Leviathan Recap

Jamie

I was initially jazzed to check out the New York Times for the day that Leviathan was released. I presumed I’d get maybe a double page ad with quotes and cool images, but no. Just a single page and it’s kind of terrible:

One question: why? Nothing about that is cool or attractive. Which is ironic because the one interesting thing about Leviathan in the paper is the review. Interesting because it’s actually pretty good. Compares it very favorably to Deepstar Six, which I don’t think I’ve seen (mistake). Ironic because the punchline of the review is “Survival of the Prettiest.” God I love old school newspaper movie reviews. Stuff a bunch of film buffs into a theater to watch Leviathan and then have them write 300 words about it. We have to go back.

To recap, Peter Weller is a geologist tasked with wringing some money out of a deepsea mining operation. He is on the verge of success and the company is thrilled. Unfortunately, the miners are less thrilled with this nerd alert raining on their parade. A few days before they have to surface one of the miners trips down a canyon and finds a wrecked Russian ship. It’s all very confusing because there is no record of the ship sinking in Russian logs and amongst the stuff they find is a video suggesting that some terrible medical event occurred. Everything is quarantined, but one of the hard partying miners snags a Russian flask for himself. That’s a mistake because once he and a fellow miner down the vodka they become violently ill and begin to genetically transform. While the rest of them hurry to finish the mining operation, the two miners die from the illness. But that’s not all, soon they awaken in monstrous form and begin to merge into one big amorphous sea creature. Weller attempts to hide this event from the rest of the crew, but as they attempt to eject the monster from the rig they all discover what’s going on. Everyone is kind of freaking out. They run around a bunch, things burst out of peoples’ chests, etc. etc. etc. Everything falls apart and everyone dies except Weller and his lady love, Willie. They also find out the mining company is ready to abandon them and declare them dead. Not so fast, because Weller and Willie don their underwater suits and surface. They battle the monster and some sharks one last time before blowing the creature to smithereens. He then punches out the head of the company and smooches his lady… hard. THE END.

Helllll yeah, Leviathan is some fun stuff. Like Iron Eagle it’s a straight rip-off of multiple blockbusters (Alien and The Thing most prominently), but some decent effects go a long way to papering all that over. We got monster effects, some underwater effects, and a big ol’ sci-fi set that is fun to look at. It certainly lags here and there (and really wants you to care that the people on the rig might not get their money), but ultimately it hits at the right moments for me to be into it. Probably the biggest ding against it is the end of the movie. Once they get to the surface it briefly transforms into a 70’s flick with bad effects and a bunch of sharks for no reason. It’s weird. Anyway, if it had been made just five years later I’m guessing it would have ended up straight-to-video, but I’m glad it didn’t. As for The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck, the less said the better, probably. It’s not the worst thing ever, but it’s lazy. It’s definitely supposed to have its tongue planted in its cheek, but it’s shot so rotely that it’s hard to tell. Don’t know if Keith took over directing duties to get the film made or chose it as a Keith auteur vehicle, but either way makes sense this was his last (substantial) effort.

Hot Take Clam Bake! I’m gonna say it, I think Peter Weller was behind the whole thing. No, not inventing the Monster Disease, but rather using his big ol’ brain to know exactly how to set everything up for him and his lady love to escape to the surface after satisfying their mining contract. You think that company is leaving all that sweet, sweet ore at the bottom of the ocean. No way. And once they bring it up Weller will be sitting there ready to cash in. It’s a classic corrupt cop situation. Weller has spent his days being a low-paying geologist. When is it his time to get the money reserved for those he helps? Now, that’s when. So when they find that disease he sees his shot. Let a big dumbo grab the diseased liquor and it’s off to the races, and off to Moneytown, USA (population: Peter Weller). Hot Take Temperature: the blue heat of Meg Foster’s eyes.

Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about The Abyss?! … nope, wait. Are we talking about The Thing?! … wait, no, it isn’t that either. Are we talking about Alien?! … shoot, not that either. What the hell are we talking about? Oh right, Leviathan. Distinction without a difference init? Let’s go!

Hey look at us, I think this film is legit a zero out of five on the how-you-say Soldier Boyz racism scale. Congrats.

I actually liked this film, but I will reiterate: this is one of the most derivative films I’ve ever seen. It is just straight up a Thing and Alien mash-up set under the sea. But it has solid practical effects and is just ultimately pretty fun.

It is a smorgasbord of 90s shlock masters too. Peter Weller? Ernie Hudson? Throw in some Hector Elizondo and Daniel Stern and baby you got a stew cooking.

And gimme all that sweet “corporations and inherently evil entities willing to sacrifice their workers for a buck (and probably a weapon to sell to some equally evil military/industrial minded country)” junk. Inject it directly in my veins, even if it is just pure uncut Paul-Reiser-in-Alien. Yeah … there isn’t an original bone in this horrific monster fish’s body.

Oh yeah, and as Jamie said the ending is crazy. All of a sudden they are like “Hooray we are saved! … oh no there are sharks! … oh no the monster is also here and Ernie Hudson is dead! … well I’ll blow up the monster! … Hooray we are saved!” It is a little like they didn’t quite know how to end the film when they had it right there: have it end with them going up to the surface, and have them break the surface to a shining sun. Get it? They lived and they know the company tried to screw them. C’mon guys, I’m tearing up here, let’s get a Sklog Cut with that ending as the only change.

As for the friend this week … sigh. The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck. Let’s just get this out of the way: This is a solid three or four on the how-you-say Soldier Boyz racism scale. I think it has to be a four, I think there is someone in black face in this film although I couldn’t swear by it. Also, I don’t know what the deal with 90s schlock is with rape, but someone gets raped or almost raped in every film. It makes it very hard to enjoy these films when sexual assault and racism are put front and center as motivations for our garbage “hero” to kill people. That being said: this movie is also poorly made, and the acting is dire. It is like David Keith saw Indiana Jones and was like “I could do that, what is it really? A garbage drunk cracking wise and slaying ladies? I can do that.” And then he just made River of Death with Michael Dudikoff, added in some jokes and rape and went “nailed it.” You didn’t nail it David Keith. Not even close. Hell, River of Death didn’t even nail it! I have to give it a D. The action would be kind of fun. You know … without the racism and rape.

Good Product Placement (What?) for Pepsi which for some reason on a private underwater lab just has vending machines around. I’m going to give this an Unlikely Setting (Where?) for simply “underwater” which I unironically love. I think this is potentially an A+ MacGuffin (Why?) for the sunken ship Leviathan and the unintended evil it contained. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the obvious reveal that the evil corporation is, it turns out, evil. I think this is a Good and nothing you say will make me change my mind!

Read about my sweet sequel in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs