Jamie
Who watches The Watcher? We do, that’s who. It’s almost like everyone agreed that Keanu is such a stand up guy that they just aren’t ever going to mention this film again. That we’ll just pretend it never happened because it is kind of embarrassing for everyone involved. He was tricked into appearing in it and then pursued legal action that allowed him to disown while also preventing him from bad mouthing it. So… why isn’t there a six part podcast about this where everyone spills the sordid details of this bizarre affair? Probably because no one involved wants to (or is allowed to) talk about it. It’s embarrassing. How did this happen? I don’t know, but we’re lucky it did because this film is bananananas.
To recap, James Spader is trying to start over in Chicago. You see he almost caught a serial killer once upon a time, but he turned away to try (and fail) to save the woman he was having an affair with. So now he’s a real saddo and trying to work through it with his sexy therapist. Turns out the serial killer, Keanu, just can’t quit our boy Spades. It’s never been quite the same without him hot on his heels. You know what that means. Road trip! He shows up and kills a girl in his building and that gets Spader’s attention. Soon the killer is toying with him, giving him all the clues, Mr. Policeman. Spader is back in the game. The second girl is a lonely hour photo worker. Everyone is trying to fit all the pieces together, but ultimately they are just moments too late. Next up is a homeless girl. They cast their net wide and find the killer, but he’s just too wiley and he gets away after killing the girl. Finally the killer decides that it’s all getting a bit trite and chats up Spader at the grave of his dead lady love. After some negotiation he decides to take Spader to the warehouse where he’s kidnapped his therapist. Once there he begins to torture them, but Spader is able to get him off balance and shoot him. Ultimately there is a gas leak and the whole place explodes just as Spader and the therapist jump to safety. The killer is dead, but Spader… Spader’s never been more alive. THE END. (Or is it? (It is… because Spader specifically turns over Keanu’s corpse to show the audience that he won’t be in the sequel or spinoff TNT series or whatever)).
Wow. This movie is bad. I never even heard of this film before! And now I’m singing its BMT praises. What a world. It’s directed as if an amateur music video director somehow got permission to make a major motion picture… because that’s exactly what happened. I would also like to specifically shout out what might be the all-time product placement in the history of film. Me and Patrick jokingly referred to Keanu as the Product Placement Killer because each of the three girls killed had a specific product they were associated with. Keanu sent all the clues about the first one to Spader using FedEx (guaranteed to get there on time). The second girl posed for Keanu as he snapped pics on his Kodak camera. Finally, the third girl was homeless but the picture showed her outside a Seattle’s Best coffee shop! Quick, everyone, scour all the Seattle’s Best’s and try not to get too jacked up on their delicious coffee. I’m weeping. It’s just so beautiful.
Hot Take Clam Bake! Spade is Keanu. Keanu is Spader. That’s right! Spader is the killer. Oh it just so happens that a serial killer followed you to Chicago and is leaving all the clues just for you? Right, and we always track down the girls he kidnaps but the killer just happens to get away just in time? Darn, how inconvenient for everyone but the killer. And of course he kidnaps your therapist that you definitely aren’t obsessed with and you are able to save her just in time. What we didn’t see at the end of the film was the therapist turn to the cops and mouth “Help me, this guy’s crazy.” Hot Take Temperature: a scalding hot Seattle’s Best coffee.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! What are we talking about? Are we talking about Keanu Reeves dancing like a dummy being a serial killer? Let’s go!
Let’s just get this out of the way: this feels like barely a movie. Which if you read some of the controversy surrounding its production that came out a year after it was released it all makes sense. Keanu was apparently like “uh I guess I’ll be in your movie” to the guy who directed his band’s music videos. His agent (or something) then solidified this commitment by (according to Keanu) forging his signature on a contract. And instead of going through a protracted legal battle Keanu just decided to do it.
Now in that context one must pose this question: Did Keanu act terribly on purpose for this film? It certainly seems plausible…
Because outside of the direction (which we’ll get to) he’s far and away the worst bit of this film. He is somehow both flat and over the top (which I suppose some might call the Keanu Special, c’mon, you know what I’m talking about), he has a crazy dance scene, and his character is a real dummy.
Spader and Tomei are okay. They do what they need to with the material they are given. It really only picks up once Spader sobers up and starts working for the FBI again. Tomei is fine, but functions solely as a damsel in distress. The whole thing comes across as a backdoor pilot for a Criminal Minds spin-off starring Spader.
The direction is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This might be the one and only time tilt-shift has been used in a Thriller. Hell, I don’t even remember tilt-shift being used in ANY film. It is a crazy choice, and one that probably was something the director was experimenting with in his music videos, but for a serial thriller film? Very odd choice.
Also, I think a competent director cuts the dance scene or fixes it somehow. It is not only jarring, but somehow used twice in the film. They show it in the beginning and then use it as a call back! Bad choice.
I miss films like this though. The worst bit is the direction, the whole thing looks ridiculous, with the undercurrent of also kind of being entertaining because how can a serial killer thriller not be? Just straight up fun.
I’ll leave the hilarious product placement discussion to Jamie for the most part, but Coca-Cola, FedEx, Kodak, and Seattle’s Best all play prominent roles in the plot of the film, that’s some grade-A Product Placement (What?). Very much Setting as a Character (Where?) for Chicago. And I’ll leave it with a resounding BMT from me.
Read about my spin-off television series in the Quiz. Cheerios,
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