Oh man, so here’s the thing. I’m a drunk. Have been all my life. But obviously my brain is now swiss cheese and I’m dying of multiple organ failure. Such is life (and death HAHAHAHAHAHA). Anyways, I don’t remember anything, I effectively have dementia. Do you remember what happened in Arthur 2: On the Rocks?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Arthur and Linda are in leeeeeeeeeeeeeeerv. But what’s the one thing Linda wants more than anything, and what’s the problem (and solution) with this?
2) The bad guy from the first film is Jack! And now he has a plan to reeeeeeally ruin Arthur Bach. What is the plan?
3) The bad guy foils Arthur’s attempts to be a good citizen twice more in the film. How does he do it?
4) What’s Arthur’s plan to get his money back, why doesn’t it work, and what ultimately does work?
5) In the end Arthur intuitively knows that Linda is pregnant. How does he know?
Bonus Question: Well Arthur’s back Jack! Well, that is, until he gets that fateful knock at his door. Who is it?
1) She wants baby (awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww). The issue is that she is infertile, and the solution is to adopt. Which they do via an adoption agency headed by Kathy Bates.
2) Johnson (that’s the bad guy’s name) offers to merge with the Bach family business. The deal is that each family gets 40% while the remaining 20% is owned by foreign investors. Little does senior Bach know though, but Johnson had already bought out those foreign investors using shell companies, and so after the merger is finalized he forces a hostile takeover of the entire business and demands that Arthur is cut off in exchange for not driving it into the ground and bankrupting them.
3) First, they try to go and live with Linda’s father (played by Jerry’s father in Seinfeld). But then Johnson buys up the apartment complex and demands that Arthur and Linda be kicked out (since they aren’t on the lease and it is a single person apartment) or else Linda’s father will face eviction. The second time Arthur gets a job in a hardware store, and while he is terrible at it, he is ultimately fired on the first day because the owner of the store is bought out by Johnson with the condition that Arthur specifically is fired.
4) Arthur goes and meets with a bunch of former business partners of Johnson’s and gathers evidence of his wrongdoing in a deal in the past. The issue is that (1) everyone Johnson knows already knew all this, and they cheer him on, and (2) it is beyond the statute of limitations for that crime so he couldn’t be arrested anyways. Ultimately though Johnson’s daughter convinces her father that winning Arthur this way isn’t right and they let him go back to his playboy ways.
5) There is an odd interlude in the film in which Arthur sees and converses with the ghost of his former butler for an extended period of time while walking around a circus. During this interlude the butler says he’s seen Arthur’s son and he’s beautiful. When Arthur and Linda receive the baby from the adoption agency though it is a girl, Arthur is confused since he seems to know he is going to have a son. Et voila, it turns out Linda is pregnant presumably with a boy.
Bonus Answer: Akita and film mega-star Stephen Seagal!! “That’s right, and just to be clear, I’m definitely a normal human still and know a Whole Past Dead zombie created by artificial Half Past Dead juice.” Arthur’s eyes unfocus and he slurs, “Oh, no thanks waiter, but 10 more of these please,” cackling as he holds up a whiskey glass. Seagal is taken aback. “Uh … well, you see, I’m representing an investor who is looking to change the world,” Seagal begins, but they gets nervous, “In a good way! He’s going to change the world in a good and way and not turn everyone into zombies.” Arthur beams, “So he’s going to buy and close down Macy’s.” Cackling again, Seagal realizes this is going to be easier than he thought. “Um … he wants $100 million as a seed round?” “Why not $200 million?” Arthur gleefully laughs. “Suuuuuuuuuuuuure. Just sign right here.” “For $200 million I’m keeping this pen.” Arthur can’t hold in his laughter at this point, but still manages to sign on the dotted line. “Perfect,” Seagal says, and shoots Arthur in the chest with a Half Past Dead laced bullet, “the world will never be the same.”
Oh no, Arthur’s good natured cheer at everything may have just cost us control of the world! In Arthur 3: Dark Money the eeeeeeevil rogues gallery opposite Brundlefly Jr. now has the business (Bartok), brains (Larkin), brawn (Seagal), and bucks (Arthur) to take over the world!