Jamie and Patrick watch in horror as a raptor robot stumbles around click-clacking its robot claws as it plays the phrase “clever girl” through a speaker in its mouth. The depths of the uncanny valley that Dino Globe is delving into ranks somewhere between Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and the original Boston Dynamics robot dog. “Look how they massacred my Dino World,” Patrick drawls, beginning to feel queasy just looking at the horrible robot beast. They turn on Mr. Brow. “How, Brow?!” they scream. “This isn’t very good. In fact, it’s downright bad,” Patrick says, a finger pointing in Brow’s chest. “Amsterdam is supposed to be the only place where dinosaurs are legal, so why am I looking at a dumb robot dino? Bring us a real one. My trip is being ruined.” Patrick is stamping his feet now and Jamie has taken off his shirt. Brow can’t tell what is worse, the robot raptor or the temper tantrum he’s now witnessing. As they storm about the park Brow exits out a side door to call Kevin James on the sly and see if he might consider resuming his hosting duties. Several hours later Jamie and Patrick stop their fit and look around. The park has cleared out. They are alone… and they are not very good… in fact, they are downright bad. They sit down in the middle of the empty park. “We are bad, aren’t we?” Jamie asks sadly. Patrick nods and confirms that they are at least not very good. “Where did this all go wrong? When did we go from so bad we’re good to just bad?” Now tears are brimming in his eyes. Patrick tries to remember… when was the last time he remembers being very good? That’s right! We’re doubling up on our Neeson with the other BMT film of his year, Memory. Insane to think they release both Blacklight and Memory in a year where studios seemed to have nothing to release. But Neeson is forever. Let’s go!
“Is Pinocchio a mannequin?” Kyle yells to Rachel, looking at what the next review on the newly revamped Sexy Mannequin Times (now brought to you by the Bad Movie Twins) might be. “Yeah,” she calls back. “But is he sexy?” he clarifies. Just then a text comes across his screen with a video. “Oh dear,” he says as he watches it. That’s right! We are pairing Memory with the biggest streaming flop of the year, Robert Zemeckis’ Pinocchio. Let’s go!
Memory (2022) – BMeTric: 38.5; Notability: 22
StreetCreditReport.com – BMeTric: top 8.8%; Notability: top 7.6%; Rotten Tomatoes: top 9.9%; Higher BMeT: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Bubble, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Firestarter, Moonfall, Morbius, Blacklight, Pinocchio, Me Time, Spiderhead, Deep Water, The Invitation, After Ever Happy, Jurassic World: Dominion, Senior Year, Blackout, The 355, White Elephant, Samaritan, Prey for the Devil, and 2 more; Higher Notability: Black Adam, Jurassic World: Dominion, Pinocchio, Amsterdam, Morbius, Disenchanted, The School for Good and Evil, The Bubble, Moonfall, Deep Water, The Man from Toronto, Spiderhead, Don’t Worry Darling, The 355, Where the Crawdads Sing, Blacklight, Slumberland, Samaritan, Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Lower RT: After Ever Happy, Jeepers Creepers: Reborn, Me Time, Poker Face, Blacklight, Firestarter, White Elephant, Prey for the Devil, Morbius, The Last Manhunt, Blackout, The Bubble, The Man from Toronto, Senior Year, On the Line, The 355, The Invitation, Pinocchio; Notes: It is just incredible that such a small nothing film like Memory would have this credit. Nearly 40 BMeTric and 20+ Notability is like real movie numbers.
RogerEbert.com – 2.0 stars – Now that Nicolas Cage has had his stock upgraded as of late (thanks to his lovely performance in “Pig” and his self-aware turn in the recent “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent”), and Bruce Willis has retired, I suspect that Liam Neeson is going to be the next actor who finds himself in the critical crosshairs for doing far too many forgettable movies. His latest, “Memory,” is already his second such film in 2022, and since his list of upcoming projects on IMDb mentions titles like “Retribution,” “In the Land of Saints and Sinners,” “The Revenger” and “Cold Pursuit Sequel Project,” it doesn’t appear that he will be disembarking this particular gravy train anytime soon. To his credit, “Memory” is at least slightly more ambitious than most of the similar films Neeson has done recently. But it’s certainly not enough to make you overlook how one of our most powerful actors is again wasting his time on the kind of half-baked thriller Charles Bronson used to crank out with depressing regularity during the waning days of his career.
(Charles Bronson is a very very apt comparison and a comparison Jamie made after watching Blacklight. This is definitely getting close to Bronson territory, although Neeson is far more vulnerable than I would have ever expected someone like Bronson to be in a film, but I haven’t watched many of his late career films.)
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye63hQLDj4k/
(Great looking trailer actually. Well … except Guy Pearce. He looks like he’s wearing a wig and sporting a bizarre accent. But otherwise looks kind of cool.)
Directors – Martin Campbell – ( Known For: Casino Royale; GoldenEye; The Mask of Zorro; The Protégé; Vertical Limit; The Foreigner; Edge of Darkness; No Escape; Defenseless; Eskimo Nell; Three for All; Future BMT: Green Lantern; The Legend of Zorro; Beyond Borders; Criminal Law; BMT: Memory; Notes: Surprisingly old. From New Zealand and he is 75. So old, in fact, that he was asked to be the director for Top Gun: Maverick, but decided he wasn’t really up for it.)
Writers – Dario Scardapane – ( Future BMT: Posse; BMT: Memory; Notes: Does a lot of television including writing for and producing Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan series on Amazon.)
Jef Geeraerts – ( Known For: The Memory of a Killer; Dossier K.; Notes: From Belgium. Wrote the original, and this appears to be his only American adaptation.)
Carl Joos – ( Known For: The Broken Circle Breakdown; The Memory of a Killer; Baantjer het begin; Dossier K.; Clean Hands; Notes: Also from Belgium and wrote the original. He’s had a few things adapted, mostly television. Gangs of London might be an example where he wrote for a British production, but it’s hard to tell.)
Erik Van Looy – ( Known For: The Memory of a Killer; Dossier K.; Ad Fundum; Shades; Notes: The Loft guy! He directed The Loft, but didn’t get a writing credit there. He is the host of The Smartest Person in the World, a successful game show in Belgium.)
Actors – Liam Neeson – ( Known For: Love Actually; Schindler’s List; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; The Dark Knight Rises; Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker; Batman Begins; Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace; Gangs of New York; The Ballad of Buster Scruggs; Taken; Excalibur; Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The Lego Movie; Silence; After.Life; Ted 2; Widows; The Next Three Days; Future BMT: Daddy’s Home 2; Kingdom of Heaven; Clash of the Titans; A Million Ways to Die in the West; The Huntsman: Winter’s War; Men in Black: International; The Marksman; Wrath of the Titans; Entourage; Krull; Taken 2; Taken 3; Honest Thief; High Spirits; The Nut Job; Before and After; BMT: Memory; Blacklight; Battleship; The Haunting; Razzie Notes: Nominee for Worst Supporting Actor in 2013 for Battleship, and Wrath of the Titans; Notes: From Northern Ireland. He had an oddly late start to his career, really only crossing over in The Dead Pool in 1988 when he was 34. Lots to go with him, but at least we watched the two bad films he released this year.)
Guy Pearce – ( Known For: Iron Man Three; Memento; Prometheus; Alien: Covenant; The Count of Monte Cristo; L.A. Confidential; The Hurt Locker; The Road; Without Remorse; The King’s Speech; Mary Queen of Scots; Lawless; Brimstone; The Infernal Machine; The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; Ravenous; Animal Kingdom; The Rover; Back to the Outback; The Last Vermeer; Future BMT: The Time Machine; Bedtime Stories; Lockout; Rules of Engagement; BMT: Memory; Bloodshot; Seeking Justice; Notes: Born in England, maybe lives in Australia now. He was ranked in the top 20 sexiest men in the early 2000s.)
Taj Atwal – ( Known For: The Protégé; BMT: Memory; Notes: Young British person. She must have been in Line of Duty. And yup, she played PC Tatleen Sohota in that BBC show.)
Budget/Gross – $30–43 million / Domestic: $7,329,043 (Worldwide: $13,897,255)
(Colossal bomb. In what world does this film make like $80 million. Was this film just a money laundering scheme or something?)
Rotten Tomatoes – 29% (29/100): A pale facsimile of better action thrillers by star Liam Neeson or director Martin Campbell, Memory proves to be one of their most forgettable efforts yet.
(I legitimately cannot believe that score. Nearly 30%. Spoiler: this might actually be one of the worst films I’ve seen in several years. It is poorly put together and just overall sucks.)
Reviewer Highlight: The filmmaking, by Martin Campbell, the British director of thrillers both glossy and gritty, lacks the texture and sense of place that could have made Memory something more than a throwaway. – Jake Coyle, Associated Press
Poster – Cats 2: Memory
(It’s pretty good. Artistic flair and all that. Color scheme could be better I guess, but it’s writing checks I’m sure the movie can’t cash. B+)
Tagline(s) – His mind is fading. His conscience is clear. (A)
(Hell yeah. That’s also pretty great. It’s pretty straightforward, but still clever in the use of fading vs. clear. I’m going to give it an A. The more I read it the more I like it.)
Keyword(s) – year 2022
Top 10: The Batman (2022), The Kashmir Files (2022), Top Gun: Maverick (2022), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), Thor: Love and Thunder (2022), Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), Bullet Train (2022), Uncharted (2022), The Adam Project (2022), The Northman (2022)
Future BMT: 65.8 Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022), 64.8 Halloween Ends (2022), 63.9 Firestarter (2022), 52.1 Radhe Shyam (2022), 50.5 Umma (2022), 45.9 The 355 (2022), 19.2 Black Adam (2022)
BMT: Moonfall (2022), Morbius (2022), Blacklight (2022), The Invitation (2022), After Ever Happy (2022), Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), Prey for the Devil (2022), Memory (2022), The King’s Daughter (2022), Amsterdam (2022), Don’t Worry Darling (2022), Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)
(Memory and Pinocchio are merely the best big bad movies (qualifying and non-qualifying) available, so there wasn’t a sub cycle in this case. We’ll have watched 13 2022 films all said and done.)
Welcome to Earf (HoE Number 13) – The shortest path through The Movie Database cast lists using only BMT films is: Guy Pearce is No. 2 billed in Memory and No. 3 billed in Justice, which also stars Nicolas Cage (No. 1 billed) who is in The Wicker Man (No. 1 billed) which also stars Leelee Sobieski (No. 5 billed) who is in Here on Earth (No. 1 billed) => (2 + 3) + (1 + 1) + (5 + 1) = 13. If we were to watch Rules of Engagement we can get the HoE Number down to 15.
Notes – Based on the Belgian film The Memory of a Killer (2003), directed by Erik Van Looy (known for The Loft (2014) written by Carl Joos (known for Cordon (2014), The Treatment (2014) and The Broken Circle Breakdown (2012)).
Both Liam (in this movie) and Guy Pearce (who plays an FBI agent) in Memento (2000) wrote reminders on themselves to compensate for their loss of memory.
The photos of Alex as a child (01.15.25) is indeed a young Liam Neeson.
Most panoramic El Paso skyline shots in this movie are accurate; however, the tall, white modern high rise does not exist and was implanted into the movie.
Aside from Harold Marques ( Hugo Torres) and Guy Pearce all the other main characters are European ( Mainly from the UK) . No American born actor appears in the movie.
There are two peculiar books by the safe 20 mins in. Both autobiographies of British TV stars – Peter Kay and Fern Britton.
Prior to adapting the screenplay from the original Belgian film, screenwriter Dario Scardapane wrote four episodes of The Punisher (2017).
Bad Movie Twins 