Tag: 50+ Notability

Fantastic Four (2005) Preview

Jamie looks down at the GMT Rulez. Rule #7 – Lotsa Twists. He crosses that off so it reads “Just One Well-timed Twist.” He looks back up at the drama unfolding in front of him. “Why don’t you tell him who you really are?” Patrick says, swirling his glass of scotch. Cowgirl Jamie looks between them and shrugs her shoulders, turning to Jamie. “Jeannie DuBois, ace reporter for the Times of Delaware. You have to understand major public interest stories don’t just walk into Delaware every day.” Jamie turns away, the stench of betrayal heavy in the air. “But I really did like you, Jamie. I really did want to watch Here on Earth with you. To understand you.” He stops her with a glance. “I can handle you just loving me for my rock hard abs. I can even understand you liking me because I’m famous… but please, have some respect for me and don’t lie about Here on Earth. I should have known when you said you thought every moment of Here on Earth was sexy that something was off. Is it sexy that Sam’s knee cancer came back at the very moment she found love with Kelley?” Jeannie flinches. “I didn’t think so. So please, just go,” Jamie spits. Patrick is already at the door. He pulls it open to allow Jeannie to leave and is shocked to see people waiting on the porch. “My word, is that Kyle from SexyMannequinTimes.com?!” Jeannie says, her eyes growing large, just before they push her out the door and pull Kyle and Rachel in for hugs. Patrick and Jamie are delighted. “The four of us back together again! Fantastic!” they scream, but there is nothing fantastic about the look on Kyle’s face. That’s right! We are finally sinking our teeth into the original Fantastic Four films. And I mean original. That’s because we aren’t just doing Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer from the early 2000’s. They’re also bringing along their friend, the never released Fantastic Four adaptation from 1994. It was just a way to keep the rights to the film and it works… worked so well that we had to get it into BMT. Fantastic. Let’s go!

Fantastic Four (2005) – BMeTric: 44.9; Notability: 91

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 0.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, Are We There Yet?, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Stealth, Cursed, Dirty Love, Doom, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Chaos, Supercross, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Sex and Breakfast, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, One Last Thing…, and 48 more; Notes: Amazing that any film would have a higher notability than this one for 2005, but there is Kingdom of Heaven.

RogerEbert.com – 1.0 stars – And the really good superhero movies, like “Superman,” “SpiderMan 2” and “Batman Begins,” leave “Fantastic Four” so far behind that the movie should almost be ashamed to show itself in the same theaters.

(Oh wow … you know, it is actually rather embarrassing that Fantastic Four and Batman Begins were put out in the same year. But the worst part is that they doubled down on the style! Surely it should be blatantly obvious that the cheesiness was no longer going to cut it at that point.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIx2jkXYu34/

(Oh wow this trailer is awful. But precisely in that 2005-frenetic-heavy-metal-music-video trailer. It is only at the end that is starts to look like a more normal halfway decent movie.)

Directors – Tim Story – ( Known For: Barbershop; Think Like a Man; The Blackening; Hurricane Season; The Firing Squad; Future BMT: Think Like a Man Too; BMT: Fantastic Four; Tom and Jerry; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Shaft; Taxi; Ride Along; Ride Along 2; Notes: Was a rapper at one point signed to Ice-T’s label. His rap name was M.C. Taste … in case this is some elaborate joke I’m just copying this off of IMDb. That is a crazy fact.)

Writers – Mark Frost – ( Known For: The Greatest Game Ever Played; Storyville; Future BMT: The Believers; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Nominated for four emmys, once for Hill Street Blues, and three times as a writer and producer for Twin Peaks. Started out on the production crew of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.)

Michael France – ( Known For: GoldenEye; Hulk; Cliffhanger; Future BMT: The Punisher; BMT: Fantastic Four; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Cliffhanger in 1994; Notes: More prolific that this suggests, he was seemingly writing spec scripts all over the place. Wait? … We haven’t seen The Punisher for BMT. That seems impossible, we watched Punisher: War Zone in 2012! You know what, this is one of those films that we watched prior to BMT and then forgot about.)

Stan Lee – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Thor: Love and Thunder; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Black Panther; Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; The Avengers; Iron Man; Spider-Man; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: Far from Home; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Y’all know Stan Lee. There was a sad struggle over his estate prior to his passing as he was in declining health.)

Jack Kirby – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Black Panther; Eternals; Avengers: Infinity War; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Captain Marvel; The Avengers; Iron Man; Captain America: Civil War; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Incredible Hulk; Future BMT: Justice League; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: One of the most significant comic writers in history and was especially known for his contributions to the silver age of Marvel comics.)

Actors – Ioan Gruffudd – ( Known For: Titanic; San Andreas; Black Hawk Down; Horrible Bosses; Ava; The Secret of Moonacre; The Professor and the Madman; W.; Playing It Cool; Wilde; Amazing Grace; The Gathering; Keep Watching; Fireflies in the Garden; Buttons, A New Musical Film; The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box; This Girl’s Life; Forever; Stories USA; Shooters; Future BMT: King Arthur; 102 Dalmatians; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Sanctum; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Awake, and Good Luck Chuck; Notes: Welsh. Has done a lot of television in recent years including 30 episodes in the series Harrow as Dr. Harrow.)

Michael Chiklis – ( Known For: Don’t Look Up; The Do-Over; Hubie Halloween; Parker; Nixon; Rupture; 10 Minutes Gone; High School; Deathstroke: Knights & Dragons – The Movie; 1985; Rise: Blood Hunter; Pawn; Do Not Disturb; Taxman; Future BMT: Eagle Eye; When the Game Stands Tall; Wired; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Soldier; Notes: Won an Emmy for The Shield, which he’s mostly known for. I know is partially because the future BMT film Wired, the Belushi biopic, got him somewhat blacklisted from film for a while.)

Chris Evans – ( Known For: Ant-Man; Avengers: Endgame; Knives Out; The Gray Man; Don’t Look Up; Avengers: Infinity War; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; Captain Marvel; Free Guy; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Avengers; Captain America: Civil War; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Not Another Teen Movie; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Snowpiercer; Lightyear; Thor: The Dark World; Gifted; Future BMT: The Nanny Diaries; Street Kings; Push; What’s Your Number?; The Perfect Score; TMNT; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Straight out of Boston. And it would have looked like he was going to be known for being the Human Torch in the bad Fantastic Four films, but then he basically became the most famous superhero character ever, so whatever.)

Budget/Gross – $100,000,000 / Domestic: $154,696,080 (Worldwide: $333,535,934)

(Decent. No wonder it got a sequel. Impressive what $100 million used to buy you.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 28% (59/214): Marred by goofy attempts at wit, subpar acting, and bland storytelling, Fantastic Four is a mediocre attempt to bring Marvel’s oldest hero team to the big screen.

(Yeah, sounds about right. Especially the “goofy” part. I remember everything being about how dumb The Thing and other stuff looked in the film when it came out.)

Reviewer Highlight: If there was ever any doubt that action scenes depend more on context than flash, Fantastic Four proves it. – Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Poster – Sklogtastic Four

(This feels very early 2000’s. They wanted something sleek and cool… they certainly got something sleek. Those four look like they’re gonna slide right off that poster. More boring than bad, but I’m not offended by it. D+)

Tagline(s) – Prepare for the fantastic. (F)

(Ha. No. So you’re saying that I’m supposed to look at this poster and think “Fantastic Four… prepare for the fantastic.” That’s stupid. I actually am offended by that one.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.7 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 28.9 A Good Man in Africa (1994), 25.8 Two for the Money (2005)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (superhero): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005)

(We are obviously doing both. We weren’t limited to Superheroes, but I did want to see if there were other options. You would think there would be more “obviously good” superheroes, but nope. I guess Superman would have counted, although I did generally limit myself to movies where the word was the whole word.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jessica Alba is No. 2 billed in Fantastic Four and No. 2 billed in Mechanic: Resurrection, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Stan Lee has said that Michael Chiklis’s Thing is his favourite performance in any “Marvel” film ever.

Jessica Alba had a kidney infection during the filming and nearly fainted when she was with Julian McMahon in the space station scene.

For most of the shoot, Michael Chiklis was terribly uncomfortable in the hot Thing suit. The final street battle, however, was filmed in Vancouver in December, leaving Chiklis as the only comfortable one of the four (the rest were in the skintight blue uniforms).

As part of his costume for The Thing, Michael Chiklis wore prosthetic teeth. To prepare himself to speak with the prostheses, Chiklis wore them when reading to his children.

Chris Evans improvised some of his dialogue.

Michael Chiklis was offered the role of Thing after Jennifer Garner suggested him for it.

The sequence of Johnny Storm morphing into a ball of flames and soaring over Manhattan took 4 months to create.

Thing notices puppets at Alicia’s art gallery and she says they belong to her father. In the comics, Alicia’s stepfather Philip Masters is the super-villain the Puppet Master, a foe of the Fantastic Four.

Paul Walker was considered for the part of Johnny Storm.

Jessica Alba dyed her hair blonde for this movie but wore a blonde wig for the second.

The scene on the bridge took about 5 weeks to shoot.

During development Chris Columbus pushed for the film to have a heavily comedic tone along the lines of the Batman (1966) TV series. Despite being hired because of his comedy background, Tim Story was able to persuade Columbus that going for an outright comedic tone would end in disaster, and pointed to the success of Spider-Man (2002) as proof that the film could still contain plenty of humor while having a generally serious overall storyline.

In the early 1990s Bernd Eichinger’s option on the rights to The Fantastic Four were about to expire, to avoid this he commissioned Roger Corman to make a film (The Fantastic Four (1994)) as quickly as possible so he could keep hold of the rights. This was mainly to thwart Chris Columbus who was after the rights at the same time. Corman’s version only cost $2 million, neither him or his cast and crew knew that the film was dumper-bound. It has however been seen in bootleg and download versions, with the general critical consensus being that it was a terrible movie.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Jessica Alba, 2006)

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The Fly II Preview

“I guess we’re having a little trouble with #4,” Jamie says, hoping to get some Good Movie insight from their new elderly friend. It seems right up his alley since it has to do with friendship: Rule #4 – Animal Friends/Animal Enemies. But the old man isn’t listening, he just keeps staring at a door at the back of the train that has a big money sign painted on it. “Why are you staring at the train’s treasure room?” Patrick asks, once again suspicious of this stereotypical old man. “Oh, I don’t know…” the old man starts before dramatically pulling off his disguise and drawing a gun on them. “Maybe because you’re gonna help me rob this train of its jewels,” he finishes. “He’s got a gun!” a nearby passenger screams. Panic ensues and the passengers flee, leaving the train car empty except for them. The young man explains how he saw them at the train station and knew it was his opportunity to use them to help him get away with his heist. He says something about forcing them to dance in order to distract the train police, but at that point Jamie and Patrick have stopped listening. They half-heartedly twin chop the gun out of his hand and backflip their way between him and the treasure room. “No, we’re not going to help you with this scheme. We’re not even going to get ourselves wrapped up in some complicated quest to stop you and your dastardly deeds. That was the old Movie Twins. The Bad Movie Twins. Now we’re the Good Movie Twins. In fact, we’re not just Good…” Patrick says and Jamie finishes, “We’re fly. And that’s exactly what you’re about to do.” At that they Twin Kick the faux geezer out of the moving train. That’s right! We are picking up a classic… and then we’ll watch that classic’s dumb sequel. It’s The Fly and The Fly II. The first one is a Cronenberg classic. The second is the one directed by the dude who did the creature effects for the first film… I’m not joking… that’s what happened because they probably thought, “whatever, this is just a cash grab anyway.” Let’s go!

The Fly II (1989) – BMeTric: 56.0; Notability: 33

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 3.2%; Notability: top 14.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 19.1%; Higher BMeT: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, Wild Orchid, Cyborg, The Karate Kid Part III; Higher Notability: Tango & Cash, Troop Beverly Hills, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Fletch Lives, Harlem Nights, Leviathan, Listen to Me, Lock Up, Pink Cadillac, Family Business, Millennium, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Three Fugitives, Dead Bang, Let It Ride, Renegades, Slaves of New York, The Karate Kid Part III, and 16 more; Lower RT: Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, Police Academy 6: City Under Siege, Stepfather II: Make Room for Daddy, The Toxic Avenger Part II, The Horror Show, Worth Winning, Night Game, Second Sight, Wired, Dream a Little Dream, No Holds Barred, Wild Orchid, She’s Out of Control, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Millennium, Chattahoochee, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland, The Blood of Heroes, The Lemon Sisters, and 25 more; Notes: We are doing okay with 1989 now I think, just look at the Top BMeT list. This will be 7 of the top 8 watched for BMT, with only Karate Kid III outstanding there. I have a subtle goal which is to watch the top 10 BMeT films of every year from 1980 to now. I think the early 80s can be done if we loosen up the restrictions, but I already have ideas about that.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB –  A case of “like father, like son”; too bad director Walas isn’t like David Cronenberg. Stoltz, son of deceased Jeff Goldblum, has attained puberty at five with the intellect to match; now he’s being unknowingly exploited by – here’s a novel twist – the scientists in whose care he’s entrusted. Alternatively sull and messy but mostly dull.

(First, double semi-colon. Jesus Christ Leonard, you’d outdone even yourself. Second, like father like son? You talking like Big Momma and his (her?) son? I’m surprised “mostly dull” gets a BOMB. BOMBs are ultra rare.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yS6E2EXlnI/

(Horrible horrible horrible. I hate it. Annoying and not scary or good. The last bit of the trailer does get you a bit amped and teases the puppet at least.)

Directors – Chris Walas – ( Known For: The Vagrant; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: The Vagrant looks absolutely wild. Anyways, he did the makeup for the original Fly (and was nominated for an Oscar for it). This seemed to be his one and only attempt at a truly major release, although he is a genuinely famous special effects artist working on Return of the Jedi, Enemy Mine, and Gremlins.)

Writers – Mick Garris – ( Known For: Hocus Pocus 2; *batteries not included; Nightmare Cinema; Riding the Bullet; Future BMT: Hocus Pocus; BMT: Critters 2; The Fly II; Notes: Very notably was a secretary at the Star Wars Corporation in 1977. He’s a pretty big name horror director from the 80s)

Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat– ( Known For: Pitch Black; A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master; The Silent Scream; After Midnight; The Return; Future BMT: The Chronicles of Riddick; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Under the fold is the incredible revelation that they are the directors of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. They are brothers and writing partners.)

Frank Darabont – ( Known For: The Shawshank Redemption; The Green Mile; The Mist; The Blob; Frankenstein; A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I feel like he’s mostly notable for the big issues he’s had with The Walking Dead and getting paid for that … but yeah, also he’s the director for Shawshank. I’m a little stunned all of these credits are for exclusively The Fly II with not credit for the original writers or anything?)

George Langelaan – (Known For: The Fly, Return of the Fly; Curse of the Fly, The Fly; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: They obviously had to credit him for the story and characters. But again, a little crazy that Cronenberg gets nothing on the sequel? It makes no sense.)

Actors – Eric Stoltz – ( Known For: Pulp Fiction; Back to the Future; Jerry Maguire; Fast Times at Ridgemont High; Little Women; Some Kind of Wonderful; Mask; Say Anything; The Prophecy; The Rules of Attraction; Singles; Kicking and Screaming; 2 Days in the Valley; Memphis Belle; Rob Roy; Her Smell; 5 to 7; The House of Mirth; The Wild Life; Killing Zoe; Future BMT: The Butterfly Effect; The Honeymooners; Fluke; Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer; BMT: Anaconda; The Fly II; Notes: Famously the original Marty McFly in Back to the Future (still uncredited there presumably because he’s still included in some wide shots?). Mostly does small things and television spots, but was also a star of the Battlestar Galactica spinoff Caprica it looks like.)

Daphne Zuniga – ( Known For: Spaceballs; Vision Quest; The Sure Thing; The Initiation; Modern Girls; The Dorm That Dripped Blood; Staying Together; Last Rites; Heartbeats; Gone Missing; Charlie’s Ghost Story; Mad at the Moon; Who’s Driving Doug; Enemies of Laughter; Summer Forever; Future BMT: Gross Anatomy; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: I obviously know her from Spaceballs. She’s continued to do a lot of stuff, mostly guest spots on television, but she was also on 40 episodes of One Tree Hill.)

Lee Richardson – ( Known For: Network; The Exorcist III; Prizzi’s Honor; Prince of the City; Brubaker; Q&A; Daniel; Middle of the Night; Tiger Warsaw; I Am the Cheese; Future BMT: The Believers; A Stranger Among Us; BMT: The Fly II; Notes: Uncredited as FDR in the Truman television movie. Was nominated for a Tony Award for Vivat! Vivat Rgina! In 1972. Died in 1999.)

Budget/Gross – N/A / Domestic: $20,021,322 (Worldwide: $38,903,179)

(That seems bad considering how much must have went into effects. A little odd that there is no info at all about how much this movie costs seemingly.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (5/17)

(Oh a consensus: Often horribly graphic and … well just horrible, The Fly II exchanges the creepy for the just plain gross.)

Reviewer Highlight: Worthless sequel to a very good film – Ken Hanke, Mountain Xpress

Poster – The Fly II: Superfly

(Christ, they just knocked off the first film’s poster. Really was a cash grab. Although then again there is a rich history of just trotting out the same thing for a sequel. Back to the Future comes to mind. I like the tone, wish the font was a little better, and can’t give it much of a score since it is a knockoff. C.)

Tagline(s) – Like father, like son. (F)

(We talking Big Momma’s House 3? I sometimes wonder when we have a tagline this generic whether we could build a trilogy of films with the exact same tagline.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)

Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Horror): 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014)

(Yeah, no very good options here, until you pulled in some Thrillers. At the very least The Good Son would have been an option … but spoilers, we are doing that later.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 16) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Eric Stoltz is No. 1 billed in The Fly II and No. 4 billed in Anaconda, which also stars Jennifer Lopez (No. 1 billed) who is in Gigli (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 4) + (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 16. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Chris Walas wanted Geena Davis to reprise her role as Veronica Quaife for the birth scene at the beginning of the film. Geena Davis declined, because she had found the maggot-baby dream sequence in the original film emotionally upsetting and was replaced by Saffron Henderson, despite being 10 years younger than Davis.

The first videotape of Seth Brundle (Jeff Goldblum) (where he theorizes that the teleporter improved him) is actually part of a deleted scene from The Fly (1986). The scene was slightly edited for this film, and Veronica’s (Geena Davis) voice was dubbed over by Saffron Henderson (who plays Veronica at the beginning of The Fly II (1989)).

The Telepod props from The Fly (1986) were destroyed after filming was completed and had to be rebuilt.

John Getz (Stathis Borans) is the only actor reprising a role from the The Fly (1986).

The green flashes of light between each credit in the title sequence were actually borrowed from an alternate, unused title sequence for The Fly (1986).

In at least one draft of the script, Martin was going to see yet another videotape of Seth Brundle (this time nearing the end of his transformation), in which Seth talks about his “cure”. This would have required brand-new footage of Jeff Goldblum in makeup from the previous film, and the concept was subsequently dropped from the script.

The movie was originally given an X rating by the MPAA because of the graphic scene where Hargis’ head is crushed underneath an elevator. Director Chris Walas appealed the decision, and the MPAA gave the film an R rating without any edits to the scene.

In some US states, theaters playing The Fly II (1989) had a nurse on hand for the audience’s reactions to its content.

Mel Brooks suggested to Chris Walas that Daphne Zuniga play Beth Logan, after Zuniga starred as Princess Vespa in Brook’s “Star Wars” spoof Spaceballs (1987).

The book next to the sleeping technician in the control room at the beginning of the film is “The Shape of Rage”, an anthology of writings about the films of David Cronenberg, who directed this film’s predecessor.

A scene was taken out of the film which reveals the reason why Bartok and his scientists can’t get the Telepods to work is because Stathis took the operating disc from the Telepods and all the research on it to ensure the Telepods couldn’t cause any more damage than they already had.

Although “The Fly III” never happened, a comic book sequel, “The Fly: Outbreak” by Brandon Seifert, was published in 2015. “Outbreak” takes place years after The Fly II (1989) and it follows Martin Brundle attempting to cure Anton Bartok of his mutant condition.

Originally, writer Mick Garris’s script was about Veronica being convinced not to abort her baby by a religious cult who would keep and raise Martin after he was born. The rapidly aging Martin is joined by a group of kids with their own unique abilities or deformities and Martin could discover he could communicate with insects and would lead the kids to escape the cult and live in the outskirts of L.A.. This premise was abandoned for being too strange and family friendly. Another draft included Bartok scientists using cloning technology to resurrect Seth Brundle, still stuck as BrundleFly at first, and would discover that his son Martin (who was originally meant to be a child/teenager throughout the film) could communicate with him. Chris Walas disliked this version of the story as he thought it was too odd of a premise to the point where it came off like a family-friendly horror film about a boy and his bug monster. He even threatened to walk off the project if the script wasn’t changed, so the Fox executives relented and hired Frank Darabont to overhaul the script.

There had been a change in management at Fox between The Fly (1986) and this sequel, and the new head of Fox hadn’t even seen the previous film. Director Chris Walas claims that they wanted the film to explore themes of defying destiny and what it means to be a son, but the Fox executives ordered them to ditch the existential themes and make the film a standard, gory movie that teens could enjoy on their date. Mel Brooks would later remark that he had never seen so much studio interference on a movie before.

Money Train Preview

Jamie and Patrick wait by the train tracks whistling a jaunty tune. Their bags are packed for Delaware and they are feeling good. Real good. Good Movie Twins is up and running and they even have their first movie picked out. Jamie stares down at their mint DVD copy of Citizen Kane. “What’s this one about again? I hope it’s a biopic of Carol Kane,” Jamie says hopefully before starting to get antsy. “Where is this train? When are we gonna get to Delllaawwwaarreeeee?” he whines and Patrick sighs. He pulls out their Good Movie Twins Rulez are Coolz card. “Rule #3 – Trains, Planes, and Cranes,” he mutters and Jamie perks up. “All those are great… is there a train, plane or crane in Citizen Kane?” he asks, but before Patrick can respond he feels a tap on his shoulder. “Hello, you young whippersnappers, I was hoping that perhaps you were a couple of good boys who could help an old man with his luggage.” Jamie and Patrick look at each other and then at the old man. He has a mass of frizzy white hair, tiny bifocals and a newsboy hat… in fact everything about him screams OLD… suspiciously so. But before Patrick can voice his skepticism the old man takes note of Jamie’s DVD. “Oh, boy Citizen Kane. That one is my favorite. No trains, planes or cranes. Although trains and planes are a big part of a lot of good films.” Suddenly Patrick sees an opportunity for GMT research. Instead of brushing off this suspicious old man he instead crosses off Cranes from Rule #3 and agrees to help him just as their train pulls in. With their moods only further enhanced, Patrick and Jamie put on their sunglasses. “This train is gonna be money.” That’s right! We’re watching the moniest of trains in Money Train. No it’s not a train made of money, it’s just an armored subway train that contains boatloads of money… specifically on New Years Eve. You ready for a countdown? Let’s go!

Money Train (1995) – BMeTric: 41.1; Notability: 54

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 9.6%; Notability: top 4.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 16.7%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Vampire in Brooklyn, Showgirls, Fair Game, Jury Duty, Batman Forever, Congo, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Theodore Rex, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Judge Dredd, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity, Jade, and 4 more; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island, Virtuosity, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Showgirls, Stuart Saves His Family, Four Rooms, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers; Lower RT: National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Delta of Venus, The Big Green, Jury Duty, Theodore Rex, The Walking Dead, Born to Be Wild, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Vampire in Brooklyn, Canadian Bacon, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Jade, and 19 more; Notes: Loving that notability for a 90s film. How we haven’t seen Under Siege 2: Dark Territory yet is beyond me. Same goes for Jury Duty.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  The costars of White Men Can’t Jump try to reignite their chemistry as randy N.Y.C. transit cops – and brothers (!) – who fight over the same woman, argue over Woody’s gambling fever, and get involved in the theft of a money-laden subway car. Violent, overly contrived buddy flick with some big subterranean action scenes. The stars are funny together, but Blake is way over the top as the boys’ megalomaniac supervisor. All in all, “token” entertainment.

(Token, get it? Like subway tokens. Blake is indeed insane, and gambling fever? Woody should get that checked out. I give this review 3 Maltins. That’s out of four. Needed mor esemi-colons.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Odo80-WFgM/

(I remember this trailer so well! I remember the explanation of them being brothers being on constantly. Have to say … this trailer is rocking. I’m amped to watch this movie now.)

Directors – Joseph Ruben – ( Known For: The Stepfather; Dreamscape; The Ottoman Lieutenant; Return to Paradise; Blindsided; The Pom Pom Girls; True Believer; The Sister in Law; Gorp; Joyride; Our Winning Season; Future BMT: The Good Son; The Forgotten; BMT: Sleeping with the Enemy; Money Train; Notes: This basically ended his major motion picture run he was one from 1987 to 1995. Wrote Dreamscape.)

Writers – Doug Richardson – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Die Hard 2; Future BMT: Hostage; BMT: Welcome to Mooseport; Money Train; Notes: His one-two punch of Money Train and Bad Boys in 1995 is something else. I assume he’s a script doctor, otherwise his credits make no sense.)

David Loughery – ( Known For: Shattered; Fatale; End of the Road; Lakeview Terrace; Nurse; Dreamscape; Blindsided; Flashback; Future BMT: The Three Musketeers; Obsessed; Passenger 57; Tom and Huck; BMT: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; The Intruder; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier in 1990; Notes: Tom and Huck and The Three Musketeers. He’s like a case study in adapting classic literature poorly.)

Actors – Wesley Snipes – ( Known For: Blade; Coming 2 America; Blade II; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar; King of New York; Major League; New Jack City; White Men Can’t Jump; Dolemite Is My Name; Waiting to Exhale; Chaos; Jungle Fever; Brooklyn’s Finest; Undisputed; Cut Throat City; Gallowwalkers; Mo’ Better Blues; One Night Stand; Chi-Raq; The Recall; Future BMT: U.S. Marshals; Blade: Trinity; Passenger 57; Wildcats; Murder at 1600; The Fan; Drop Zone; The Art of War; Sugar Hill; Play It to the Bone; Boiling Point; Streets of Gold; BMT: The Expendables 3; Rising Sun; Demolition Man; Money Train; Notes: Back doing movies like Coming 2 America and was just in the mini series True Story. Spent a shade over two years in prison for tax evasion.)

Woody Harrelson – ( Known For: Triangle of Sadness; The Hunger Games; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri; No Country for Old Men; Out of the Furnace; Seven Psychopaths; The Hunger Games: Catching Fire; Solo: A Star Wars Story; Friends with Benefits; Zombieland; The Man from Toronto; Venom: Let There Be Carnage; Now You See Me; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2; Midway; Natural Born Killers; The Edge of Seventeen; The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1; The Thin Red Line; Zombieland: Double Tap; Future BMT: Venom; Indecent Proposal; Now You See Me 2; Seven Pounds; Wildcats; Semi-Pro; After the Sunset; Free Birds; The Cowboy Way; Palmetto; Play It to the Bone; BMT: 2012; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Supporting Actor for Indecent Proposal in 1994; Notes: Made famous as Woody on Cheers. Nominated three times for Oscars for Three Billboards, The Messenger, and The People vs. Larry Flynt. Nominated 8 times for Emmys, five times for Cheers (he won once), and for Frasier, Game Change, and True Detective.)

Jennifer Lopez – ( Known For: Shotgun Wedding; Marry Me; Hustlers; Out of Sight; The Cell; Home; Second Act; Antz; U Turn; Parker; Selena; Jersey Girl; Shall We Dance; An Unfinished Life; My Family; Lila & Eve; Bordertown; Blood and Wine; El cantante; My Little Girl; Future BMT: Maid in Manhattan; Ice Age: Collision Course; Enough; Jack; Ice Age: Continental Drift; The Wedding Planner; The Back-up Plan; Monster-in-Law; Angel Eyes; Feel the Noise; BMT: The Boy Next Door; Anaconda; What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Gigli; Money Train; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actress, and Worst Screen Couple for Gigli in 2004; Nominee for Worst Actress in 2002 for Angel Eyes, and The Wedding Planner; in 2003 for Enough, and Maid in Manhattan; in 2006 for Monster-in-Law; and in 2016 for The Boy Next Door; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress in 2005 for Jersey Girl; and in 2013 for What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Nominee for Worst Actress of the Decade in 2010 for Angel Eyes, Enough, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Maid in Manhattan, Monster-in-Law, and The Wedding Planner; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple for Jersey Girl in 2005; Notes: Nominated for an Emmy for her Super Bowl Halftime Show in 2020. Notably started as a fly girl on In Living Color.)

Budget/Gross – $68 million / Domestic: $35,431,113 (Worldwide: $35,431,113)

(Whoops, that’s terrible! I can see why it didn’t click with people though now that I’ve seen it, it is a bit too self-serious to work on the level of Con Air and others of that ilk.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 22% (7/32): Loud, incoherent, and aimless, Money Train reunites Snipes and Harrelson — and proves that starring duos are far from immune to the law of diminishing returns.

(It is incoherent. I can give it that. You know? I completely forgot these two starred in White Men Can’t Jump. They don’t work as well here as a duo.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s stupid, but also breezier than the year’s other 12-score releases not worth a second look. – Mike Clark, USA Today

Poster – The Great Train Robbery

(If I could induct a film in the BMT HoF purely off a poster it would be this one. My word! This shit is off the rails (pun very much intended). Look at the majesty of two actors running from a fake train with a look on their faces like “What is this picture for?” The orange glow of the poster hurt my eyes and yet I’m drawn to it like a moth to a money train. Even the font is like “I’m gonna barely try but still be a little unique… just like Money Train.” I hate it… and yet I love it. Starts at a D and then comes all the way around to an A.)

Tagline(s) – Get on the fast track! (D)

(Ha! No! Sorry, that’s horrible. At least it’s short, I guess.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), The Nice Guys (2016)

Future BMT: 67.3 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Like a Boss (2020), 56.2 The Fly II (1989), 51.7 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.0 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.6 The Hot Chick (2002), 49.9 Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 47.1 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.4 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (Action): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005), 41.0 Money Train (1995), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.0 Stroker Ace (1983), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 24.5 Money Talks (1997), 21.7 One Good Cop (1991), 21.7 Killer Elite (2011), 14.4 The Great Raid (2005), 2.5 Man on Fire (2004)

(Spoilees, we are doing the Fantastic Fours later on, so this was actually the best option. And honestly, it’s by a long shot, there was no way I was watching The Great Wall.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Wesley Snipes is No. 1 billed in Money Train and No. 2 billed in Demolition Man, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. If we were to watch Murder at 1600, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – Two days after the film opened, two men poured gasoline over a ticket booth on the Brooklyn subway and set it alight in an incident similar to the one depicted in the film. The booth attendant was burned and later died of his injuries. Consequently, New York City subway workers called for a boycott of the film and the removal of all the posters from every station. Senator Bob Dole quickly came out in support of them. Columbia Pictures refused to bow to their demands.

This boasts the distinction of having one of the longest sets ever constructed for a film. At over three thousand feet long, twenty feet high, and four railway tracks wide, the set was roughly the same size as two Empire State buildings lying side by side. The original plan was to film in the real New York City subway, but the logistics proved to be too problematic.

Twelve New York City subway cars were shipped over to Los Angeles to the film set. They were converted to run on propane so that the rails on the film set did not need to be electrified, a potential health hazard for all of the crew.

The prop train used for the money train was an actual retired New York City subway train that was destined to be scrapped. After the film was completed, it was donated to the New York City Transit Authority, and currently resides in the Coney Island Rapid Transit Yard.

Most of the subway scenes were filmed on a four thousand-foot-long set built to resemble a typical four-track New York City subway trunkline. It included three stations, all of which were built as local stops with the platforms on the outside of the outer tracks. Included were I-beams between each track, spaced five feet apart just as they are in New York City. The ceiling, however, was much higher than on any actual New York City subway line.

While there are scenes that show R30 class subway trains running on the IRT Lexington Avenue Line, this would be physically impossible in reality. Due to New York City’s subway having been constructed by competing companies, trains for the lettered lines would not fit on the numbered lines, as they are too wide. IRT trains are narrower and shorter than BMT/IND trains.

Robert Blake claims that his first meeting with Producer Jon Peters consisted of Peters wrestling Blake to the ground. At the premiere, Blake said Peters told him he wrestled with Blake to see if Blake would lose his temper.

Originally, the movie was developed by Director Tony Scott and Screenwriter Doug Richardson. After some time, Scott left the project and was replaced by Joseph Ruben, who fired Richardson and had the script re-written.

The sex scene between Wesley Snipes and Jennifer Lopez was not in the original script, but was added after filming had begun.

The Wall Street station scenes were filmed at the Union Square station on the IRT Lexington Avenue line. The 33rd Street station is the real one, on the same line. All scenes filmed on the subway set featured retired carbon steel R-30 subway cars, painted red. Scenes filmed on the actual New York City subway featured stainless steel R-62 cars.

The subway car used as the money train in the film is a modified R21 subway car. The car was modified by the Metropolitan Transit Authority and film crew in a way that looks absolutely nothing like the actual revenue collection trains used in the system.

Jurassic World: Dominion Preview

Jamie and Patrick walk along the Canals of Amsterdam. They admire all the sites, including a few they recognize from Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo. It’s a magical time. “This is a magical time,” Says Producer Frank Brow. It would seem he has decided to play their triplet in hopes that they agree to join America is Very Good as permanent hosts. “And that’s darn tootin’. You can use that on the show,” he adds. The Brow-isms were coming fast and furious in what appeared to be his primary strategy for wooing them into the gig. “Yo, Brow, my man, we’ve always heard that Amsterdam is a place of forbidden wonder (if you know what I mean). Is that true?” Jamie asks, waggling his eyebrows. Mr. Brow gulps, and Patrick can see Brow’s brow getting moist with nervous sweat. He gulps and, with dollar signs dancing in his eyes, summons his courage. “Of course, come with me,” he wheezes. A moment later they stand in front of a red light district storefront. “Mr. Brow, well I never,” Patrick exclaims, “I’m a happily married man.” Mr. Brow apologizes, his face turning crimson. He beckons them again to follow. A moment later they stand in front of a coffee shop. “Mr. Brow, well I never,” Jamie exclaims, “Everyone knows we D.A.R.E. to not do drugs.” Mr. Brow apologizes profusely and admits that when Jamie parathentically said “if you know what I mean,” it turned out that he didn’t. Just as he’s about to explain, Jamie’s eyes light up and he points at something over Mr. Brow’s shoulder. “That’s what I mean,” he says with great excitement. Brow spins around to see a giant amusement park called “Dino Globe” with the tagline “Amsterdam: the only place where dinosaurs are legal.” That’s right! We are finishing the Jurassic World trilogy with the only entry that qualified for BMT, this year’s Jurassic World: Dominion. Spoiler alert! I heard that the T-Rex might fight another dinosaur and maybe even inadvertently save the day. They just can’t quite Sexy Rexy. Let’s go!

Jurassic World: Dominion (2022) – BMeTric: 44.3; Notability: 71

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 6.8%; Notability: top 0.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.5%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter, Moonfall, Morbius, Blacklight, Pinocchio, Me Time, Spiderhead, Deep Water, The Invitation, After Ever Happy, Jurassic World: Dominion, Senior Year, Blackout, The 355; Higher Notability: Black Adam; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight, Firestarter, White Elephant, Prey for the Devil, Morbius, The Last Manhunt, Blackout, The Bubble, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, On the Line, The 355, The Invitation, Pinocchio, Memory; Notes: That notability will only go up. I assume this is ultimately going to be a 100+ Notability film all said and done, just will take a few years.

RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Worst of all, the series again fails to properly explore its most tantalizing question: how would our world change if dinosaurs were added to it? The opening section packs any halfway intriguing or funny thing that “Dominion” might have to say about this topic into a TV news montage—showing, for instance, a little girl being chased on a beach by baby dinos (an homage to “The Lost World”), a couple releasing doves at their wedding only to have one of them get snatched out of the air by a pterodactyl, and pteranodons nesting in the World Trade Center (possibly a reference to Larry Cohen’s “Q: The Winged Serpent,” in which an ancient Aztec god nests in the Chrysler Building). Ninety minutes of footage like this, minus any characters or plot at all, probably would’ve resulted in an artistically better use of a couple hundred million dollars than “Jurassic World: Dominion,” which will doubtless be a smash on the order of all the other entries in the franchise, even though it doesn’t do much more than the bare minimum you’d expect for one of these films, and not all that well.

(Actually higher praise than I would have imagined. The movie looks like garbage, no joke.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtQycgMD4HQ/

(I watched this trailer live as well. It is more obvious that the raptors actually look like garbage while watching the film. The scene with the raptors in the city is embarrassing.)

Directors – Colin Trevorrow – ( Known For: Jurassic World; Safety Not Guaranteed; Future BMT: The Book of Henry; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: His career is kind of balancing on a knife’s edge. He was supposed to do Star Wars 9, but then The Book of Henry was so catastrophic he got it taken away. The write up for his version sounded awful anyways. And now this. He’ll either retreat to a small Indie hit like Safety Not Guaranteed, or tee up another big film and his career will live and die by that.)

Writers – Emily Carmichael – ( Known For: Pacific Rim: Uprising; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: Ooooof, not an impressive set of films. She has otherwise exclusively written and directed shorts.)

Colin Trevorrow – ( Known For: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Jurassic World; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: Yeah he got a credit on Star Wars 9, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t really use any of this script. Oddly didn’t really start writing stuff until he was directing huge features.)

Derek Connolly – ( Known For: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Jurassic World; Kong: Skull Island; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Pokémon Detective Pikachu; Safety Not Guaranteed; Future BMT: Monster Trucks; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: Just a story credit, but he’s done an eclectic set of films since writing Safety Not Guaranteed which Trevorrow directed.)

Michael Crichton – ( Known For: Jurassic Park; Jurassic World; Twister; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; The Great Train Robbery; The Lost World: Jurassic Park; Jurassic Park III; Disclosure; Westworld; Runaway; The Andromeda Strain; Coma; The Terminal Man; Looker; The Carey Treatment; Dealing: Or the Berkeley-to-Boston Forty-Brick Lost-Bag Blues; Extreme Close-Up; Future BMT: Sphere; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; The 13th Warrior; Timeline; Congo; Rising Sun; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Written Film Grossing Over $100 Million for Twister in 1997; Notes: He wrote the original Jurassic Park book. Fun fact: he wrote Lost World after they had already decided to make the movie. There was never supposed to be a second Jurassic Park book at all.)

Actors – Chris Pratt – ( Known For: Thor: Love and Thunder; Avengers: Endgame; Guardians of the Galaxy; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Avengers: Infinity War; Her; The Magnificent Seven; Zero Dark Thirty; Jurassic World; Moneyball; The Tomorrow War; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Wanted; Jennifer’s Body; The Lego Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Onward; The Kid; 10 Years; The Five-Year Engagement; Future BMT: Passengers; What’s Your Number?; Take Me Home Tonight; Delivery Man; Jem and the Holograms; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Movie 43; Bride Wars; Notes: He’s kind of in everything now. He is very good in Parks and Recreation which is where most people probably saw him first.)

Bryce Dallas Howard – ( Known For: How the Grinch Stole Christmas; A Beautiful Mind; Jurassic World; Spider-Man 3; The Help; The Village; Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; Rocketman; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; 50/50; Pete’s Dragon; Gold; A Dog’s Way Home; Hereafter; Manderlay; Good Dick; Book of Love; As You Like It; The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Lady in the Water; Notes: Ron Howard’s daughter. She has notably directed a few of the recent Star Wars television show episodes.)

Laura Dern – ( Known For: Little Women; Jurassic Park; Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi; The Son; Blue Velvet; Downsizing; Marriage Story; The Master; The Fault in Our Stars; Wild at Heart; The Founder; Mask; Jurassic Park III; Cold Pursuit; Inland Empire; Wild; October Sky; Fat Man and Little Boy; A Perfect World; Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore; Future BMT: Little Fockers; I Am Sam; When the Game Stands Tall; BMT: Jurassic World: Dominion; Notes: She’s done a bunch of television in the recent years, including, oddly, an uncredited stint on White Lotus. She’s been in just three of the Jurassic Park movies, the first third and sixth.)

Budget/Gross – $165–185 million / Domestic: $376,009,080 (Worldwide: $1,001,136,080)

(A billion dollars. People just like dinosaurs yo.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (114/393): Jurassic World Dominion might be a bit of an improvement over its immediate predecessors in some respects, but this franchise has lumbered a long way down from its classic start.

(It is not an improvement on its predecessors. It is, frankly, the worst of the six movies so far and in my opinion it is by quite a distance. Yes, even the third one.)

Reviewer Highlight: This is not a story that begged to be told or a saga that demanded a finale. It’s another dispiriting example of how Hollywood never leaves money on the table. It’s just a shame that so much talent is wasted in the process – Leonard Maltin, leonardmaltin.com

Poster – Jurassic Sklog: Extinction

(D as in Dumb.)

Tagline(s) – The epic conclusion of the Jurassic era. (F)

(F as in For Sure Dumb.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 64.8 Halloween Ends (2022), 63.9 Firestarter (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 38.5 Memory (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

(Wait, what is the sub cycle? Oh right, films set in the future. … … Yeah, I mean, prove it didn’t? I kid in a way, but as the biggest baddest sci-fi film of the year it did seem like fair game for Achievement Unlocked, no films definitively set in the future qualified in 2022.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 17) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bryce Dallas Howard is No. 2 billed in Jurassic World: Dominion and No. 2 billed in Lady in the Water, which also stars Paul Giamatti (No. 1 billed) who is in Paycheck (No. 4 billed) which also stars Ben Affleck (No. 1 billed) who is in Pearl Harbor (No. 1 billed) which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 4) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 17. If we were to watch Bicentennial Man, Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Laura Dern strongly expressed her desire to return to the series in March 2017; adding that: “If you guys make a last one, you gotta let Ellie Sattler come back. She’s always the one who’s saving the day, man!”

Jeff Goldblum is the same age in this film that Richard Attenborough was in Jurassic Park (1993).

When Jeff Goldblum found out he was appearing with his two co-stars from the the original film, he wrote on Instagram about Colin Trevorrow a line he said in the original, “You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it.” He also added, “happy as a clamasaurus to be reunited with my brilliant costars from the original Jurassic Park Laura Dern and Sam Neill for the next installment of Jurassic World… Coming soon!!”

Sam Neil has often said he thought Dr. Grant would have long since retired by now, but maybe the threat of dinosaurs back on American soil would force him to reconsider that option.

Colin Trevorrow has revealed that this film is actually going to have more animatronics than its predecessors. As he put it: “We’ve actually gone more practical with every Jurassic movie we’ve made since the first one, and we’ve made more animatronics in this one than we have in the previous two.”

Trevorrow stated that the film would be set around the world, and said that the idea of Henry Wu being the only person who knows how to create a dinosaur was far-fetched “after 30 years of this technology existing” within the films’ universe. Additionally, the film would focus on the dinosaurs that were freed at the end of Fallen Kingdom, but it would not depict dinosaurs terrorizing cities, an idea that Trevorrow considered unrealistic. Instead, Trevorrow was interested in a world where “a dinosaur might run out in front of your car on a foggy backroad, or invade your campground looking for food. A world where dinosaur interaction is unlikely but possible–the same way we watch out for bears or sharks. We hunt animals, we traffic them, we herd them, we breed them, we invade their territory and pay the price, but we don’t go to war with them.” Trevorrow said that the film would also be about Owen and Claire’s redemption, and their responsibility to take care of Maisie, a cloned girl from the previous film. Trevorrow said about the film and its predecessors, “I have a dinosaur movie that I’ve always wanted to see, and it took two movies to earn it.”

Laura Dern told TIME that reuniting with the adorable animatronic nausutoceratops “was equally as jaw dropping, but nothing will be like that first moment I walked through a field on Kauai [in Hawaii] with Sam Neill and I looked ahead and I saw a triceratops. That was my first dinosaur and I will love that dinosaur the most forever.”

Speaking with CinemaBlend, Bryce Dallas Howard expressed hopes of going all out for the then-untitled Jurassic World 3 and bringing in more characters from the original Jurassic Park (1993) to finish out the trilogy. Howard also revealed that this is currently one of the many goals of Jurassic World 3, saying: “In terms of the third movie, the goal overall is to bring the entire saga together. It’ll be the sixth film at the end of the day. For me, what I’m most wanting, other than an undercut, is for there to be more characters from the earlier films.”

Colin Trevorrow said that the film would be a “science thriller,” describing it as being the Jurassic World film that would most closely match the tone of Steven Spielberg’s original Jurassic Park (1993).

One Jurassic World character returning that director Colin Trevorrow is especially proud of: Dr. Henry Wu. That’s according to the actor who plays him, BD Wong, who said: “Colin’s very proud of where he’s taken this particular character. He kind of rescued this character from obscurity from the original Jurassic Park movie….Then years later Colin came back and said ‘Well who’s not dead?’ and went through the roster of characters. There was only one person they could really, not even resurrect him, they just pulled him back from obscurity because he had not been attended to properly as far as I’m concerned. And he has now taken a turn into a whole other world in the franchise and become a more complex and more interesting individual. So where he goes in the third movie, cannot be said by me right now, but Colin’s very proud of it and rightly so.”

Amsterdam Preview

It was a classic Bad Movie Twins dance. Abs? Gleaming. Jorts? Brimming. Legs? Akimbo. Just when Kevin James thought it would end, his hand hovering over his patented “Not Good Buzzer,” the routine would ratchet up a notch. Jamie and Patrick stared daggers at him, their muscles burning at 45 straight minutes of experimental dance the likes of which a national audience had never witnessed. Ratings were spiking as other networks hopped on the broadcast. Over 200 million Americans watched as Kevin James was dragged from the stage screaming that Jamie and Patrick were punks. Punks who needed Punk’ding. The producers scoffed at his antics. They wouldn’t let a personal vendetta stand in the way of them getting the opportunity to declare the once Bad Movie Twins the Very Good Twins. Imagine! America is Very Good will be the top talent show on TV in no time as long as the Very Good Twins were part of the team. “That… that was amazing,” Producer Frank Brow exclaims, “and you can take that to the bank,” he finishes with a flourish. He doesn’t let his disappointment show when it becomes clear that Jamie and Patrick don’t recognize a classic Brow-ism. “Yeah, well we’re good now,” Patrick says shrugging. “Very good,” Jamie chimes in with a wink and The Brow almost faints, dollar signs dancing in his vision. “So this is the button… the Not Good Buzzer. You guys can just press it together if you like. Or we can get a second one.” Jamie and Patrick are confused. “Mr. Brow. This seems like a good gig for some Very Good Twins, but I think we just won the show… so…” Brow is picking up what they’re putting down. “The Prize. Of course. How would you like a trip to …” That’s right! We’re heading off to Amsterdam for David O. Russell’s very big bomb Amsterdam. It’s not a movie I wanted to see… but here we are. Let’s go!

Amsterdam (2022) – BMeTric: 28.5; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 10.8%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 12.2%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter, Moonfall, Morbius, Blacklight, Pinocchio, Me Time, Spiderhead, Deep Water, The Invitation, After Ever Happy, Jurassic World: Dominion, Senior Year, Blackout, The 355, White Elephant, Samaritan, Prey for the Devil, and 7 more; Higher Notability: Black Adam, Jurassic World: Dominion, Pinocchio; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight, Firestarter, White Elephant, Prey for the Devil, Morbius, The Last Manhunt, Blackout, The Bubble, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, On the Line, The 355, The Invitation, Pinocchio, Memory, Jurassic World: Dominion, and 2 more; Notes: That notability is off the chain for real though. I need to watch Black Adam at some point, got to hit up those big Notability films.

RogerEbert.com – 1.5 stars – But despite these sporadic moments of enjoyment, “Amsterdam” is ultimately so convoluted and tedious that it obliterates such glimmers of goodwill. It’s so weighed down by its overlong running time and self-indulgent sense of importance that its core message about the simple need for human decency feels like a cynical afterthought. And whispering the word “Amsterdam” throughout, as several of the characters do, doesn’t even begin to cast the magic spell it seeks to conjure.

(Yeah that is what it feels like. But also, isn’t that kind of David O. Russell’s M.O. at this point? The huge ensemble cast desperately trying to hold an overblown ripped-from-the-headlines plot together? Or should I actually say the magnetic charisma of Christian Bale trying to kill such a plot afloat.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLs2xxM0e78/

(I watched this trailer when it came out. Looked good. Oh wait, I should be more specific. Christian Bale looked good. I was a little disappointed it apparently isn’t. Because I like Christian Bale. Such is life I suppose though.)

Directors – David O. Russell – ( Known For: American Hustle; Silver Linings Playbook; The Fighter; Joy; Three Kings; I Heart Huckabees; Spanking the Monkey; Flirting with Disaster; Accidental Love; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Nominated for five Oscars for writing/directing American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook, and The Fighter. He might have defined Bradley Cooper as a serious dramatic actor.)

Writers – David O. Russell – ( Known For: American Hustle; Silver Linings Playbook; Joy; Three Kings; I Heart Huckabees; Spanking the Monkey; Flirting with Disaster; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Born in New York City, he went to Amherst College and got his start with a Documentary short about the Hispanic community of Boston.)

Actors – Christian Bale – ( Known For: The Pale Blue Eye; Thor: Love and Thunder; American Psycho; The Dark Knight; The Prestige; The Dark Knight Rises; Ford v Ferrari; Batman Begins; The Big Short; Little Women; Knight of Cups; 3:10 to Yuma; American Hustle; Out of the Furnace; Equilibrium; Hostiles; The Machinist; Empire of the Sun; The Fighter; Public Enemies; Future BMT: Terminator Salvation; Exodus: Gods and Kings; Newsies; BMT: Amsterdam; Captain Corelli’s Mandolin; Notes: He won an Oscar for The Fighter, but has been nominated four times in total. Welsh, he was a notable child actor (in things like Empire of the Sun) and starred in Newsies which was supposed to be the return of the big Hollywood musical … it was not.)

Margot Robbie – ( Known For: Babylon; Once Upon a Time in Hollywood; The Wolf of Wall Street; The Suicide Squad; About Time; The Big Short; Birds of Prey; Dreamland; Bombshell; I, Tonya; Focus; Mary Queen of Scots; Terminal; Whiskey Tango Foxtrot; Peter Rabbit; Suite Française; Slaughterhouse Rulez; Z for Zachariah; Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway; Goodbye Christopher Robin; Future BMT: Suicide Squad; The Legend of Tarzan; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Nominated for two Oscars for I, Tonya and Bombshell. Australian, she obviously started out on Neighbours. They all do.)

John David Washington – ( Known For: Tenet; BlacKkKlansman; Malcolm X; Malcolm & Marie; Beckett; The Old Man & the Gun; Devil in a Blue Dress; Monster; Monsters and Men; Love Beats Rhymes; BMT: Amsterdam; Notes: Wait … wait. He is Denzel Washington’s son. And he was a professional football player, albeit as the running back for the United Football League’s Sacramento Mountain Lions. But still, what the hell.)

Budget/Gross – $80 million / Domestic: $14,947,969 (Worldwide: $31,245,810)

(That is a colossal bomb, but not surprising. Everything that was kind of mid-budget (and not fantastic) bombed this year. Hopefully that will change a tiny bit next year, but we’ll see.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (79/244): Amsterdam has a bunch of big stars and a very busy plot, all of which amounts to painfully less than the sum of its dazzling parts.

(Awwww. This film feels like it was just on the cusp of being kind of okay. But ultimately yeah, whenever Bale isn’t the center of attention the film kind of gets away from itself.)

Reviewer Highlight: Jaw-droppingly terrible, interminably dull… – Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times

Poster – Amsterdaaaang

(I kind of dig this. Could use some better font, but the colors are interesting and the framing as well. Not the worst. C+)

Tagline(s) – Let the love, murder, and conspiracy begin. (A)

(Helllll yeah. Now that fits what we want. It’s giving a little hint. Short and sweet and rule of three. Even a little clever with the “Let the [blank] begin.” It’s good. You can’t claim otherwise.)

Keyword(s) – year 2022

Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)

Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 64.8 Halloween Ends (2022), 63.9 Firestarter (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 44.3 Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), 38.5 Memory (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)

BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

Best Options (pearl-harbor): 28.2 Amsterdam (2022)

(Hey there, I like that. Maybe the crown jewel of any cycle this year we left it out here and there (for comedy for example) entirely because we knew that if we could wait to juuuuuuust this week precisely it would come out on HBO Max. Perfecto.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Robert De Niro is No. 4 billed in Amsterdam and No. 1 billed in Righteous Kill, which also stars Al Pacino (No. 2 billed) who is in 88 Minutes (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Christian Bale stopped talking to Chris Rock on set. He claimed that he was very funny, which made it hard for him to act.

The eye drops the characters use near the film’s end, are likely allusions to the cocaine eye drops that Adolf Hitler reportedly favored enthusiastically.

Of working with Anya Taylor-Joy on this film, David O. Russell said, “Anya is fearless and intuitively vulnerable and confident in a manner that is uniquely her own. She is different and strange in ways that are fascinating both toward darkness and toward light.”

Was a box office failure, losing the studio an estimated $97 million, according to Deadline.

A rumored title of the film was “Canterbury Glass.”

Was originally set to release on November 4, 2022, but was moved up to October 7 to avoid competition with Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022).

The cast includes three Oscar winners – Christian Bale, Rami Malek, and Robert De Niro – and two Oscar nominees – Margot Robbie and Michael Shannon.

Mike Myers also played a British military man with a similar look in Inglourious Basterds (2009).

This film was inspired by the Business Plot, a 1933 political conspiracy in which wealthy American businessmen and bankers plotted a military coup d’état to overthrow President Franklin D. Roosevelt and replace him with a fascist veterans’ organization headed by U.S. Marine Corps Major General Smedley Butler. Butler revealed the plot in a testimony under oath to the U.S. House of Representatives’ Special Committee on Un-American Activities in 1934. The committee concluded that a plot was indeed concocted, but none of the plotters were prosecuted. General Dillenbeck (Robert De Niro) is based on Butler.

1492: Conquest of Paradise Preview

Patrick puts on his glasses, but then remembers that he’s Stallone and has perfect 20/20 vision, naturally. His beautiful mind goes into overdrive and his fingers dance over the keyboard of the Apple IIe that Kyle had set up in his room. With only BASIC available and 64Kb of memory at his disposal, what he is doing is anything but basic. It’s a full blown Jamie simulation. “Hello, Patrick. So glad we can be together again,” the simulation says and the breath catches in Patrick’s throat. It’s perfect. “How can we tell if you are you?” he asks the simulation which cryptically answers “try me.” Patrick thinks long and hard and eventually has an idea. He sets up millions of situations where Jamie and Kyle meet. Try him, they will. He puts the cursor over the program he’s entitled “ConquestOfParadise.exe” and takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Welcome to the hurt locker,” Kyle says as he pulls off the blindfold he’s had Jamie wear for the trip. Jamie’s knees are quaking at the thought of his worst nightmare, but when his eyes refocus he is surprised to see they’ve arrived at the hottest waterpark in town, The River of Death. It’s 24/7/365 lazy river action at The River of Death. Kyle shrugs and admits it was all a ruse. “Let’s have some fun today… maybe that’ll loosen things up in the ol’ noggin’”. Off they rush and have quite the day. Lazy River Amazon, Lazy River Nile, Lazy River Hudson. By the end of the Danube they are Lazy River pooped. “Oh wait, now I remember what I was thinking,” Jamie says as they walk out of the park. Kyle was right, the stress of time travel really was messing with his head. “His car.”

That’s right! We are conquesting some paradise by watching the Christopher Columbus epic we know and love, 1942: Conquest of Paradise… or at least one of the Christopher Columbus epics we know and love. I’ve never really thought about watching this film, but with Ridley Scott directing it’s worth it. Pairing that up with another film with a year in the title, we are watching Knight Rider 2000. I also never really thought about watching this film, but I’m not sure why. It sounds amazing. Let’s go!

1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992) – BMeTric: 19.5; Notability: 50

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 19.6%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 21.1%; Higher BMeT: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Body of Evidence, Cool World, Pet Sematary II, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Toys, The Lawnmower Man, Sleepwalkers, 3 Ninjas, Sidekicks, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, Beethoven, Aces: Iron Eagle III, Evil Toons, Ladybugs, Dr. Giggles, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, Encino Man, and 29 more; Higher Notability: Toys, Cool World, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Newsies, Freejack, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, The Bodyguard, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Innocent Blood, Universal Soldier; Lower RT: Once Upon a Crime…, Live Wire, Folks!, Frozen Assets, Love Crimes, Year of the Comet, Cool World, Man Trouble, Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them, Body of Evidence, Claire of the Moon, Passed Away, Ladybugs, Mr. Baseball, Mom and Dad Save the World, The Distinguished Gentleman, The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Tom and Jerry: The Movie, and 28 more; Notes: Surprisingly high Notability there, for a historical epic starring Depardieu at least. Otherwise not a super amount of cred.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – Still, in its own way and up to a certain point, “1492” is a satisfactory film. Depardieu lends it gravity, the supporting performances are convincing, the locations are realistic, and we are inspired to reflect that it did indeed take a certain nerve to sail off into nowhere just because an orange was round.

(Ebert liked this one as well?! That’s a stunner. I would definitely have thought sheer boredom would have doomed it for him. I can’t imagine it is “good for what it is” in any capacity.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmnLrzG2zKw/

(Is this a real trailer? This film gets a weird hip hop beat trailer, and a “ONE MAN” voiceover. That is insane.)

Directors – Ridley Scott – ( Known For: Gladiator; Alien; House of Gucci; The Last Duel; Robin Hood; Blade Runner; Prometheus; Legend; Thelma & Louise; The Martian; Alien: Covenant; Black Hawk Down; American Gangster; G.I. Jane; Body of Lies; All the Money in the World; Black Rain; Matchstick Men; The Duellists; White Squall; Future BMT: Hannibal; Kingdom of Heaven; Exodus: Gods and Kings; The Counselor; A Good Year; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Notes: Nominated for four Oscars (The Martian, Black Hawk Down, Gladiator, and Thelma & Louise). His brother Tony Scott was also a big name director.)

Writers – Rose Bosch – ( Known For: The Roundup; My Summer in Provence; Bimboland; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Notes: Wow, so she is Spanish and came across Columbus’ correspondences while in Seville as a reporter. The film was then created specifically to coincide with the 500th anniversary of Columbus landing in the Americas. That’s a crazy story.)

Actors – Gérard Depardieu – ( Known For: Life of Pi; Going Places; Hamlet; Last Holiday; Lost Illusions; Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra; La Vie en Rose; 1900; Paris, je t’aime; Maigret; Cyrano de Bergerac; Asterix and Obelix vs. Caesar; Green Card; Nathalie…; Let the Sunshine In; How Much Do You Love Me?; Mesrine: Killer Instinct; Jean de Florette; Asterix at the Olympic Games; City of Ghosts; Future BMT: The Man in the Iron Mask; 102 Dalmatians; My Father the Hero; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Babylon A.D.; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Cyrano de Bergerac. That was 1990, so this film really is just coming on the heels of that when his cred is sky high with American audiences. It should be said that he’s said in interviews that he has raped people and that things were different in the 80s or whatever. It is pretty nuts. Read his wiki if you are curious.)

Armand Assante – ( Known For: American Gangster; The Road to El Dorado; Smile; Private Benjamin; Little Darlings; Prophecy; The Lords of Flatbush; Dead Man Down; Hoffa; Q&A; Paradise Alley; When Nietzsche Wept; The Match; The Mambo Kings; I, the Jury; Funny Money; Diamond Cartel; The Neighborhood; Chicago Overcoat; The Line; Future BMT: Two for the Money; Unfaithfully Yours; Trial by Jury; BMT: Striptease; Judge Dredd; 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Fatal Instinct; The Marrying Man; Notes: Won an Emmy for Gotti (playing Gotti) and was nominated for Jack the Ripper as well. He’s one of those actors who was huge in the 90s and then just dropped right off into straight-to-video in the 00s almost immediately.)

Sigourney Weaver – ( Known For: Avatar; Ghostbusters; Ghostbusters: Afterlife; The Good House; Alien; The Cabin in the Woods; Aliens; Call Jane; Ghostbusters: Answer the Call; Ghostbusters II; The Village; WALL·E; Holes; Alien³; Galaxy Quest; Alien: Resurrection; Master Gardener; Working Girl; Paul; Annie Hall; Future BMT: Exodus: Gods and Kings; Chappie; You Again; Vantage Point; The Cold Light of Day; Happily N’Ever After; Deal of the Century; BMT: 1492: Conquest of Paradise; Abduction; Notes: Nominated for three Oscars (Gorillas in the Mist, Working Girl, and Aliens). The first two were in the same year too. She’s playing like a kid in the next Avatar? It is insanity.)

Budget/Gross – $47,000,000 / Domestic: $7,191,399 (Worldwide: $7,191,399)

(What a disaster. What a complete disaster. But how? How is a realistic film about Columbus making like $100 million?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 32% (7/22): Historically inaccurate and dramatically inert, Ridley Scott’s retelling of Christopher Columbus’ exploits is an epic without grandeur or insight.

(Yeah for a film that wants to be gritty and realistic the stories about them just making stuff up is kind of wild in the end.)

Reviewer Highlight: This $50 million spectacle must be one of the least entertaining epic films ever made. – David Ansen, Newsweek

Poster – 1492: Close Enough

(I like the vibrant colors, but the whole poster seems like a bunch of nonsense. Just like a due with a sword running through some water and some terrible font. C+.)

Tagline(s) – Centuries before the exploration of space, there was another voyage into the unknown. (F is for Funny)

(Wooooooah. Legendary. It’s like a little short story. Really crazy this is the tagline. I like to extend this analogy out a little. It’s like Topher Columbus going around to the US government and being like “Yo, I think Mars is way closer than the math says, let me try to get there.” And then him flying to the moon and being like “Wooooah, I found Mars!” Make that the tagline.)

Keyword(s) – past

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Gladiator (2000), Inglourious Basterds (2009), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Schindler’s List (1993), The Prestige (2006), Shutter Island (2010)

Future BMT: 88.7 BloodRayne (2005), 73.0 The Unborn (2009), 70.4 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.2 Black Christmas (2006), 67.4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 66.0 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 64.6 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.8 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 56.8 Robin Hood (2018), 55.1 Annabelle (2014), 54.9 The Quiet Ones (2014), 54.5 Snow Dogs (2002), 53.8 Spy Hard (1996), 53.2 Porky’s Revenge (1985), 52.4 2016: Obama’s America (2012), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 51.6 Porky’s II: The Next Day (1983), 50.2 Halloween Kills (2021), 50.2 The Last Legion (2007)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Fog (2005), Movie 43 (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Glitter (2001), Holmes & Watson (2018), The Master of Disguise (2002), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Grease 2 (1982), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Jonah Hex (2010), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Wild Wild West (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Black Knight (2001), Chernobyl Diaries (2012), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), The Musketeer (2001), An American Haunting (2005), Apollo 18 (2011), Ishtar (1987), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), The Nun (2018), Pinocchio (2002), Bolero (1984), Bones (2001), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), House of Wax (2005), Season of the Witch (2011), The Tuxedo (2002), Mannequin: On the Move (1991), Pompeii (2014), Ghost Ship (2002), Assassin’s Creed (2016), The Scarlet Letter (1995), Dolittle (2020), Timeline (2003), The Quest (1996), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Wagons East (1994), The Three Musketeers (2011), Diana (2013), Ben-Hur (2016), Rambo III (1988), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), The Blue Lagoon (1980), Cutthroat Island (1995), Texas Rangers (2001), Sucker Punch (2011), Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001), Jobs (2013), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Original Sin (2001), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), American Outlaws (2001), Universal Soldier (1992), Winter’s Tale (2014), Harlem Nights (1989), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), Pearl Harbor (2001), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Identical (2014), The Chamber (1996), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), In Love and War (1996), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Gods and Generals (2003), The Lone Ranger (2013), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), Halloween II (1981), September Dawn (2007), Young Guns II (1990), Oscar (1991), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Evening (2007), The 13th Warrior (1999), White Comanche (1968), Gangster Squad (2013), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017)

Best Options (year-in-title): 19.5 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992)

(The best option sub cycle thing is kind of fake. That is, I knew I wanted to do films with a year in the title (aka an A+ film set in the past), but I also knew the option of 1492 already existed. The eventual choice of Knight Rider 2000 was with the knowledge that we obviously also had good straight-to-video / tv movie options for films set in the future as well.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Armand Assante is No. 2 billed in 1492: Conquest of Paradise and No. 3 billed in Judge Dredd, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 11.

Notes – The replicas of Columbus’ ships used in the film were built in Spain between 1990 and 1992. In 1992 they sailed the route of Columbus’ first voyage to commemorate to 500th anniversary of the discovery of America. Today they are exhibited in Palos de la Frontera, Spain, and they are visited by approximately 200.000 people each year.

Hans Zimmer was originally chosen to compose the music for the film until Sir Ridley Scott decided to approach Vangelis.

Screenwriter Rose Bosch got the idea for the project when she discovered millions of untranslated parchments while researching an article on Columbus. After joining forces with a French film executive, she finally found an interested director in Sir Ridley Scott, who had always wanted to make a movie about Columbus. Scott agreed to direct the film on one condition: Columbus must be played by Gérard Depardieu. Depardieu was contacted, and eager to take the part.

The film was released in France on October 12, 1992, 500 years to the day after Christopher Columbus’ expedition made landfall in the Caribbean and landed on the island of Guanahani. This was the first land in the New World sighted and visited by Columbus.

The film shot for 16 weeks.

The original title was simply “Columbus”.

This project was concurrently developed with Alexander and Ilya Salkind’s Christopher Columbus: The Discovery (1992) to be released on time for the 500th anniversary of Columbus’ voyage. The Salkinds’ first choice for director for their film was Sir Ridley Scott. Four months after rejecting their offer, Scott started working on a rival “Christopher Columbus” project which ultimately became 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992). As a consequence of this, the Salkinds unsuccessfully tried to sue Scott for stealing their idea. They were forced to drop their lawsuit when it was proved that “1492”s producer Alain Goldman and writer Roselyne Bosch’s first proposal of a Christopher Columbus project predated theirs.

Virtuosity Preview

As Patrick and Kyle walk around the Natural History Museum, Patrick thinks to himself how he really should read more about dinosaurs cause they are rad. Or maybe now that he’s Stallone he should buy a dinosaur. “I have enough money to buy a dinosaur,” he says in wonder. “You sure do, Mr. Stallone. But that doesn’t explain what we are doing here,” Kyle says, his brow wrinkled in confusion. “Oh right!” Patrick remembers, “Uh… like… what if we bury instructions for whenever Jamie appears in the timeline. Then when he shows up you show him where it is.” Kyle considers this, it’s better than the dumb wormhole idea. “But how would I know it’s actually him? You already said that people are after whatever it is I have that can help you… so how do I know it’s not some bad guy pretending.” Patrick ponders for a moment, “You got a ‘puter?” 

Jamie finishes the Italian hoagie he found in Frank Stallone’s fridge. “So do you remember?” Kyle asks. “Remember what?” Jamie asks through the last mouthful of hoagie. Kyle shakes his head in frustration. He had told Kyle that food usually jogs his memory as they tried to figure out how to get him to prove he was Jamie after all. But just like the last ten things they tried, it seemed that Jamie wasn’t interested in that after all. It turns out he just wanted to eat a hoagie. “Don’t you want to get back to being Jamie?” He asks in frustration and the hesitation that Jamie gives to the question tells the whole tale. “All right, that’s it,” Kyle says, throwing his hands up, “you might not want to save the day, but I sure do, so it’s time for your worst nightmare.”

That’s right! We are diving deep into ‘puter madness by watching the megastar vehicle Virtuosity starring Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe. I’ve never seen this film, which seems impossible, but I swear it’s true. Adding to the blockbuster week is the friend River of Death starring megastar (of my heart) Michael Dudikoff. Dudikoff is like my Charles Bronson. Everything he does is just pitch perfect action to the max. I love it. Let’s go!

Virtuosity (1995) – BMeTric: 45.9; Notability: 67

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 7.6%; Notability: top 1.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.6%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Vampire in Brooklyn, Showgirls, Fair Game, Jury Duty, Congo, Batman Forever, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Theodore Rex, Judge Dredd, The Babysitter, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh, Nine Months, The Scarlet Letter, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity; Higher Notability: Batman Forever, Congo, Judge Dredd, Cutthroat Island; Lower RT: The Big Green, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, Delta of Venus, Theodore Rex, Jury Duty, The Walking Dead, Born to Be Wild, Top Dog, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, The Hunted, It Takes Two, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Bushwhacked, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Fair Game, Vampire in Brooklyn, Canadian Bacon, The Scarlet Letter, Four Rooms, Jade, and 36 more; Notes: Solid notability. This is definitely one of the bigger 90s sci-fi films we were somehow missing. This is Cutthroat Island level which is insane. I should point out that we’ve seen the four bigger ones from 1995. And 12 of 18 films with higher BMeTric. We are really starting to work our way through some year’s top 20 BMeTric films.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – “Virtuosity” is an example of a struggle that goes on in Hollywood between formula and invention. The movie is filled with bright ideas and fresh thinking, but the underlying story is as old as the hills, right down to a final confrontation on catwalks (there is nothing quite like a catwalk for satisfying scenes in which characters hang by one arm, bash each other with pipes, fall to their dooms, etc.). What redeems “Virtuosity” a little is that even at the end, even in the midst of the action clichés, it still finds surprises in the paradox of a villain that is also a program.

(I like that we’ve hit a lot of films in this cycle that Ebert seems to have some affection for. I wonder if having a definitive time period just makes even trashy films a little bit more entertaining in some way. I don’t know.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEDdaStz4kw/

(Oh boy, they chose the wrong scene to sell the movie IMO. That scene in the mall is horrific. I would, I don’t know, start with indicating that the film stars Denzel Washington. Someday there will be a definitive list of films where someone yells “I am the future!”)

Directors – Brett Leonard – ( Known For: Man-Thing; The Dead Pit; Triumph; Feed; Future BMT: Hideaway; BMT: The Lawnmower Man; Virtuosity; Notes: Still working, although I can’t say I know most of his recent projects. Is tagged for a film called Dark Star which does not seem to be a remake of the more famous 70s film Dark Star.)

Writers – Eric Bernt – ( Known For: The Echo; BMT: Virtuosity; Romeo Must Die; Surviving the Game; Highlander: Endgame; Notes: Really not much about him online. Seems to do kind of futuristic or even like genre bending films in a way?)

Actors – Denzel Washington – ( Known For: The Little Things; Roman J. Israel, Esq.; The Equalizer; Inside Man; Training Day; Remember the Titans; The Tragedy of Macbeth; Flight; The Equalizer 2; American Gangster; The Magnificent Seven; The Book of Eli; Fences; Philadelphia; Safe House; Deja Vu; Much Ado About Nothing; The Manchurian Candidate; Glory; 2 Guns; Future BMT: Man on Fire; Fallen; The Bone Collector; John Q; Heart Condition; BMT: Virtuosity; Notes: Won two Oscars (and has been nominated 7 other times) for Training Day and Glory. Also nominated twice for Emmys. Probably up there as a top 10 living American Actor I would think.)

Russell Crowe – ( Known For: Thor: Love and Thunder; The Greatest Beer Run Ever; Gladiator; Robin Hood; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Man of Steel; The Nice Guys; A Beautiful Mind; Les Misérables; L.A. Confidential; 3:10 to Yuma; American Gangster; Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World; Unhinged; Noah; Body of Lies; State of Play; The Quick and the Dead; Cinderella Man; The Insider; Future BMT: A Good Year; Broken City; Mystery, Alaska; Proof of Life; BMT: The Mummy; Virtuosity; Winter’s Tale; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for The Mummy in 2018; Notes: From New Zealand, although he grew up in Australia. Won an Oscar for Gladiator, and was nominated for The Insider and A Beautiful Mind. Notably had some anger issues crop up over the years, specifically he threw a telephone at a hotel employee’s head IIRC.)

Kelly Lynch – ( Known For: Charlie’s Angels; On the Rocks; The Jacket; Drugstore Cowboy; Bright Lights, Big City; Kaboom; Passion Play; Homegrown; Three of Hearts; The Slaughter Rule; Normal Adolescent Behavior; The Visitation; The Frontier; Mercy; Imaginary Crimes; Glass Chin; Warm Summer Rain; Dallas 362; The Beans of Egypt, Maine; The Perfect Age of Rock ‘n’ Roll; Future BMT: Curly Sue; Mr. Magoo; Rock the Kasbah; Desperate Hours; Heaven’s Prisoners; White Man’s Burden; Joe Somebody; BMT: Road House; Cocktail; Virtuosity; Notes: Still works a bit (she was in the television series Mr. Mercedes for example). Born in Minneapolis, and married to writer Mitch Glazer.)

Budget/Gross – $30 million / Domestic: $24,047,675 (Worldwide: $24,047,675)

(Disastrous all things considered. At least you can see where the money went: into the advanced computer graphics used throughout the film.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 30% (10/33): Woefully deficient in thrills or common sense, Virtuosity strands its talented stars in a story whose vision of the future is depressingly short on imagination.

(I guess that makes sense. I’m surprised there isn’t more about the acting (either that it is bad for a good actor like Washington, or good all things considered).)

Reviewer Highlight: Though Virtuosity connects all the dots to give audiences a roller-coaster ride, the movie begets nothing new: It’s stillborn. – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

Poster – Sklogosity

(You’d think I wouldn’t like this poster, but there is something new and yet classic about its look. I kinda love it. The colors don’t make a lot of sense, but it fits the film in that way. Love the font and the framing is beautiful. A.)

Tagline(s) – Justice needs a new program (C)

(I don’t know what that means. The poster was a hit. This is not. It sounds like a tagline, but it doesn’t have any juice to it. Not clever. Not interesting. Not objectively bad, but just blah.)

Keyword(s) – future

Top 10: The Matrix (1999), Interstellar (2014), Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Avatar (2009), Back to the Future (1985), V for Vendetta (2005), Avengers: Endgame (2019), WALL·E (2008), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Future BMT: 67.0 Thunderbirds (2004), 63.1 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.6 Child’s Play 3 (1991), 50.8 Johnny Be Good (1988), 48.3 Megaforce (1982), 46.6 Voyagers (2021), 46.4 Mission to Mars (2000), 44.6 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), 42.3 Red Planet (2000), 40.5 Yor: The Hunter from the Future (1983), 37.0 The Time Machine (2002), 35.2 The Ice Pirates (1984), 33.5 Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983), 33.4 Lockout (2012), 30.4 Mortal Engines (2018), 30.3 Push (2009), 29.9 Jetsons: The Movie (1990), 27.9 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011), 27.8 Total Recall (2012), 25.8 Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

BMT: Battlefield Earth (2000), Dragonball Evolution (2009), Rollerball (2002), Barb Wire (1996), RoboCop 3 (1993), Ultraviolet (2006), Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Jason X (2001), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), After Earth (2013), A Sound of Thunder (2005), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Double Dragon (1994), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985), Wing Commander (1999), Ghosts of Mars (2001), Stealth (2005), Transformers: The Last Knight (2017), Cyborg (1989), Doom (2005), Left Behind: The Movie (2000), Supernova (2000), Lost in Space (1998), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Geostorm (2017), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Æon Flux (2005), Theodore Rex (1995), Judge Dredd (1995), Babylon A.D. (2008), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989), Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014), Johnny Mnemonic (1995), Virtuosity (1995), Friday the 13th Part III (1982), G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013), Brick Mansions (2014), Freejack (1992), Gamer (2009), Priest (2011), Solarbabies (1986), 2012 (2009), I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), RoboCop 2 (1990), Fortress (1992), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Soldier (1998), The Postman (1997), Transcendence (2014), Heartbeeps (1981), Predator 2 (1990), Paycheck (2003), Repo Men (2010), Impostor (2001), The Space Between Us (2017), Event Horizon (1997), Demolition Man (1993), Vanilla Sky (2001)

(No sub-cycle here because we were just switching it up in the end and going back to the future! I was screaming Jack style “WE HAVE TO GO BACK!” and Jamie finally relented.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: William Forsythe is No. 5 billed in Virtuosity and No. 5 billed in 88 Minutes, which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (5 + 5) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Bone Collector we can get the HoE Number down to 10.

Notes – According to Kelly Lynch, she and Denzel Washington were supposed to kiss. However, Washington had the scene dropped because he felt an interracial love scene would hurt the film’s box-office chances.

The ‘Star Trek’ episode shown briefly is Star Trek: The Original Series: The Enemy Within (1966), an episode about Captain Kirk being split into good and evil sides by the transporter.

Amongst the names of serial killers shown in Sid 6.7’s personality profile are David Koresh, Thomas McIlvane, Frederick Cowan, William Bonin, Harvey Glatman, Peter Kuten, William Bryan Cruse, Charles Whitmore, Aileen Carol Wournos, Peter Sutcliffe, Kenneth McDuff, Jesse James, Dr. Glennon Engleman, Harvey Carignan, Dr. Geza de Kaplany, Norman Selby, Juan Peron, Winnie Ruth Judd, Matthew Grimes, Augosto Pinoche, Carl Panzram, Abu Nidal, Ted Bundy, Wesley Allan Dodd, Roger Dale Stafford, Elizabeth Borden, Mark Essex, Billy the Kid, Lynette Fromme, Larry Eyler, Clem Henderson, David Hendricks, Coral Eugene Watts, William McDonald, Richard Trenton Chase, Sirhan Sirhan, Josef Mengele, Ed Kemper, Edward Leonski, John Collins, Julian Knight, John Haigh, Carlton Gary, Vaughn Greenwood, Nicolae Ceausescu, Randy Kraft, Miguel Rivera, Dean Allen Corli, William Suff, Werner Boost, Thierry Paulin, Richard Trenton Chase, David Burke, Donald Harvey, Vernon Butts, Bruno Hauptman, Ralph Jerome Selz, John Duffy, Carl Weiss, Gerald Eugene Stano, Benito Mussolini, Paul Calden, Richard Farley, Ian Brady, Joseph Harris, Hiro Hito, Lynwood C. Drake, Saddam Hussein, Gilles De Rais, Herman Mudgett, Donald Nielson, Robert R. Diaz, and Joe Ball.

Action editor Billy Weber was brought in by Paramount to deliver a new cut of the film, after the initial cut was rejected. For his efforts, he is thanked in the film’s closing credits.

Paramount Pictures considered casting Arnold Schwarzenegger as Parker Barnes, but his hefty price tag quickly put him out of contention.

The music video of “The Photograph Kills” by Russell Crowe & 30 Odd Foot of Grunts was filmed on the set of the film between scenes, which Russell Crowe appears in the music video in costume and in character as Sid 6.7 and the music videos features inserts from the film itself. The song is featured in the scene which Sid 6.5 arrives at Madison’s house to kidnap Karin.

Russell Crowe was added to the cover of later VHS/DVD editions of the film, since he had become a bigger star since the initial release of the film.

One of the objects shown floating in Sid’s virtual world is a bust made from a ribbon-like spiral. This is a direct nod to the illustration work of the pioneering 4-D artist M. C. Escher.

According to William Fichtner, about 80% of his scenes never made the final cut.

Ken Shamrock can be seen fighting in the octagon. Former ufc and wwf champion

Kelly Cuoco plays Kelly Lynch’s daughter.

Ben-Hur (2016) Preview

Patrick walks through campus deep in thought. Where do you go when you are Sly Stallone in 1989? He said ‘school’ so that’s where he went. People point and gawk at the sad lonely walk of a Sly Stallone. A crowd forms and soon he’s surrounded by looky loos. “Sly! Flex for us,” one shouts. “Yo, Adrian! Where’s Adrian?” another chides playfully. In a sudden panic he tries to escape the taunts, but he can’t break through. He cocks back his arm, ready to use his age-appropriate muscles crafted from years of exercise and eating well. Before he can pulverize an innocent fan he feels a tiny hand on his arm and a quiet voice asking “Sly, sir, may I get an autograph?” He looks down to see a child, no more than three or four. He’s dressed in the colors of the college, ready to root on his favorite team, “Gladiators” splashed across his chest. Patrick’s eyes widen. “Kyle?” he gasps.

Jamie walks through campus deep in thought. Frankie Jr. is popping b-gum (as the kids now call it) and strutting around the school. “Yo, pops, you’re cramping my style.” Jamie just murmurs sorry and continues to think. If he’s here, where is Patrick? Who is Patrick? He looks around in panic, suddenly gripped by paranoia. Who is anyone? He grabs a nearby student and screams, “Who are you?” much to the horror of Frankie Jr. He feels a hand on his shoulder and turns around, his arm cocked back, old skin drooping down from years of hard living. The principal stands in front of him, an old man with gray hair and beard. He’s dressed in the colors of the school, “The New Gladiators” splashes across his chest. Jamie’s eyes widen. “Kyle?” he gasps.

That’s right! It’s a double gladiator week as we catch the 2016 remake of Ben-Hur and pair it with an Italian sci-fi picture, The New Gladiators. Remaking Ben-Hur was always a mistake. It’s also appropriate we catch at least one Italian film in this cycle as they played such a big role in the type of future/action genre of the times. Let’s go!

Ben-Hur (2016) – BMeTric: 41.2; Notability: 61

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 16.4%; Notability: top 4.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 20.4%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Black, Zoolander 2, Cell, The Forest, Exposed, Yoga Hosers, Meet the Blacks, Cabin Fever, Max Steel, The Darkness, Dark Crimes, Blair Witch, Independence Day: Resurgence, The 5th Wave, Urge, Shut In, Boo! A Madea Halloween, Gods of Egypt, Get a Job, The Assignment, and 21 more; Higher Notability: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, Zoolander 2, Independence Day: Resurgence, The Brothers Grimsby, Alice Through the Looking Glass, Warcraft, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, Allegiant, The Huntsman: Winter’s War, Ice Age: Collision Course; Lower RT: Cabin Fever, Dark Crimes, Term Life, Urge, Max Steel, Amateur Night, The Darkness, Fifty Shades of Black, Shut In, Misconduct, Mother’s Day, Exposed, The Do-Over, Get a Job, I.T., Dirty Grandpa, The Forest, Cell, Allegiant, The Choice, and 30 more; Notes: The notability is off the hook here. It’s 2016, so obviously there are going to be huge ones coming out around then, but it is near The Huntsman sequel? That’s big.

RogerEbert.com – 3.0 stars – Does the movie radically re-arrange both its source material and that material’s most famous adaptation? It sure as hell does. But I doubt that many contemporary viewers consider either of those as holy writ. This is a “Ben-Hur” of and for its time, but also a little better than its time, it turns out. I’m not qualified to say whether it’s an effective delivery system for its Christian message, but I think I can credibly pronounce it a good popcorn movie.

(My God. One of the big pluses for this film according to this review is: it’s shorter than the previous 4 hour epic. Alright. For the record I liked the previous adaptation. It is long, but has some really interesting stuff in it. Somehow I still doubt this stands up.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLJdzky63BA/

(Wow, the hard rock soundtrack is an interesting take. Also, absolutely nothing about Jesus in the whole trailer? Just hard core chariot action? I would be down if that were the case. Unfortunately, it is not.)

Directors – Timur Bekmambetov – ( Known For: Wanted; Profile; Night Watch; Day Watch; V2. Escape from Hell; The Arena; The Irony of Fate 2; Yolki 5; Six Degrees of Celebration; Yolki 1914; Peshawar Waltz; Future BMT: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: He was born in what is now Kazakhstan. Night Watch and Day Watch are a series about vampires that made him famous.)

Writers – Lew Wallace – ( Known For: Ben-Hur; Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: He’s the author of the original book. He died in 1905. He was also the governor of the New Mexico Territory and later minister to Turkey besides being an author.)

Keith R. Clarke – ( Known For: The Way Back; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: Not much about him. He has an upcoming movie which sounds like Catch-22 but concerning redeployment to Afghanistan.)

John Ridley – ( Known For: 12 Years a Slave; Three Kings; U Turn; Needle in a Timestack; Red Tails; Undercover Brother; Jimi: All Is by My Side; Cold Around the Heart; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: He won an Oscar for 12 Years a Slave. He wrote a draft for Beverly Hills Cop 4 which apparently was rejected.)

Actors – Jack Huston – ( Known For: House of Gucci; The Irishman; American Hustle; Pride and Prejudice and Zombies; The Twilight Saga: Eclipse; Hail, Caesar!; Their Finest; Antebellum; Above Suspicion; Kill Your Darlings; Outlander; Factory Girl; Earthquake Bird; Shrink; Night Train to Lisbon; Shrooms; The Yellow Birds; Boogie Woogie; Not Fade Away; Mr. Nice; Future BMT: The Longest Ride; BMT: Ben-Hur; Notes: For a while I was convinced this was Jack Heston, as in a stunt cast to cast Charlton Heston’s son. Nope, this is Anjelica Huston’s nephew and thus John Huston’s grandson. Heston does have a son, he directed the box office bomb Alaska.)

Toby Kebbell – ( Known For: RocknRolla; Kong: Skull Island; War for the Planet of the Apes; Match Point; Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; Gold; Dead Man’s Shoes; A Monster Calls; War Horse; The Sorcerer’s Apprentice; Destroyer; Control; The East; The Conspirator; Chéri; The Angel; The Hurricane Heist; Held for Ransom; Wilderness; Becoming; Future BMT: Alexander; Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time; The Counselor; Wrath of the Titans; BMT: Fantastic Four; Warcraft; Bloodshot; Ben-Hur; Notes: He’s English and was nominated as a Rising Star at the BAFTAs.)

Rodrigo Santoro – ( Known For: 300; Love Actually; Focus; 300: Rise of an Empire; Rio; Project Power; Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle; 7 Prisoners; The Last Stand; Rio 2; I Love You Phillip Morris; The 33; Jane Got a Gun; Pele: Birth of a Legend; Redbelt; Carandiru; There Be Dragons; Rio, I Love You; Last Call; Monica and Friends: Bonds; Future BMT: Post Grad; BMT: What to Expect When You’re Expecting; Ben-Hur; Notes: From Brazil, and most notable for his role in Westworld. He also was the voice of Stuart Little in the Brazilian dubbed version of both movies.)

Budget/Gross – $100,000,000 / Domestic: $26,410,477 (Worldwide: $94,061,311)

(My god, what a bomb. I’m telling you, they should have got James Cameron to do it. That would have been the way to make a Ben-Hur film.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (47/191): How do you fight an idea? By filming a remake that has too few of its own, and tries to cover it up with choppy editing and CGI.

(Jamie had to point out to me that “how do you fight an idea” is a big part of the previous Ben-Hur film. I’ve seen that film. But I didn’t remember the quote. The Rotten Tomatoes consensus hitting that up hard in a tongue in cheek manner is weird, but at least now it makes sense to my brain instead of sounding like actual gibberish.)

Reviewer Highlight: Very rarely does it try to impress us, or overwhelm us, shock us, move us. – K. Austin Collins, The Ringer

Poster – Jesus: The Movie

(It’s an exciting picture from the film, but not exactly poster material. Nice font, though. Comes out just about even. C.)

Tagline(s) – Brother against brother. Slave against empire. (B)

(I can’t fault it for passing up the rule of three. Would have gotten pretty long if you tried to add another one. But needs something more to get to the next level. “Crime against God” doesn’t work, but that’s the kind of clever third entry they could have tried. Just merely good as it is.)

Keyword(s) – past

Top 10: The Shawshank Redemption (1994), Forrest Gump (1994), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Django Unchained (2012), Gladiator (2000), Inglourious Basterds (2009), Saving Private Ryan (1998), Schindler’s List (1993), The Prestige (2006), Shutter Island (2010)

Future BMT: 88.6 BloodRayne (2005), 72.9 The Unborn (2009), 70.3 Texas Chainsaw (2013), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 69.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 65.8 The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014), 64.5 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 59.7 Exorcist: The Beginning (2004), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), The Fog (2005), Movie 43 (2013), Super Mario Bros. (1993), Glitter (2001), Holmes & Watson (2018), The Master of Disguise (2002), The Legend of Hercules (2014), Grease 2 (1982), The Bye Bye Man (2017), Jonah Hex (2010), Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991), Wild Wild West (1999), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Black Knight (2001), Chernobyl Diaries (2012), A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), The Musketeer (2001), An American Haunting (2005), Ishtar (1987), The Nun (2018), The Curse of La Llorona (2019), Pinocchio (2002), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Bones (2001), Shanghai Surprise (1986), House of Wax (2005), Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991), Season of the Witch (2011), The Tuxedo (2002), Mannequin: On the Move (1991), Pompeii (2014), Ghost Ship (2002), Assassin’s Creed (2016), The Scarlet Letter (1995), Timeline (2003), Dolittle (2020), The Quest (1996), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Wagons East (1994), The Three Musketeers (2011), Diana (2013), Ben-Hur (2016), Rambo III (1988), Around the World in 80 Days (2004), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), The Blue Lagoon (1980), Cutthroat Island (1995), Texas Rangers (2001), Sucker Punch (2011), Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001), Jobs (2013), Universal Soldier (1992), Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004), Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Original Sin (2001), Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), American Outlaws (2001), Winter’s Tale (2014), Harlem Nights (1989), The Identical (2014), I Dreamed of Africa (2000), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Chamber (1996), The Marrying Man (1991), Wild Bill (1995), In Love and War (1996), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Gods and Generals (2003), The Lone Ranger (2013), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), Halloween II (1981), September Dawn (2007), Young Guns II (1990), Oscar (1991), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Evening (2007), The 13th Warrior (1999), White Comanche (1968), Gangster Squad (2013), Now and Then (1995), A Dog’s Purpose (2017)

Best Options (Action): 88.6 BloodRayne (2005), 69.7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), 64.5 The Final Destination (2009), 62.1 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008), 56.7 Robin Hood (2018), 53.7 Spy Hard (1996), 50.1 The Last Legion (2007), 48.2 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008), 48.0 Alexander (2004), 47.9 King Solomon’s Mines (1985), 47.7 The Dark Tower (2017), 47.1 Bad Girls (1994), 45.9 Samson (2018), 45.5 Operation Dumbo Drop (1995), 45.3 Red Scorpion (1988), 44.6 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), 43.6 Top Dog (1995), 43.5 Missing in Action (1984), 43.3 The Kitchen (2019), 43.2 Iron Eagle (1986), 42.5 Pan (2015), 41.3 Ben-Hur (2016), 40.9 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003), 40.3 End of Days (1999), 40.2 The Delta Force (1986), (and many more)

(We went far down here, but actually really like … look at the options. The only other one I could have maybe went for was the other notorious bomb, Alexander. There are just so many films sent in the past that are terrible.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 18) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Morgan Freeman is No. 4 billed in Ben-Hur and No. 1 billed in Kiss the Girls, which also stars Ashley Judd (No. 2 billed) who is in The Identical (No. 2 billed) which also stars Ray Liotta (No. 3 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 2 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (4 + 1) + (2 + 2) + (3 + 2) + (3 + 1) = 18. If we were to watch Just Getting Started we can get the HoE Number down to 16.

Notes – Director Timur Bekmambetov insisted that the chariot circus be built for real, and be realized with as little computer graphics imagery as possible. He felt it was absolutely necessary to make the chariot race look and feel realistic.

This version of the story is 87 minutes shorter than the previous version, Ben-Hur (1959).

Timur Bekmambetov explained the film’s adaptation in an interview with “Collider”: “When we say ‘original “Ben-Hur”,’ we have to be very concrete about which original version we are talking about. There were two big-screen versions made, in 1925 [Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ (1925)] and 1959 [Ben-Hur (1959)]. These are the two most famous ones. There was also a Broadway stage version at the beginning of the 20th century. There have been a lot of television versions. The Ben-Hur story reminds me of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, ‘Hamlet’ and any story written by [Anton Chekhov]. It is timeless, so every new generation wants to go back to it in order to adapt it for the new world. The screen version made in 1959 runs for four hours, and there [are] only a small number of people who can actually stay through the whole movie. It is about people different from us. And it’s normal, because people used to be different. The audience was different, too, as well as the cinema language the film was made in. The 1959 movie was about revenge, not about forgiveness. For me that was the main problem, as I think that the novel is mainly about forgiveness, about the fact that a human being learned how to forgive. I got so excited about the project when I read John Ridley’s script. I understood that John’s vision of the story has so much light to it, and that he shares the same thoughts about certain morals as I do. We talked with him about our modern world, which actually reminds me very much of a huge Roman Empire. In the Roman Empire the most important values were pride, rivalry, power, strength, the dictatorship of power and self-love. This kind of world does not have any prospects today. Humanity has to learn how to love and forgive. This would be our only solution.”

The film was originally set for release on February 26, 2016. In October 2015 it was pushed back to August 12, 2016.

Fathers’ Day Preview

“I don’t understand, what did we do?” Jamie says, scratching his head, “You just crushed the two Time Cops that were about to kill us.” Lou Cash is startled, but when he looks down to see the crushed remains of the Time Cops he waves it off as irrelevant. “Fiddle-faddle. You were about to do a sick twin forward flip and knock the guns out of their hands anyway. The point is you made it here, exactly when and where I landed my fully functional deconvolution machine.” Jamie and Patrick and the gang shrug and high five. Jamie and Patrick have been known to kick guns out of their enemies’ hands with twin forward flips from time to time. So it tracks. But just before they all pile into the time machine Patrick stops and turns back to Lou Cash. Something is bothering him. “Lou Cash… how did you know to come here?” Lou Cash shakes his head. “My dear boy, it’s because I was one of the Time Cops and I have the scar to prove it.” He pulls up his sleeve and there is a perfect twin kick scar on his wrist. Now something is really bothering Jamie, “But then didn’t you just crush yourself?” Lou Cash looks back at the crushed Time Cops and shrugs. “Guess I did.” Jamie looks concerned, “And that’s not a problem?” Lou Cash thinks for a second, looks down at his hand, which has now started to fade, and agrees that it probably is a problem. As he disappears he lets out one last “Never forget meeeeee.” Finally piling into the time machine, a somber mood now hanging in the air, both Jamie and Patrick gasp when they see the date punched into the console: Father’s Day, 2017. That’s right! We’re watching the very appropriately punctuated Fathers’ Day from 1997 starring Billy Crystal and Robin Williams. It’s based on a French film and something must have been… lost in translation. Let’s go!

Fathers’ Day (1997) – BMeTric: 49.7; Notability: 62

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.8%; Notability: top 3.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 21.6%; Higher BMeT: Batman & Robin, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Home Alone 3, Steel, Anaconda, Mr. Magoo, Double Team, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Chairman of the Board, Spawn, Flubber, Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves!, An American Werewolf in Paris, Jungle 2 Jungle, Fire Down Below, Turbulence, Gone Fishin’, McHale’s Navy, The Pest, and 2 more; Higher Notability: Batman & Robin, The Saint, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Dante’s Peak, The Jackal, Flubber, The Postman, Spawn; Lower RT: Fall, Plump Fiction, The Blackout, McHale’s Navy, Shadow Conspiracy, Gone Fishin’, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, The Pest, Speed 2: Cruise Control, ‘Til There Was You, An American Werewolf in Paris, Mr. Magoo, An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, Dangerous Ground, The Postman, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag, Keys to Tulsa, Double Team, How to Be a Player, Steel, and 31 more; Notes: Really impressive numbers for a comedy. So many high Notability films left from 1997. The Saint is a pretty exciting one, I think that it is a sneaky good film.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  When her 16-year-old son runs away, a desperate Kinski tells each of two ex-lovers that he’s the real father, hoping that this will spur one of them to find the boy. The two men – a genuine odd couple – wind up working together on this daunting task. Lackluster remake of Francis Veber’s Les Comperes gets whatever mileage it has from the two comic stars’ personalities … but the boy is extremely dislikable, and a subplot with his stepfather (Greenwood) is a complete misfire.

(Man, does Greenwood play a Bad Dad again in this film? He plays a Good Dad in Here on Earth, but he’s definitely a Bad Dad in Endless Love. So he’s a Mixed Dad Bag.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsQfKt08Xlk/

(The montage with Williams looks horrible. And yup, there is Sugar Ray front and center. Makes me want to go see this movie, probably for the wrong reasons though.)

Directors – Ivan Reitman – ( Known For: Ghostbusters; No Strings Attached; Kindergarten Cop; Meatballs; Evolution; Ghostbusters II; Twins; Stripes; Draft Day; Dave; Cannibal Girls; Legal Eagles; Foxy Lady; Future BMT: Six Days Seven Nights; Junior; My Super Ex-Girlfriend; BMT: Fathers’ Day; Notes: Died just this year. Was nominated for an Oscar for Up in the Air, and for an Emmy for the television movie The Late Shift.)

Writers – Francis Veber – ( Known For: The Valet; The Birdcage; Dinner for Schmucks; The Valet; The Man with One Red Shoe; Le Dîner de Cons; La Cage aux Folles; Buddy Buddy; The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe; Ruby & Quentin; The Closet; La Chèvre; Partners; The Fugitives; Le Magnifique; The Toy; Hold-Up; The ComDads; The Jaguar; A Pain in the Ass; Future BMT: The Toy; My Father the Hero; Three Fugitives; Pure Luck; BMT: Fathers’ Day; Notes: Was nominated for an Oscar for La Cage aux folles. He has had 12 of his films remade as American films. That’s what I like to see for this cycle!)

Lowell Ganz – ( Known For: A League of Their Own; Robots; Splash; Parenthood; City Slickers; Night Shift; Fever Pitch; Multiplicity; Edtv; Forget Paris; Mr. Saturday Night; Future BMT: Where the Heart Is; Tooth Fairy; Spies Like Us; Gung Ho; Vibes; Greedy; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; BMT: Fathers’ Day; Notes: Nominated for an Oscar for Splash. Basically his entire family is in entertainment (his three children, brother, and two cousins). His son created Santa Clara Diet.)

Babaloo Mandel – ( Known For: A League of Their Own; Robots; Splash; Parenthood; City Slickers; Night Shift; Fever Pitch; Multiplicity; Edtv; Forget Paris; Mr. Saturday Night; Future BMT: Where the Heart Is; Tooth Fairy; Spies Like Us; Gung Ho; Vibes; Greedy; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; BMT: Fathers’ Day; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for The Flintstones in 1995; Notes: Writing partner of Ganz. They are going to get some play soon since the A League of Their Own television series is coming out.)

Actors – Robin Williams – ( Known For: Good Will Hunting; Dead Poets Society; Jumanji; Aladdin; One Hour Photo; Mrs. Doubtfire; To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar; The Birdcage; Night at the Museum; Robots; Popeye; A.I. Artificial Intelligence; Good Morning, Vietnam; Awakenings; Insomnia; The Butler; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb; Dead Again; What Dreams May Come; Future BMT: Hook; Jack; RV; Patch Adams; August Rush; Bicentennial Man; Flubber; Nine Months; The Night Listener; Man of the Year; The Best of Times; Club Paradise; The Survivors; Jakob the Liar; BMT: The Big Wedding; Fathers’ Day; Old Dogs; Toys; License to Wed; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actor in 2000 for Bicentennial Man, and Jakob the Liar; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for Death to Smoochy in 2003; Notes: Nominated for three Best Actor Oscars, ended up winning for Supporting actor in Good Will Hunting. Also nominated for 9 Emmys and won twice. Died in 2014.)

Billy Crystal – ( Known For: The Princess Bride; Cars; When Harry Met Sally…; Monsters, Inc.; Howl’s Moving Castle; This Is Spinal Tap; Monsters University; City Slickers; Analyze This; Here Today; Hamlet; I’m Still Here; Throw Momma from the Train; The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; Running Scared; Deconstructing Harry; Forget Paris; Mr. Saturday Night; Standing Up, Falling Down; Untogether; Future BMT: Parental Guidance; Tooth Fairy; America’s Sweethearts; Analyze That; The Comedian; My Giant; City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold; BMT: Fathers’ Day; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Remake or Sequel for City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold in 1995; Notes: If I’m counting right he’s been nominated for 23 Emmys and won six times. Naturally a few of those times were for hosting the Oscars, which he was famous for in the early 90s. He is 74 years old.)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus – ( Known For: Black Widow; A Bug’s Life; Onward; Christmas Vacation; Enough Said; Hannah and Her Sisters; Deconstructing Harry; Future BMT: Planes; Downhill; Soul Man; Jack the Bear; BMT: Fathers’ Day; Troll; North; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Fathers’ Day in 1998; Notes: Was nominated for 27 Emmys and won 11 times, mostly for acting/writing in Seinfeld, The New Adventures of Old Christine, and Veep, her three major television hits. Her father is a billionaire, and by extension so is she, but she hasn’t done so poorly for herself.)

Budget/Gross – $85 million / Domestic: $28,598,376 (Worldwide: $28,598,376)

(Terrible. It is a little confusing as to how this film could have cost so much, but then again, a chunk of it takes place are a genuine Sugar Ray concert, so it is possible that filming in Reno and throwing a giant fake concert with a real band could have contributed to the inflated budget. Also, just look at the cast and crew, every single one was nominated or won an Emmy or Oscar, so they really didn’t hold back in putting this film together.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 25% (15/61): A maudlin misfire, Father’s Day manages the difficult task of making Billy Crystal and Robin Williams woefully unfunny.

(So I can lend some insight here having watched both the original and remake at this point. So the issue was they just reused most of the jokes from the original without really thinking through adapting the movie to the two leads. The film is immediately funnier if you just let Billy Crystal be Billy Crystal and Robin Williams be Robin Williams. Instead they aren’t.)

Reviewer Highlight: Add to these problems the fact that Fathers’ Day is a comedy starring two reputedly hilarious people who don’t make you laugh once, and you have a movie that would be great if everything about it weren’t terrible. – Keith Phipps, AV Club

Poster – Baldurs’ Gate

(Oh deary me, no. If this were a film about two friends, one a buttoned up family man with three kids and the other a man child who just knocked up his girlfriend, who go on a road trip so that Billy Crystal can help Robin Williams prepare to be a father (but perhaps learn a little bit more about themselves than they bargained for) then this poster makes sense. Otherwise it’s just a big red flag. Nice font though. C-.)

Tagline(s) – All she said was “My son is yours.” Unfortunately, she said it to both of them. (D)

(Yes, that’s the plot of the film. Unfortunately it’s not a tagline.)

Keyword(s) – European Remake

Top 10: 12 Monkeys (1995), The Italian Job (2003), Insomnia (2002), Scent of a Woman (1992), Clash of the Titans (2010), Some Like It Hot (1959), Vanilla Sky (2001), True Lies (1994), Dawn of the Dead (2004), The Tourist (2010)

Future BMT: 54.5 Eye of the Beholder (1999), 54.0 Downhill (2020), 49.2 The Omen (2006), 47.1 Nine Months (1995), 44.8 Catch That Kid (2004), 44.4 Brick Mansions (2014), 43.1 Diabolique (1996), 43.1 Sleepless (2017), 43.0 Village of the Damned (1995), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007)

BMT: The Wicker Man (2006), Taxi (2004), The Haunting (1999), Get Carter (2000), Jungle 2 Jungle (1997), Pathfinder (2007), Fathers’ Day (1997), The Big Wedding (2013), The Blue Lagoon (1980), School for Scoundrels (2006), Blame It on Rio (1984), Vanilla Sky (2001)

Best Options (Comedy): 54.0 Downhill (2020), 49.5 Fathers’ Day (1997), 47.1 Nine Months (1995), 44.8 Catch That Kid (2004), 41.8 I Think I Love My Wife (2007), 41.2 Mixed Nuts (1994), 37.9 My Father the Hero (1994), 36.8 Just Visiting (2001), 34.6 Mad Money (2008), 31.4 The Toy (1982), 29.7 The Woman in Red (1984), 26.3 Pure Luck (1991), 24.4 The Man Who Loved Women (1983), 22.5 Once Upon a Crime… (1992), 20.7 The Associate (1996), 20.6 Three Fugitives (1989), 17.2 Oscar (1991)

(So yeah, Downhill was available, but I’ve heard mostly mixed things about it instead of it actually being bad. I’m a bit shocked at how few we’ve done in the end. Looking through the ones we have done I mostly haven’t seen the original. I saw the original Haunting, Get Carter, and Jungle 2 Jungle. I think that is it. Lots of British remakes in there as well, whereas in this cycle we are mostly doing French films.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Bruce Greenwood is No. 6 billed in Fathers’ Day and No. 6 billed in Here on Earth, => (6 + 6) = 12. If we were to watch Jack, and The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 8.

Notes – As a cross-promotion, Warner Brothers had Robin Williams and Billy Crystal make guest appearances in Friends (1994). (It is the one with the ultimate fighting championship, I remember this actually, they take the spot in the cafe that the titular friends usually occupy for a scene)

The concert was filmed at a park in Los Angeles. The scene took three days to film, and involved playing the same song over and over for all three days. To show the energy of the crowd, the extras had to cheer and “rock” to the music. On the first day everyone was up, yelling, jumping and punching their fists in the air, but by day three, most were too tired to even lift their arms, and many just remained seated.

During the filming of the concert scene, Robin Williams took a break and walked into the bleachers, where he entertained the extras who gathered around him.

Before appearing in this film, Robin Williams and Billy Crystal were already a well-known comedy duo, thanks to their work on HBO’s Comic Relief. The original French film, on which this is based, The ComDads (1983), also features a well-known comedy team: Pierre Richard and Gérard Depardieu.

Billy Crystal’s character hates mimes in this movie. In This is Spinal Tap (1984), he played a mime (who was also in charge of other mimes).

One of two 1997 films to star Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, the other being Woody Allen’s Deconstructing Harry (1997).

While shooting the scene in which Dale and Jack remove Scott’s shoes and socks, Robin Williams and Billy Crystal discovered that Charlie Hofheimer was extremely ticklish on the soles of his feet. Robin Williams and Billy Crystal could not resist tickling Charlie Hofheimer’s bare feet, and they continually ruined the scene by tickling him. Charlie could not handle the tickling and wanted to quit. Ivan Reitman had to talk him into staying so that they could finally shoot the scene.

The apartment where Dale (Robin Williams) lives in San Francisco is the same one used in Mrs Doubtfire (1993).

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 1998)

School for Scoundrels (2006) Preview

Jamie, Patrick and the rest of the team backflip their way into the Fortress. Halfway through his third backflip, however, Patrick notices something is off. “Stop! Stop backflipping!” he yells and once everyone is reoriented they notice the same thing. The halls of the school building are completely empty. Their steps ring out in the empty hallways until they finally reach a set of heavy steel doors. Jamie and Patrick fling them open, instantly bathes in an eerie blue light emanating from the doorway. They gasp. They find themselves in the ethereal beauty of a submarine pen. A submarine pen? On the grounds of the school? But why? Suddenly they begin to hear the cracking sounds of slow clapping and from behind the submarine emerges Jamie and Patrick themselves. But it can’t be, can it? “No, my sweet Bad Movie Twins, you haven’t been betrayed by yourselves. We have won!” the Jamie double cackles, before they both pull off their latex masks. Jamie and Patrick aren’t surprised to see it’s actually two Mikey Time Cops. The Time Cops pull their guns and laugh maniacally, but Jamie and Patrick just smirk. “Sure, sure, you’re gonna shoot,” Patrick says before they both theatrically motion for one of them to kick the other in the testicles. And yet nothing happens. “Oh shit,” Jamie mutters, “are you both bad Mikey Time Cops?” They nod, confused as to what else they would be. This looks like the end for our heroes. But wait! Suddenly there is a loud pop and from a hole in the sky a large machine falls and crushes the bad Mikey’s. Out from the steaming time machine walks Lou Cash. “You did it you scoundrels!” he screams, much to the delight and confusion of everyone there. That’s right! We are watching School for Scoundrels as a transition to the next cycle: Films adapted from European films a.k.a. Merde. We got so very close to getting a roster of all French films, but could resist a couple out of the box. So let’s sit back and enjoy School for Scoundrels adapted from the 1960 British film, School for Scoundrels. Let’s go! 

School for Scoundrels (2006) – BMeTric: 33.2; Notability: 55

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 24.8%; Notability: top 8.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.1%; Higher BMeT: Date Movie, The Wicker Man, Ultraviolet, Pledge This!, Little Man, Basic Instinct 2, Material Girls, Zoom, Big Momma’s House 2, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Black Christmas, The Marine, The Shaggy Dog, DOA: Dead or Alive, Pulse, Phat Girlz, Eragon, Scary Movie 4, The Grudge 2, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, and 42 more; Higher Notability: Poseidon, The Wild, The Da Vinci Code, Eragon, Scary Movie 4, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Happily N’Ever After, Click, The Pink Panther, Smokin’ Aces, The Guardian, The Black Dahlia, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, Zoom, The Shaggy Dog, A Good Year, Lady in the Water, Factory Girl, All the King’s Men; Lower RT: The Contract, Kiss Me Again, Karla, Pledge This!, Material Girls, Happily N’Ever After, The Covenant, Zoom, Big Momma’s House 2, Deck the Halls, Basic Instinct 2, Date Movie, Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, Gray Matters, Ultraviolet, When a Stranger Calls, See No Evil, Annapolis, Stay Alive, Pulse, and 47 more; Notes: Way higher IMDb rating that I expected, but sticking nicely below/around 6.0. The Notability is off the chain though! Solid for a comedy.

Leonard Maltin – 2 stars –  Nerdy guy who lets people step all over him is recruited by a mysterious entrepreneur who runs a class for worms in need of turning. But our would-be hero isn’t prepared for his “teacher” to start playing dirty tricks on him. Most contemporary comedies are too crude for our taste, but this one is terminally bland and never takes off as it repeatedly promises to do. Remake of the 1960 British comedy.

(Interesting. I think if this is made today it is probably very heartfelt, while also being crude (but in a way that teaches the hero that it is worth it not to be, you know?). I am surprised though, I would have figured this was just the right year to have a horrible no-good remake of a film like School for Scoundrels that aged horribly.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh-nQKB8fwg/

(A hard r in the trailer itself really is a bold move. The mid-00s were a wild time. Also the film looks aggressively not funny.)

Directors – Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; The Hangover; War Dogs; Road Trip; Old School; Starsky & Hutch; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: School for Scoundrels; Notes: Apparently he originally directed Borat, but quit due to creative differences with Cohen.)

Writers – Todd Phillips – ( Known For: Joker; War Dogs; Road Trip; Old School; Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan; Starsky & Hutch; Future BMT: The Hangover Part II; Due Date; The Hangover Part III; BMT: School for Scoundrels; Notes: Nominated for four Oscars, three for Joker, and one for the original Borat.)

Scot Armstrong – ( Known For: Road Trip; Old School; Starsky & Hutch; Search Party; Future BMT: The Heartbreak Kid; The Hangover Part II; Semi-Pro; BMT: School for Scoundrels; Notes: Wrote some sort of remake of Problem Child? There isn’t even a poster on IMDb, so I can’t even make fun of that.)

Hal E. Chester – ( Known For: Curse of the Demon; School for Scoundrels; The Weapon; Crashout; Joe Palooka, Champ; Gentleman Joe Palooka; BMT: School for Scoundrels; Notes: Wrote the original. Was uncredited here, which is interesting since he was somehow still alive when this was made! He was 85 years old.)

Patricia Moyes – ( Known For: School for Scoundrels; BMT: School for Scoundrels; Notes: Irish, and similarly wrote the original. Died in 2000, so didn’t get to see this made.)

Stephen Potter – ( Known For: School for Scoundrels; The Shipbuilders; BMT: School for Scoundrels; Notes: Wrote the original novels that the original film was based on. Obviously wasn’t alive for this film, he would have been 106. That would have been a trick. He died in 1969.)

Actors – Billy Bob Thornton – ( Known For: Tombstone; Love Actually; Princess Mononoke; Blood In, Blood Out; Monster’s Ball; Friday Night Lights; Sling Blade; The Judge; Puss in Boots; Dead Man; The Informers; A Simple Plan; The Baytown Outlaws; U Turn; Faster; The Man Who Wasn’t There; Bad Santa; Intolerable Cruelty; Parkland; Whiskey Tango Foxtrot; Future BMT: London Fields; Indecent Proposal; Entourage; Eagle Eye; Our Brand Is Crisis; The Alamo; Bad Santa 2; BMT: Armageddon; Going Overboard; On Deadly Ground; School for Scoundrels; Mr. Woodcock; Notes: From Arkansas, won an Oscar for writing Sling Blade. Has been married six times, including to Angelina Jolie famously.)

Jon Heder – ( Known For: Napoleon Dynamite; Just Like Heaven; Blades of Glory; Monster House; Surf’s Up; Reality; The Sasquatch Gang; Walt Before Mickey; Mama’s Boy; For Ellen; Life Happens; Christmas Eve; Ghost Team; Weepah Way for Now; Bling; Legend of Kung Fu Rabbit; The Tiger Hunter; Unexpected Race; The Little Penguin Pororo’s Racing Adventure; Moving McAllister; BMT: The Benchwarmers; When in Rome; School for Scoundrels; Notes: Became famous for Napoleon Dynamite. Does a lot of voice acting these days.)

Jacinda Barrett – ( Known For: The Last Kiss; Hide and Seek; Middle Men; New York, I Love You; The Human Stain; The Namesake; Ladder 49; Campfire Tales; Ripley Under Ground; Seven in Heaven; Matching Jack; So B. It; BMT: Poseidon; Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason; Urban Legends: Final Cut; School for Scoundrels; Notes: From Australia, and was on the fourth season of The Real World, which took place in London. Hasn’t done much since the show Bloodline ended in 2017.)

Budget/Gross – $35,000,000 / Domestic: $17,807,569 (Worldwide: $24,470,583)

(Not great at all. And given the absurdly stacked comedy cast this film sports, that budget makes perfect sense.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 26% (36/138): School for Scoundrels squanders its talented cast with a formulaic, unfocused attempt at a romantic comedy that’s neither romantic nor funny.

(A talented cast indeed. Just watch the trailer. David Cross, Paul Sheer, Matt Walsh, etc.! It is crazy good.)

Reviewer Highlight: It feels as if director Phillips was scrounging desperately for morsels with comic potential and came up empty-handed. – Claudia Puig, USA Today

Poster – Howls for Hooligans

(Wow, that’s a bad poster. Like F level bad. Funny cause that’s not typically the poster I think of for the film, but sometimes it’s difficult to figure what was really used to advertise. There are so many words. But fine, the font has a little vim and vigor so it’s a D.)

Tagline(s) – Too nice? Too honest? Too you? Help is on the way. (B)

(It’s too long, but otherwise it’s actually not bad in concept. Like it’s got a rule of three in there. Also it is a little clever curveball. All good things and then saying don’t worry, this asshole will help you. Just needed to figure out a way to tighten it up and make it flow.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.6 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.5 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 77.0 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006), 61.8 Cursed (2005), 59.0 Apollo 18 (2011)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween II (2009), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), My Boss’s Daughter (2003), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Boys and Girls (2000), Texas Rangers (2001), Reindeer Games (2000), Halloween (2007), School for Scoundrels (2006), Fortress (1992), Senseless (1998), Impostor (2001), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (European Remake): 33.2 School for Scoundrels (2006)

(Oh yeah! The only one available baby! Indeed we had to move School for Scoundrels from the comedy spot because it needed to be here. It is a bit insane just how many Dimension films we have left. We could almost make a whole new cycle from it … might be missing a romance. Unclear.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Michael Clarke Duncan is No. 5 billed in School for Scoundrels and No. 4 billed in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, which also stars Chris Klein (No. 2 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 2 billed) => (5 + 4) + (2 + 2) = 13. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Ben Stiller’s cameo was shot in two days in California because he was unable to fly to New York for filming, due to a scheduling conflict.

Director Todd Phillips first offered the lead role to Howard Stern (Phillips is a big Stern fan), but Stern had to turn it down because he was about to leave terrestrial radio for satellite radio and did not have the time to film a movie. The role eventually went to Billy Bob Thornton.

Diego (Horatio Sanz) says, “Things are going to change, I can feel it,” quoting Beck’s song, “Loser.”

Aziz Ansari’s unnamed character’s only dialogue is a short scene with fellow classmate Ernie (Jon Glaser). The two actors would later have major roles in NBC’s “Parks and Recreation” as Tom Haverford and Councilman Jeremy Jamm respectively.

To date, this is Todd Phillips’s only movie that isn’t distributed by DreamWorks or Warner Bros.

Dr. P’s rules “From the Bar to your Bed” are: Be dangerous, it’s cool. No compliments, *ever*. Always get the girl alone. Wherever you are, the place is lame! Relate to her. Lie, lie, and lie some more. (Gross)