Oh man, so I was running this crazy gaudy casino when this crazy person came in and started beating everyone up with a 2×4! Well, he whacked me in the head pretty good, and now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Walking Tall (2004)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) When Chris Vaughn returns home things have changed quite a bit in Hamilton. What happened to the previous sheriff who was then replaced by Sheriff Watkins?
2) How does Chris know Ray Ray?
3) Why does Chris get into a fight at the Wild Cherry? And why does he get into a fight a second time?
4) How many years was Chris facing in his trial? What was the plea deal? And how did he win the case?
5) Where is Hamilton’s crystal meth operation?
Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene Chris is seen at the new and improved Sheriff station when he gets a call. From whom and about what?
1) He died in a car accident, fell asleep at the wheel and died. Was it an accident though? … Yeah, I’m not sure they ever really suggest otherwise, but you know that they probably killed him.
2) Just like in the original film it is obvious that they played high school football (or maybe just pick up football?) together. Because, you see, they play pick up football with the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil casino owner Hamilton who was, obviously, the quarterback of the team at one point and even bought the field.
3) Again, the same as in the first film! Amazingly similar despite being a different character and place. Basically he notices a craps dealer switching loaded dice into the game on a big bet. He exposes the dealer, who refuses to pay, and so Chris beats up like a hundred people and then gets cut up and left for dead. The second time wasn’t from the movie. His nephew almost died from crystal meth (!) which he got from the gross security guys at the casino. Guess what jabronis! Time to shoot up their business … er, on second thought, better bust shit up with a 2×4.
4) He was facing 18 years for, honestly, beating the shit out of a bunch of people and it was crazy. The plea deal was going to be for 3 months house arrest, some community service, but he had to plead guilty. And he ended up winning by undressing in the court (like in the original movie) to show his giant scar and be like “I’m going to fix this town, babyyyyyy.”
5) At his dad’s mill duh! He closed it down and then started cooking meth and covered it … by building a gaudy casino? Wait that can’t be right. Nope, I just watched the entire 80 minute film again, that is apparently the story.
Bonus Answer: It’s the DEA. They’ve been hearing all about Chris’ innovative hit-people-with-a-big-stick approach to crime and they want to discuss it with him. When he gets to Washington DC they reveal that it is more dire than they indicated on the phone, drug runners from Canada are bringing over so much meth that it is causing huge problems for the President’s domestic agenda. There’s only one thing to do … appoint Chris as the head of the DEA. After revealing his gnarly scars during his Senate hearing (100-0 approved, natch), Chris is on his way to smashing up the dummies bringing drugs and interrogating them with his big stick (“Why didn’t we think of this?! Hit them with a big stick!” says the awed DEA agents). In the end, and oh boy this is a twist, Chris finds out that the Vice President is behind the whole thing! In addition to making boatloads to buy boats, the VP is also trying to torpedo the President’s domestic agenda so that he can run against him in the upcoming election! Not while Chris is around. He smashes up the White House and arrests the VP. At the end the President thanks Chris, who is none too impressive with the President: “I think I might just run against you myself, Mr. President.” Credits roll.
It’s called Walking Tall: Federal Agent and the third one will be Walking Tall: Hail to the Stick which is a terrible name I refuse to apologize for.