Oh boy. So I was in this sweet simulation (web 3.0, amirite?), fighting a sadistic super-killer, when it turns out he cranked my neural sensitivity up to 1000% and fried my brain. Now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Virtuosity?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) At the beginning of the film Denzel is chasing Crowe in the VR universe. Denzel is obviously an excellent detective. How does he know that Crowe is hiding in the sushi restaurant?
2) Oh wow, actually, what a twist! Denzel is a convict. What was he convicted of (you see this revealed slowly throughout the film)?
3) Double uh oh, Crowe now has a body … kind of? What is Crowe’s body made of?
4) Denzel’s out baby! Well, he is if he can find Crowe for the LAPD. Denzel confronts Crowe at two locales prior to the big showdown in the end. Where?
5) In the end Denzel, spoiler, battles and wins against Crowe (who has taken on the personality of his old nemesis). Where, though, did Crowe hide the child he kidnapped?
Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene Denzel is back on the force babyyyyyyyyyy! He’s the head of the new Virtuosity division which handles the new frontier of super-virtual-criminals in the now commercialized VR world. Well looks like he just got his first case. Who’s the criminal?
1) A little subtle maybe, but Denzel does explain it. Crowe likes to use emojis (this is before emojis were a thing, so it must have blown the audience’s MIND), specifically a little smiley face (e.g. “:)”). So when Denzel sees it, he knows that Crowe is in the restaurant.
2) MURDER. For real. He was chasing a political terrorist who loved to match wits with Denzel. He tricks Denzel into killing his family, but doesn’t really expect that Denzel will somehow survive the blast. But survive he does (sans arm) and he comes and blows away the terrorist, all of his buddies, and a film crew (whoops!).
3) Nanobots! And this is a triple uh-up because those nanobots? They are made of glass. Which means when Denzel shoots up Crowe and messes up his body, Crowe just needs to snag a bit of glass and he’s good as new.
4) Well first, Crowe is putting on a rocking DJ set at this club downtown. DJ Nanobot (good name, I have it copyrighted, don’t even think about it) is ripping beats when Denzel shows up and ruins everything. The second time Denzel confronts Crowe is at a wrestling match, which is a very very 90s locale for a dystopian showdown.
5) He has hidden the girl in an empty water tower on top of a building. I think. I think it is like a water tank. You’d get it if you see it, it is like poetry really because Denzel and Crowe are fighting on top of it and everything a second before. This time Denzel doesn’t get got by the ‘plosions Crowe set up, so he saves the girl and the day.
Bonus Answer: Is that mother-trunking Jobe’s music?! That’s right, we have a crossover episode up in this piece. Jobe has crossed over from the virtual world of The Lawnmower Man, and is trying to take control of the VR world as his mighty virtual kingdom. And guess what else? We got Fahey back using deaging technologies! It’s the clash we’ve all been waiting for: Denzel v. Fahey, a true acting tour de force! Denzel though, he’s a little cocky. He took down Crowe, this lawnmower man must be a pushover, right? WRONG. When he battles Jobe he gets fried and ends up in the hospital as Jobe runs amok in cyberspace. Enter our new hero, Timothy Chalemet, a hotshot police hacker who can help Denzel get weapons and directions in the VR world that he grew up in. Finally, tha Denzel / Chalemet team-up we didn’t even know we needed. Obviously in the end they (yet again) teach Jobe to love and take him out to feel sunshine on his face and they all smile and laugh and barely even remember what they were fighting about, you know?
It’s called Virtuocity 2.0. You see, not only is that a normal sequel title, but also because this is set in like 1995 it predates web 2.0. So back then web 2.0 was actually what today’s web 3.0 would be, a virtual world. So it is a double thing. Get it? No? Trust me it works.