Having awoken from my weeks long Postman induced slumber my brain is grasping at any lodestar, any constant. Ah, The Postman! The film itself can help reboot my brain. But … can you help me remember what happened in this film?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Since this moment traumatized me, what was Kevin Costner’s best friend in the whole wide world, the mule, named?
2) What task is The Postman assigned to do as a punishment meant to kill him after it is discovered he was planning on leaving the military by any means necessary?
3) Where is the new capital of the United States according to The Postman?
4) What was Will Patton’s job prior to the war?
5) In the end why is it that Kevin Costner is able to challenge Will Patton in one on one combat?
Answers
1) PROTECT BILL! Why did you have to kill Bill? You goddamned monster! Bill! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
2) A lion, probably escaped from a local zoo, had killed one of the military members. He was to go and recover the body of the dead guy and then kill the lion himself. He decides falling a hundred feet to the river below was preferable.
3) Minneapolis. I can’t remember if it was just quick thinking by The Postman here, but basically Will Patton is highly skeptical of the claim because he personally saw the White House burned to the ground. But aha! The capital is in the Metrodome (which doesn’t actually exist anymore).
4) He was a photocopier salesman. Which probably means the war in the film was only about 10 or 20 years prior. The two leads are supposed to be in their 40s, so at most the war would have been about 20 years prior. If I were to guess? It was intended to be a statement about what could happen starting in 1997 precisely in this case. So the film takes place 16 years later. Which then jives with Tom Petty hanging around and other such nonsense, the world is kind of statically stuck in 1997.
5) He can challenge Patton by the rule of 8. Because The Postman was once a member of the army he gets all of the benefits of the army including the ability to battle for control. He’s got the brand to prove it.
Ah that’s right, it is all flooding back now … this movie was incredibly long and boring. Great. Glad I watched it.
Bad Movie Twins 