Oh man, so there I was invited to a dope mansion in Louisiana, when a ghost in a suit of armor popped out and bopped me right on the head with his ax! Now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Haunted Mansion (2023)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) We open with a party and a bit of a meetcute, who is meeting and what do each of them do?
2) That meetcute results in tragedy, and now our hero is a little drunk and a little sad. He is approached by a priest though, why specifically does the priest think this person would be useful in investigating this Haunted Mansion?
3) Why do all these people even stay at the mansion?
4) In the end it turns out this is all pretty important. How many souls does Crump (aka spooky Jared Leto) need to … uh, be immortal? But more immortal than I guess he is? And how many souls does he currently have.
5) What is so special about the final soul Leto needs, and who does he choose to give it and why (there are multiple answers)?
Bonus Question: Everything is all cleared up right. What’s this? A call? But from whom could it be?
Answers
1) Ben and Alyssa, and they fall in luuuuurv. He is an astrophysicist, and she is a ghost tour guide. Thus they are two peas in a pod. I hope one of them doesn’t tragically die in a car accident while going to get ice cream.
2) Well Ben, being an astrophysicist, is all about seeing the unseen. He believed (back when he wasn’t a huge saddo) that he could make a camera to literally see ghosts. And guess what? That camera motherflipping works!!!!! Yup, he can see ghosts with science, which makes him a bit of a one of one for this mission.
3) They have to. Or … well, when they leave a ghost tends to follow them and haunt them. For Ben it is The Mariner and he gets all ocean-y when he leaves the mansion. So they all have to say in the mansion and tolerate all the ghosts going nuts every day at midnight.
4) So initially when Crump was alive he killed like 932 people or something (or was it that Gracey did 932 seances, I can’t remember). Regardless, after Gracey died 66 other people owned the mansion and all tragically died. So we are up to 999 and Crump only needs 1000 to … again, it is quite unclear, but like come back to life maybe?
5) The soul must be willing. And Initially everyone thinks it is going to be Ben because of Alyssa, but then Crump (what a twist!) reveals that his number one pick in the 1000th draft for ghosts of Gracey Manor is actually the kid, Travis, who communes with his dead father and thus might just be willing to join him in the afterlife because he too is a saddo. But Ben saves him, and Travis decides to withdraw from the ghost draft. So Crump is like fine, I’ll trade down and take Ben instead! But Ben is also like “naw, Alyssa knows I love her duh” and everyone lives happily ever after and dances with ghosts and junk.
Bonus Answer: The mother-flipping Ghostbusters!!!! That’s right, we are doing a classic BMT crossover. The Ghostbusters need the Haunted Mansion crew to come on up to NYC and check out a haunted mansion there. You see, there is something weird with these ghosts and science just can’t quite get to the bottom of it (and to be honest, that sweet ghost camera could be of use to the ‘Busters). When they get there though, even they can’t seem to penetrate the secrets of the mansion … but they think they know who can. Calling in the ghost crew from the mansion the good ghosts are ready to commune with the dead. It turns out Crump being the big ‘ol business man he was working in New York way back in the day. While there obviously there was nothing else to do but to exorcize this guy as well. It ends up that Crump had an accomplice in New York who kept on a-murderin’ long after Crump went back to New Orleans, and this ghostly accomplice is attempting to resurrect Crump himself to complete a take over the NYC ghost scene. But they ain’t afraid of no ghosts! Obviously with the power of love they defeat the Crump-adjacent ghost and the Ghostbusters are oh so grateful.
It is the Haunted Mansion: Ghostbusters crossover episode we’ve been waiting for! I can’t wait for the third one which is a long awaited direct sequel to the original Exorcist, but this time it is a hard NC-17. That’ll be a twist for The Haunted Mansion indeed.
Bad Movie Twins 