Sin; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for The Bonfire of the Vanities in 1991; Notes: Won the Pulitzer for his production of the play The Shadow Box which he eventually wrote a tv adaptation for. Seems like he was a pretty major actor, was in 32 episodes of Mr. Robot.)

Writers – Cornell Woolrich – ( Known For: Rear Window; The Window; Cloak & Dagger; Black Angel; The Bride Wore Black; Mississippi Mermaid; The Leopard Man; No Man of Her Own; Seven Blood-Stained Orchids; The Chase; Phantom Lady; The Guilty; Street of Chance; Night Has a Thousand Eyes; Union City; Fear in the Night; Deadline at Dawn; Nightmare; Seven Footprints to Satan; She’s No Angel; BMT: Original Sin; Mrs. Winterbourne; Notes: He wrote the original novel and died in the 60s. All of these films, amazingly, are presumably made from various novels and short stories.)

Michael Cristofer – ( Known For: The Night Clerk; The Witches of Eastwick; Casanova; Falling in Love; Chuck; Mr. Jones; Breaking Up; BMT: Original Sin; The Bonfire of the Vanities; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for The Bonfire of the Vanities in 1991; Notes: Nominated for two Emmys for writing, for Gia and The Shadow Box.)

Actors – Antonio Banderas – ( Known For: Uncharted; Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles; Official Competition; Spy Kids; Shrek 2; The Mask of Zorro; Philadelphia; The Skin I Live In; Desperado; Frida; Shrek the Third; Spy Kids 3: Game Over; Once Upon a Time in Mexico; Security; Four Rooms; Knight of Cups; Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!; Evita; Shrek Forever After; The Laundromat; Future BMT: Life Itself; Machete Kills; Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World; The Legend of Zorro; Assassins; Play It to the Bone; BMT: Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard; The Expendables 3; Dolittle; Original Sin; The 13th Warrior; Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever; Never Talk to Strangers; Notes: Broke into Hollywood with The Mambo Kings, but originally was a major actor in Spain. Was nominated for an Oscar for Dolor y gloria.)

Angelina Jolie – ( Known For: Eternals; The Good Shepherd; Girl, Interrupted; Kung Fu Panda; Wanted; Mr. & Mrs. Smith; Maleficent; Those Who Wish Me Dead; Kung Fu Panda 3; Kung Fu Panda 2; Changeling; Beowulf; Salt; By the Sea; Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow; The One and Only Ivan; Come Away; Playing by Heart; Pushing Tin; Foxfire; Future BMT: Alexander; The Tourist; Maleficent: Mistress of Evil; Shark Tale; The Bone Collector; Taking Lives; Life or Something Like It; Beyond Borders; Playing God; BMT: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider; Gone in 60 Seconds; Original Sin; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; Hackers; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and Original Sin; in 2003 for Life or Something Like It; in 2004 for Beyond Borders, and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life; and in 2005 for Alexander, and Taking Lives; Notes: Daughter of Jon Voight. Won an Oscar for Girl, Interrupted, and was nominated for The Changeling. Recently I read she spite-sold half of a winery she owned with Brad Pitt. Baller.)

Thomas Jane – ( Known For: Boogie Nights; The Mist; Face/Off; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; Deep Blue Sea; Magnolia; Vendetta; Hot Summer Nights; The Thin Red Line; Run Hide Fight; LOL; 1922; Nemesis; Murder at Yellowstone City; Before I Wake; Breach; The Vanished; White Bird in a Blizzard; The Last Son; Money Plane; Future BMT: Buffy the Vampire Slayer; The Punisher; A-X-L; The Crow: City of Angels; BMT: The Predator; Original Sin; The Sweetest Thing; Dreamcatcher; Notes: Used to be married to Rutger Hauer’s daughter. I’ll always remember him as a weird choice for The Punisher.)

Budget/Gross – $42,000,000 / Domestic: $16,534,221 (Worldwide: $35,402,320)

(Yeah that’s a bomb, but I’m also very skeptical of that $42 million budget. I know it is a period piece, and I know Jolie was famous, but still. You think this is pulling in $100 million?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (11/90): Laughably melodramatic, Original Sin features bad acting, bad dialogue, and bad plotting.

(Melodramatic could be good, but this also just kind of screams “boring.” But maybe I’m just biased against bad dramas in general. The Owen Gleiberman quote below is amazing and probably 100% true.)

Reviewer Highlight: A textbook case of a movie that would have been better had it been worse. – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Original Sklog

(I mean, yes, I will watch that, thank you. If you want to get butts in seats that is certainly a way to do it. Lot’s a flesh on this poster so you know what you’re in for. Everything else is merely OK. B)

Tagline(s) – Lead Us Into Temptation (A+)

(I like that a lot. I’m gonna go ahead and rock an A+ on that guy. Four words. Connected to the title/plot. Clever twist on a common saying. It’s a master class.)

Keyword(s) – European Remake

Top 10: 12 Monkeys (1995), The Italian Job (2003), Insomnia (2002), Scent of a Woman (1992), Clash of the Titans (2010), Some Like It Hot (1959), Vanilla Sky (2001), True Lies (1994), Dawn of the Dead (2004), The Tourist (2010)

Future BMT: 54.5 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.0 Downhill (2020), 49.2 The Omen (2006), 44.8 Catch That Kid (2004), 43.1 Diabolique (1996), 43.0 Village of the Damned (1995), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010), 41.2 Mixed Nuts (1994), 39.8 Intersection (1994)

BMT: The Wicker Man (2006), Taxi (2004), The Haunting (1999), Get Carter (2000), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Pathfinder (2007), Fathers’ Day (1997), Nine Months (1995), The Big Wedding (2013), Brick Mansions (2014), Sleepless (2017), The Blue Lagoon (1980), School for Scoundrels (2006), Original Sin (2001), Blame It on Rio (1984), The Loft (2014), Vanilla Sky (2001), Wicker Park (2004)

Best Options (Razzies (Picture, Actor, Actress)): 39.8 Intersection (1994), 32.3 Original Sin (2001), 17.2 Oscar (1991), 15.6 Jakob the Liar (1999)

(We are going to watch Oscar next week as a transition. I wanted a Worst Actress nod in particular anyways to go with Swept Away. That BMT list is getting gaudy!)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Angelina Jolie is No. 1 billed in Original Sin and No. 3 billed in Gone in Sixty Seconds, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (5 + 1) = 12. If we were to watch The Bone Collector we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – The plantation house was a real sugar cane plantation manor, albeit abandoned.

Michelle Pfeiffer’s production company had originally purchased the rights to the novel, with the intention that Pfeiffer herself would star. However, the actress opted to simply serve as producer on the film.

Director Michael Cristofer said in interviews, and in his commentary for the movie, that before the sex scene between Luis and Julia was filmed, Angelina Jolie told him that she would only film the scene if she was fully naked and without tapes or anything else to cover her up. Antonio Banderas also decided to do the scene fully naked after talking with them, and only Cristofer and a couple of more crew members were involved in filming it. This meant that lot of footage filmed for the scene, however, could not be used in the film because it was just too graphic and explicit to show onscreen. Cristofer said he was unable to even include it in the NC-17 unrated version, which is why in all versions of the film, the sex scene has very obvious cuts which are covered with editing and fade outs in between the shots. This was also where the rumor started about how Jolie and Banderas had unsimulated sex, which was said to have been another reason for why the scene was cut down. Cristofer said he still had copy of original cut of the film which, amongst other deleted scenes, also included the original uncut sex scene.

In December 2000, Ted Casablanca from E! Online reported how the infamous uncut version of sex scene between Jolie and Banderas was, on its own, 20 minutes long.

This film was a remake of François Truffaut’s Mississippi Mermaid (1969), starring Jean-Paul Belmondo and Catherine Deneuve.

This was the last film produced under Michelle Pfeiffer’s production company, Via Rosa Productions.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Angelina Jolie, 2002)

Nine Months Preview

Jamie and Patrick watch in bemusement as Kyle tries the eleventh combination to get into the loft he clearly doesn’t own. The past versions of themselves seem mostly bored by the display. “Who is this bozo?” past Jamie mouths to past Patrick. Sweat begins to pour down Kyle’s brow. He puts his fake gun down just for a moment to wipe the moisture from his eye and past Jamie and Patrick take the opportunity to pounce. They disarm him with their catlike reflexes and snap a pair of nunchucks against his neck. “Who are you working for?” they scream in unison. Jamie and Patrick sigh and reveal themselves, the implication of time travel be damned. As they walk out they try to calm their younger selves. While they still have the rock hard abs of youth, much improved dance skills through years of practice, and can twin chop with the best of them, they also know their jean shorts are fitting a little snugger than in their salad days. “Don’t hurt him. We put Kyle up to it. He’s just a kind-hearted man not made for deception.” Kyle exhales in relief while their past selves blanche at the sight of not two Bad Movie Twins, but four? Whu-whu-whuuuuu? Jamie and Patrick quickly fill them in on what has happened. Normally their story would be impossible to believe, but their very existence is proof enough. “But Patrick needs this vacation,” Jamie mutters in frustration, “What are we supposed to do just let BMT die?” They all gasp at the thought. No, but Patrick has a compromise, “What if we help out, Multiplicity style, and maybe by the time the vacation rolls around you’ll be refreshed and won’t need it. It couldn’t be that long, right?… right?” That’s right! We’re watching the Hugh Grant comedy classic Nine Months. You know, the film where a giant baby man-child complains incessantly about how his girlfriend is pregnant. Sounds like a barrel of laughs. Let’s go!

Nine Months (1995) – BMeTric: 47.1; Notability: 47

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.0%; Notability: top 8.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 18.1%; Higher BMeT: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Showgirls, Vampire in Brooklyn, Fair Game, Jury Duty, Congo, Batman Forever, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, Theodore Rex, Tank Girl, The Babysitter, Judge Dredd, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Virtuosity, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Showgirls, Tank Girl, Four Rooms, Stuart Saves His Family, Jefferson in Paris, Panther, Steal Big Steal Little, Assassins, Jade, Money Train, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead, Hackers, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, Canadian Bacon; Lower RT: The Big Green, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Theodore Rex, Jury Duty, Delta of Venus, Top Dog, The Walking Dead, Born to Be Wild, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Vampire in Brooklyn, Canadian Bacon, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Jade, and 22 more; Notes: A 5.5 on IMDb seems about right. The Notability on this thing is off the chain. Mid-60s comedies man, Robin Williams is in this for like 7 total minutes. Incredible.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Much attention has been focused on “Nine Months” because it’s the movie that Hugh Grant was in the process of publicizing when he suddenly found himself receiving all too much publicity for the wrong reasons. The film’s box-office performance will be closely analyzed for clues about whether Grant’s career will be affected by the recent scandal. My guess is that the film, left to itself, would have performed only moderately at the box office, so if it does any better than that, the scandal can only have helped.

(Ha! I honestly forgot about all that. His career did take a dip IIRC, but he has since easily bounced back and we all now wistfully look back on the days when merely soliciting prostitutes was all you had to worry about with your film stars.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVmOU8HPf_E/

(Looks dumb. I remember this trailer though, specifically I remember Hugh Grant getting hit in the face by the kid on the swing set.)

Directors – Chris Columbus – ( Known For: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone; Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; Home Alone; Mrs. Doubtfire; Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief; Adventures in Babysitting; Stepmom; Rent; The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two; Only the Lonely; Future BMT: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York; Bicentennial Man; Heartbreak Hotel; BMT: Pixels; I Love You, Beth Cooper; Nine Months; Notes: He produced The Help, which was nominated for Best Picture. Started as a writer with things like Gremlins and Goonies, and then broke into directing a bit later. Wrote a television show called Galaxy High School.)

Writers – Patrick Braoudé – ( Known For: Love & Confusions; Neuf mois; Second Life; BMT: Nine Months; Notes: Wrote the original French film. He is also an actor in France, and was in The 15:17 to Paris as President Hollande.)

Chris Columbus – ( Known For: The Goonies; Gremlins; Gremlins 2: The New Batch; Young Sherlock Holmes; The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two; Only the Lonely; Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland; Future BMT: Reckless; Heartbreak Hotel; BMT: Nine Months; Christmas with the Kranks; Notes: He has wild writing credits, like for The Goonies II video game, and a French TV Movie called Madame Doubtfire which aired in France.)

Actors – Hugh Grant – ( Known For: The Gentlemen; Operation Fortune: Ruse de guerre; Love Actually; Notting Hill; Sense and Sensibility; Paddington 2; The Man from U.N.C.L.E.; Cloud Atlas; Four Weddings and a Funeral; Bridget Jones’s Diary; Bitter Moon; About a Boy; The Remains of the Day; Maurice; Florence Foster Jenkins; Two Weeks Notice; Music and Lyrics; Sirens; The Lair of the White Worm; Mickey Blue Eyes; Future BMT: American Dreamz; BMT: Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason; Did You Hear About the Morgans?; Nine Months; Notes: Was nominated for two Emmys, for A Very British Scandal and The Undoing. I’m a bit surprised he didn’t get anything really for About a Boy (not even a BAFTA nomination).)

Julianne Moore – ( Known For: Boogie Nights; The Big Lebowski; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; Crazy, Stupid, Love.; Kingsman: The Golden Circle; Magnolia; Don Jon; The Fugitive; Children of Men; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; The Hand that Rocks the Cradle; The Woman in the Window; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; Carrie; Chloe; Non-Stop; The Hours; Evolution; When You Finish Saving the World; Still Alice; Future BMT: Dear Evan Hansen; Hannibal; Eagle Eye; Next; Assassins; Psycho; Suburbicon; The Forgotten; Laws of Attraction; The Ladies Man; Freedomland; Roommates; The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag; BMT: Seventh Son; Body of Evidence; Nine Months; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Seventh Son in 2016; Notes: Was on As the World Turns from 1985 to 1988 and did a return cameo in 2010. Was nominated for five Oscars (Boogie Nights, The End of the Affair, The Hours, Far from Heaven, Still Alive) and finally won for Still Alice.)

Tom Arnold – ( Known For: True Lies; Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery; Good Mourning; Hit and Run; Kicking & Screaming; Bigger; Good Dick; Animal Factory; Hero; Gardens of the Night; Happy Endings; Dumbbells; Pride; Mr. 3000; The Skeptic; Barely Legal; Hansel & Gretel; The Great Buck Howard; Homo Erectus; Cloud 9; Future BMT: Coneheads; Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star; Soul Plane; Undercover Blues; Carpool; McHale’s Navy; Big Bully; Rebound; The Final Season; The Stupids; Madea’s Witness Protection; BMT: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare; Cradle 2 the Grave; Exit Wounds; Nine Months; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor in 1997 for Big Bully, Bio-Dome, Carpool, and The Stupids; Notes: He was a huge star for a while in the late 80s / early 90s (and famously married to Roseanne). He now does a lot of smaller films, but I’m most intrigued by his recurring guest role as Elvis Bertrand on NCIS: New Orleans.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $69,684,532 (Worldwide: $138,510,230)

(This seems like a huge hit. More domestic than Four Weddings and a Funeral. More international than My Best Friend’s Wedding. Both of those I feel like were considered decent enough successes of the era.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (8/32): Nine Months finds writer-director Chris Columbus playing to his worst comedic instincts — and relying far too heavily on the trademark tics of his miscast leading man.

(This sounds about right, and maybe is the opposite of Fathers’ Day? There they just transplanted the French jokes onto Billy Crystal and Robin Williams. It sounds like here they make a Hugh Grant version of the original. Neither seemed like they came out amazingly.)

Reviewer Highlight: [Nine Months] threatens to turn an interesting actor into a self-parodying commodity. – David Ansen, Newsweek

Poster – Ten Months

(I feel like the general framing and color scheme of the poster to be not my cup of tea. But despite all that, and the disastrous font, I think this is a clever poster. Maybe it’s the ridiculously goofy grin on Hugh Grant. Enough to launch it up to a C.)

Tagline(s) – Ready or Not. (B)

(Not clever, but concise and gives us exactly what we need to know without spelling it out. Honestly this poster is a masterclass in communication. They have basically shown and told you nothing, but implicitly you understand everything that the movie is about.)

Keyword(s) – European Remake

Future BMT: 54.5 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.0 Downhill (2020), 49.2 The Omen (2006), 44.8 Catch That Kid (2004), 44.4 Brick Mansions (2014), 43.1 Diabolique (1996), 43.0 Village of the Damned (1995), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.2 Clash of the Titans (2010), 41.2 Mixed Nuts (1994)

BMT: The Wicker Man (2006), Taxi (2004), The Haunting (1999), Get Carter (2000), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Pathfinder (2007), Fathers’ Day (1997), Nine Months (1995), The Big Wedding (2013), Sleepless (2017), The Blue Lagoon (1980), School for Scoundrels (2006), Blame It on Rio (1984), The Loft (2014), Vanilla Sky (2001)

Best Options (Romance): 47.1 Nine Months (1995), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 39.8 Intersection (1994), 37.9 My Father the Hero (1994), 37.9 Nine (2009), 32.3 Original Sin (2001), 29.7 The Woman in Red (1984), 24.4 The Man Who Loved Women (1983), 10.3 Wicker Park (2004)

(Smash that top pick. None of the others seem interesting except probably My Father the Hero which … woof, I feel like late Depardieu in American comedies might be a dark time. Reading his wikipedia he sounds a bit like Steven Seagal.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Hugh Grant is No. 1 billed in Nine Months and No. 1 billed in Did You Hear About the Morgans?, which also stars Sam Elliott (No. 4 billed) who is in Ghost Rider (No. 3 billed) which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (4 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (5 + 1) = 17. If we were to watch American Dreamz we can get the HoE Number down to 9.

Notes – Grant’s arrest in Los Angeles (June 27, 1995), and his subsequent appearance on The Tonight Show starring Jay Leno, two days before the release of this movie, not only boosted the box-office take, despite unfavorable reviews, it also catapulted Leno’s ratings over and above rival David Letterman’s for the very first time.

After reading the script, Robin Williams originally wanted to play the Barney-like dinosaur. He later opted to play the doctor.

Marks Hugh Grant’s first Hollywood feature film.

Robin Williams filmed his small supporting performance in this film at the same time Jumanji (1995) was being filmed.

Before Chris Columbus worked with Robin Williams on Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), he had seen him in comedy clubs in Los Angeles, where he was blown away by his energy. He thought he was one of the most impressive minds in comedy.

As Sam rushes Rebecca to the hospital, they pass a movie theater showing “Home Alone VII.” Home Alone (1990) was also directed by Chris Columbus.

Reportedly, Hans Zimmer composed the theme before the shooting started. It is also said that the score is inspired by the birth of Zimmer’s daughter.

Three of director Chris Columbus’ children appear in this movie. Eleanor Columbus plays a little girl in ballet class, Brendan Columbus plays a little boy on the beach, and Violet Columbus plays the baby in the toy store.

Based on a 1994 French comedy, Neuf mois, which means, “nine months.”

Hugh Grant, though in praise of his director and co-stars, was very critical and regretful of his performance in this film. He claimed he ruined it by ‘grotesquely over-acting,’ a result of his attempt to up his game due to the panic and pressure of being paid much more money than what he had been getting prior to his Hollywood debut. Grant has been eternally apologetic to all involved ever since.

Hugh Grant admitted that he and Julianne Moore did not get along during the production.

Writer-director Chris Columbus’ first choice for the role of Marty Dwyer was Jeff Daniels. However comic actor Tom Arnold had an agreement with 20th Century Fox the studio behind this film that he was allowed to star in another movie of his choice that they produced due to his success in the Arnold Schwarzenegger blockbuster True Lies (1994) the previous year. This deal was offered by Fox to Arnold as an apology because they originally did not want the comedian starring in that film due to his messy divorce at the time from his ex-wife Roseanne Barr. However James Cameron the director of True Lies insisted on Arnold’s casting or he would take his movie to another studio so Fox approved Arnold as to not lose the movie because they were sure they had a hit. Critics and audiences who disliked Arnold at the time and were critical of his work and personal life all agreed he gave a very good performance in True Lies, and because of the positive reception of his performance as well as of the film in general Arnold was allowed to do one more movie for Fox and he chose this film because he felt it would be a huge hit with Columbus directing due to the directors previous successes with the first two Home Alone movies and Mrs. Doubtfire (1993).