Oh man, so get this. I was on holiday in Canada, naturally, and obviously macking on some of America’s favorite cookies, Oreos. When all of a sudden a sea monster came up and snagged all of them. Needless to say I attempted to free dive to save my delicious treat, but I passed out and got severe oxygen deprivation induced brain damage. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Magic in the Water?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We meet Mark Harmon and his two precocious kids just as they set off for a holiday in Glenorchy (Home of Orky!). What is Harmon’s job?
2) While there he meets his obvious love interest, who shares this job. What is the shared psychosis that all her patients have?
3) Oh yeah, meanwhile Orky is real (who knew!?). How does Ashley know that he’s real though, and how does she generally detect he is nearby, AND what does this mean for poor Orky?
4) Uh oh, there are some bad guys. What are they concerned about, and what is their plan to prevent the toxic waste dump site from being discovered?
5) After the children definitely don’t die in a horrifying homemade submarine accident, who saves them and how?
Bonus Question: Obviously we would expect the family to move to Glenorky to be near their best friend Orky. Well, Orky’s got a surprise for them. What is it?
Answers
1) He is a psychiatrist. Not only that though, he appears to be somewhat of a celebrity psychiatrist because he has a radio show like Frasier. Unlike Frasier his character is mostly to be a dick to potential patients and tell them to suck it up. He’s famous enough that he is evidently writing a book, that’s why he is going on “holiday”, it’s a working holiday. And he appears to love his kids a lot as evidenced by him buying them America’s favorite cookie, Oreo.
2) They all believe that they have not only met Orky and that Orky is real, but that Orky “inhabited” them and allowed them to breathe underwater and be like a fish or whatever. They are in turn both mesmerized by this amazing experience and fearful of what it means about their mental state. Also they all secretly love America’s favorite cookie, Oreo, a symptom of being inhabited by Orky.
3) Well, the initial tell is that, obviously, Orky loves America’s favorite cookie, Oreo. But seemingly, just the delicious cream filling (who doesn’t!?). So when Ashley left a boatload of double stufs out for Orky, she was delighted to find that they were all “magically” licked clean. She knows Orky is nearby because his breath stinks. And Ashley knows that your breath stinks when you are sick, which obviously isn’t because Orky is eating a ton of Oreos (America’s favorite cookie making you sick!? Never), but because of the secret dumping of toxic waste into the lake. Someone call Captain Planet!
4) They are mainly concerned about a team of Japanese submariner scientists who plan on locating Orky using sophisticated sonar technologies. The bad guys have a foolproof plan though: hire an idiot to drive a fake Orky onto the beach so that everyone thinks Orky was a hoax all along … but they already think it’s a hoax? So what’s the plan? All they had to do was eat a few of America’s favorite cookie, Oreo, and they’d have realized this was a dumb plan.
5) The CEO of Nabisco, armed with a boatload of America’s favorite cookie (Oreo), comes and personally opens the hatch to free them! Oh wait, that’s not right. Oh right, Harmon, who has been trying to dig to China in one of his child-like fantasies, digs instead into Orky’s lair. Meanwhile Orky brings the sub there as well, and Harmon opens the sub just in time for his daughter to personally see Orky die.
Bonus Answer: Orky Jr.?! Obviously, they name this little creature Oreo after America’s favorite cookie. But oh no, the eeeeeeevil CEO of Nabisco needs that branding and vertical synergy. He needs it bad. The only thing to do is to capture Oreo and bring her to a SeaWorld-like horrifying torture park to show off to everyone whenever they come and visit Nabisco HQ. Well, you best believe Orky and the kids won’t stand for that. There is only one thing to do: they need more power! And by that they mean that they need to brainwash more of the adult population of Glenorky and turn them into children again. Much like Tinkerbell the Orkys feed off of imagination, and with enough of it they are sure to defeat the Nabisco cronies. Long story short they do it. There is a final confrontation in which Orky generates a beam of pure imagination which causes the CEO of Nabisco’s head to explode (the kids, unfazed, look one with pure black doll eyes, they now only have one purpose in life: to serve Orky and her kin). The End.
It is called Magic in the Water 2: Orky’s Revenge. Nabisco signs off and gets Tarantino to direct, hoping to pull off their own Barbie-like mania.
Bad Movie Twins 