Jamie
Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character flapping his arms like a real bozo so dominated my childhood thoughts on this film that it could never possibly live up to my memory of it. I feel like for a solid decade I’d see the actor show up in something and subconsciously be like “yeah, but he flapped his arms real dumb that one time.” The movie appeared in my mind to just be 90 minutes of JGL flapping his arms and then everyone else agreeing that it was cool and flapping their arms too. What’s funny is we’ve seen over the years many teams capitalize on weird baseball mojo trends as they make their way to the coveted World Series win. Rally caps, Cowboy Up, and the Angel’s very own Rally Monkey. None of that changes the simple fact that if anyone anywhere tried to make flapping your arms around the rallying cry of their team it would flop. Rally Monkey it is not.
To recap, JGL is in foster care watching the California Angels stink while he waits for his dad to get his act together. With a washed up manager driving the team into the ground his dad makes an off-hand comment that he’ll come back for him when the Angels win the Pennant. Enter: God. JGL prays and his prayers are answered as a bunch of real angels come down and start helping the team win. When the coach catches wind that this kid appears to see angels helping the team he’s like “meh, we suck and I suck so why not have a fun good luck charm.” Soon JGL is attending most games and tipping the coach on moves to make that might lead to angelic intervention. Soon his life is changing and so are his players. A previously washed up pitcher gets his mojo back and they are on a big time winning streak. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, though, because JGL’s daddio is a deadbeat and gives him up to the state anyway. The owner of the team is also embarrassed when the press publishes details of the coach’s belief in angels. He demands his coach publicly deny believing in angels, which he refuses to do. In the Pennent, the angels reveal they can’t help (it’s too big a game), but the ragtag group is no longer ragtag and ultimately come up victorious on the back of the soon-to-be-dead formerly washed-up pitcher (I’ll talk about that later). After the game the coach reveals he’s adopting JGL and his friend… which is nice. THE END.
For about 70% of this movie we are treated to a straightforward, heart-warming sports story. Sure there is an odd religious bent to it, but why not? It’s about angels. I was sitting there jamming out, enjoying an oddly stacked cast of background characters and sports… then the last thirty minutes of the film happened. First the devious announcer (who is also a reporter?) publishes a story about the manager believing in angels using the anonymous sourcing of a 7-year-old child. It’s so crazy that you can’t believe they could top it. But then the owner is embarrassed by the story and does the press conference forcing the manager to denounce angels… it would be like if when the Rally Monkey was happening there was a story that was like “the manager actually believe the monkey is lucky” and the owner was like “ma gawd, say you don’t believe the monkey… NOW!” Ludicrous. Can’t be topped, right? Wrong. During the subsequent game, the washed up pitcher is pitching a 160 pitch complete game (wow). An angel then pops down, says he can’t help, and off hand mentions to the kid that the dude is dying of advanced cancer… boy. You know how some movies are ruined by a terrible ending. This was BMT saved by one of the most BMT endings of all time. A true miracle. As for Heaven Sent… lol, what? If I didn’t know better I would say this was a pilot for a show being shopped for syndication about the sidekick from UHF helping different people every week as an angel… but I know better and I just know this was a real weird nothing film that also needed to have a bizarro thriller plot thrown in at the end. I will forget this tomorrow.
Hot Take Clam Bake! I just… I really feel like there would be a bit more scrutiny of the coach’s efforts to adopt two children. It appears like this all happens in a matter of a couple weeks. The man is a major league manager and appears to be single. He’s on the road 40% of the year. Prior to the angels going on a winning streak the man was a complete asshole. Everyone hated him. What if they go on a losing streak next year? You can’t rely on the whims of the angels to determine how good a dad this guy is going to be. Feels a bit irresponsible of the state to at least be like “maybe think this over for a week… you know… considering for the last 50 years or so you’ve lived the life of a single, childless asshole.” Hot Take Temperature: Medicine Hat… as in Medicine Hat, Alberta where the coach will be coaching after he doesn’t have the angels to help him out.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Wait a second, are we talking about a Disney kids classic about how religion is good and it isn’t cheating if angels do it because you wished for a real fambly and this is the only way for the hard hearted coach of the Anaheim Angels to Grinch it and adopt two children? Let’s go!
So we need to approach this carefully, because otherwise you might think I think this film is genuinely good. So here’s my best shot.
The first hour of this film is fun and heartfelt and the kid actors are really good. If I was sitting next to a child watching this film I would be like “cool.” If I had to watch it multiple times I think the first hour would get tiresome but there is enough good heartfelt stuff in it that it wouldn’t feel like a total waste of time. You can see why JGL is a star, and also why this works much better than The Mighty Ducks (mainly because The Mighty Ducks is like if Danny Glover was the main character in Angels in the Outfield. Blessedly JGL is and that works better for the majority of the film).
Phew … BUT.
The last thirty minutes of this film goes off the rails.
First, Danny Glover and the radio announcer were former teammates / competitors and have a long running feud mostly concerning the other guy ending Glover’s career, but then Glover is a way better manager in the end. We open the third act with that guy overhearing a literal child go “Angels are real!” and he goes “Aha! I got him! Glover brings the kids to the games because he too thinks angels are real!” Then we have a real scene in a movie where ESPN has, for whatever reason, run with the “Coach Knox thinks angels are real!” story without checking the source (a literal child), and the Angels owner insists on Glover (who is on something absurd like a 30-2 hot streak) having a press conference before the last (and pennant clinching) game to deny the angel story because … maybe he hates God? Hard to tell. Anyways, you got all that?
/deep breath/
Second, the angels aren’t coming (oh no!) but Lloyd helpfully shows up to be like “Oh what? You were waiting on us? But everyone knows angels can’t help in a championship!” (ah I see, you are sportsmen about it). And right before he leaves he looks to Tony Danza (playing a 40 year old washed up pitcher who smokes too much) and he’s like “Oh him? He’s dead in six months, but don’t worry he’ll be an angel … welp, see yah kid!” Totally unnecessary. JGL doesn’t need that in his life during the big game!
/deep breath/
Third, that same 40-year-old who is going to be dead in six months from advanced lung cancer proceeds to pitch a complete game to win the pennant. With the final play involving him snagging a comeback line drive to the pitcher to end the game.
Phew. Those thirty minutes take it from good I’m-not-crying-your-crying territory, to unintentionally hilarious sports film, and back again. I still like it though.
I do someday want to collect all the ways different baseball films have ended though. Major League is on a suicide squeeze, and this is on a line drive at the pitcher. They really didn’t want to do the standard home run or strike out huh?
As for the friend, woooooooooooooooooof. We watched Heaven Sent which was bizarrely close to the same story (angel helping a kid, but during the final scene he says nope, you have to do that yourself). Weirdly good cast with Wilford Brimley in a small role. Otherwise this gets dangerously close to “I could film some of this” territory. Fortunately there are some good set pieces, decent acting from a few of the adults, and it looks quite good at times, so it pulls itself out on occasion. Zero out of five on the racism scale, but that is mainly because it is shot in Salt Lake City and there is nary a non-white person to be seen …oh wait strike that. It is one out of five, there was an Indian convenience store owner that was pretty racist. Dang. Almost there. Regardless this is a true blue F. There might be some heart there, but it isn’t even remotely entertaining and I would flat refuse to ever watch this again if asked.
A real deal sports Product Placement (What?) for the California Angels. And obviously Setting as a Character (Where?) for California. Great MacGuffin (Why?) for the wish to have a fambly, which he didn’t specify so the genie gave him Danny Glover instead of his dad. And finally that same thing is the Worst Twist (How?) for Danny Glover adopting two children despite being a Major League manager, having no girlfriend, and never having kids. This movie is also Good, so we’re on a streak.
Naturally, I need to make a sequel to this a la D2, check it out in the Quiz. Cheerios,
The Sklogs
Bad Movie Twins 