Oh man, so get this. I was chasing this serial killer, when all of a sudden he starts dancing? Yeah, it was wild stuff. So wild that I don’t actually remember anything else about him … do you remember what happened in The Watcher?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film Spader has a flashback. What event is he remembering?
2) Oh snap, and then in the morning he gets a FedEx envelope. What is in it?
3) Oooo Keanu wants to play a game. What game? Who wins the game?
4) And another photo arrives. Where did serial Keanu find this person, and who wins the game this time?
5) And who is the final target? And who wins this time?
Bonus Question: Well, it is a few years later and everything is just peachy. Spader’s back in the FBI, he’s married to Tomei. Great stuff. Oh, a phone call. Who could it be?
Answers
1) It is the night that the woman he was having an affair with was killed by serial killer Keanu (the serial Keanu if you will). It seems that Keanu burned her house down while Spader chased him down. Or did he? I assume he did.
2) There is a picture of the most recent victim of Serial Keanu! And guess what, four days ago he got a similar envelope with last night’s victim as well!
3) It is a killing game you see. He’s going to send Spader a bunch of pictures of the next victim, and he has until 9 to find her. Ready, set, go. And oops, looks like the serial Keanu has struck again! He wins by a minute.
4) She was a homeless woman named Jesse. And yeah, obviously Keanu wins again, this time by an even more narrow margin! Horrible luck on Spader’s part. He almost gets him twice.
5) Naturally, it has to be Spader’s psychiatrist Marisa Tomei! You know they couldn’t not make her a damsel in distress right at the end. And you best believe that this time Spader saves the girl and explodes Keanu out the window to die.
Bonus Answer: Keanu? Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but you’re dead. Are you a gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-ghost?! No time to contemplate the afterlife and possibility of ghosts being real, because guess what? He’s watching. He’s alwaaaaaays watching. Soon the bodies start coming fast and furious, and this time … there’s no pattern. Keanu appears to always be a step ahead. A girl goes missing in the south, and then reports come from the north, sightings in the west, but now he’s in the east? Spader’s sanity is slipping. How could he watch so much? There aren’t enough hours in the day to watch this much! Aha! And that’s it. He takes a sip of his Seattle’s Best, pulls up his Dell laptop, and goes to Google: “The Watcher Chicago…” and look at that, it autocompletes with “cult”. A cult that was obsessed with the Watcher? That seems like the ticket. In the end can Spader stop the copycats and put his own ghosts to rest? Of course he can.
It’s called The Watchers and that smells like a Tubi Original if I’ve ever seen one.
Bad Movie Twins 