Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Recap


It’s nuts that Zac Snyder was given control of the DC Universe and planted his flag squarely in the Superman franchise. It just doesn’t seem like a property that is well suited to the Snyder aesthetic. So unsurprisingly I found Man of Steel not very good. In fact I thought it was quite bad and mostly because it was a version of Superman that seemed to not know anything about Superman. Despite this, it is less surprising that Snyder hopped on Batman v Superman for another go around. Put Superman second and get down and dirty with Batman. That certainly seems within his wheelhouse. Get giant Ben Affleck to lift some tires with his giant torso. This makes much more sense… but apparently that didn’t make for a better movie cause this one ended up qualifying for BMT. Let’s go!

As we saw in Man of Steel, Superman fucked up Metropolis and now everyone is sad. Batman most notably, but also Lex Luther, now being played as a smarmy techbro. Meanwhile Superman is loving life as Clark Kent straight smooching Lois Lane. So when Lois gets in trouble tracking down a warlord in a war torn country, Superman swoops in to save the day. Or did he? Looks like someone is trying to make him look like an asshole cause they are saying he killed a bunch of people. That someone is Lex Luthor who is also trying to create weapons to battle Superman. Batman is a bit suspicious so he steals all the info from Lex’s harddrive. Eventually he finds out that Lex has been researching all kinds of metahumans, including Wonder Woman, and he starts to get an idea… maybe to kill Superman. Superman agrees to meet with Congress to try to clear his name, but Lex smuggles in a bomb and sets it off. This makes Superman look like an even bigger asshole. Superman is sad, so he leaves, but has to come back when Lex kidnaps his mom. Lex lays out his plan: he must battle Batman or else his mom will die. He’s like “OK” like an idiot and they battle for a while until they realize that both their moms were named Martha. Coooool. So now they fight together. They free Martha, but Lex got a backup plan: a big ol’ monster made from Kryptonian technology. Wonder Woman joins for a giant CGIfest battle which ends with the death of the monster, but also the death of Superman. Everyone is pretty sad about that and decide they have to get a team together to help save the world without Superman. THE END.

I think… I think I liked this more than Man of Steel. It seems impossible because there are several giant mistakes made. The version of Lex Luthor they present? One giant, extended mistake that may very well be the prime reason this film qualified for BMT… that and the fact that nothing makes sense and the whole thing is extremely confusing (even though we watched the Extended Cut which is apparently less confusing than the theatrical version). At one point we do a double dream sequence where Batman dreams he’s in an apocalyptic future and like seven different things happen that only someone heavily invested in the DC comics could possibly understand. Oh and the film opens on a scene that is purposefully evocative of 9/11… which was interesting, but also made me a little uncomfortable. Oh and it ends on a Morbius style CGI battle sequence that made my eyes bleed. So yeah, it seems impossible that I could like this more than Man of Steel but I did… because Snyder should just do Batman and not Superman because he clearly doesn’t even like Superman.

Hot Take Clam Bake! They really need to stop making Superman movies. The real problem is that DC is real “coooool.” I’m kind of making fun of them, but it’s true. It’s the disease you get from spawning a rebirth of superhero movies not just once, but twice at the hands of auteurs. But guess what those auteurs were producing: Batman movies. So why does Snyder decide to focus on Superman? It’s hubris. Everyone wants to do Superman because he’s the OG. So what is James Gunn doing now that he’s taken over? Superman. But why, Jame Gunn? It could be good, but it doesn’t feel right. Do you know what would feel right? Steven Spielberg. And who does Batman? Scorcese. And who does Batman v Superman? Both of them. Hot Take Temperature: The Crush.



‘Ello everyone! Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? You think you can just have a v floating there without a period and everyone will be cool with it. Not on our watch Zach Snyder. Let’s go!

  • How do I put this … this film was a downer? Like an ultra downer. Right? I’m not wrong about this. The film has the color palette of “brown” and both Superman and Batman are kind of trash people. To be clear: I’m talking about the two heroes of the film. Not the villain. And boy howdy will we be talking about the various villains of the film.
  • They kind of play right into the idea that Superman is this alien disconnected from humanity who can’t seem to get across to people that he’s a literal God who can save us from super villains and ourselves. Instead he likes to get himself into situations where people ambiguously think he killed a bunch of people and make out with Amy Adams in a bath. Boom roasted. Next!
  • Oh good, Batman, you’re always chill right? … WRONG. You are branding people and getting them killed in prison. Because what every Batman loves is the loophole of “well I didn’t technically kill that guy … I just marked him for death and sent him to his death. Cleaning up the streetz!” He’s a bad guy and a bad detective and he almost killed Superman because he’s also a dummy. Boom roasted. Next!
  • Lex Luthor? What a weird character. The mannerisms of what I can only forever assume Mark Zuckerberg has, and yet people meet him and are like “hmmmm, you seem totally normal. Although I do wish you would stop talking about angels and demons and Nazis and muttering about how smart people should have absolute power … but outside of that you seem normal and I think you should write our anti-Superman legislation and have unfettered access to an alien spaceship”. Boom roasted. Next!
  • Wonder Woman? Actually … she wasn’t bad. The only odd bit was that they were very obviously trying to get you to think she could be Selena Kyle (aka Catwoman) but that headfake makes no sense since she’s in the trailer and also they had already announced the Wonder Woman film at this point. Makes the film seem weird. Condition: not roasted.
  • I think I’ll finish with Zach Snyder. I don’t begrudge his fans their taste in cinema. His color palette is grays and browns and there’s a tonally confusing ultra-violence to everything he does. But he doesn’t make action films. He makes Zach Snyder films. And they are somehow different and I don’t like them and that is that. They are unpleasant to watch. Half-hearted boom roasted. I’m getting tired, guys.
  • The movie is weird. It is all over the place. It has a garbage pile of CGI as the ultimate villain in … Destructo? I literally can’t remember what he’s called. Like … Dementor? Did it have a name?
  • And then they just have like four teaser trailers for the upcoming standalone films (two of which didn’t even happen!).
  • And then everyone cries a bunch even though Superman is obviously not dead. How dumb.
  • Product Placement (What?) exists, although the only one that obviously springs to mind is a shot of Olay body wash in the tub scene at the beginning. Funny Setting as a Character (Where?) for both Metropolis and Gotham, one of which apparently is in Delaware, although that is hardly canonical. This movie is closest to Bad, it is weird and unpleasant and then too long to even be rewatchable, I didn’t like it.

Read about my sequel DC’s Wonder in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs


Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Quiz

Oh, so bad news alert. I was in Metropolis the day Superman and Zod fought. Yeah. I got bopped right on the head with a falling rock! I lived, but I got a pretty big concussion and now can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) What is the initial trap that Lex Luthor sets for Superman which gets him in a boatload of trouble?

2) And then what is the second trap he sets in order to try and make him doubt his powers even more? Hint it was the plot which ultimately killed the senator at the capitol.

3) Meanwhile in Gotham, Batman is fighting villains in a slightly non-traditional way. What does he do to the bad guys?

4) Oh and Batman also wants to get some other information from Luthor. What does he ultimately find on the secret harddrive?

5) And in the end, what is Lex Luthor’s plan? And what is his backup plan?

Bonus Question: Superman is gone. But just then a signal comes from outer space … who is it?


Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Preview

“We’re sorry, Mr. Dudikoff,” Patrick wails. He promises they’ll watch Citizen Kane. They won’t mention anything about possible sequels or squeakuels. They won’t drop scorching hot hot takes, or determine specific dates and times of the film. “Themes!” Patrick yells, “Themes and motifs! Just let us stay! Please!” Jamie leans against a nearby bust of Benjamin Franklin. He pops a Coors Light and the buttons on his tearaway sweatpants. His rocky mountains are blue, that’s how cool he is. Ever since he bumped into Gutes something has changed in Jamie. Rulez are Coolz, that’s for sure, but like… who’s rules? BMT rules are cool. GMT rules are cool. Gutes’ rules? Definitely cool. The rules at this school? Not cool. Drake looks back and forth at Patrick and Jamie. One begging to watch Citizen Kane every day for a year, the other now eight Coors Lights deep dressed only in a pair of jorts practicing what appeared to be capoeira. “Wonderful,” Drake says and both Patrick and Jamie stop. “You two are perfect. You remind me of myself. Well me and Charlie to be more accurate. So much the same and yet so different. Gripping onto rules with white knuckles and yet bucking against them at the same time.” He rings a bell and out from a side door walks a man… an identical man. “Hello, I’m Charlie Dudikoff, welcome to my school,” he says, “We need your help. We need the help of the only squad that can get down and dirty with the baddest of the bad and also have a really cool name. We hope that’s you. Are you ready?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other and nod. “Great,” Drake says, “Congratulations, you are now part of the Ultra-Hard Party.” Patrick and Jamie grimace a little. That’s right! We are doubling up on some DC delectables with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad. It’s tough sledding, but we’ve mustered all our strength. Let’s go!

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) – BMeTric: 22.2; Notability: 148 – BMeTric: top 28.8%; Notability: top 0.0%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 23.7%; Higher BMeT: Fifty Shades of Black, Zoolander 2, Cell, The Forest, Exposed, Yoga Hosers, Meet the Blacks, Cabin Fever, Norm of the North, Max Steel, The Darkness, Dark Crimes, God’s Not Dead 2, Blair Witch, Independence Day: Resurgence, The 5th Wave, Urge, Gods of Egypt, Get a Job, The Assignment, and 52 more; Lower RT: Max Steel, Urge, Cabin Fever, Dark Crimes, Amateur Night, True Memoirs of an International Assassin, Wild Oats, The Darkness, Fifty Shades of Black, Norm of the North, Misconduct, Mother’s Day, Exposed, The Last Face, The Do-Over, Get a Job, I.T., God’s Not Dead 2, The Forest, Dirty Grandpa, and 38 more; Notes: The highest Notability of the year! The BMeTric is surprising low, but I’ve said it elsewhere: Snyder has a weird fanbase who likes his very specific sub-genre of action films. – 2.5 stars – “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” is state of the art epic superhero filmmaking. That’s a compliment if you prefer these movies to be ponderous, disorganized and glum, but a warning if you prefer tonal variation from film to film and scene to scene, and have a soft spot for storytelling that actually tells, you know, a story, as opposed to doing an occasionally inspired but mostly just competent job of setting up the next chapter in a Marvel-styled franchise.

There are a few brilliantly realized moments, the acting is mostly strong despite the weak script (Affleck and Cavill are both superb—Affleck unexpectedly so), and there’s enough mythic raw material sunk deep in every scene that you can piece together a classic in your mind if you’re feeling charitable; but if you aren’t, “Batman v Superman” will seem like a missed opportunity. At times it might make you long for Christopher Nolan’s delicate touch. Those last four words have never appeared side-by-side before. Life’s funny that way.

(I’m leaving the whole thing. “Ponderous, disorganized and glum” is my band name. Affleck being surprisingly good, and the slam on Christopher Nolan at the end are both great stuff.)

Trailer –

(I mean … if you like evil Superman and like … apocalypse Batman this looks cool. If you don’t this looks ultra lame. And spoiler alert. I do not like this. Not one bit.)

DirectorsZack Snyder – ( Known For: Zack Snyder’s Justice League; 300; Watchmen; Man of Steel; Army of the Dead; Dawn of the Dead; Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole; Future BMT: Justice League; BMT: Sucker Punch; Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Director for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in 2017; Notes: He (allegedly) got an army of bots (intentionally or unwittingly, I honestly just don’t care which it was) to convince HBO to give him a bunch of money to produce the 4 hour long version of Justice League which still wasn’t very good. Army of the Dead was a modest streaming success by all accounts, so his career is by no means over because of his disastrous DCEU run.)

WritersChris Terrio – ( Known For: Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Argo; Future BMT: Justice League; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in 2017; Notes: )

David S. Goyer – ( Known For: The Dark Knight; The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Dark City; Man of Steel; Hellraiser; Terminator: Dark Fate; Blade; Blade II; Kickboxer 2: The Road Back; Zig Zag; Future BMT: Blade: Trinity; The Unborn; The Crow: City of Angels; Death Warrant; The Puppet Masters; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Jumper; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screenplay for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in 2017; Notes: His career is kind of nuts. He legit started out making cheapo films like Arcade. And now he’s just considered to be an ominous sign that your comic book movie might be garbage. He writes like … everything, so it isn’t totally accurate though.)

Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Jerry Siegel, Joe Shuster, and William Moulton Marston  – ( Known For: The Batman; The Dark Knight; Joker; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Dark Knight Rises; Batman Begins; Batman; Batman Returns; The Lego Batman Movie; The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part; Batman; Batman: Mask of the Phantasm; Batman Ninja; Batman: Soul of the Dragon; Batman; Scooby-Doo & Batman: The Brave and the Bold; Batman and Robin; Future BMT: Justice League; Batman: The Killing Joke; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Batman Forever; Batman & Robin; Catwoman; Notes: I’m putting all these guys together and the credits are a bit jumbled. They are the comic book writers for the various characters that appear in Justice League. If I didn’t know that this is all decided by a screenwriting tribunal I would say that crediting all of these people was a stunt to be like “look at all the shit we have in this film!!” In reality, presumably, the cast is such an equal ensemble of characters that indeed, five different comic book writers had to be credited, even though this is a Goyer film through and through.)

ActorsBen Affleck – ( Known For: Air; Good Will Hunting; Dazed and Confused; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Gone Girl; Triple Frontier; The Last Duel; The Town; Shakespeare in Love; Clerks III; Argo; Deep Water; School Ties; Jersey Girl; Dogma; The Accountant; He’s Just Not That Into You; Daredevil; Field of Dreams; The Tender Bar; Future BMT: Justice League; Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Live by Night; Smokin’ Aces; Surviving Christmas; 200 Cigarettes; BMT: Suicide Squad; Armageddon; Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Pearl Harbor; Gigli; Paycheck; Phantoms; Reindeer Games; Runner Runner; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor in 2004 for Daredevil, Gigli, and Paycheck; Winner for Worst Screen Combo for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in 2017; Winner for Worst Screen Couple for Gigli in 2004; Nominee for Worst Actor in 2002 for Pearl Harbor; in 2005 for Jersey Girl, and Surviving Christmas; and in 2017 for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for The Last Duel in 2022; Nominee for Worst Actor of the Decade in 2010 for Daredevil, Gigli, Jersey Girl, Paycheck, Pearl Harbor, and Surviving Christmas; and Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 1999 for Armageddon; in 2002 for Pearl Harbor; and in 2005 for Jersey Girl; Notes: Batffleck! He’s back baby! Air just came out, and I’m holding out hope he’ll get a directing nomination because, why not? They kept on giving Clint Eastwood nominations for making perfectly fine looking good movies, right?)

Henry Cavill – ( Known For: Zack Snyder’s Justice League; The Count of Monte Cristo; Mission: Impossible – Fallout; Stardust; Man of Steel; Enola Holmes; The Man from U.N.C.L.E.; Enola Holmes 2; Immortals; Night Hunter; Sand Castle; Whatever Works; Blood Creek; I Capture the Castle; Red Riding Hood; Future BMT: Black Adam; Justice League; Tristan + Isolde; The Cold Light of Day; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Screen Combo for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in 2017; and Nominee for Worst Actor for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in 2017; Notes: There was a brief moment where Cavill announced he was coming back as Superman and people got jazzed, but then two days later DC was like “Wait, what’s this now?” and now he isn’t. It was weird.)

Amy Adams – ( Known For: Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Catch Me If You Can; Arrival; Her; American Hustle; Man of Steel; Nocturnal Animals; Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby; Hillbilly Elegy; Disenchanted; The Fighter; Enchanted; The Master; Vice; The Woman in the Window; Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian; Julie & Julia; Doubt; Drop Dead Gorgeous; Big Eyes; Future BMT: Justice League; Leap Year; Dear Evan Hansen; The Wedding Date; Underdog; Serving Sara; The Ex; BMT: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Actress for The Woman in the Window in 2022; and Nominee for Worst Supporting Actress for Dear Evan Hansen in 2022; Notes: Nominated for an insane 6 Oscars and never won. We’ll see. Her choices recently have been questionable, but she’s getting to an age where I think she will find that perfect Meryl Streep role from the 00s to finally snag a trophy. I just feel it.)

Budget/Gross – $250,000,000 / Domestic: $330,360,194 (Worldwide: $873,637,528)

(That isn’t quite as good. With a $250 million budget you are kind of looking for $1 billion as crazy as it sounds. For this I’m certain that is what they were aiming for. The MCU was smashing that easily on their big tent poles, and this was the moment where you knew the DCEU was kind of toast.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (126/437): Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice smothers a potentially powerful story — and some of America’s most iconic superheroes — in a grim whirlwind of effects-driven action.

(GRIM. That is what these films are. They are grim and all the characters are unfortunately sad and depressing. People talk about the MCU like “why can’t the DCEU be bright” but the visual palette isn’t even close to being the problem. The issue is that in the MCU at least the people seem like pleasant people you’d want to hang out with sometimes. All these people are so dour all the time.)

Reviewer Highlight: When was it decided superhero movies shouldn’t be any fun? – Leonard Maltin

Poster – Sklog v Sklog: Dawn of Crushin’ It

(No bueno. D)

Tagline(s) – Who will win? (F)

(Guys… we all know they aren’t actually fighting. They are “fighting.” That is fighting until it’s time not to fight and then they fight… other people.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)

Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.4 Zapped! (1982), 45.8 Sidekicks (1992)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Man Trouble (1992), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Killer-Elite): 43.0 Young Einstein (1988), 35.1 The Fan (1996)

(This tags along as a bonus film with Suicide Squad, although I’m sure sometime in the late 2010s it played on the same date as Citizen Kane. Seems impossible that it didn’t/)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 8) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Ben Affleck is No. 1 billed in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and No. 1 billed in Pearl Harbor, which also stars Josh Hartnett (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 3 billed) => (1 + 1) + (3 + 3) = 8. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – In an interview on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (2009), Ben Affleck said he was warned by Warner Bros. about the possible negative reaction to his casting, and was advised to remain off the Internet after the casting announcement. He also said, to assuage his concerns, the studio showed him negative comments that fans had initially made to previous superhero castings. Affleck said in spite of the studio warnings, he still checked out an online message board. The first comment he read was, “Affleck as Batman? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” After seeing that, he immediately went offline.

In this film, Batman wears a voice modulator in his suit to electronically alter his voice. After the casting of Ben Affleck in the role, this was an idea that had been suggested by his friend, director Kevin Smith, as he felt Affleck’s natural speaking voice was too high-pitched for Batman. He also felt it wouldn’t sound like Christian Bale’s voice in the Christopher Nolan Dark Knight trilogy.

Ben Affleck gained an additional twenty pounds of muscle and reached eight percent body fat for his role as Bruce Wayne a.k.a. Batman.

According to Ben Affleck, he was surprised when he was offered the Batman role, and was at first hesitant to commit to it. He was won over after a meeting with Zack Snyder, who pitched Affleck his vision of Batman, and showed him concept art for the film.

The Waynes are seen walking out of a movie theater, a poster of The Mark of Zorro (1940) is seen on the theater wall. Though not exclusive to all origin stories, most canon Batman origin stories since 1986 have the Waynes leaving a screening of the film. This trend was originally set in reference to the fact that Batman was largely based on the character of Zorro.

A “Batman and Superman” film was originally pitched in August 2001 by Andrew Kevin Walker, with Wolfgang Petersen to direct, and Akiva Goldsman to script. Goldsman’s script had Bruce Wayne’s fiancée slain by the Joker, which sends him on a revenge rampage and brings him into conflict with Superman, who tries to stop him. The film was shelved, but in Goldsman’s I Am Legend (2007), a teaser poster for the film (the Superman shield inside a bat) was seen in the opening scene. It was rumored at the time, that George Clooney would be reprising his Batman role from Batman & Robin (1997), and John Travolta would be playing Superman.

Ben Affleck stated in an interview that he had asked if he could have the batsuit when filming was complete. The producers said yes, but that he would have to pay $100,000 in order to keep it. Affleck quickly changed his mind, and asked if he could just take a picture with it instead.

The armor that Ben Affleck wears is based on Batman’s armor in the comic book “The Dark Knight Returns,” written by Frank Miller, and published in 1986. His regular costume is entirely different than the graphic novel. In the novel the suit was made of traditional blue and gray fabric, and with a bullet-proof plate behind the traditional yellow oval bat logo.

When discussing the film, Henry Cavill said that it would address a major issue that fans and critics had with Man of Steel (2013), involving the huge amount of collateral damage caused in the film’s climax during Superman’s battle with General Zod in Metropolis. Cavill said that future battle scenes in movies featuring Superman would involve him making sure to not harm civilians himself and to protect them from evil villains.

Superman only had 42 lines of dialogue throughout the entire movie.

In response to the negative and mixed reviews, Ben Affleck (Batman) said “We made this movie for the fans, not the critics.” His co-star Henry Cavill (Superman) said similar things in other interviews.

A rough cut of the film was shown for Warner Bros. executives. They were reportedly so impressed that they not only gave the film a standing ovation, but also began negotiating a deal with Ben Affleck to have him make three solo Batman movies, rather than the original plan to make only one.

When Wallace Vernon Keefe, has been gathering newspaper clips about Superman, a picture is seen where Superman is lifting a car, about to smash it against a rock. The picture is a photo version of the cover of Action Comics #1 from 1938, Superman’s debut.

There is a Riddler style question mark graffitied in one of the pillars of Wayne manor.

Michael Shannon never actually shot any scenes for this film and the production used a rubber dummy for Zod’s corpse, he stated, “In the movie there’s a large rubber version of my naked body that Lex Luthor is playing with. I was not, the only thing I did for that is I did some ADR of some lines that Zack [Snyder] thought he might use in the movie of my disembodied spirit talking to Lex Luthor.”

The day after he was cast as Batman, Ben Affleck began working out two hours a day and “hated every minute of it”, by his own admission.

Jimmy Fallon once asked Ben Affleck what his daughters thought of him being Batman and he said, “They don’t care. All they want to watch is Frozen (2013).”

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor (Jesse Eisenberg, 2017)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screen Combo (Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, 2017)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Screenplay (Chris Terrio, David S. Goyer, 2017)

Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (2017)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture (2017)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Ben Affleck, 2017)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Henry Cavill, 2017)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Director (Zack Snyder, 2017)

Poltergeist II: The Other Side Recap


Seeing as Poltergeist III is a Daddio Special (a film that aired on September 1st, 1990) and Poltergeist II got dangerously close to a Twin Special (airing on October 3rd, 1991) I think I’ll just hop on over to October 9th, 1991 and see what we could have watched just six days after Poltergeist II for the Twin Special Celebration Spectacular. The answer seems obvious. Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood is not-so-secretly my favorite of the franchise and seems like a nice pairing with Poltergeist II which is… not my favorite Poltergeist film (spoiler alert). I have to admit it’s kind of hard to pass up The Sicilian, a Michael Cimino flop starring BMT fave Christopher Lambert and I have to shine a light on the short listings description written for past BMT film Shanghai Surprise: “Flat, watery egg-drop soup. Two at sea, by land.” Give The Times a god damn Pulitzer. It’s like a poem.

To recap, the Freelings are back, Jack! And now they’re sad! After the ghostly events of the first film, the family has moved into Diane’s mother’s house. They are poor because their house disappeared into nothing and the insurance company doesn’t cover that. Despite that (and the grandma who is all like “I know why you have ghosts. It’s because we’re ghost people.”) they are doing OK. That is until a creepy old-timey pastor comes stalking about looking for Carol Anne. Turns out there is a very detailed explanation for all the events of the first film (great!) that also doesn’t make much sense in the context of the first film (less great!). Basically this ghost pastor, Kane, was a crazy cult leader who went into the caves beneath the family’s house and killed themselves… so forget all that cemetery mumbo jumbo we told you about before. Grandma dies and everyone is sad and things are looking dire cause Kane is growing stronger. Thankfully a Native American shaman, Taylor, shows up to whip them into poltergeist battling shape. They seem to be doing OK until Taylor leaves. Kane shows up and they barely escape with their lives. They decide to battle Kane where he lives so they go to the caves and all get warped into the other side. From there it. Gets. Crazy. Like psychedelic bullshit. Almost unbelievable that there was a moment where you could sit in a theater and watch it with a bunch of people. It’s that ridiculous. Anyway, Craig T. Nelson gets thrown a spear by Taylor and he kills Kane with it. Carol Anne almost slips into the afterlife but good ol’ grandma shows up and is like “don’t worry ‘bout it.” THE END.

I think this entry in the series is specifically hurt by being the sequel to the much better Poltergeist. Some really good special effects (even nominated for an Oscar, which is something considering the reviews for the film itself) and a totally bonkers ending would have done quite well in the first of a lower budget series. Like a Wishmaster or Pumpkinhead. You could have imagined it garnering a loyal cult following in that context. But that’s hard to do when you are rehashing and rearranging aspects of a first (better) movie. So if you want to see a mediocre to slightly below average horror film with some wild and crazy stuff mixed in, then you just might be in the cult of Poltergeist II and you can refer to it as The Other Side and never compare it to the first one.

Hot Take Clam Bake! The lore in this film is actually better than the original. The first film is all about how the neighborhood they live in was built on top of a cemetery. They moved the headstones but not the bodies. I don’t get it though because they specifically go out of their way to say that the neighborhood allows you to do whatever you want on your property and our main characters are actively in the process of building a pool. So… where are all these bodies they should be digging up? Am I missing something? At the end we see them all up in that pool and popping out of the ground. So where were they before and why did it only impact the Freelings’ house? It really doesn’t make sense. Kane’s death cult burying themselves alive under the house and being activated by the family’s hereditary supernatural abilities somehow is the better explanation. So there you have it. Poltergeist II is the better movie. Hot Take Temperature: Swimming Pool.



‘Ello everyone! Poltergeist II: The Other Side? More like Polter-gross Boo: Run and Hide. I mean … long title that kind of works. I should have just left it at Polter-gross Boo though. That’s killer. Let’s go!

  • The main thing this film has going for it is that it still has JoBeth Williams and Craig T. Nelson, who both continue to be great despite the decidedly sillier premise of the sequel.
  • It is a little shocking that even though they lampshaded the “Indian burial ground” explanation in the first film they … kind of do it for the second? They basically suggest that the bad guy, Kane, was a preacher who was butting heads with the local native people prior to him killing himself and his flock. It is much closer, an odd choice.
  • Taylor is fine in the film, but again, I just wish they hadn’t gone in the direction they did with the film with Kane.
  • I should probably get into Kane. Kane is to Poltergeist II and Jason is to Friday the 13th: Part II. He’s an attempt to tack from a defeated enemy of a hit horror film to something a bit more sustainable for a franchise. But yet, Kane is never ever discussed in the terms of horror villains. It is bizarre. Kane is, due to the sequels, inexorably a giant part of the franchise. And yet, you only vaguely hear about “They’re heeeeeeeeeere” and the vague notion of a house built on a cemetery. Nothing about Kane.
  • He’s an odd character. Honestly, he would have been a good character if he was hinted at at all in the first film.
  • Isn’t that the problem? The first film has a beautiful explanation that is tied up in the corporate greed of the time (“You moved the tombstones, but you didn’t move the bodies! Didn’t you!?”). They seem to indicate that there is kind of collective of lost souls on the other side which is tempting Carol Anne, which JoBeth Williams has to combat. I don’t know, the beauty of an explanation being unnecessary is a huge part of the charm of the film.
  • The second one, suddenly the house is built on top of a cemetery which is built on top of a chamber where a cult killed themselves? Now there is a preacher ghost named Kane who is obsessed with Carol Anne? Native Americans are tied up into the story? The film isn’t really that bad, but it isn’t good either.
  • As far as effects, some are quite good. I thought the braces monster was interesting, and a few of the larger effects as well. A lot is made of the vomit monster, but that was the least impressive to me. Clearly a triple or quadruple amputee in a costume. If they had went stop motion / reversing for some of the build up of the creature (a la Hellraiser) then it would be more impressive.
  • I guess I’ll throw half a review for the first film here: Loved it. The ability of Spielberg to get performances of very young actors is second to none. And for a film with a grand total of zero deaths, Poltergeist is funny in all the right places, and tense in all the right places, and surprising and unique, etc. I really liked it.
  • I think this qualifies for a Setting as a Character (Where?) for California. And honestly, I think Carol Anne is the living embodiment of the reverse MacGuffin (Why?) which I’ve just coined. It is basically the thing in a horror film where there is no explanation as to why the villains desperately want the person or thing, but boy golly do they want Carol Anne. This is probably closest to Good if I’m being honest, it still has enough of the original’s charm to coast on it, and some good special effects.

Read about the sequel Poltergeist III: Part 1: The Cult in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Poltergeist II: The Other Side Quiz

Oh man, so get this. I was taken to The Other Side. NBD. But turns out, it’s just like a place you float around. Anyways, something bopped me right on the head, and now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist II: The Other Side?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) We open with Carol Anne’s family living with her grandmother. Why? Like why specifically can’t they find another house to live in?

2) In the last movie Carol Anne speaks to the evil entity through the television. In this film what does she (kind of) use to communicate with them instead (since the family doesn’t have a television anymore)?

3) A Native American man by the name of Taylor shows up to help them. Why? Also, what event ultimately makes them trust him?

4) Who is Kane?

5) How do they kill Kane?

Bonus Question: 


Poltergeist II: The Other Side Preview

Jamie and Patrick are playing with their favorite toy dinosaurs. They’re mother stops by and pats them lovingly on the head. They’re father stoops down and spends some moments joining in on the imaginary fun. Jamie strains to see his father’s face but it’s clouded by an image of Scott Bakula. But the joy of this dino adventure is enough and they continue to play together: Patrick, Jamie, and their imposter dad Scott Bakula. There is a knock at the door and there are two men in suits there. They are talking to Scott Bakula. They are pointing at a sheet of paper that says that all their measurables are off the charts. General Knowledge: 100th percentile. Gymnastics: 100th percentile. Martial Arts: 100th percentile. Dance: 100th percentile. Philosophy: 100th percentile. The list goes on and on. They frown at the list. Dinosaurs: 100th percentile is nowhere to be found. Not a list they care about. The men tell them they are going away, going to have everything because of this list. They cry. They hit these men with their dinosaur toys and try to run away.

Jamie shakes his head at the memory and jerks his arm away from Patrick and grabs one of the toy cars. “Michael!” he calls and the groundskeeper turns. “Why are these toys here? Whose toys are these?” he asks, his voice shaking with intensity. Michael chuckles a little. “Ah, so that’s what you’re sniffing around about. You’ve heard the stories,” he says but starts a little when he realizes they don’t know what he’s talking about. “You’re saying you’ve never heard the story of how this place is haunted?” Patrick and Jamie look at each other and shakily murmur, “A gh-gh-gh-ghost?” Michael nods. “Not just one ghost,” he continues, “Two.” That’s right! We’re watching not just one ghost film, but two. And they’re some big ones. We are tackling the two very poorly received sequels to Poltergeist, Poltergeist II: The Other Side and Poltergeist III… no subtitle for three, guys? That’s a shame. How about Poltergeist III: Tower of Terror? Let’s go!

Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986) – BMeTric: 42.3; Notability: 64 – BMeTric: top 2.8%; Notability: top 1.2%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.7%; Higher BMeT: Howard the Duck, Troll, King Kong Lives, Maximum Overdrive, Raw Deal, Solarbabies, Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Higher Notability: Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Howard the Duck, The Golden Child; Lower RT: Solarbabies, 8 Million Ways to Die, King Kong Lives, Band of the Hand, American Anthem, Sorority House Massacre, Deadtime Stories, Nobody’s Fool, Firewalker, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Armed and Dangerous, TerrorVision, Dangerously Close, Club Paradise, Quicksilver, Soul Man, Howard the Duck, Tai-Pan, Maximum Overdrive, The Delta Force, and 4 more; Notes: The Notability is shockingly high on this one, but the cast is kind of stacked too, so I guess it makes sense. Jumpin’ Jack Flash has been on my radar forever. The old Whoopi films from the 80s are something else.

Leonard Maltin – 2.5 stars –  The Freeling family is terrorized again by otherworld creatures. Another pointless sequel made palatable by some jolting state-of-the-art special effects and a still-very-likable family. Be warned that an actor receives billing as The Vomit Creature.

(This does seem, potentially, to be a series that would be mostly a display for impressive special effects and not much else. It is pointless though, the first film was wrapped up in a neat bow.)

Trailer –

(Oh snap, first shot, the big baddy … Kane? Wait, was this guy in the first film? No? What is happening!? That being said, pretty solid teaser trailer all said.)

DirectorsBrian Gibson – ( Known For: What’s Love Got to Do with It; The Juror; Still Crazy; Breaking Glass; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Notes: Worked for the BBC initially, then it appears he did a bunch of music videos. This followed right after a series of music videos by Styx. Won and Emmy for The Josephine Baker Story.)

WritersMark Victor and Michael Grais – ( Known For: Poltergeist; Death Hunt; Future BMT: Marked for Death; BMT: Cool World; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Notes: Kind of odd they didn’t seem to get a credit for Poltergeist III. They wrote a trilogy of UFO TV Movies in 1991.)

ActorsJoBeth Williams – ( Known For: Poltergeist; The Big Chill; Kramer vs. Kramer; Stir Crazy; The Big Year; Fever Pitch; In the Land of Women; The Dogs of War; Teachers; Timer; Alex & The List; Desert Bloom; Memories of Me; Endangered Species; SGT. Will Gardner; The Last Film Festival; Barracuda; Me Myself and I; Welcome Home; Just Write; Future BMT: Wyatt Earp; Switch; American Dreamer; BMT: Jungle 2 Jungle; Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot; Dutch; Notes: Her husband was the director of Miss Congeniality 2 among other BMT films. She was nominated for an Oscar for On Hope, a short film.)

Craig T. Nelson – ( Known For: The Devil’s Advocate; The Incredibles; The Proposal; Incredibles 2; Poltergeist; Blades of Glory; The Killing Fields; Book Club; Wag the Dog; Soul Surfer; Gold; All the Right Moves; Stir Crazy; The Osterman Weekend; Silkwood; The Company Men; Private Benjamin; Turner & Hooch; The Family Stone; And Justice for All; Future BMT: Troop Beverly Hills; Get Hard; Action Jackson; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; The Skulls; Notes: It’s Coach! Races cars. Was nominated three times for Coach, and won once.)

Heather O’Rourke – ( Known For: Poltergeist; BMT: Poltergeist II: The Other Side; Poltergeist III; Notes: Sadly died during post-production of Poltergeist III from complications related to Crohn’s Disease.)

Budget/Gross – $19 million / Domestic: $40,996,665 (Worldwide: $40,996,665)

(That’s good enough. Horror films just print money as usual. So no wonder they went straight for the third. I do wonder if you could get a direct sequel off the ground, recasting O’Rourke’s character as an adult.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 20% (11/55): They’re back, but this hollow sequel retains none of the charm or suspense that made the original Poltergeist such a haunting specter.

(Yeah, that makes sense. But when does any sequel? I guess something like The Conjuring at the very least kept the same entertaining level of zaniness during its sequels. So it is possible.)

NY Times Short Review: Plot trouble.

Poster – Ghosty Spooktacular II: The Other Sklog

(Ha, what? This poster is crazy. Did they finish it? I’m going to give them an Incomplete.)

Tagline(s) – They’re back. (B)

(I can’t actually give this a particularly good grade, but I also can’t blame them for putting away the easy lay-up. Just solid fundamentals here.)

Keyword(s) – Citizen Kane

Top 10: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Goodfellas (1990), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983), The Terminator (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), Full Metal Jacket (1987), Aliens (1986), Groundhog Day (1993)

Future BMT: 75.0 Look Who’s Talking Now (1993), 71.9 Teen Wolf Too (1987), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 59.6 Suburban Commando (1991), 58.5 Rocky V (1990), 56.4 The Karate Kid Part III (1989), 55.6 Ringmaster (1998), 54.2 Who’s That Girl (1987), 53.2 Made in America (1993), 52.4 Blank Check (1994), 51.5 The Pest (1997), 50.5 Getting Even with Dad (1994), 50.0 Smokey and the Bandit II (1980), 49.9 3 Ninjas (1992), 49.1 My Girl 2 (1994), 48.3 My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988), 47.9 Three Men and a Little Lady (1990), 46.7 House Party 3 (1994), 46.4 Zapped! (1982), 45.8 Sidekicks (1992)

BMT: Batman & Robin (1997), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987), Troll 2 (1990), Super Mario Bros. (1993), RoboCop 3 (1993), Grease 2 (1982), Caddyshack II (1988), Bio-Dome (1996), Mac and Me (1988), Anaconda (1997), Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996), Double Team (1997), Fair Game (1995), Leprechaun (1993), Body of Evidence (1992), A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989), Cool World (1992), Poltergeist III (1988), Wild Orchid (1989), Sliver (1993), Chairman of the Board (1997), Red Sonja (1985), Nothing But Trouble (1991), Ishtar (1987), Toys (1992), Weekend at Bernie’s II (1993), Shanghai Surprise (1986), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Exit to Eden (1994), Fire Down Below (1997), Color of Night (1994), Graveyard Shift (1990), No Holds Barred (1989), The Lawnmower Man (1992), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Maximum Overdrive (1986), Fire Birds (1990), Cocoon: The Return (1988), Jingle All the Way (1996), Raw Deal (1986), Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), Crocodile Dundee II (1988), Hudson Hawk (1991), Navy Seals (1990), Critters 2: The Main Course (1988), Hot to Trot (1988), Rambo III (1988), Terminal Velocity (1994), Meatballs Part II (1984), Cobra (1986), Ernest Goes to Jail (1990), Hard to Kill (1990), Conan the Destroyer (1984), The Golden Child (1986), Another 48 Hrs. (1990), Hard Rain (1998), Under the Cherry Moon (1986), Mannequin (1987), K-9 (1989), Days of Thunder (1990), Blame It on Rio (1984), No Mercy (1986), Senseless (1998), The Wizard (1989), The Marrying Man (1991), Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), The Cannonball Run (1981), Stone Cold (1991), Tango & Cash (1989), Lock Up (1989), The Good Son (1993), 1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992), Dangerous Minds (1995), Young Guns II (1990), Event Horizon (1997), Dutch (1991), Police Academy (1984), Road House (1989)

Best Options (Horror): 64.2 Poltergeist III (1988), 61.0 Pet Sematary II (1992), 44.3 DeepStar Six (1989), 42.3 Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986), 34.6 Leviathan (1989), 32.2 The Seventh Sign (1988), 31.3 Student Bodies (1981), 28.1 Deep Rising (1998), 27.4 The Phantom of the Opera (1989), 26.1 The Bride (1985), 25.0 Bad Dreams (1988)

(Yeah we hit up a good one here. There was an off-the-board alternative, specifically we could have hit up the second and third Amityville and gone down that freight path of six non-qualifying direct-to-video sequels. We chose not to.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 14) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: JoBeth Williams is No. 2 billed in Poltergeist II: The Other Side and No. 3 billed in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 14. If we were to watch The Glass House we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – The only family member absent from the film is Dana, who according to the script is off at university, but a scene explaining away her absence was never filmed. Dominique Dunne was murdered by her boyfriend John Thomas Sweeney (who later changed his name to John Maura and disappeared) shortly after “Poltergeist (1982)” premiered. Ultimately, no mention is made of Dana in the final film, or of her being in college. It was decided by the filmmakers to retire the character and not recast her out of respect for the deceased actress and her family.

The partially grown “Vomit Creature” was performed by stuntman Noble Craig, a triple-amputee who lost both legs, an arm, and an eye while serving in the Vietnam War.

Heather O’Rourke was so afraid of Julian Beck (Reverend Kane) the first time she saw him that she burst into tears.

Julian Beck’s gaunt appearance is the result of the stomach cancer that would claim his life.

The film had an original running time of 131 minutes before being edited down to 91 minutes. Some have surmised that MGM rushed production and ordered the cuts, e.g the final battle with Kane lasts all of two minutes. Zelda Rubinstein in particular was furious about this, as she felt her best scenes were removed from the final cut.

H.R. Giger provided the special effects designs. Giger created several designs but only two made it into the film, albeit briefly. Some books on his art report that Giger was “very unhappy” with how his designs were translated to the film.

The exorcism was performed by Will Sampson, who was a real-life shaman for “several different groups” before his death in 1987. Studio security was instructed to leave the set unlocked and unguarded so Sampson could return in the middle of the night to perform the exorcism.

Several scenes that appeared in press stills and promotional posters were cut from the film, e.g. one in which Kane tries to get into the house a second time and confronts Tangina (this omission angered Rubinstein as she felt that was one of her best scenes); one in which Steve and Diane see a flying toaster during a breakfast scene, etc.

The film was at one point to have been filmed in 3D; several scenes such as the appearance of the Beast and the flying chainsaw were filmed to take advantage of the process. This idea was eventually abandoned after seeing the failures of other gimmicky 3D horror films of the decade, including Friday the 13th Part III (1982), Jaws 3-D (1983), and Amityville 3-D (1983), which was a previous flop from MGM.

Awards – Nominee for the Oscar for Best Effects, Visual Effects (Richard Edlund, John Bruno, Garry Waller, Bill Neil, 1987)

Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress (Zelda Rubinstein, 1987)

Fantastic Four (2005) Recap


Sometimes our BMT eyes are a little bigger than our BMT mouths and Fantastic Four is one of those times. We didn’t just watch the first Fantastic Four. We didn’t just watch both Fantastic Fours. We got all that and a bag of potato chips with the original, never officially released Fantastic Four adaptation. It was a FF Fest that had us rock ‘n rolling all night and partying every day. And that’s really all that motivated all this. We just wanted to really sink our teeth into some 2000s magic. That of course also meant that I was knee deep into the 5 hour FF Fest and I looked over at the mirror that hangs in my BMT man cave and asked “who am I?” The answer? Franchise Man, babbbby. I love franchises.

To recap, Dr. Reed Richards is the smartest man alive… but also an asshole. As a result he’s a bit down on his luck just when a super cosmic event is passing Earth that will prove all his theories true! Oh no! He begs his very rich rival Dr. Von Doom to let him use his space station, which Doom delights in granting in part so he can flaunt the inclusion of his new GF ( and Reed’s ex-GF), Sue Storm, on the mission. Along for the ride are Reed’s friend Ben Grimm and Sue’s brother Johnny. They go up there, but oops! More berries. And by more berries I mean that the cosmic cloud has arrived early. Oh no! After getting owned by the cloud they wake up on Earth. Everything seems fine until Johnny starts spouting fire, Reed is stretching left and right, Sue is invisible, and Ben is a monstrous thing. The funniest part is when Ben tries to see his wife and basically the wife is like “gross” and runs away. Later on a sad Ben happens upon a disaster on a bridge and uses his grossness to save the day (with the help of his friends) and everyone is like, “Woah, those four are fantastic!”… except Ben’s wife who stops by just at that moment to throw her wedding ring on the ground. Ha! They all retreat to the Baxter building where Reed works on curing them. Johnny is not thrilled by the prospect but Ben is desperate and grows increasingly frustrated by the lack of progress. Doom, having lost his company in the disaster, but gained metal/electricity powers, decides to undermine Ben and Reed’s friendship. He uses his electricity power to help Ben use Reed’s curing machine to fix his condition. But it was all a ruse! Doom had realized the Thing was the only thing that could stop him. Now back to being normal he watches in horror as Doom does battle with his friends in a bid for power. Ultimately he willingly turns back into the Thing and joins the fray and together they are fantastic and are able to kill Dr. Doom. THE END… or is it? (It’s not). 

When I saw the runtime on this sucker I thought I was dreaming. A blazing 106 minutes for a superhero movie? Sign me up and sign me down. I also think they did a good job with The Thing and Johnny. Opposite sides of the coin from acting and effects standpoint, but at those extremes the film did OK. Outside of that there was some trouble. Sue and Reed are pretty meh and it falls pretty hard into the origin story pitfall. The entire movie is spent giving them powers, having them agonize over those powers, and then at the very last minute having to use their powers to stop… the other guy who got powers. Just four dopes with powers wrecking a city. So some good, some bad, and a BMT whopper in the Thing’s wife being generally grossed out by him and dropping him like it’s hot.

Hot Take Clam Bake! The Fantastic Four should and would have been taken into custody by the US Government. There was a mission to space that resulted in five people gaining superpowers. One (just one!) got a little peeved and wrecked NYC. And they were helpless to stop it without the help of the other four superpeople. The moral of the story was that they should accept their powers. The government would have to step in and tell them that they can’t. Sorry. Much like Cameron Poe, they are now dangerous weapons. They wrecked a city in self defense and so they have to figure a few things out. Maybe if some alien comes along and there is some bigger threat to humanity they can be free (fat chance!) but until then they are doing research in some underground military base somewhere. Hot Take Temperature: Butch T.



‘Ello everyone! Fantastic Four?! More like Bland-tastic Bore! AMIRITE?! Wow, that one actually works. Let’s go!

  • Man there are a lot of issues with this film. Although I think a lot of them are issues with how films like this are approached more so than the film actually being bad at the time. So I’m going to try and grade things on a Today Bad – Timeless Bad – 2000’s Bad scale. Basically, is this just bad all the time, was it bad at the time but not so much now, or bad now but not so much then. Get it? No. Let’s go.
  • Human Torch being a gross human being and a general asshole? Today Bad. Back then I’m sure Chris Evans guzzling some Mountain Dew and doing sweet tricks at the X Games while ogling the ladies and being a creep was cool as shit. And it helps that he’s the best part of the film from an acting / charm perspective. But today it is gross and doesn’t fly so well.
  • The Thing’s wife breaking up with him immediately? Timeless Bad. Not only is it poor storytelling where outside of being an unsupportive horrible person, the character has no development, the story goes out of its way to have the character show up out of nowhere to get a divorce?! The craziest scene in the film.
  • The Thing makeup – 2000s Bad. It actually looks kind of cool, but back in the 2000s apparently people thought it looked like crap?
  • The Human Torch effects – Today Bad. I’m sure at the time they thought it looked good. It doesn’t.
  • Mr. Fantastic effects – Timeless Bad. I’m sure people thought they looked good at the time, but deep inside they knew it looked like trash. Still does.
  • Invisible Woman getting naked for no reason – Today Bad. Can someone tell me what function Invisible Woman played in getting them across the barrier during the bridge scene by getting naked? No? No explanation since everyone else just ends up with her 14 feet away without anything happening?
  • Superhero baddies – Timeless Bad. Whenever I think of how the MCU started with Iron Man fighting … his boss? On a random street in NYC or something? I’ll remember how The Fantastic Four walked so Iron Man could run. Never in my life have I seen a more small potatoes battle than The Fantastic Four and Dr. Doom fighting over … I don’t know, control of a company or something maybe? Continuing having powers? Unclear really.
  • You know what, I’ll leave it there since this is already pretty long. As for some positives. As hammy as it all is I thought the acting was very game for the story they were telling. The film is pretty entertaining and goes at a quick pace. And as I said, Chris Evans is so charming it is no wonder they needed to fold him into the MCU elsewhere.
  • Solid Product Placement (What?) for the X Games in general which also ends with a lingering scene outside of the venue with huge billboards advertising Mountain Dew and junk. Solid Setting as a Character (Where?) for NYC where half of all superhero films are set. This is closest to BMT, just an undeniably entertaining garbage film.

I’ll leave the review for The Fantastic Four (1995) for the sequel review. Check out the big finale of the Brundlefly Jr. Saga in the two part Fantastic Four sequels in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Fantastic Four (2005) Quiz

Oh jeez, so get this. I was in outer space (natch) running some ‘speriments (natch, that’s what we call them in the beautiful mind science biz), when suddenly because my goober friend miscalculated some figured I get a huge blast of cosmic radiation! So he became a rad Human Torch, whereas I’ve become Mr. No Memory Man. Do you remember what happened in Fantastic Four (2005)?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Wait … why do the not-yet-fantastic-and-actually-kind-of-annoying four go to space again?

2) Whoops, now they have super powers. You know what? I’m going to give you an easy one. Name all five superpowers?

3) After the Thing gets all sad (awwwwww) Mr. Fantastic vows to help him out. What is the plan to solve his problems?

4) What is the problem with the solution, and why does it get solved, by whom, and why does that person do it?

5) What is Dr. Doom’s dastardly plan that the Fantastic Four now need to foil?

Bonus Question: After the battle the Fantastic Four are chilling in their skyscraper when they hear a knock at the door. Who is it?


Fantastic Four (2005) Preview

Jamie looks down at the GMT Rulez. Rule #7 – Lotsa Twists. He crosses that off so it reads “Just One Well-timed Twist.” He looks back up at the drama unfolding in front of him. “Why don’t you tell him who you really are?” Patrick says, swirling his glass of scotch. Cowgirl Jamie looks between them and shrugs her shoulders, turning to Jamie. “Jeannie DuBois, ace reporter for the Times of Delaware. You have to understand major public interest stories don’t just walk into Delaware every day.” Jamie turns away, the stench of betrayal heavy in the air. “But I really did like you, Jamie. I really did want to watch Here on Earth with you. To understand you.” He stops her with a glance. “I can handle you just loving me for my rock hard abs. I can even understand you liking me because I’m famous… but please, have some respect for me and don’t lie about Here on Earth. I should have known when you said you thought every moment of Here on Earth was sexy that something was off. Is it sexy that Sam’s knee cancer came back at the very moment she found love with Kelley?” Jeannie flinches. “I didn’t think so. So please, just go,” Jamie spits. Patrick is already at the door. He pulls it open to allow Jeannie to leave and is shocked to see people waiting on the porch. “My word, is that Kyle from!” Jeannie says, her eyes growing large, just before they push her out the door and pull Kyle and Rachel in for hugs. Patrick and Jamie are delighted. “The four of us back together again! Fantastic!” they scream, but there is nothing fantastic about the look on Kyle’s face. That’s right! We are finally sinking our teeth into the original Fantastic Four films. And I mean original. That’s because we aren’t just doing Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer from the early 2000’s. They’re also bringing along their friend, the never released Fantastic Four adaptation from 1994. It was just a way to keep the rights to the film and it works… worked so well that we had to get it into BMT. Fantastic. Let’s go!

Fantastic Four (2005) – BMeTric: 44.9; Notability: 91 – BMeTric: top 18.4%; Notability: top 0.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 27.5%; Higher BMeT: Son of the Mask, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D, The Fog, xXx: State of the Union, Boogeyman, Elektra, A Sound of Thunder, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Bewitched, Are We There Yet?, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, The Dukes of Hazzard, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, The Honeymooners, Stealth, Cursed, Dirty Love, Doom, and 26 more; Higher Notability: Kingdom of Heaven; Lower RT: The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, The Fog, Chaos, Supercross, Yours, Mine & Ours, Son of the Mask, Underclassman, A Sound of Thunder, The Perfect Man, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Dirty Love, White Noise, Dirty Deeds, Sex and Breakfast, Man of the House, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Æon Flux, One Last Thing…, and 48 more; Notes: Amazing that any film would have a higher notability than this one for 2005, but there is Kingdom of Heaven. – 1.0 stars – And the really good superhero movies, like “Superman,” “SpiderMan 2” and “Batman Begins,” leave “Fantastic Four” so far behind that the movie should almost be ashamed to show itself in the same theaters.

(Oh wow … you know, it is actually rather embarrassing that Fantastic Four and Batman Begins were put out in the same year. But the worst part is that they doubled down on the style! Surely it should be blatantly obvious that the cheesiness was no longer going to cut it at that point.)

Trailer –

(Oh wow this trailer is awful. But precisely in that 2005-frenetic-heavy-metal-music-video trailer. It is only at the end that is starts to look like a more normal halfway decent movie.)

DirectorsTim Story – ( Known For: Barbershop; Think Like a Man; The Blackening; Hurricane Season; The Firing Squad; Future BMT: Think Like a Man Too; BMT: Fantastic Four; Tom and Jerry; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Shaft; Taxi; Ride Along; Ride Along 2; Notes: Was a rapper at one point signed to Ice-T’s label. His rap name was M.C. Taste … in case this is some elaborate joke I’m just copying this off of IMDb. That is a crazy fact.)

WritersMark Frost – ( Known For: The Greatest Game Ever Played; Storyville; Future BMT: The Believers; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Nominated for four emmys, once for Hill Street Blues, and three times as a writer and producer for Twin Peaks. Started out on the production crew of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.)

Michael France – ( Known For: GoldenEye; Hulk; Cliffhanger; Future BMT: The Punisher; BMT: Fantastic Four; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Cliffhanger in 1994; Notes: More prolific that this suggests, he was seemingly writing spec scripts all over the place. Wait? … We haven’t seen The Punisher for BMT. That seems impossible, we watched Punisher: War Zone in 2012! You know what, this is one of those films that we watched prior to BMT and then forgot about.)

Stan Lee – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Thor: Love and Thunder; Spider-Man: No Way Home; Black Panther; Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness; Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse; The Avengers; Iron Man; Spider-Man; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Spider-Man: Far from Home; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Y’all know Stan Lee. There was a sad struggle over his estate prior to his passing as he was in declining health.)

Jack Kirby – ( Known For: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; Ant-Man; Ant-Man and the Wasp; Avengers: Endgame; Black Panther; Eternals; Avengers: Infinity War; Zack Snyder’s Justice League; Captain Marvel; The Avengers; Iron Man; Captain America: Civil War; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; Thor: Ragnarok; Thor; Iron Man Three; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; The Incredible Hulk; Future BMT: Justice League; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: One of the most significant comic writers in history and was especially known for his contributions to the silver age of Marvel comics.)

ActorsIoan Gruffudd – ( Known For: Titanic; San Andreas; Black Hawk Down; Horrible Bosses; Ava; The Secret of Moonacre; The Professor and the Madman; W.; Playing It Cool; Wilde; Amazing Grace; The Gathering; Keep Watching; Fireflies in the Garden; Buttons, A New Musical Film; The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box; This Girl’s Life; Forever; Stories USA; Shooters; Future BMT: King Arthur; 102 Dalmatians; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Sanctum; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screen Couple in 2008 for 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Awake, and Good Luck Chuck; Notes: Welsh. Has done a lot of television in recent years including 30 episodes in the series Harrow as Dr. Harrow.)

Michael Chiklis – ( Known For: Don’t Look Up; The Do-Over; Hubie Halloween; Parker; Nixon; Rupture; 10 Minutes Gone; High School; Deathstroke: Knights & Dragons – The Movie; 1985; Rise: Blood Hunter; Pawn; Do Not Disturb; Taxman; Future BMT: Eagle Eye; When the Game Stands Tall; Wired; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Soldier; Notes: Won an Emmy for The Shield, which he’s mostly known for. I know is partially because the future BMT film Wired, the Belushi biopic, got him somewhat blacklisted from film for a while.)

Chris Evans – ( Known For: Ant-Man; Avengers: Endgame; Knives Out; The Gray Man; Don’t Look Up; Avengers: Infinity War; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; Captain Marvel; Free Guy; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Avengers; Captain America: Civil War; Spider-Man: Homecoming; Not Another Teen Movie; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Snowpiercer; Lightyear; Thor: The Dark World; Gifted; Future BMT: The Nanny Diaries; Street Kings; Push; What’s Your Number?; The Perfect Score; TMNT; BMT: Fantastic Four; Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer; Notes: Straight out of Boston. And it would have looked like he was going to be known for being the Human Torch in the bad Fantastic Four films, but then he basically became the most famous superhero character ever, so whatever.)

Budget/Gross – $100,000,000 / Domestic: $154,696,080 (Worldwide: $333,535,934)

(Decent. No wonder it got a sequel. Impressive what $100 million used to buy you.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 28% (59/214): Marred by goofy attempts at wit, subpar acting, and bland storytelling, Fantastic Four is a mediocre attempt to bring Marvel’s oldest hero team to the big screen.

(Yeah, sounds about right. Especially the “goofy” part. I remember everything being about how dumb The Thing and other stuff looked in the film when it came out.)

Reviewer Highlight: If there was ever any doubt that action scenes depend more on context than flash, Fantastic Four proves it. – Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Poster – Sklogtastic Four

(This feels very early 2000’s. They wanted something sleek and cool… they certainly got something sleek. Those four look like they’re gonna slide right off that poster. More boring than bad, but I’m not offended by it. D+)

Tagline(s) – Prepare for the fantastic. (F)

(Ha. No. So you’re saying that I’m supposed to look at this poster and think “Fantastic Four… prepare for the fantastic.” That’s stupid. I actually am offended by that one.)

Keyword(s) – good

Top 10: Good Will Hunting (1997), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), The Great Gatsby (2013), Hot Fuzz (2007), Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016), The Wizard of Oz (1939), Man on Fire (2004), Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Future BMT: 67.1 Phat Girlz (2006), 63.2 Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (2015), 60.7 Like a Boss (2020), 51.8 Playing with Fire (2019), 51.6 The Boss (2016), 51.1 Johnny Be Good (1988), 50.7 The Hot Chick (2002), 47.2 Barney’s Great Adventure (1998), 45.1 Fly Me to the Moon 3D (2007), 40.4 No Good Deed (2014), 39.5 Good Burger (1997), 37.2 The Great Wall (2016), 37.1 Stroker Ace (1983), 36.3 Milk Money (1994), 34.7 Mad Money (2008), 34.3 Mo’ Money (1992), 32.1 Good Deeds (2012), 31.3 The Nude Bomb (1980), 28.9 A Good Man in Africa (1994), 25.8 Two for the Money (2005)

BMT: Epic Movie (2007), Fantastic Four (2015), The Ridiculous 6 (2015), Cool as Ice (1991), Cool World (1992), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Hot Pursuit (2015), The Fly II (1989), One for the Money (2012), Fire Down Below (1997), Arthur 2: On the Rocks (1988), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Fire Birds (1990), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Good Luck Chuck (2007), Be Cool (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Chill Factor (1999), Money Train (1995), Hot to Trot (1988), The Golden Child (1986), Righteous Kill (2008), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Wizard (1989), Fresh Horses (1988), Killer Elite (2011), Hunter Killer (2018)

Best Options (superhero): 48.4 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), 44.9 Fantastic Four (2005)

(We are obviously doing both. We weren’t limited to Superheroes, but I did want to see if there were other options. You would think there would be more “obviously good” superheroes, but nope. I guess Superman would have counted, although I did generally limit myself to movies where the word was the whole word.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 10) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jessica Alba is No. 2 billed in Fantastic Four and No. 2 billed in Mechanic: Resurrection, which also stars Jason Statham (No. 1 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 10. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Stan Lee has said that Michael Chiklis’s Thing is his favourite performance in any “Marvel” film ever.

Jessica Alba had a kidney infection during the filming and nearly fainted when she was with Julian McMahon in the space station scene.

For most of the shoot, Michael Chiklis was terribly uncomfortable in the hot Thing suit. The final street battle, however, was filmed in Vancouver in December, leaving Chiklis as the only comfortable one of the four (the rest were in the skintight blue uniforms).

As part of his costume for The Thing, Michael Chiklis wore prosthetic teeth. To prepare himself to speak with the prostheses, Chiklis wore them when reading to his children.

Chris Evans improvised some of his dialogue.

Michael Chiklis was offered the role of Thing after Jennifer Garner suggested him for it.

The sequence of Johnny Storm morphing into a ball of flames and soaring over Manhattan took 4 months to create.

Thing notices puppets at Alicia’s art gallery and she says they belong to her father. In the comics, Alicia’s stepfather Philip Masters is the super-villain the Puppet Master, a foe of the Fantastic Four.

Paul Walker was considered for the part of Johnny Storm.

Jessica Alba dyed her hair blonde for this movie but wore a blonde wig for the second.

The scene on the bridge took about 5 weeks to shoot.

During development Chris Columbus pushed for the film to have a heavily comedic tone along the lines of the Batman (1966) TV series. Despite being hired because of his comedy background, Tim Story was able to persuade Columbus that going for an outright comedic tone would end in disaster, and pointed to the success of Spider-Man (2002) as proof that the film could still contain plenty of humor while having a generally serious overall storyline.

In the early 1990s Bernd Eichinger’s option on the rights to The Fantastic Four were about to expire, to avoid this he commissioned Roger Corman to make a film (The Fantastic Four (1994)) as quickly as possible so he could keep hold of the rights. This was mainly to thwart Chris Columbus who was after the rights at the same time. Corman’s version only cost $2 million, neither him or his cast and crew knew that the film was dumper-bound. It has however been seen in bootleg and download versions, with the general critical consensus being that it was a terrible movie.

Awards – Nominee for the Razzie Award for Worst Actress (Jessica Alba, 2006)

Firestarter (1984) Recap


This is the firestarter, the twisted firestarter. This is the trouble starter, pumpkin investigator… alright maybe I slightly changed that last part. I feel like I can just spend this whole spot on Firestarter by The Prodigy lyrics (both right and wrong) since the primary post is for the 2022 remake and I’ll talk about all the Stephen King, remake, Zac Efron boringness there. Here I can just mention how I’m the fear addicted, a danger illustrated and get on with it. Really dive in on how I’m the pain you tasted, fell intoxicated and all that. Just normal things normal people say… the self inflicted, mind detonator, yeah.

To recap, Andy and his daughter Charlie are on the run from some G-men. They both have powers (Andy psychic and Charlie pyrokinetic) and use these to escape and find their way to a kindly old man’s farm. We learn in flashback that Charlie and his wife were part of a college experiment that went awry (or went as planned, I guess) and they’ve been living under the watch of the government ever since. Unfortunately, Charlie is growing stronger and The Shop decides it’s time to bring her in and see what she can do. Maybe they can even relaunch the program. Back in the present, as they try to snatch them from the farm, Charlie lights the G-men ablaze and they escape once again. Realizing just how powerful she is, The Shop sends an assassin named Rainbird after them. He tracks them to a small lake house and is able to subdue them. At The Shop they keep Andy drugged while testing Charlie. Rainbird takes it upon himself to befriend Charlie under the guise of a kind janitor. His plan seems real gross, but don’t worry, he explains that really he just wants to eventually lull Charlie into a sense of security so he can karate chop her in the face to death. Phew. That’s better. Eventually Andy is able to overcome the drugs and sets up a plan to get Charlie and him out of there. Unfortunately Rainbird catches wind of it and kills Andy before they can escape. When he tries to kill Charlie she is able to stop the bullets and create Rainbird flambe out of him. She then leaves The Shop and numerous people charred ruins in her wake. She arrives back at the kindly farmer’s house who helps her get to the newspaper so that she can reveal The Shop’s sins. THE END.

Unexpectedly decent is how I would describe this film. I didn’t have much hope at the start. David Keith is there with a crazy bushy mullet and George C. Scott appears to be playing a Native American character. He looks like Steven Seagal… and like Steven Seagal now, not from the 90’s. Barrymore is still very young and it almost looks like a TV movie. All this probably has you thinking it’s horrible. But it’s really not. It has some nice scenery and cuts pretty close to what is a good King book. Then we get to the big finish and really I was pretty impressed. Lots of stunts. Lots of fire. I thought the ending was a bunch of fun. So it ultimately kind of delivered. Add in a few more Rainbird face chops and I would have been a happy camper. Not the worst at all. So really what’s the worst that can happen with a remake, right?… Right?

Hot Take Clam Bake! That big story that Charlie is shopping around about The Shop? Ain’t gonna work, bro. What are you gonna do walk in there and say “check out my powers?” Cause there ain’t other evidence you have. The Shop is burned down. Even if it wasn’t I’m sure it technically doesn’t exist anyway. The college drug test your dad did? Scrubbed clean. You have to show dem powers and it’s gonna be real scary. They will not know what to do with you which means you’ll be right back in a bigger and badder Shop. Now you don’t even have Rainbird to karate chop his way in there and save you… you killed him… which is what everyone else will assume you are aiming to do to them. Now you got two choices: become America’s weapon or get tranquilized till you can’t use your powers anymore. Weapon here you come. Firestarter 2: America’s Weapon here we come. Hot Take Temperature: Rocotillo.



‘Ello everyone! Firestarter? I hardly knew’er! Amirite? Let’s go!

  • This movie ain’t that bad. Just a bit boring.
  • But man, young Drew Barrymore had it didn’t she! It is incredibly hard to imagine that kids like Macaulay Culkin and Drew Barrymore could exist. Genuine like 8 year old movie stars. But then again … I’m not sure either of them would necessarily say their child stardom was a good or healthy thing, so maybe we can chaulk it up to the late 80s being a wild time and just appreciate that these performances exist.
  • John Rainbird is a pretty amazing villain. Ebert mistakenly describes him as a pedophile. I don’t think he ever was in the book, and he clearly isn’t in the movie either. It is possible the scene in which Rainbird explains why he wants Charlie was added after the fact, so maybe Ebert could be forgiven, but his motivation is even more bonkers than that: he wants to karate chop Drew Barrymore in the face to gain her magic powers in the afterlife. Honestly … if that was in the movie I don’t know how Ebert could have missed it, it was a real WTF moment for me.
  • Does in media res rarely work? I can’t really recall. I think it works here, although flashbacks do a lot of heavy lifting for the first half of the film. I feel like it works here because it gives a reason for Charlie’s father to be breaking down, and brings the characters to The Shop much quicker.
  • Martin Sheen is great. Also a great villain.
  • And the idea of “bah, she’s a little girl, what could she do? We’ll just teach her and everything will be peachy keen” and the crazy Loomis-esque scientist saying “SHE COULD CRACK THE WORLD IN HALF!” works well for me. Even this movie doesn’t know how powerful the Firestarter is.
  • So yeah, I liked the movie. Even if it (1) isn’t a very good horror film if that was what it was going for, (2) it is a bit plodding, (3) the flashbacks were a bit much, and (4) it ultimately is a bit boring when taken as a whole. Still liked it.
  • I think Worst Twist (How?) for the non-twist of Charlie burning The Shop to the ground is the only (weak) superlative I would lob out there. Easily closest to Good, I liked this film.

Hear about Firestarter: The Television Series in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs