Oh no! Un sabateur! My deep space exploration vessel has been ruined (ruined!) by a dastardly act of sabotage. But maybe … if I can remember the plot of Lost in Space, I can stop being … lost in space. Can you remember anything?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Matt LeBlanc is hired on at the last minute for the babysitting job as the pilot of the mission to Alpha One. He basically will act like a monkey, press a few buttons, and absolutely nothing will go wrong necessitating piloting expertise. Anywho, why did they need a replacement pilot?
2) Ooooooooooo, Mr. Robinson is in the dog house. Why is his family just in general not too pleased with him. I’m mainly looking for the issue with Will, his son.
3) Why is Dr. Smith trying to sabotage the mission and how does he end up lost … in space?!
4) Once lost in space the ship passes through two time bubbles. What do they find there that indicates how far into the future each bubble puts them?
5) What happens to Dr. Smith, and how do they dispense with him/it?
1) So initially they suggest the pilot has the flu (aw poor baby, drink up that soup and feel better!), but it turns out that he was instead assassinated by Dr. Smith’s eeeeeevil organization (oh … a bit dark for a kids’ film, but okay).
2) As far as Will is concerned he is in the dog house for missing the science fair (which he won, of course). Mrs. Robinson is generally pissed that he keeps on forgetting about his family and prioritizing the mission over them. Penny doesn’t want to go and is annoyed about that. Heather Graham seems happy at least.
3) He is getting paid in the shade. Mad stacks o’ cash. The organization seems to be Neo-Luddites of some kind who want the money going toward the mission to be used to help Earth instead (? Maybe). Boy will their face be red when they realize Earth is just generally doomed.
4) First they find a rescue mission from LeBlanc’s old military buddy, but it is destroyed and filled with space spiders (not joking). Second they find their own ship with older Will and Dr. Smith which is something like 20 years further beyond the rescue mission timeline. There are a number of issues with the timeline here, but … whatever.
5) Dr. Smith is still a doctor, but now he also happens to be a Space Spider / human hybrid. He looks super gross and scary and I’m like … 50-50 on whether this movie is the reason I am scared of spiders. Anyways, Mr. Robinson cuts him in his egg sac (wowza, again, kids’ movie) and his babies eat him alive. Great.
Jesus, and I didn’t even mention super smarmy Matt LeBlanc harassing Heather Graham throughout the film. So were you Mr. Robinson, getting them all right and earning back the love of your family? Or were you Space Spider Smith, getting all gross and getting eaten by your own Space Spider babies?