Oh boy, so get this. I’m the son of Zeus (NBD) and all these netherworld demons popped out to attack some soldiers and bopped me right on the head (oh and killed my whole fambly). I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Clash of the Titans (2010)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Meet our hero, he’s a little babyyyyyyy (awwwwwwwwww). Where is this baby found by his ultra-salt of the earth daddio?
2) Uh oh, there are those aforementioned demons! Hades sent them (natch). But why are they coming to dispatch the demons. What has made Hades so goshdern mad?
3) Perseus is then taken by said army to a kingdom where they make the ultimate blasphemy … which is?
4) Welp, there is only one person who can save them now: Perseus the Mirthiest (spoiler, actually he seems rather dour, but whatever). What does he need to do to stop that Kraken?
5) They said they were going to do it, they said they were going to release the Kraken. And they did. Say it with me … RELEASE THE KRAKEN! In the end Perseus saves the day, but then he gets his own special ending. Who does he marry and what is her curse?
Bonus Question: Well Perseus is a hero, but just wants to be a fisherman. But ho, a knock at the door. Who could it be?
Answers
1) In a coffin floating in the sea. You see, Perseus is the product of Zeus’ illicit seduction of a warlord’s wife as punishment for his blasphemy. He casts his wife and son into the sea (and is, in turn, transformed into a monster by Zeus’ lightning). Which makes Perseus not the son of a humble fisherman, but a demi-god.
2) Well, the soldiers had come along to destroy the giant statue of Zeus. And so Hades, being quite offended and not a bit peeved that his brother wasn’t smoting left and right, decided to come up and dole out some punishment himself.
3) The dummies declared their daughter to be more beautiful than the gods! Ugh, idiots! This brings Hades (again) to come and threaten them with the Kraken.
4) He needs that Medusa head yo! You see, Medusa’s gaze turns anything to stone. And they mean An-y-thing. So off to the Gorgon nest he goes. You remember the myth from school right? Uses a mirror to get Medusa to turn herself to stone. Well, now he’s got a head. Oh, he also got a special godly sword at one point and also Pegasus. Handy.
5) Io. In this version she isn’t a cow that eats violets. Instead she’s a woman who spurned the advances of Poseidon (who really gets a raw deal in these two films) and then is cursed with immortality. Knowing Perseus is destined to save humans from the Clash of the Titans, she has watched over him for his whole life, just waiting to jump his bones (I guess).
Bonus Answer: It’s his old pal Hades! What’s up Hades? What’s that, Zeus kicked you out of the pantheon (again) and you have nowhere to stay (again). Fine, you can stay with me. What’s the worst that could happen? Well well well. First, Hades has a poker night with all his demon buddies (and boy are they messy). Perseus likes to keep his play neat and minimalist, this just won’t do. And Io? Well, she’s really taken a shine to this “project” Hades, and she’s going to whip him into shape. But Perseus … well, he isn’t one to be the jealous type, he’s above that, but he just doesn’t like the way Io looks at Hades sometimes. And Perseus’ job just isn’t going well. His fisherman boss wants more fish, but Perseus tells him it’s impossible, but then in walks Hades, and he’s got an armful of fish of the Gods! That just ain’t fair! He’s a sportswriter, him crowding in on your fish game just looks ungrateful. Well, you know what? He finally blows his stack. He tells Hades to clean up his mess, to stop that leering at his gal, and to butt out of his business. And Hades, is all like aw shucks Perseus, you’re right. And Io is like, that’s the man I married, all of sudden you’re looking quite fetching to me. And Hades, as he’s moving out, says, “You’re welcome.” And Perseus is all like huh? But then he looks around and realizes everything is better since Hades came around, and as Hades leaves Perseus puts a cold beer on the coffee table without a coaster, and Io comes over and snuggles and he’s turns to her and says, “What about inviting Hades over next week.”It’s the movie version which started the three camera sitcom Oh Hell! It was a smash hit on CBS in the mid-70s, don’t you remember?
Bad Movie Twins 