Hickory dickory dock. My Ford Fairlane just exploded and I got bopped on the head and now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Ford Fairlane babyyyyyyy. He’s a rock n’ roll detective! When we open the film what case is he on?
2) Ford, it turns out, is often paid in odd ways. What are the two weird ways he’s paid during the course of the film?
3) Two people ask him to find a girl by the name of Zuzu Petals. Who? And where does he find her?
4) During the course of the film Ford finds three discs. Where does he find them?
5) Who was The Kid’s father this whole time?
Bonus Question: We flash forward to 30 years later, what is Ford up to?
Answers
1) He’s investigating a stalker of, of all people, Josie and the Pussycats. Yeah, I looked it up, they were never a non-fictional band. Which is just an odd choice, why not just go with a made up band. Whatever.
2) Well we see Josie (and the Pussycats) give him a watch for catching the stalker. So that’s fun. And it is also revealed that a prior client has sent Ford a real life Koala played by an astonishingly bad animatronic.
3) Well, first he is asked by his old friend Johnny Crunch, who is a shock jock to find her claiming at first that she’s his long lost daughter, and eventually claiming she is just a girl he knows. Second, Colleen Sutton asks him to look for her as well, she appears to be some rich person of some kind. In the end he ultimately finds her at the dead rock star’s funeral since she was his number one groupie.
4) Zuzu Petals has one, she got it from the rock star who died who had unraveled the whole scheme. One was kept by Colleen Sutton who was involved with Wayne Newton in some way and so she knew about the whole thing. And the final one was embedded in the Hollywood star of Art Mooney (which Ford knew about because his old friend Johnny Crunch had a clue concerning it).
5) It was the bad guy played by Englund! Oh wait, nope, that’s a goof. Oh, it’s Ford! Oh well, of course not, that makes no sense. Yeah, actually, they kind of Last Jedi’d it and were like “you are nothing brother” because it turned out he was some guy Englund killed in Fresno a while back. But don’t worry, Ford is going to help take care of him forevermore.
Bonus Answer: 30 years later and the rock n’ roll detective is still at it! One problem really … rock is dead brother. Which means we meet Ford Fairlane semi-retired and loving life. He’s got Jazz and a grandson (in a way, The Kid did good it seems). Then one day his phone rings, and wouldn’t you know it, turns out rock is alive and well! Well … kind of, kids are dancing to it on TikTok or something? Ford doesn’t understand that, but he does understand that green, and these TikTok weirdos got a ton of that. Turns out the biggest music TikTok legend just went missing. He hasn’t danced once in the last 12 hours … and that just ain’t normal. Well, Ford? He’ll do anything if the price is right, and finding some lost rich idiot in L.A. seems like as good a gig as any. Busting out his Ford Fairlane, and a new leather jacket, he reintroduces himself to L.A. And guess what? L.A. seems to have moved on without him. Lost and with no connections he leans on his grandson to help him navigate this new and confusing waters. And ultimately they unravel a mystery that goes all the way to the top of the TikTok charts. As the movie closes Ford is introduced to something that will change his life: nostalgia TikTok. That’s right! Ford Fairlane is not only back, he’s a TikTok star! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.
Yup, it’s called The Adventures of Ford Fairlane: Social Security and introduces him as the security for them social media stars. Just right for a geriatric shock comic is what I say, ohhhhhhh!
Bad Movie Twins 