Phew I was worried I had frozen to death while trying to deliver this quiz to out millions of fans. But I can’t remember all of the answers … can you help me?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Which two of the reindeer did Santa have in the beginning of the film? This is like a super expert level question BTW.
2) How does Santa and his wife get saved from freezing to death?
3) Joe, Cornelia, and the eeeeeevil toy maker played by John Lithgow all live in a rough and tumble 1980s New York City where everyone is munching on McDonald’s and smashing Coca-Cola’s. What is there relationship between them all.
4) After getting stripped of his administrative position Patch can’t bring himself to work in the factory anymore and instead goes off to find the eeeeeevil toy maker Lithgow. There he develops a super amazing product to give away on Christmas, because everyone knows the one way to get back your best friend Santa is through ruthless competition. What was the name of the product and what did it do?
5) But the Lithgow gets greedy, he wants Christmas II, and he wants it now! When is Christmas II and what is the new and improved product he is going to give away?
1) Donner and Blitzen of course. Of course. No Rudolph? They were probably saving that for the sequel … I’m not joking, they probably were.
2) The Vendequm saved them! I would have also accepted Vandegum, or Vandersum, or anything like that really. I would have accepted “the elves found them”. The point is they totally don’t die and instead end up living forever in the North Pole making toys for children and delivering them all in one night once a year … they totally don’t die though.
3) Well Cornelia and Joe are both orphans, but they become best buds. He’s a street urchin who mills about outside of her mansion, and she’s a rich young lady just looking for a friend. Lithgow is Cornelia’s Uncle, and also he tries to murder Joe … Lithgow goes to some dark places in this film, he fucking dies!
4) Puce Juice! It looks like a lollipop, except you can kind of just chomp right into it. And it makes you fly a little bit. So that’s nice.
5) Christmas II is on March 25th. It should have really been April 25th because then you’d get the trilogy during the year … but that isn’t really important. The point is they are going to give away candy canes, but really juiced with the puce juice. So much so that they actually make you fly … oh and they also blow up if left near a heating source, whoops!
Oh yeah, now I remember, this movie has forever poisoned Christmas for me. Great. Thanks for making me remember all that.