Oh man, so get this. I’m studying this alium NBD and then I get all this alium juice on me. Now my brain is all big! On problem, I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Green Lantern?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) What does Hal Jordan do to beat out that AI fighter jet (how relevant to the times we’re living in, amirite?)?
2) Oh sweet, Hector Hammond is really getting a leg up in his career, he gets to inspect an alium body. But why was he chosen really?
3) What drastic action does Sinestro suggest the Watchers (and Green Lanterns) do to combat Parallax?
4) In the ultimate fake out during the final battle because Hector and Hal, Hal gives up his ring to Hector. Why doesn’t it work though?
5) Ultimately how does Hal beat Parallax?
Bonus Question: A decade later and space hopping around, Hal finally gets the call he’s been waiting for. Who is it?
Answers
1) He breaks the rules of engagement, sacrifices his wingman, and goes about the ceiling to cause the AI to go on the fritz. Don’t worry, they still get the contract by fixing that little issue
2) Nepo baby! He was chosen because his father is a Senator on the main … uh, Alium Committee? Which he’s none too pleased about really.
3) They must forge the Yellow Ring! Oh boy, that seems like a bad idea. But you see, Sinestro saw the most powerful Green Lanterns get killed by the Yellow energy of fear that Parallax wielded. So they need some of that powah!
4) Because you have to be chosen you jabroni! It ain’t going to work with that big headed garbage man. And now he’s toast this his father, all dead and such.
5) He does the classic superhero movie move: throw that thing into the Sun duh. It was so big that gravity was all like “thanks” and ate him up. Then the other Lanterns who seemed to have just been waiting around are like “wow good work.”
Bonus Answer: The hospital?! Carol’s in labor!! That’s right, we got baby Green Lantern. And boy howdy, is Hal not ready for that responsibility. Now he’s awake all the time, his work at Lantern Corp. is slipping, and their main rival the Sinestro Corp., a privatized galactic police force, is gaining on them. Yeah, fine, Hal could get paid more if we went to Sinestro Corp. And he was offered an early opportunity as employee 2 and BLEW IT. But whatever, he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t think it is possible for a private security force like that to be true good … like where does Sinestro even get his money? He doesn’t come from money. His planet is like … middle class at best. Whatever, he isn’t jealous, you’re jealous. Needless to say, when the going gets tough (and boy it fatherhood tough!) the Hals get a-going, and he sneaks off to a little vacay at the edge of the galaxy. But wait … what is this? These spa workers seem … off. Oh no, Sinestro has been exploiting vulnerable populations at the edge of the galaxy using his fear power! That’s how he made his boatloads of cash. Well you know there is only one thing to do. Report Sinestro to the GSECC (Green Securities Exchange Commission Corp.) and go through a lengthy legal battle on the planet of Delawarion. That’ll show him!
It’s a legal thriller called Green Lantern Esq. and it is the genre mash-up we’ve been waiting for.
Bad Movie Twins 