Halloween: Resurrection Recap

Jamie

Wooooooaaahhhhh. Dog poo. It’s dog poo in our faces. The debate will forever be whether this is so dog poo that it’s a big time BMT hit? Or is it too dog poo (thanks for everything! Julie Newmar) and is just bad and should be burned to the ground? Patrick and I will probably debate this for hours because this is bar none the single worst horror film of any of the major franchises. It’s not even close.

I’m serious, this is a tragedy put to screen. I can’t believe they did this. I can’t believe they let it go out with Halloween as the title. Cut the beginning, reedit it so you never see Michael’s face and release it as a different movie. Anything but what they did here. My god, it is offensive. Patrick and I were driven to insanity because it is like Michael Myers himself was turned into a film. It is an unstoppable force. No one must watch this. Preserve your quaint view that Halloween 4-6 represented the nadir of the franchise. Such an innocent time. Oh I miss those Halloween 6 days. The days of the Cult of Thorn.

I’m not sure if I can even give a cursory recap of the film. I’m so shocked and awed by the traumatic event that I experienced while watching it, but I’ll give it a try. Even though we all saw Michael Myers die at the end of the H20 we are told not to believe our lying eyes. In fact Myers traded places with an incapacitated paramedic and that’s who Laurie Strode decapitated. Cool cool cool. Lucky for Laurie, Michael comes back and she is swiftly and mercifully killed before she is forced to participate in this film any further. Meanwhile a reality show is being produced that is gonna take a whole bunch of dumbos and leave them in the Myers house on Halloween. Sounds dumb and fake. It is. But also Michael Myers shows up and actually does kill a bunch of people. Our new Laurie Strode, Sara Moyer, is able to survive with the help of her internet boyfriend, a giant nerd alert high school freshman named Myles. In a final showdown she and Busta Rhymes join forces to take down Michael Myers and victory is theirs. Or is it? It’s not, Michael appears to survive, but this new series didn’t. Also, after the film ends Sara meets Myles and is extremely disappointed and basically is like “see yah, nerd.” That’s a fact.

Honestly some shocking stuff. D-double-O to the P-O-O. So let’s Hot Take Clam Bake and GTFO. Today my clam bake is that while the new series claims to eliminate the Halloween franchise after the second entry, I say nay. If you look closely at the beginning of H20, where Myers enters the recently deceased Dr. Loomis’ house to find info on Laurie, you’ll see a newspaper clipping claiming that Laurie died in the car accident. This was the ruse she used to escape her past life and prevent Michael from finding her. But wait, was that not also the explanation we got for why Laurie wasn’t in entries 4-6? Indeed. We also see Loomis tracking Myers and his whereabouts, so doesn’t it reason to believe that he in fact would appear like a super crazy ghost in the Haddonfield on occasion terrorizing the local townfolk claiming Michael was back. My theory? Entries 4-6 are the delusions of the mad man himself. He imagined those events. So no, the sequels aren’t skipped. They actually hold the key to Loomis’ deranged mind and must be studied extensively. Thank you.

That’s what we in the biz call a Raging Inferno of a hot take. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Halloween: Resurrection? More like Dog Poo Straight In My Face: Resurrection! How dare you. How daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare you. Let’s get into it!

  • My god, what have they done to my boy! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!
  • A slap in the face to fans! Dog poo shoved ever so slowly into my face! This film is an abomination. It has dead eyes, dark like coals. I looked into its eyes and knew it survived through pure unfeeling evil. I must warn the sheriff! The Cult of Thorn made this film to control an ancient magic! Why won’t anyone listen to me?!
  • Is this movie a joke? It feels like it is a joke, but one that no one is really in on. Like they made a garbage film, all looked at each other and were like “uh oh … put some jokes in there and change the ending, maybe people will think we weren’t serious.” This is the era of Jason X so it isn’t totally implausible.
  • This film is a direct-to-video film called like Murder.com or something that somehow contains Michael Myers. Half of the film is shot on webcams (like legit webcams), and the other half is reaction shots of teenagers at a costume party. It has no connection to any Halloween film that has come before or after. Completely perplexing nonsense.
  • I just don’t know how something like this happens. Further I have no idea how Halloween as a franchise survived Resurrection. Jason X is a joke (and Jason in general was at that point anyways) so that didn’t affect that franchise. But this is unforgivable. No wonder they did a remake of the original and then a direct sequel to the first film eventually. The sixth film can be somewhat forgiven and forgotten. Resurrection is forever. Tainting that bloodline forever.
  • I think I’m going insane.
  • I think I’ll just leave it with that to some degree with one serious warning: do not watch this film on its merits or in connection to Halloween at all. Watch this, if you must, as a perplexing touchstone in the history of slashers. The early 2000s was when slashers died, and I dare say I think Halloween: Resurrection may have been the final nail in the coffin.
  • The usual Setting as a Character (Where?) for Haddonfield (made explicit via Haddonfield College). And also the usual A+ Holiday Film (When?) for Halloween. A decent Production Placement (What?) for Pepsi which is prominently displayed on several occasions early in the film. This is either the worst film ever or the most BMT film ever, and I think it is the most BMT film ever, an abomination!
  • And you best belieb there are special features on the DVD I got (from the brary natch). There was a lame deleted scene showing more of the in-movie interview about the reality show characters (D). There was a weird little movie about how awesome Jamie Lee Curtis is (A because Curtis is awesome, but F because she lied and said she thought the movie was good). There was literally all of the headcam footage (F because it is 40 minutes long, looks like shit, and ain’t no one got time for that). There was a storyboard (B, kind of cool to see the motivation for the headcams). And there was a set tour (A, really cool to see very extensively how they built the house). And finally an audio commentary (D, not interesting and mostly you learn the same stuff as in the other special features. Solo audio commentaries are never good.). Phew!

Check out to my sequel to this film, Halloween: Exorcism, in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Halloween: Resurrection Quiz

Oh man, so I was facing off with Michael Myers … again … for like the eighth time. And wouldn’t you know it, but I slipped on some blood, and bopped my noggin. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Halloween: Resurrection?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) Wait a tick, I seem to remember Laurie Strode decapitating her brother in the last film. How exactly do they go about explaining that little problem in Resurrection?

2) And now Laurie Strode is dead yo! But people still don’t quite think Michael is back jack. Why?

3) Six people spend the night in the Myers house. That’s a mistake. Why do they do it? Not like … what are their motivations (which are specific to each one), like literally what are they getting in return?

4) Throughout the film we get to see the thrilling scenes of … a bunch of people watching the webcam footage of the film at a Halloween costume party. What is the character who is leading the watch party dressed as?

5) Out of the original six people and the rest of the Dangertainment crew how many people survive the house of horror?

Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene we smash cut to a year later where we see a For Sale sign being removed from the Myers house. Who bought it?

Answers

Halloween: Resurrection Preview

Jamie and Patrick aren’t just surviving the game, they are thriving the game. Using their elite speed and beautiful minds, they outwit and outpace Future Mikey #1 at every turn. “Well that was easy,” Patrick says as they arrive at Future Mikey #2’s time machine with time to spare. FM2 wishes them safe travels. Mikey Myers, so thankful for their help fulfilling his destiny as a teen heartthrob, gifts them a golden microphone. Jamie and Patrick eye it curiously. Parsons and Ty even show up and give them a goodbye hug. “I wish I could come with you,” Ty says, “when you arrived I was so lost, ready to throw everything away in the name of art. You gave me… sniff… back… art.” He is sobbing and it’s very uncomfortable, so they are more than happy to tell him that it’s not him it’s them and he has to stay and help out or whatever. Just as they are about to board the time machine they hear a noise behind them. Around the corner jogs LePumice, huffing and puffing, sweat streaming down his face. “Oh right, we almost forgot…” but before Jamie can finish telling LePumice how forgettable he is, a bullet zings off the concrete above his left shoulder. FM1 is rounding the corner. A large neon sign of Mikey Myers’ face explodes as FM1 misses again to their right. Just as he sets his feet and readies another shot, Jamie, Patrick, and LePumice jump into the time machine. But before they can press the button for home, Ty jumps in too, bumping Patrick and sending the time machine into overdrive. The control panel warps, the world around them becomes a blur and the last thing they hear is “Never forget meeeeeee….” from Mikey Myers. That’s right! We are well on our way to completing the Halloween series, which ends up with a surprising number of BMT qualifying films. This time we enjoy the first soft reboot with the non-qualifying H20: Twenty Years Later and then the very much qualifying Halloween: Resurrection. This also help bridge from rapper-turned-actor cycle (Busta Rhymes is in Halloween: Resurrection) to our next cycle, the alternate dimension. Oooo, spooky. But not really. We just enjoyed the Dimension Films features in this last cycle so much that we decided to make a whole cycle around that one production company. Let’s go!   

Halloween: Resurrection (2002) – BMeTric: 85.4; Notability: 40

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 0.8%; Notability: top 16.4%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 10.2%; Higher BMeT: Crossroads, Rollerball; Higher Notability: Men in Black II, The Time Machine, Scooby-Doo, Star Trek: Nemesis, Dragonfly, The Master of Disguise, John Q, Unconditional Love, Showtime, Collateral Damage, Rollerball, I Spy, The Country Bears, The Truth About Charlie, Queen of the Damned, The Tuxedo, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Maid in Manhattan, The New Guy, Bad Company, and 21 more; Lower RT: Killing Me Softly, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Hansel & Gretel, Ritual, Derailed, Try Seventeen, The Master of Disguise, Deuces Wild, Feardotcom, Half Past Dead, Rollerball, Darkness, Serving Sara, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Boat Trip, The New Guy, Dragonfly, Stealing Harvard, Juwanna Mann, Bad Company, and 4 more; Notes: That BMeTric is gaudy. Like … this would have been a shoe-in early BMT I feel like, except that you have to watch 7 other movies before you get to it. The IMDb rating being below 4.0 is insane.

Leonard Maltin – 1.5 stars –  Six young people are chosen to spend a night in Michael Myers’ childhood home, with Web cams watching their every move. Mayhem ensues. Forget logic, story construction, consistency of characterization – the filmmakers certainly did! This movie franchise shoulda stayed dead. Curtis is only here for her name value; the director appears as a college professor.

(It certainly should have stayed dead. I am really itching to change that to “webcam”, but I’m going to resist, it is a mark of this clearly being a relatively old review. I can’t believe this isn’t a BOMB, where does the half star come from I wonder.)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMV3pcxbcTA

(Well that looks atrocious. Interesting that Curtis isn’t in the trailer very much. I would have imagined they would have played up her (small) involvement more.)

DirectorsRick Rosenthal – ( Known For: Bad Boys; Nearing Grace; Distant Thunder; Just a Little Harmless Sex; Drones; Future BMT: Russkies; American Dreamer; BMT: Halloween II; Halloween: Resurrection; Notes: Notably also directed the second film. Nominated for 2 Emmys for Transparent.)

WritersDebra Hill – ( Known For: Halloween; Halloween; The Fog; Escape from L.A.; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; Halloween; BMT: Halloween II; The Fog; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Notes: Long time collaborator with Carpenter. Died in 2005.)

John Carpenter – ( Known For: Halloween; They Live; Halloween; Escape from New York; The Fog; Prince of Darkness; Escape from L.A.; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Assault on Precinct 13; Dark Star; Assault on Precinct 13; Eyes of Laura Mars; Black Moon Rising; Future BMT: Lockout; Halloween Kills; Halloween; BMT: Ghosts of Mars; Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Halloween II; The Fog; Halloween: Resurrection; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Notes: 84 years old and kicking. I was in Edinburgh once and there were advertisements for a concert by John Carpenter, but the dates didn’t work.)

Larry Brand – ( Known For: A Perfect Man; Backfire; The Girl on the Train; The Drifter; The Right Temptation; Masque of the Red Death; Overexposed; BMT: Halloween: Resurrection; Notes: Just died in 2019. He got his start in Hollywood as the assistant and driver to Orson Welles.)

Sean Hood – ( Known For: Cube²: Hypercube; The Crow: Wicked Prayer; Midnight Movie; BMT: Conan the Barbarian; The Legend of Hercules; Halloween: Resurrection; Notes: Started as a set dresser on Twin Peaks. He ended up with an in at Dimension where he landed this as one of his first major scripts.)

ActorsJamie Lee Curtis – ( Known For: Everything Everywhere All at Once; Knives Out; My Girl; Halloween; Trading Places; True Lies; Halloween; Escape from New York; A Fish Called Wanda; Freaky Friday; The Fog; Veronica Mars; Forever Young; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Prom Night; From Up on Poppy Hill; The Tailor of Panama; Spare Parts; Beverly Hills Chihuahua; Terror Train; Future BMT: Halloween Kills; You Again; My Girl 2; Drowning Mona; House Arrest; BMT: Perfect; Halloween III: Season of the Witch; Halloween II; Halloween: Resurrection; Virus; Christmas with the Kranks; Notes: Only agreed to be in the film if they killed her off, although there wasn’t much she could do about it, she was contractually obligated to appear in the sequel to H20.)

Busta Rhymes – ( Known For: Shaft; Higher Learning; Finding Forrester; Narc; The Rugrats Movie; Who’s the Man?; Breaking Point; Full Clip; King of the Dancehall; BMT: Halloween: Resurrection; Notes: Born Trevor George Smith Jr., his nickname came from George “Buster” Rhymes and was given to him by Chuck D.)

Brad Loree – ( Known For: X2: X-Men United; Timecop; Battle in Seattle; Crackerjack; Icarus; The Keeper; Heart of America; American Dragons; The Final Cut; BMT: White Chicks; Halloween: Resurrection; Texas Rangers; Notes: Plays Michael Myers in this, so not exactly a headline role in reality. He mostly is a stunt coordinator and was on this film as well.)

Budget/Gross – $13,000,000 / Domestic: $30,354,442 (Worldwide: $37,664,855)

(That is actually pretty fine. They really went for the low budget on this to try and get a return. I’m quite surprised that at that point Jamie Lee Curtis wasn’t demanding more for her role, but I guess maybe it was a deal having to do with H20.)

Rotten Tomatoes – 12% (8/67): The only thing this tired slasher flick may resurrect is nostalgia for when the genre was still fresh and scary.

(I actually can’t believe it has 8 good reviews. There are reviewers who describe the effects as “cool”. That is absurd. This movie looks like trash.)

Reviewer Highlight: It’s so devoid of joy and energy it makes even Jason X … look positively Shakespearean by comparison. – Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Poster – Halloween: MichaelMyers.com

(Not the worst poster, given the film is a joke. Feels more like I Know What You Did Last Summer than a Halloween poster, though. Still, somewhat artistic. It feels weird that I don’t hate this. B- seems high, but I’ll roll with it.)

Tagline(s) – Evil Finds Its Way Home. (C)

(I think I understand the meaning of the tagline. It’s short, too, so that’s nice. But it’s pretty much anti-clever.)

Keyword(s) – dimension

Top 10: Sin City (2005), Spectre (2015), The Others (2001), Scream (1996), Equilibrium (2002), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), The Mist (2007), Death Proof (2007), 1408 (2007), Scary Movie (2000)

Future BMT: 86.5 The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), 82.8 Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (2011), 77.4 Who’s Your Caddy? (2007), 76.9 Superhero Movie (2008), 70.6 Halloween II (2009), 70.1 Black Christmas (2006), 68.6 My Boss’s Daughter (2003), 68.6 Pulse (2006), 66.9 The Crow: City of Angels (1996), 64.9 Scary Movie 4 (2006)

BMT: Scary Movie V (2013), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Highlander: The Final Dimension (1994), Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Highlander: Endgame (2000), Dracula 2000 (2000), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998), Phantoms (1998), Texas Rangers (2001), Mindhunters (2004)

Best Options (rappers): 85.4 Halloween: Resurrection (2002), 51.4 Scary Movie 3 (2003), 35.3 I Got the Hook Up (1998), 17.3 In Too Deep (1999)

(Ohhhhhh yeah. This is the new “keyword” plot, which is, in reality, a cycle plot. It is meant to track our progress through the cycle. You might notice some of the upcoming films in the Future BMT section. And then in the top 10 sub-category section it is displaying the options we had for this category. And look at that, not surprisingly this guy was our best option as ranked by BMeTric. Bully for us.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 12) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Jamie Lee Curtis is No. 1 billed in Halloween: Resurrection and No. 2 billed in Christmas with the Kranks, which also stars Tim Allen (No. 1 billed) who is in Jungle 2 Jungle (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 6 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 2) + (1 + 1) + (6 + 1) = 12. There is no shorter path at the moment.

Notes – Jamie Lee Curtis hated the idea of a sequel, as she felt that Laurie had a satisfying ending in the previous film. She initially refused to be in this film, until she ultimately agreed to do her part, only under the condition that she is killed off in the opening of the film so as to make sure her character, Laurie Strode (or herself) wouldn’t appear in another sequel.

Jamie Lee Curtis was quoted as saying she considered this film a joke.

Was first named “Halloween: The Homecoming”, but producers wanted a title that said Michael Myers is alive so in February 2002, the film was officially named Halloween: Resurrection (2002).

Originally, the executives of Miramax wanted to continue the series by creating a whole new story of which didn’t have anything to do with Michael Myers after the last film, in a similar manner to Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982). However, poll results conducted throughout fan websites proved to the producers that fans wanted Michael Myers to return again.

Several new endings were written during production and the cast was never sure how the film was actually going to end. Four different endings were filmed, and the director wanted the studio to ship a different ending to each theater, a technique used before during the theatrical release of Clue (1985). However, the studio disagreed and the endings now appear on the DVD and Blu-ray.

Jamie Lee Curtis appears on the movie cover with short hair, despite having long hair in the film. If looked at more closely, one can easily tell that it’s the same picture of her that was used for the poster of the previous film, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998).

Bianca Kajlich’s scream had to be dubbed in post production.

While in the asylum, Laurie Strode has a Raggedy Ann doll. In the original movie, she had a similar Raggedy Ann doll on the dresser in her bedroom.

The only one movie to establish Michael Myers’ birth date: October 19, 1957.

Michael’s use of a spiked leg of a tripod as a weapon is an homage to Michael Powell’s Peeping Tom (1960).

Next Day Air Recap

Jamie

It’s not that bad! It’s not that bad! Phew, haven’t done that in a while. I was pretty surprised by Next Day Air. It’s a to-the-point vignette about a group of amateur criminals who accidentally come into possession of a very criminal amount of pure cocaine. How? A local delivery company, the titular Next Day Air, employs a couple of idiots who mostly smoke weed, steal stuff, and deliver things to the wrong addresses. Like a mini-Tarantino film a whole bunch of characters jump into the mix of trying to track down the drugs and we ultimately end with a surprisingly violent climax. Overall it almost felt like a part of an anthology film, and I mean that as a compliment. It doesn’t over complicate anything. It’s not perfect by any means, but it was surprisingly good in terms of storyline, characters, acting, and directing and so I was pretty pleased, particularly with the first half of the film.

I think the biggest critique is that while it starts out with some decent jokes it starts to get serious pretty fast by the back half of the film. Hard not to when you need to get yourself into a shootout over stolen drugs. But it is a little jarring that while Yasiin Bey and Donald Faison appear prominently on the poster, they are only used sparingly. Once they are out of the way and we have dropped the flashbacks that everyone gets (to a time when everyone was a little more hilarious, apparently), we are knee deep in death and destruction. Not exactly laugh-a-minute comedy material. Really moves from broad comedy to extra dark comedy across the runtime and this gave me a little whiplash. It also meant the back half of the film was a bit more boring. So mixed bag, but still not that bad!

I’m going to do a classic BMT drinking game for this one:

  • The title is spoken or seen (1 drink – I can’t tell if NDA is a joke or not)
  • Faison says a line (1 drink – this would be killer if he were actually the main character)
  • Someone dares to do drugs (2 drinks – it’s no laughing matter)
  • The elevator works… or doesn’t work (2 drinks – it works sometimes)
  • Flashback! (3 drinks – what happened before the movie is funnier than the movie itself)
  • A character dies (3 drinks – it puts the ha in ex-ha-cution style murder)
  • Yasiin Bey is on screen (waterfall – he is literally the entire poster and appears twice)

That’s not half bad. Despite the fact that I liked it, I can admit it’s a weirdly constructed film for the comedy it purports to be. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Next Day Air? More like Kind of Fair! Amirite? These are the toughest moments of BMT. Those moments where you just aren’t the audience for a film and you kind of like it, but then you don’t know if you kind of like it because you are dumb and have bad taste, you know? Let’s go!

  • This is an odd one because it is a comedy where everything but the comedy mostly works with the film. The film isn’t funny. There are maybe one or two things in it I would call “clever”, but nothing I would actually call funny.
  • But then the film is a better “clever” crime film anyways. Coincidences compounding on each other to rope a hapless delivery man (Faison) into the even more hapless world of small-and-big-time drug dealers.
  • That version of the film is pretty solid. I liked it. The comedy version of the film distracts you by just not really being funny.
  • Faison and Wood Harris in particular are quite good in the film as well. The rest of the actors I could give or take mostly.
  • This film might have one of the most misleading advertising campaigns I’ve ever seen. The trailer screams COMEDY at you when the film isn’t really that. And you barely see the drug dealers in the trailer as well. The trailer is 75% Faison (who is in the film for like 30 minutes total), with a healthy dose of Yasiin Bey (who, and I’m not joking, you see every single scene he is in in the trailer, he is in the film for maybe 10 minutes total).
  • I don’t want to say that is the reason the film was panned by critics, but I’m sure it contributed to it. “Not funny” is a death knell for a comedy film. But it shouldn’t have been for this film since the film is amusing enough to be what it was trying to be, which is an amusing (and surprisingly violent) crime caper.
  • Anyways. Solid Setting as a Character (Where?) for Philadelphia. And I think that is mostly it. I couldn’t tell what wristwatch is in the film, but that could have been a good product placement if it was more explicit. I think this is closest to a Good film.

This is a rare time when I have to say Ebert is totally right. How could I make this film better? I kind of can’t. Because it is what it is. It set out to be a thing, and it is that thing. One of the main issues is how overtly they advertised it as a comedy (when it is barely that) and how much Faison and Bey feature in the trailer (when they are in the film for maybe 30 minutes total). So in a way it is all that other stuff that isn’t the movie that would make the most sense to change.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Next Day Air Quiz

Oh man, so get this. All I did was innocently deliver a package to the wrong place and now I’m getting my face beat in by a bunch of drug dealers. I have a severe concussion at the very very least. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Next Day Air?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) The film opens with a description of a bank robbery gone wrong. What do the hapless would-be-thieves steal instead of the money in the vault?

2) A biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig package is supposed to arrive in Philadelphia and delivered to a specific apartment, number 303 … where is it delivered instead?

3) Why does the gang end up thinking Donald Faison stole the 10 kilos of cocaine from the drug dealer Jesus?

4) Time for some real trivia … someone stole the Philly drug dealer’s money from the storage container. Now I could ask you who stole it, but that would be too easy. When he goes to get his money though, what does he buy from the thief Wade at the printer store?

5) In the final confrontation 10 people end up in the apartment with the drugs. How many people survive?

Bonus Question: Well you saw who managed to, against all odds, come out alive from this whole sordid ordeal. But in the mid-credits scene who do we find out unexpectedly died?

Answers

Bio-Dome Recap

Jamie

Bud and Doyle are a couple of idiotic slackers who in the process of getting tricked by their environmentalist GFs get trapped in the local Bio-Dome. Rules are rules and they have to stay in the dome for a year. Can they keep their sanity and their GFs while not totally destroying the environment before it’s too late? Find out in… Bio-Dome.

How?! Bud and Doyle are idiots who only care about partying and the ladies. Their girlfriends, Monique and Jen, are not idiots who care about the environment. So they are pissed when Bud and Doyle pull a juvenile prank to get out of Earth Day. To get back at them they trick Bud and Doyle into going to an imaginary party at a polluted lake. On the way back from the “party” they stop at what they think is a mall in order to urinate, only to end up trapped in the Bio-Dome, a year-long experiment in environmental renewal. The scientists in the dome are aghast, but refuse to risk the purity of their experiment and elect to keep Bud and Doyle as agents of chaos. And chaos they do sow. We are immediately treated to a plethora of music video montages of them destroying the environment, killing animals, and flirting with the two babelicious scientists (their words not mine… or maybe it is my words, the film made me stupider by the minute). Eventually they wreak so much havoc that they are sent into the desert where the kind a door to the outside. Once outside, they plan a giant Bio-Dome bash and soon the once pure experiment is teaming with rowdy partiers, much to the disappointment of Monique and Jen. This drives the main scientist, Faulkner, insane, but the rest of the scientists team up with Bud and Doyle to reverse course and save the day before the experiment ends. Montages galore show us just how Bud and Doyle endear themselves to the world as they steadily move the dome back to homeostasis. On the last day they reach 100%, but are shocked to find that Faulkner has stuck around preparing to blow up the dome when the clock strikes zero. Bud and Doyle track down and stop Faulkner, save the dome, and get some sweet smooches from their GFs. THE END.

Why?! Bold question. Things just kind of happen in this movie. I was shocked at how little set-up and how much coincidence goes into getting Bud and Doyle into the dome. Once there though they still have very little motivation other than trying to stave off boredom. It’s only an hour into a very short movie that they finally decide to save what they’ve already destroyed.

Who?! Bill Clinton’s half brother, Roger, shows up as a college professor at one point. Which is very much in line with the vibe of the film. More notably this film was the first on-screen appearance of Tenacious D, who are shown performing at a party. They got the gig through the director Jason Bloom, who attended UCLA with Jack Black.

What?! This has a pretty good fake product placement. The “Bladder Buster” is a giant soft drink, presumably from a 7-11 type store, which prompts Doyle to have to go to the bathroom and leads to them getting trapped. They then are told the company wants them to sponsor the product, Doyle dreams of the drink, and it’s one of the first things they order when they get out. Very involved fake product. As Patrick mentioned, Jif is one of the real products featured along with Pringles and other junk food.

Where?! Solid setting here, as Bud and Doyle (and their GFs) are students at Tucson Junior College. Arizona is all up in here. And makes some sense as an early 90’s closed ecological system experiment called Biosphere 2 took place in Oracle, Arizona, which is not far at all from Tucson. So likely this is the inspiration for the setting. B+.

When?! Secret Holiday Film Alert! This film starts and ends on Earth Day. And obviously this plays a major role in the very intricate plot of this very intricate film. If it wasn’t for Earth Day would Bud and Doyle have gotten in hot water with their GFs, got pranked by them, and then uh… had to go to the bathroom randomly… so maybe not technically vital to them getting trapped, but still an A. 

The film appears to be written by a child. Or at least the basic concept is. What a coincidence that Bud and Doyle have two hot girlfriends who love the environment, set up an environmental themed prank for the two dopes, and then afterwards choose the environmental themed Bio-Dome for their bathroom break at the very moment that they start the experiment. It’s ludicrous. I then can only assume that the script read “Bud and Doyle destroy Bio-Dome and then Bud and Doyle fix Bio-Dome,” as the rest of the film is 80% music video. The real interesting thing about it is the Pauly Shore-ness of the film and how much control he seemed to have. The whole film fits his personality to a tee and even Stephen Baldwin simply plays a clone of Shore. The opening credits, poster, weird music stuff… everything is Shore-centric. Or at least is going for the pastiche of Pauly Shore (probably the best way to describe the film as a whole). It’s what really differentiates it from his other films. Those feel like real movies starring Pauly Shore. This feels like a Pauly Shore movie. Crazy seeing as this was more or less the end of the line for him (just before his Fox sitcom really put his career in the ground). There is something weirdly magnetic about him, though. That MTV VJ charisma never to be replicated. Patrick?

Patrick

Hello everyone! We got morons! We got farts! We got a Bio-Dome! Let’s go!

P’s View on the Preview – Who needs a preview? I’ve seen this film a ton of times in my youth. The preview was interesting in one regard though, apparently Harlan Williams was signed on as one of the stars initially and then the studio was just like “nope, got Pauly Shore, it’s a Pauly Shore film now.” So definitely not written initially with him in mind. What were my expectations? Honestly, I expected to feel profoundly ashamed of myself that I had seen this film. I fully expected the worst gross out humor of the 90s.

The Good – It has an okay message obviously, surrounding environmentalism. It might just trivialize it, who’s to say, but the message is clear. Funny enough, at a time when gay panic in comedies was rampant, the film is amusingly progressive in that regard. Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin joke about making out and being bisexual multiple times during the film. I like some of the actors as well. Pauly Shore has a weird level of charisma, it is undeniable. Best Bit: Probably the message, even though it is pretty muddled, it is somehow even more relevant today.

The Bad – I mean, the soundtrack might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard. So 90s it heard my heart. The film is the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen. Short vignettes with punchlines which are, at best, about farting. Grating acting, a scene which involves the main characters committing sexual assault while cheating on their girlfriends, and a weird mixed message about corporate science (I think?). And the film has the worst title sequence in the history of the film. Do yourself a favor and watch it. Fatal Flaw: This might be the dumbest and most unfunny film ever created, a film whose sole purpose is to deliver Pauly Shore’s bizarre 90s charisma directly into children’s brains.

The BMT – This is a film that if I saw it now without ever having seen it as a kid I would be aghast. It is a perfect BMT comedy in a way. Sure it is unfunny garbage, but it is also weirdly entertaining in its schizophrenic 90s-ness. It is a film that actively makes you dumber and revels in it. Did it meet my expectations? It was way better than I thought. I figured there would be a ton of gay panic jokes and sexual assault, and there was only really one of those things and only once! That’s a huge plus for watching an old comedy. The film is, I think, mostly harmless for being one of the dumbest films you’ll ever watch.

Roast-radamus – There is definitely a moment of Product Placement (What?) for a prominent jar of Jif peanut butter in a scene that is exclusively about farting. And it is a very very good Setting as a Character (Where?) for Arizona which is all over this film, from news reports, to the names of all of the colleges the various characters go to. And a very rare Not-So-Secret Holiday Film (When?) because the film begins and ends on Earth Day! That is a very very special holiday film. Closest to BMT easily, although I’m not sure it’ll get huge play for the Baddies.

Sequel, Prequel, Remake – I think it is high time for a Sequel to Bio-Dome. It’s been 25 years and Bud and Doyle are ecological celebrities. Open with photoshopped pictures of them at various ecological disasters (and farting). Then smash cut to their mansion where, surprise surprise, they haven’t been living the ecological dream life. Quite the contrary. While out getting some truly bodacious za their mansion falls into the ever encroaching ocean. “Doyle, we have to do something about Global Warming. It has finally affected the one thing we love … us.” And there is only one way to really affect change: Washington. That’s right, Bud is going to run for president with a hard hitting message of “man, Global Warming sucks, let’s, like, do something about it.” From there is a “hilarious” string of skits. Doyle freezing up in the vice-presidential debate. Bud farting during the Democratic primary debate. … Other debate-related hijinx. Bud signing boobs and babies at campaign events. Call backs like Bud and Doyle getting super high on nitrous during a national security briefing, and Doyle having to be vice-president after losing rock, paper, scissors. In the end they win, obviously, but Doyle has to foil the full-Unabomber psycho Faulkner before he assassinates Bud during the inauguration! Finish up with clips showing them farting in Congress and saving the world. Bio-Dome 2: Hail to the Weasel.

Patrick’s IMDb Trivia Section – I think this is a real one, and I can’t believe it isn’t on the Trivia section already … I might add it. He’s my entry for Bio-Dome. Trivia: Throughout the film it is shown that Bud consistently wins rock paper scissor competitions by throwing paper to Doyle’s rock. At the beginning of the film when winning one such competition Doyle must “assume the position” and get hit in the head with an encyclopedia (to get out of Earth Day). At the end of the film Doyle yells “assume the position” and throws a rock to hit Faulker on the head to save the Bio-Dome. Encyclopedia (paper) = Bud. Rock = Doyle. That fact is so fun.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Bio-Dome Quiz

Oh man, so get this? I accidentally got trapped in a Bio-Dome like a goober and threw a huge rager (like an idiot!), and now I’m really hung over and can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Bio-Dome?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the beginning Bud and Doyle try and get out of Earth Day by staging an accident. What do they say happened and what actually happened?

2) How do the two morons end up at the Bio-Dome and trapped inside?

3) What ecosystems are there in the Bio-Dome?

4) Why are Bud and Doyle exiled to the desert? How do they escape?

5)  How do Bud and Doyle stop the now eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil Dr. Noah Faulkner from blowing up the Bio-Dome?

Bonus Question: In the intertitle sequence what do we learn happens to Faulkner after he runs out into the desert?

Answers

Bio-Dome Preview

And just as suddenly as it started, they stopped falling. “Where…where are we?” stammers Jamie, disoriented from their final plunge. Patrick doesn’t know where they are either, and even worse, he doesn’t know why. To travel somewhere in time to deconvolute their lives? To destroy the Dongle at the source? To warn their past selves about the perils of stealing the Dongle in the first place? “Where’s not the question,” Patrick concludes after these scattered thoughts, “it’s why. So keep your head on a swivel and go with the flow.” With that Jamie and Patrick press a button and exit their tiny time travel dome and find themselves in… a much larger dome? “What thuuuuuu…” Jamie exclaims, “this must be the future! The world has devolved into a hellscape no longer able to support human life. My god,” he wails in anguish, “do you think this all happened because we had the Dongle stolen from us?” He grips Patrick shirt hard, pleading for him to tell him it isn’t so. “It isn’t so,” Patrick reassures him. There is something vaguely familiar about where they are. Something from their youth, something comforting. Within the dome they are surrounded by a dense jungle. Patrick points to a river and they begin to follow it. At a nearby hill he parts some shrubbery to get a better look at their location and notices a small placard on the ground. ‘Samanthius Kellibronicus,’ it reads, ‘The Lover’s Knot.’ With that, Patrick’s first impression is confirmed. They aren’t in the future. They actually aren’t very far in the past either. He points it out to Jamie. “Wait, is this…” Jamie starts and Patrick nods his head. “The gardens of the Donald C. Tillman Water Reclamation Plant,” Patrick finishes. No wonder it looked so familiar. That’s right! We are finishing 2021 and starting 2022 off hot with a classic from our youth. The theme for this cycle is Short & Sweet a.k.a. films under 90 minutes. Bio-Dome sure does fit the bill and was marking its 25 year anniversary in 2021 to boot. Let’s see how this one holds up. Let’s go!

Bio-Dome (1996) – BMeTric: 72.1; Notability: 42

StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 1.6%; Notability: top 14.8%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 1.7%; Higher BMeT: Barb Wire, Kazaam, Striptease; Higher Notability: Eraser, The Fan, Jingle All the Way, Spy Hard, Chain Reaction, Daylight, Mulholland Falls, Eddie, The Associate, Up Close & Personal, Dear God, Sgt. Bilko, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Eye for an Eye, The Crow: City of Angels, The Adventures of Pinocchio, Space Truckers, In Love and War, Larger Than Life, The Glimmer Man, and 17 more; Lower RT: The Dentist, Big Bully, Ed, Ripe; Notes: You love to see the clean sweep on the BMeT for the year. We are pretty close to hitting up the top 10 for that year if I recall correctly. And 70+ BMeTric? Yes please, that is the highest in recent memory. I honestly find it a bit odd the rating for this one isn’t in the 3’s, that is where I would expect it.

Leonard Maltin – BOMB –  Two lay-abouts from Tuscon are sealed up for a year inside a Biosphere-like experimental habitat and drive the scientists in charge bonkers. A good comedy premise is trashed through crude writing, inept plotting, and having as heroes two worthless jerks we’re supposed to find lovable.

(You better believe this is a BOMB. There was a 0% chance Maltin would like it. Fun fact, this film has a 1 on Metacritic … a 1!)

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EWikCCfHJw/

(Wow the soundtrack … yeah as bad I remember it. This movie is a hilarious catastrophe. I can’t wait to watch it again.)

DirectorsJason Bloom – ( Known For: Viva Las Nowhere; BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: In mostly a television director. He directed four episodes of Veronica Mars and nine episodes of iZombie.)

WritersAdam Leff – ( Known For: Last Action Hero; PCU; BMT: Bio-Dome; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Screenplay for Last Action Hero in 1994; Notes: He has a story credit for some animated short based on Last Action Hero.)

Mitchell Peck – ( BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: He produced the film Priest.)

Jason Blumenthal – ( BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: A huge producer including the television show Dr. Death and the upcoming Masters of the Universe film.)

Kip Koenig – ( Known For: How to Make the Cruelest Month; BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: Wrote three episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and as a producer was nominated for two Emmys for that show.)

Scott Marcano – ( Known For: Sanitarium; BMT: Bio-Dome; Notes: Became a pretty big documentary filmmaker it seems, writing 10 short documentaries in 2015. They seem to be focused on police reform.)

ActorsPauly Shore – ( Known For: A Goofy Movie; How It Ends; Sandy Wexler; Guest House; Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge; Lost Angels; Opposite Day; Pauly Shore Is Dead; The Big Trip; Adopted; Future BMT: Encino Man; Son in Law; Class Act; The Wash; For Keeps?; 18 Again!; Jury Duty; BMT: Bio-Dome; Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star; In the Army Now; Razzie Notes: Winner for Worst Actor in 1996 for Jury Duty; and in 1997 for Big Bully, Bio-Dome, Carpool, and The Stupids; Winner for Worst New Star of the Decade in 2000 for Bio-Dome, Encino Man, and Jury Duty; Winner for Worst New Star for Encino Man in 1993; and Nominee for Worst Actor of the Century in 2000 for Bio-Dome, Encino Man, and Jury Duty; Notes: The Weasel! He was a big presence on MTV from 1990 and then a movie star from 1992 to 1997. He really didn’t appear in a major motion picture after that, it was a surprisingly short period of time that he was famous.)

Stephen Baldwin – ( Known For: The Usual Suspects; Born on the Fourth of July; Casualties of War; A Simple Twist of Fate; The Beast of War; The Sex Monster; Last Exit to Brooklyn; Magi; Sky Kids; I’m in Love with a Church Girl; Friends & Lovers; Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle; Bitter Harvest; Mercy; The Least of These: The Graham Staines Story; Six: The Mark Unleashed; Homeboy; Faith of Our Fathers; Back to the Jurassic; Fall Time; Future BMT: Fred Claus; The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas; Half Baked; Threesome; 8 Seconds; Posse; Fled; BMT: Bio-Dome; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor for The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas in 2001; Notes: Now maybe most famous as Justin Bieber’s father-in-law (lol). Asked his brother Alec whether he should do this movie and Alec told him it would likely end his career and he did it anyways.)

William Atherton – ( Known For: Die Hard; Die Hard 2; Ghostbusters; The Girl Next Door; The Last Samurai; Real Genius; The Pelican Brief; The Sugarland Express; Looking for Mr. Goodbar; Hoodlum; The Hindenburg; Clinical; The Day of the Locust; Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie; The Crow: Salvation; Into the Sun; The New Centurions; Class of ’44; Jinn; Frank & Jesse; Future BMT: Oscar; Mad City; BMT: Bio-Dome; No Mercy; Notes: Known for playing scoundrels, he was born on the exact same date as Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

Budget/Gross – $8.5 million / Domestic: $13,427,615 (Worldwide: $13,427,615)

(Whoops, terrible. You can’t really make money without making like $20 million with actual actors in a film, right?)

Rotten Tomatoes – 4% (1/25): Like its two obnoxious protagonists, this dreadfully unfunny Pauly Shore vehicle should remain separated from society.

(I honestly can’t believe it has any good reviews. I have to read this thing … boo, it isn’t really available. Remove it from the record Rotten Tomatoes, if you don’t you’re cowards.)

Reviewer Highlight: Brain-dead. Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin are slackers who drag their junk-food lives into the Bio-Dome, an experiment in ecologically correct living in Bio-Dome. On the scale of bottom-dwelling ne’er-do-wells, these two would have to rank somewhere between Beavis and microbial fungus. – Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

Poster – Bio-Sklog

(It does feel like Pauly Shore either had some level of control in making the film, or the people making it at least attempted to understand the appeal of Shore’s stardome. There is no other explanation for this poster. It’s wild, but is trying to mimic the comedy stylings of Shore in a way that is at least interesting. Hate the colors, like the font, and everything else is insane. C-.)

Tagline(s) – Your dome away from home. (A+ for kookiness. D cause it’s literal nonsense.)

(Wooooahhhhh. Yeah! Hell yeah! This is going for it. So weird and I don’t get it, but yeah, give me more like this any day. It is terrible though… we all get that, right?)

Keyword(s) – environmentalism

Top 10: Avatar (2009), 21 Jump Street (2012), Holiday in the Wild (2019), Waterworld (1995), Point Break (2015), The Green Inferno (2013), Before Sunset (2004), The Pelican Brief (1993), Apostle (2018), First Reformed (2017)

Future BMT: 54.4 The Green Inferno (2013), 34.8 Hoot (2006), 31.1 Larger Than Life (1996), 11.3 Once Upon a Forest (1993)

BMT: Point Break (2015), Bio-Dome (1996), Fire Down Below (1997), Furry Vengeance (2010)

Matches: Bio-Dome (1996), The Ballad of Jack and Rose (2005), The Last Winter (2006)

(Is it just me or do they only release these films when Democratic presidents are in office … whatever. Hoot is a legendary film, I think it is one of the lowest grossing major releases ever. It made $8 million and was released to 3000 theaters.)

Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 24) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Pauly Shore is No. 1 billed in Bio-Dome and No. 1 billed in In the Army Now, which also stars Art LaFleur (No. 7 billed) who is in Cobra (No. 6 billed) which also stars Sylvester Stallone (No. 1 billed) who is in The Expendables 3 (No. 1 billed) which also stars Jason Statham (No. 2 billed) who is in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 3 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (1 + 1) + (7 + 6) + (1 + 1) + (2 + 1) + (3 + 1) = 24. If we were to watch Encino Man, and Extraordinary Measures we can get the HoE Number down to 13.

Notes – Alec Baldwin told his brother, Stephen Baldwin, that doing this movie could end his acting career.

Kylie Minogue has called this film her “worst career move”. She said it’s the only thing she has done in her professional life that her father ridicules her for.

In real life, Jack Black and Kyle Gass perform together as the musical group Tenacious D.

The Biodome compound is the Donald C. Tillman Water Reclamation Plant in Van Nuys, California, which has been used in dozens of other movies and television shows.

The motto of the community college Jen and Monique attend is “nothing to be ashamed of.”

According to an interview on Last Call with Carson Daly: Episode dated 5 November 2008 (2008),Dana Gould and Harland Williams were the original stars of this film.” As Williams described it, “…They did an open-ended cattle call for Bio-Dome. And I guess Dana and myself were kind of like the emerging funny guys around town … they whittled it down, wildfingers, and it got down to me and the wildcat over here. . . We were locked in, and then me and Dana would go over to some diner on Larchmont, sit in the booth, and eat corned beef, and recite our lines.” Gould and Williams recall a deal memo for them to have the job, and the two were deep in planning for the roles. Williams bought fake bugs to practice for a bug eating scene and Gould simply dreamed of “What will it be like when we’ve done it – when we’ve made it!” Gould expanded on Williams’ testimony, saying, “It was a new director, I think his name was Steven Brill.” It is unclear from the interview if Gould remembered the name incorrectly or if plans for a director changed. “And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m going to do this movie, and you guys are going to be it, you’re like unknowns, we’re going to break you and it’s going to be great!’ And then what apparently happened was that he went to the studio and said, ‘I’ve got these two unknowns…’ and they went, ”Naw, we have these guys to deals,’ and he went, ‘Okay!’ “

Roger Clinton: Professor Bloom, who presumably teaches at the film’s fictional college, Arizona Tech. He is wearing a shirt with the phrase “Thriving on Chaos” written on top of caricatured drawings of Bud and Doyle. After Jen autographs his shirt, he mentions to her and Monique that he’s writing a song about Bud and Doyle.

During the final sequence with the remote control and the exploding coconuts, the timers on the remote and the computer sync up with the time in the film.

Awards – Winner for the Razzie Award for Worst Actor (Pauly Shore, Tom Arnold, 1997)

Mr. Wrong Recap

Jamie

Martha is a successful woman who is feeling a lot of pressure to find a husband. Doesn’t help that she’s also lonely. So when she happens to meet a successful, handsome, lonely guy in a bar on Valentine’s Day it all seems too good to be true. And it is, cause he’s def Mr. Wrong. Can she get out of his clutches before it’s too late? Find out in… Mr. Wrong.

How?! Martha runs a big time morning show in San Diego and everyone is making a big deal that she’s single. Not to mention that the only guy giving her any attention anyway is an early twenties assistant at the show, Walter. So when Valentine’s Day rolls around she finds herself lonely in a bar and woah, hold on a sec, a handsome guy happens to pick the same song she was going to pick on the jukebox? And this dude Whitman’s a poet/financial whiz?! They soon embark on a torrid love affair where everyone in Martha’s life is charmed by Whitman and Martha gets increasingly suspicious. First his poetry seems… not great. Also, there is a wildly crazy ex-gf harassing her. One day, when his weird interactions with people get to be too much, she tells him that he should really just be himself around her. Freed by this revolutionary idea Whitman instantly becomes his true self: a total maniac. He is stealing stuff and throwing garbage at homeless people and reveals that in fact his world revolves around his crazy rich mother. It is a total nightmare and yet everyone around her is kinda like “come on, it’s fine, you could do worse.” After hiring a private eye, who reveals loads more terrible things about him, Martha tasks him with getting rid of Whitman. But alas, Whitman is able to charm the PI who tries to take Martha back to Whitman. She flees and is hit by a van. In the hospital she wakes up to find that Whitman put a ring on her finger and claimed they are engaged. She flees again, but is kidnapped by the crazy ex-gf. Whitman rescues her from them only to kidnap Martha all over again, drug her, and drive her to Mexico for her wedding. Martha is able to get word to Walter for help and in a crazy climax Whitman is shot as Martha attempts to flee her own wedding. It is thought that Martha shot Whitman (she didn’t, the crazy ex-gf did) but Walter rescues her and they ride off into the sunset. THE END.

Why?! Love… kinda. I mean Martha wants to find love. She rightly thinks that she is a successful woman who shouldn’t settle just because her family and friends think she’s getting old. But she obviously also wants to be loved. So those two pressures unfortunately push her into Whitman’s arms. Whitman is crazy and everyone else in the film is dumb. That’s about it.

Who?! This has a whole bunch of interesting people in it. There are a few cameos of celebs appearing on the fake show that Ellen works on (e.g. Louie Anderson and Casey Kasem). A minor side character, Bob, is played by Brad William Henke who was briefly in the NFL. But obviously most notable is Robert Goulet who plays the host of Ellen’s show, Dick Braxton… he really barely appears in the film, but you better believe he got a full name.

What?! This is the movie that 1-800-FLOWERS bought and paid for. Hooooo weeeeeeee. It is substantial. Every time you turn around someone is getting flowers from 1-800-FLOWERS. Ellen is even put in the hospital after getting hit by a 1-800-FLOWERS truck. I started to wonder if I misremembered it being a real company. Maybe it was made up for the movie and then someone was a huge fan and started the company.

Where?! Really great San Diego setting. It’s a rare setting… other than the fact that we pretty recently watched K-9, which is also randomly set in the *checks Wikipedia* City in Motion. This eventually plays a fairly important role in the film as it allows for the characters to run off to Mexico and then plausibly head into the desert to cross back over the border to San Diego. A-.

When?! Secret Holiday Film Alert! This film is set up entirely by Valentine’s Day and the sadness that Ellen feels on that day. It really doesn’t matter from there on out as that is perfection. I would assume that there are a large number of Valentine’s Day films out there, but this is by far the funniest to claim is your favorite. A

Man, this is a weird and wild movie. I can see how someone would read the script and think it’s pretty good and want to do it. I mean, the complete u-turn that the Whitman character takes is pretty amusing. Martha basically is just like “be yourself” and it’s like Whitman never heard of such a thing and loves it. That could have been OK, if a little dark, given that Whitman is a sociopath. But they hobble the movie in three ways. First, they have some real bad side characters that are unpleasant and cartoonish, most notably Joan Cusack’s crazy ex-gf character. I usually find Cusack charming in an off-beat way, but it really doesn’t work here. Second, the director shot it like a kids movie, which isn’t surprising since he just came off Major Payne and Dennis the Menace. Finally, they muck up Whitman’s character with a whole “you are old, you have to settle” storyline for Martha. So instead of Whitman coming off like a sociopath able to charm and deceive everyone, it almost seems like everyone just doesn’t care about Martha’s well-being and just wants her to get married, even to a total crazy person. So a good concept with several major flaws. Makes for a bizarre viewing experience. As for Holy Matrimony. Wow… I mean… wow. First of all, Leonard Nimoy seems like an actually good director. The film looks great and he got some fine acting from the cast. But, come on. You can’t possibly actually think a film about a woman getting married to a ten-year-old could ever work, right? Also it’s blatantly offensive in its unrealistic portrayal of Hutterites. Clearly the writers knew nothing about the community and didn’t care at all. All they needed was a group they could pretend would have someone marry a ten-year-old. Terrible. I cannot believe it exists. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! We’ve got a psycho stalker! We got Ellen as a leading lady! We’ve got Mr. Wrong! Let’s go!

P’s View on the Preview – I think Mr. Wrong must have floated onto our radar every so often because it is, amazingly, lower than 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is obviously extremely impressive and rare. For the most part I just knew it as the Ellen Degeneres vehicle, but otherwise I basically knew nothing about it. What were my expectations? Well, the trailer suggested it was one of those switcheroo comedies. The ones where Ellen thinks Bill Pullman is this awesome guy, and then, whoops! He’s actually an insane person and she’s trapped! Usually, these are really stressful and aggravating … so, unfortunately, that is what I expected.

The Good – It wasn’t that! Stunningly, the actual story is, sure, Ellen thinks Pullman is this great soft spoken guy she meets out one day and he’s rich and awesome. But then she’s like “You can be yourself!” and he’s like “really? Awesome!” and it turns out “himself” is actually an insane person who is a liar, petty criminal, and general miscreant. The way the twist comes about is excellently direct and sudden, and for that I have to at least give the movie a bit of credit. Best Bit: The twist, which happens about half way through the movie and is amusing by itself.

The Bad – I’m going to get a bit deep here, watch out. The conceit of the story, which you can almost forget as you get so lost in the insanity of the film, is that Ellen’s younger sister got married, and everyone is like “awwwwww, you’ll be next Ellen.” And she’s like, whatever. Then she meets Pullman, and he becomes crazy, and the rest of the film you could be forgiven if you forgot that that is probably the reason everyone is like “you are crazy Ellen.” Because while Pullman is a genuinely insane person, the underlying theme is that everyone else in her life is like “This is by far the best you are going to do Ellen, yeah, he’s a bit eccentric, but he loves you and is rich, c’mon!” If you accept that reading of the film as correct then there is a very sinister gaslighting undertone to the whole thing which is pretty gross. Also the movie isn’t funny, so that is obviously going to be an issue with any comedy. Fatal Flaw: In my opinion the only way this movie makes sense is if you accept that in the 90s people thought 30-year-old women should just accept the love of an insane stalker Bill Pullman because that’s the best they are going to do, deal with it. And that is terrible. Just terrible.

The BMT – I think I’ve already forgotten this film. But it is notable for being a very rare Ellen as a leading lady film. That’s interesting. It also has an interesting twist with Pullman, who is pretty great in the film as well. It is diverting, but forgettable though. Did it meet my expectations? Yeah, it was a switcheroo comedy, but in a better way than I was expecting. That’s fun.

Roast-radamus – Really, really good Product Placement (What?) for 1-800-FLOWERS which is all over the film constantly. Also very good Setting as a Character (Where?) for San Diego, which is rare when Los Angeles is just up the coast. And decent Not-so-secret Holiday Film (When?) for Valentine’s Day which is when Ellen and Pullman meet since she is out at a bar being sad. Closest to Bad I think, unfortunately.

Sequel, Prequel, Remake – Definitely a sequel. And here’s the set up, it starts as a kind of normal comedy. A meetcute and people meet the new guy, etc. And then boom! Just like in Mr. Wrong, he goes off the deep end. And here’s the twist, he takes his lovely girlfriend home and there is Whitman! He’s Whitman’s son. White bearded Pullman is back! And he’s macking the girlfriend’s mother, and only the main character seems to see the sinister undertones of this psycho family. As things unravel it is revealed that Whitman knocked off his own mother to get her money, self-published a bunch of terrible poetry, and still holds a flame for Martha (with Ellen appearing in a small cameo). I mean, I think you just call it Mr. Wrong again, and run it back like a semi-reboot (but secret sequel once Pullman shows up). Here’s the key though … make it funny.

Friend or Fiend – Oh boy, this was a weird one. In the early 90s Leonard Nemoy was directing all kinds of movies. And one of those movies was about a ten year old Hutterite who marries the wife of his recently deceased brother who stole a bunch of money from a fair in Iowa … yup. It is a really weird film, but I have to say the 13-year-old Joseph Gordon Levitt is really good, as is Patricia Arquette. The story is just really weird. A 20-year-old marries a 10-year-old in order to try and get a bunch of stolen money, all while learning the ways of the Hutterites. It is a real fish out of water story with the added disturbing undertones of forced child marriage … yeah, this movie was a mistake. It kind of has to be a Fiend just because it really is just too dull to recommend on any level. A good match with Mr. Wrong though.

Cheerios,

The Sklogs

Mr. Wrong Quiz

Oh man, so here’s the thing. I really wanted that perfect bro to hang out with, and I found the guy! He was amazing … well, right up until he went insane and became a stalker. The last thing I remember is he bopped me on the head and I was trapped by him in a hospital! Do you remember what happened in Mr. Wrong?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) In the beginning of the film Martha’s friend Walter asks her out. What does Walter do on Martha’s show? Bonus points for naming the show.

2) How does Martha meet the titular Mr. Wrong, Whitman?

3) What does Whitman say he does for a living? What does he actually do?

4) Once Whitman decides to “be himself” what things does he decide to do?

5) How many people does she shoot on her wedding day and how does she get the gun?

Bonus Question: So how long does Martha’s and Walter’s relationship last?

Answers