Jamie
“You guys want some cookies?” We’ve been cleaning up a lot of “previously on” BMT type films lately. These are films we saw back when we were youngsters and Corky Romano and its ilk were dominating our personal box offices. SNL was still king. It had crowned Sandler and was delivering unto us Will Ferrell. So why not Chris Kattan? Why not indeed. All these years later the only thing I remember from this particular film was the line I quote at the top. It appears in the trailer and features Kattan in a girl scout uniform… I will be on my deathbed and I will be able to say that line in the exact way that Kattan says it. An indelible part of film history.
To recap, Corky Romano is an (actually good) vet with a penchant for messing things up. He also happens to be the son of a local mob boss and the brother of two psychotic mob enforcers. When a rat within the family is threatening to bring the empire down they only have one thing they can do: bring Corky (up to this point unknown to the FBI) back into the fold and uncover as an agent. His mission is to find the file on the Romano family and destroy it. The only thing standing in his way is the suspicions of his new coworker Brick, his interest in the beautiful Agent Russo, and the fact that he keeps inadvertently helping solve or foil crimes through his bumbling ways. One such case that he is helping with is the Night Vulture, a brutal drug dealer, but I’m not sure why I’m talking about that… I’m sure it has nothing to do with the plot of the film. Anyway, ultimately Corky finds out his father is wanted for murder. When he confronts him about that, he denies it and it’s revealed that their longtime family associate is actually an FBI informant and planted that info. Corky is able to subdue him and also reveal that Brick is the Night Vulture (oh, I see. It was important because… uh… huh, no wait… still not important to the plot of the film). In the end he marries Agent Russo and goes back to being a vet. THE END.
I contend that Corky Romano had its moments. Purely from a comedy point of view it had me laughing more than many BMT comedies do. I also think it was rather inspired and ahead of its time to have Corky be an actually good vet. That’s a much more modern device: the competent imbecile. Underused really as it would have been fun to have Corky turn out to be a good agent because of his deep knowledge of animals and yet they barely touch on it and don’t even use it for the conclusion. Now the biggest issue for the film is that it doesn’t make any sense. And not just that it’s an impossibility that Corky would be entirely unknown to the agency or how exactly his mob family gets him installed as an agent. But Corky figures out who a serial killer is because of a watch he left at the crime scene and then stole from evidence. The serial killer left his distinctive watch at the crime scene and only big brain Corky can figure it out? That’s real dumb. It’s a pretty big issue with the film. Just real stupid and doesn’t make any sense. But I guess that’s what turning your brain off is for. As for Dirty Love, the less said the better maybe. There is something about Jenny McCarthy in the sense that she’s really going for it. Like Jim Carrey level mugging. There was a very brief moment where I was like “can she make this tolerable?” and the answer was no. It gets harder and harder to watch as it goes on. Not good!
Hot Take Clam Bake! I think it’s pretty obvious that the FBI knew that Corky was part of the family and was just letting him fool around in the agency to bolster their case against the Romano’s. Maybe they had an inkling that the info they had was bunk and that the real charge they could land was witness/evidence tampering and some tax evasion. By letting Corky in, they could hang an impersonating a federal agent charge over him and get him to wear a wire and really get the solid info they needed. Unfortunately this all would fall apart once Brick was revealed to be the Night Vulture and the Bureau would have to insulate themselves from the ensuing firestorm by promoting the work of the fine Agent Romano. Pretty obvious stuff going on here as otherwise there is no explanation for how they wouldn’t know that Corky was part of the Romano family. Not like he’s a distant cousin. Hot Take Temperature: Mango
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Remember Corky Romano. In a day or twooooooooooooo! Remember that from the trailer? No? Only me? Let’s go!
Corky Romano is an odd film. It was barely created (having been hastily written just before a sctors’ strike), and stars one of the stranger SNL stars of the time. Chris Kattan isn’t exactly leading man material but here we are.
I will say, out of all the stuff that could be considered good in this film, Chris Kattan is, weirdly, one of the better bits. He’s annoying, but on occasion he is kind of a charming doofus. The Girl Scout bit comes to mind. And I did laugh during the film, for example when Kattan offers his hand to his brother who turns and farts towards him instead … I didn’t say it was a good joke, just I said I laughed.
But yeah, the film isn’t super funny, is barely written, is often offensive, and has some of the worst acting you’ll ever see. And the twist! My god, the ultimate twist is that there is an FBI agent … who is also a heroin kingpin? Like why?! That is the kind of insane stuff you get when you write a script in a week to beat a strike.
But naturally, being a horrible sub-10% film on Rotten Tomatoes, this is a BMT film through and through. Also, obviously we need to watch all the Chris Kattan films for BMT. Really just Night at the Roxbury to go.
Not really Product Placement (What?) for the very distinctive bright orange Mazda Miata. And definitely one of the Worst Twist (How?) we’ve ever seen with the completely nonsensical reveal that the FBI agent Brick is also the drug dealing Night Vulture, say whhhhhhhhat?! Crazy. The film is BMT though and through, it barely makes sense.
Bring a Friend time. And what better pair for one of the worst films of all time to watch another film considered one off the worst of all time, Dirty Love. It basically swept the Razzies (back when that meant something) and Ebert gave it a rare zero star review (he also called it the third worst film of 2005, lol). Anyways, the film is awful, it really is one of those films where you wonder if you could make it, that is how not-a-movie it felt like. But the magnetism of McCarthy is undeniable, and it isn’t really a wonder she managed to have a (albeit brief) movie career launched off of a weird dating show on MTV.. If not for the fact that she’s a lunatic I would actually wonder why she didn’t end up doing a few more films. In this case though the film is a nothing film, and is garbage, and I barely remember anything about it, the end.
Well, what can you learn from Corky Romano? Find out in the quiz. Cheerios,
The Sklogs
Bad Movie Twins 