Steven Seagal is Orin Boyd, an angry cop who hates crime and injustice. DMX is a billionaire tech entrepreneur trying to catch dirty cops in the act. It’s a match made in heaven, and this is a quiz made in heaven. Let’s go!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open with Orin Boyd (ridiculous name) running late for a speech by the Vice-President, who is a lame-o liberal loser. But, uh-oh (!), some terrorists want that Vice-President to be vice-dead! Where we these terrorists from?
2) After tossing the VP into the river (whoops) Orin is transferred to the roughest toughest precinct in the city. After embarrassing himself in front of his boss (a beautiful lady no less!), she informs him of a single condition for his reinstatement. What is the condition?
3) He then immediately violates the conditions of his short leash because he’s a goober. What does he do, and what is his punishment?
4) DMX and the dirty cops have hatched a plan to get tons of heroin out of Detroit. What is this dastardly plan?
5) But (what a twist!) DMX is actually a good guy! He’s a billionaire trying to catch dirty cops on tape. How did he become a billionaire?
1) They were right-wing terrorists from Michigan. Which is actually a rather interesting throwback considering the film was released in 2001.
2) He must go to anger management classes. There he meets and is idolized by Tom Arnold (who plays a shock jock type character with little to no reason to exist in the film), beats up a few people, and teaches everyone a valuable lesson: violence is rad.
3) On his way back from anger management he sees Anthony Anderson hanging in a bush and thinks “whoa, this looks suspicious.” He then busts into a drug deal involving DMX. This ruins what he is told is a months long sting operation. He then has to do traffic (what a disaster!) for an indeterminate amount of time.
4) They are going to dip a ton of t-shirts (locally made, God bless America) into a solution of heroine, hang dry them, and then package them. Because of how they are packaged they can’t be sniffed out, and if you just looked at the product it just looks like a ton a t-shirts. Dastardly!
5) He created a website, effectively a dollar store, during the dot com boom and got out just before the bust. He’s now attempting to catch dirty cops using his technological wizardry because his brother is falsely imprisoned.
So are you a dirty cop, helping drug dealers get heroin out of Detroit? Or are you Orin Boyd who, honestly, is pretty brutal himself, but I guess we’re okay with it because Seagal cracks jokes while beating up Anthony Anderson? Whatever, did you do well though?