Jamie
So far I’ve found (unsurprisingly) that we’ve done a pretty damn good job at covering a lot of the best (read: worst) films of any given year. Particularly recent years like Collateral Beauty’s 2016. I don’t have too many suggestions for replacements and the Will Smith masterclass in Oscar baiting is perfect for something that has always tickled our fancy, but never found a spot in a cycle. However… the mere fact that both Max Steel and Monster Trucks are 2016 films is a little mind blowing. These are two films that are only memorable because I recall seeing the trailers and giving a double “what thuuuuu.” Sure kids films come and go, but who was asking for Max Steel (apparently based on a toy line and series of television shows) and Monster Trucks (based on the concept of monster trucks)? These were major releases? Why? I kinda wish we could have doubled those up, but honestly they are so forgotten that they can’t compete with Will Smith… if only the original casting of Taylor Lautner in Max Steel had held. Then we’d have something to talk about.
To recap, Will Smith is sad. Once a charismatic leader of men he is now just a big ol’ saddo. He lost his daughter and he himself is lost, building dominos all day and otherwise sending letters to the concepts of Love, Death, and Time. We’re on a normal one here. His partners at his advertising firm want to sell. They all have their reasons (mostly having to do with *gasp* love, death, and time), but it’s also cause without powerhouse Will Smith they are just a bunch of dummies. Enter three actors in need of some money. They agree to join with these assholes and do a truly terrible thing by pretending to be Love, Death, and Time and make him think he’s crazy. That way he can be deemed not of sound mind and they can go over his head for the sale. This essentially goes off without a hitch. In response to thinking he’s crazy, Will Smith starts to go to a group meeting for those grieving the loss of children. There he starts to talk with the head of the group, but still can’t come to terms with his loss. It’s only after meeting with the board of his company (where he admits he’s crazy and signs away his stake in the company) that he finally is able to accept the loss and we find that the woman he’s been talking to is actually his estranged wife (what a twist!). Perhaps there is hope for all of us after all. THE END.
My general sentiment about Collateral Beauty is that if everything you saw in this film was translated to a high school drama about the captain of the football team getting tricked by his friends using the drama club to try to snap him out of his daze before the big game then we’d have a Here on Earth on our hands. The earnestness… the wrongheadedness of not just the situation but of the entire structure of the film… it a perfect recipe for me to be rolling through the aisles. There is something about all this happening to an adult dealing with the loss of his child that makes it a bit less savory though. In some ways it’s like The Circle. I love how seriously it takes its insane plot and how flippant it is about having people do crazy, terrible things… but ultimately it’s more tragically bad rather than hilariously bad. Anyway, on a funnier note I started this up being like “can’t wait for the jellyfish part,” only to remember after the film ended that that was the other overwrought Will Smith drama Seven Pounds.
Hot Take Clam Bake! The actors aren’t real! They are in fact abstract concepts. They are in fact invisible. They didn’t need to use advanced AI technologies to remove them from the videos the PI took of Will Smith yelling at people in the street. They just cut out the scene where the PI asks “wait, I thought you said there was supposed to be someone talking to Will Smith when I shot the scene?” and then Edward Norton’s eyes grow wide. Or they go to see the computer whiz to congratulate him on a job well done and he’s like “What do you mean? There wasn’t anything to do. The videos were empty.” and then Edward Norton’s eyes grow wide. But alas that wasn’t the case… right? They were just actors… right? RIGHT?! Hot Take Temperature: Heartwarming.
Patrick?
Patrick
‘Ello everyone! Are we talking about saddo Will Smith being all sad and playing with dominos? Let’s go!
I mean, need I discuss this further? Will Smith is a saddo playing with dominos. Open and shut case, book ‘em.
Within this movie is a pretty touching film about a person going through something, who through the magical realism of film manages to confront his past demons and come together with his friends and family to start life anew. This movie ain’t that.
Instead it is a movie about three horrible friends who want money and the main thing stopping them is their profoundly sad friend going through a serious mental health crisis. So they decide to hire three actors to further stoke his descent into madness, doctor some videos, and lie (certainly some serious financial fraud going on here, what the fuck?). But don’t worry guys, in the end he makes up with his family and yada yada yada s’all good (except Michael Pena is definitely going to die of cancer soon).
This is the plot of the film. I can’t get over the fact that right after the movie ends Will Smith is definitely going to run into one of Love/Time/Death and realize what his friends did and those three go to prison for financial crimes as they fraudulently represented evidence against Will Smith during an acquisition negotiation. Like definitely against the law right?
The movie looks nice though.
And some of the acting is okay if a bit over the top.
I will say that about a third of the way through the film Pena coughed and it was like the film opened like one of those corpse flowers. Like suddenly I was like “Oh he has cancer, and he’s working it out with death, and the other guy is working out his issues with love, and Winslet with time. And Will Smith’s wife is the grief counselor … I get it.” And I did. Never before has a single quiet cough immediately revealed so much about a movie.
But you are a liar if you say you didn’t at least tear up a bit. It was pushing those buttons hard.
A huge Setting as a Character (Where?) film for NYC. And a solid Secret Holiday Film (When?) as the film takes place exclusively around Christmas. And a Worst Twist (How?) for the ultimately reveal that the actors were ghosts the whole time, maybe, I think, but also probably not. It was confusing. The film is halfway to a Here on Earth, but the issue is it is too genuinely grim. So I have to give it a Bad as it is just generally unpleasant.
Hear about the crazy sequel to this film (and to another 80s classic) in the Quiz. Cheerios,
The Sklogs
Bad Movie Twins 