Oh man, so get this. I’m a billionaire with a bit of a drinking problem … fine a huge drinking problem, and my brain is mush. I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Arthur (2011)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Arthur Arthur Arthur. What will we do with you! What car is he being driven in (and crashing) in the opening scene?
2) Well, that was fun. But there is a problem. Arthur needs to marry Jennifer Garner. Why does his mother insist on this and why does he agree to it?
3) Oh! But now he’s met Greta Gerwig. What is her “job” but what “job” does she actually want?
4) Where is their date?
5) In the end Arthur does not marry Garner, and Mirren dies. You would know these things if you watched the original. But they do twist up the ending. What is Arthur’s job at the end of the film after he gets his act together?
Bonus Question: Years later, Arthur is off the wagon … or is he? That’s the question. Is he?
Answers
1) The Batmobile. Specifically, it is the Batmobile from Batman & Robin (shoutout to a BMT classic), and he’s wearing the costume with the nipples.
2) Well, his antics with the Batmobile and the subsequent party he throws has made the stockholders doubtful of his potential leadership abilities. Garner would be a steady hand for the company, but it also needs to stay in the family. He agrees to it only after she threatens to cut him off if he doesn’t agree.
3) Her “job” is to conduct illegal tours of Grand Central Station, which isn’t a real job (quite the opposite, it is a criminal act). But she wants to write children’s books, and specifically one about how the Statue of Liberty is lonely and befriends the Chrysler Building.
4) In Grand Central Station obviously. Where they eat Pez and there are acrobats and junk.
5) He ends up getting sober and heading up the charity portions of Bach Industries. Since he obviously has a heart of gold, that is the perfect place for him to cut his teeth.
Bonus Answer: Nope, but he is On the Rocks again. That’s right, Arthur’s mother just died and he is in full control of the company. While his wife is staunchly by his side, the stockholders are a bit shaky and he doesn’t even have Helen Mirren there to help him! Worse yet, Jennifer Garner and Nick Nolte are circling like vultures and poised for a hostile takeover of the Bach family company. Oh boy. After a particularly embarrassing episode in which Arthur is slipped a mickey by Nolte and appears to fall off the wagon, the board decides to remove Arthur as CEO and appoints Garner in an acting role. Arthur, of course, cannot remember what happened and believes he did in fact succumb to his alcoholism and starts to spiral. Lucky for him just as he hits his low point who comes to pick him up? That’s right, Mirren’s back. You see, Gerwig wished on a star and Mirren answered the call. But you know how this works, when you are faced with the championship (of life) the angels can’t do it, you have to take it the last mile. Oh yeah … Nick Nolte? Dead in three months. Falls into a sinkhole at one of his construction projects. But don’t worry, he becomes an angel. Really (says Arthur)? Even he becomes an angel? Does no one go to hell in the world of Angels in the Outfield? Mirren shrugs and says she just thought Arthur would like to know. Welp, Arthur picks himself up and manages his own board coup to retake Bach industries with a plan to introduce a revolutionary new technology to detect sinkholes. After he succeeds, Nolte scoffs, “Who would ever need that junk, there aren’t any sinkholes in New York City.” And we laugh and laugh and laugh, what a truly divine piece of dramatic irony.
The film is called A2: The Mighty Arthur and it is coming to streaming on Disney+. Naturally we are recasting Russell Brand immediately.
Bad Movie Twins 