The 13th Warrior Quiz

You have been chosen as the 13th person to take this quiz. Actually … thay is entirely possible given the number of people who read this website (heeeeeyyyyyoooooo, sick burn on us). Get ready for it, because it’s …

Pop Quiz Hot Shot

1) Why was Antonio Banderas’ character sent to the north in the first place?

2) And then why is he chosen as the 13th warrior to go on a short jaunt even further north to help handle a super tiny … cannibal problem? Super tiny. Don’t even worry about it, you’ll barely notice it.

3) And during the journey the northmen can’t help but make fun of this weirdo that is now tagging along with them. They specifically note his horse and sword. Why?

4) Why could Banderas drink alcohol even though he specifically says drinking is against his religion?

5) During the film there are four major battles. The first in the hall. The second is the big stand in the village against the calvary. The third is when they take the battle to the cannibals in their lair. And the final battle again is in the village. How many of the 13 warriors died in each?

Answers

1) Because he’s a mad playa yo! He was macking all up on another (very powerful) man’s lady and that guy was like “hell naw”. He told his friends and they banished him to the north. Well … they made him an ambassador to the north, but it felt like banishment.

2) Because they bring in their little old lady witch doctor who throws some bones and basically says “Bring Antonio for good luck or whatever”. And he goes! What a goober!

3) Because his horse is tiny! It is like a little baby horse (but what’s this? Look how fast the little baby horse is!!). And then he makes a curved sword which they are like look at this little baby sword that’s all hooked. And they he does some flippy stuff with it and they also become suitably impressed with that as well.

4) Because while he notes that fermented drinks from vine or grain are prohibited, the Koran doesn’t say anything about honey bro. Get. That. Mead. Dudes, I just found the best loophole in the Koran! Get this … God didn’t think about fermenting honey. Boom!

5) In the first battle two people get their heads torn off (whaaaaa?). In the second battle five people die leaving six. In the cave one person is left to die as they escape to the ocean. And in the last only Buliwyf himself dies from an injury he sustained battling the cannibal queen. Leaving four warriors to live to tell the tale.

So out of 13 warriors how many would you venture you got? I think Jamie must have gotten 13 out of 13 warriors. He just loves weird adaptations of old English epic poems, so there is no way he would get any of these wrong.

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