Hmmm, last thing I remember I fell into a deep whole where a super fancy box was sitting in a pool of acid … wait, how isn’t this magic again? Whatever. Do you remember what happened in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open with Lara Croft Tomb Raider, with a little help from her Greek friends, discovering Alexander the Great’s Lunar Temple underwater. What event helped lead our intrepid explorer to the location of the fabled temple?
2) In the Lunar Temple our hero obtains (and then loses) two items, an orb and a medallion. What, in the course of the story, are the purpose of each?
3) We meet out villain, a Nobel Prize winning biochemist turned terrorist, who wants the orb and medallion. On his plane he flexes his power by killing a turncoat using what disease (which he obviously has a cure for)?
4) Meanwhile, Lara is recruited by MI6 to find the orb first as it is the key to the Cradle of Life which houses Pandora’s box. Lara though insists they have to get her friend Gerard Butler. Why is Butler in prison and where is he being held?
5) Where is Pandora’s box in the end?
1) There was an earthquake. This earthquake shifts stuff just enough that the currents pointed directly to the location of the Lunar Temple. Lucky for them the currents shifted overnight, so only the incredibly rich Lara Croft had the techmology to realize where the Lunar Temple actually was.
2) The orb is a map. The medallion indicates how to open the map. Basically on the medallion it indicates that the orb shows a musical pattern one is to play on a fluted instrument. When you play it the orb glows and the map is projected around the person holding the orb (okaaaaaaaaaaay).
3) He infects them with Ebola. But like … super Ebola. But don’t worry, he has a cure. It is this little pill. None of this makes a lick of sense of course.
4) He is being held in Kazakhstan because he, in the past, betrayed the British government and became a mercenary. At the time he was also dating Lara Croft! Quite the mistake I would say, his life ended up turning out terribly.
5) It is in Tanzania, although I guess I would accept Africa. It is in a crystal cave where the laws of physics don’t apply and a literal god cried tears of acid at one point. It is like the Indiana Jones religion-is-real, but kicked immediately up to 11.
Ah right, Gerard Butler was looking all young, thin, and sexy. And then some other stuff happened. I just remember sexy thin Gerard with the dashing Scottish accent. Mmmhmmm.