Oh man. So get this. I’m killer. I’m elite. I’m an elite killer. But all of a sudden this eliter army guy popped out and smashed me in the head with a chair! The chair I tied him to! Anyways, now I have a massive concussion (natch) and can’t remember a thing (double natch). Do you remember what happened in Killer Elite?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We are treated to a bit of a flashback scene at the beginning of the day that Jason Statham called it quits on being an elite killer. What happened to make him quit?
2) We then also get to see a little bit of his life on the outside. Where does he live and why?
3) Every time he tries to get out, they pull him back in! As the old saying goes. Who is hiring him, why, and how have they convinced him to do it?
4) The Elite Killer squad has four targets then. In a very very Mechanic-style plot they have to kill them in a way that seems accidental, and get confessions from them. How do they do it?
5) In the finale it is Statham v. Owens, the battle we’ve all been waiting for (I assume). Who is Clive Owens, and why does he want to kill Statham?
Bonus Question: Living happily ever after our hero suddenly gets a knock at the door in the mid-credits scene. Who is it?
Answers
1) They are supposed to kill a political target which is going swimmingly. They are a well oiled elite killing team. But then, uh oh, there is a kid in the backseat of the car with the target. And this really screws with Statham’s head. So he quits.
2) He lives in Australia (don’t message me if it is like New Zealand or something, I’m pretty sure it is extremely rural Australia), on a farm that his family owns / used to own / used to visit. And he’s making it with the girl in the little red gumboots, his family friend from long ago who still lives in the area.
3) A Yemen film! Wowza. There is an exiled Yemeni … emir I’m going to say, but could be a different title. Regardless, he was exiled because in the Oman/Yemen conflict in the 80s the British were helping the Omani to control their border from Yemeni raids. As part of that there are rumors of alleged assassinations and such. This exiled emir was exiled for not attempting to seek revenge for the slaying of his two eldest sons because he wanted to protect his final youngest son from also being assassinated. But now that he’s dying it is time to restore the family honor so that his son can return to Yemeni royalty once his father passes. And they’ve kidnapped Robert De Niro to convince Statham to do it.
4) First, they target a drunk retired SAS officer killing him with a hammer tiled with the same tile as his bathroom so it looks like he fell and died accidentally. Second, they target a non-retired officer who is preparing for an arduous nighttime march. They drug him and then shoot him with insulin to simulate a natural death from exposure. Finally, there is a retired officer who is unemployed, so they set up a job interview and then crash his car remotely. The fourth was a surprise, the author of the book the movie is based on is going to release it. But what a twist, Statham doesn’t kill him, he merely wounds him and takes pictures making it look like hs killed him.
5) Owens is basically the attack dog for the The Feather Men, a secret society of very powerful former SAS officers who silently do governmental dirty work using a network of retired or semi-retired SAS officers. He ultimately feels he needs to kill Statham as he is clearly targeting SAS officers. The Feather Men ultimately disown him as the whole affair is looking like it is going to expose their secret society from repercussions from higher ups in the government.
Bonus Answer: Oh shhhhhhhhhhh- it’s Brundlefly Jr.! And what’s this? Danny gulps … “Are … are you wearing little red gumboots?” he stutters. Brundlefly Jr. is confused but … “Wait … are you security guard #3 from Bartok industries, the soldier in the little black beret?!” They embrace. It’s been so long. “Well, I have a job for you, you remember Bartok?” Danny nods ruefully. “Well, his son has control of the Half Past Dead formula brought to you by Stephen Seagal (rest in peace), and we need a soldier of fortune to stop him.” Danny walks to the window. “As much as I care for you boy-in-the-little-red-gumboots, I’m out of the game, bruv.” Brundlefly Jr. puts a hand on his shoulder. “I understand Danny … we just need to know this. You’ve been Half Past Dead for years now. A Zeno’s Paradox of infinitesimally small humanity left in that husk of a human body, a mere wisp of a soul. How did you stop yourself from becoming evil?” A single tear drops from Danny’s eye and he walks to the window. “You want to know my dark secrets, huh?” Brundlefly Jr. nods. “Well …” he turns around, “I don’t believe in death. And once you don’t believe in it, you can’t be nearly Whole Past Dead like me.” Brundlefly Jr. and Stephen Seagal Jr. look at each other in shock. “It just might work!” They say simultaneously.
Wow, and again, who would have thought Killer Elite’s sequel was a sequel to Fresher Horses. It seems like Brundlefly Jr. is getting a ragtag team of good guys to go after Bartok Jr.’s rogues gallery. The film is called Killer Elite 2: The Boy in the Red Gumboots.
Bad Movie Twins 