Jamie
Thank god we’re back in the 90’s so I can look at the NYTimes for Secret of the Ooze’s release date, March 22nd, 1991. And let me tell you… film advertisers were going nuts. I’m not talking about the quote at the top of the TMNT2 poster which seems to be protesting a bit too much about how the Turtles are more upbeat (read: less murderous) this time.
Clear reaction to the reviews of the first that were basically like “wait, this is for kids?!” I’m also not talking about this little note on the TMNT2 poster declaring JCPenny the place to be for all things Turtles.
No I’m talking about this Home Alone ad which is just… it’s embarrassing.
I’m embarrassed for you.
To recap, the Turtles are back, Jack! And they are having an existential crisis! That’s because they are just learning a startling secret about the ooze that created them. Bum, bum, bum. While living with April O’Neil they catch wind of her latest story: a (mostly successful) toxic cleanup by the company TGRI. Splinter reveals that this toxic spill is what created the Turtles and they are all like “I thought we were more than just mistakes” and are momentarily sad. They decide to talk to the head scientist there about the ooze. But they aren’t the only ones. That’s right! Shredder is back, Jack! You thought he was crushed by a garbage truck? Right! But he’s still miraculously alive and so are his henchmen. So when the Turtles catch up with the scientist they end up ambushed by the Foot Clan and lose both the last canister of ooze and the scientist. Oh no! The scientist is forced to make a couple of big ol’ mutant monsters, Tokka and Rahzar, with the ooze before being rescued by the turtles. Back in their spiffy new abandoned subway station hideout, they work extra hard producing an antidote to counteract the mutant wolf and snapping turtle super strength. Armed with the antidote, and with the knowledge that Tokka and Rahzar will attack Central Park if they don’t fight them, they engage with the monsters only to be thrown into a Vanilla Ice concert. Vanilla Ice is at first not thrilled, but soon he’s grooving to his new funky tune, the Ninja Rap, all while the turtles fend off Tokka and Rahzar long enough for the antidote to work. Shredder is enraged and uses the last of the ooze to transform into Super Shredder… but for like five seconds before he inadvertently uses his super strength to collapse a dock around him. Idiot. Thus they save the day and the Ninja Rap goes down as the greatest work of art in history. THE END.
This movie is supremely silly… and purposefully so! I rewatched the first film and I appreciated how straightforward and blessedly short the whole affair was. Not to mention just how insane the turtle costumes were. They are amazing. But it’s also a pretty dark film. So it’s clear what they were trying to do with the second one. Bring back the straightforward storyline and short run time, but also make it silly for kids. Mission accomplished. Sure the costumes are starting to look a little less good this time (presumably because they must have cost a fortune), but still, it seems like this is exactly what they wanted. Is it exactly what I wanted? I mean, not entirely. It’s quite stupid and the ending is an extended mistake, but still… is it wrong that I didn’t mind most of it? There’s a reason why I remembered this one better than the first one.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Shredder didn’t die. Like come on. He got straight murdered by Casey Jones in a horrific garbage truck crushing event and yet he just rises up no prob in time for this film. So you think a little dock falling on him (and a super version of him no less) is going to take him out this time? Fat chance. That guy is still alive and only doesn’t show up in the third film because he has realized that being a bad guy is no fun. You get crushed constantly by being a bad guy. So my theory is that he has reformed his ways and is now working a 9-to-5 in the big city just trying to find his way. Is anyone else smelling a fish-out-of-water sitcom a-brewin’? Shred and the City. Hot Take Temperature: A piping hot slice of NYC za.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze? This is one secret I’ll never be able to keep. Let’s go!
I think this might be the first movie where I actively went from “this is awesome, the pinnacle of cinema. I love movies!” to “Oh wait … is this movie bad?” while growing up. I distinctly remember getting all the toys at a birthday party (at the bowling alley I think?), and then I also distinctly remember watching it a thousand times, and then finally I distinctly remember thinking “huh this movie seems not well made” only a few years later.
Oh yeah, I’ve seen this film one million times. I loved it. I kind of still do.
Really the only unforgivable sin of the film is eliminating (for whatever reason, possibly his choice) Casey Jones and replacing him with a new human helper guy. I live the semi-ninja they have in this one, but Casey Jones was a solid addition and it is kind of amazing that they had him in the first film.
Obviously the giant new mutants are an abomination. And the effects are decidedly worse than in the first film (although not by much, probably a result of attempting to fit all the robotics directly into the turtle heads instead of using the shells). Really, rather sad they didn’t just go with Bebop and Rocksteady in this one, and then go full Krang in the third. Would have really been a neat little trilogy in that case.
I should talk a bit about the first film: I forgot how serious it is. There was a whole section where Raphael almost died. They all seem stunned when he wakes up. The interlude at the farmhouse plays like an 80s drama. It is weird and wild stuff and yet it pretty much works. Genuinely incredible what they pulled off there.
This one not so much. Still kind of love it. The Vanilla Ice music video at the end was ironically the greatest thing in the history of film (still is).
I’m going to give Keno a rare Planchet (Who?) award for kind of screwing things up and vaguely being made fun of during the film. As usual, I believe the Turtles have an exclusive Product Placement (What?) deal with Dominos. We are still in New York City for Setting as a Character (Where?) (for now…). Obviously this is an A+ MacGuffin (Why?) for the ooze which holds a secret we never quite find out, but everyone really wants it and it is a big thing driving the entire story. It is right there in the title! And why not, let’s give it a Worst Twist (How?) for the reveal of your kids’ favorite new toy: Super Shredder! This is closest to BMT for sure, it is very very silly nonsense from front to back.
Read about my secret Casey Jones spinoff film in the Quiz. Cheerios,
The Sklogs
Bad Movie Twins 