Oh man, so get this. I actually do have amnesia! I actually don’t remember a thing about this movie! I wonder … am I a super spy? I don’t know, but do you remember what happened in Argylle?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) At the beginning of the film we see the original ending to the newest book in the Argylle series. What happens (much to Elly’s mother’s chagrin)?
2) Why does Sam Rockwell originally claim that the super secret spy agency wants Elly?
3) Eventually, in London, Elly escapes and meets up with her parents, played by Katherine O’Hara and Bryan Cranston. But they aren’t her parents, are they? Who are they really?
4) Alright, then where do they ultimately find the MacGuffin?
5) I’ve been calling it the MacGuffin the whole time, but what is it actually?
Bonus Question: Right out of the theater my new agent Fred calls me. He needs to talk to me stat. What does he want to talk about?
Answers
1) It’s a motherflipping cliffhanger! Argylle learns that the MacGuffin he has been looking for is in London, but first he must bed this lady and then leave the book on a cliffhanger. But no no no, that won’t do says her mother. I’ll come and smash out a better ending!
2) Well, originally he tells her it is maybe just a big misunderstanding. That her book predicts some real life very similar events. So if they can just solve the riddle of the MacGuffin, then everything will be okay! This is, of course, a lie.
3) Bryan Cranston is the eeeeeeevil head of the spy agency out to find the MacGuffin and quash it, and Katherine O’Hara is the eeeeevil psychologist they used to brainwash Elly after she was caught in an explosion and got amnesia.
4) She got hid the MacGuffin away in Dubai with a keeper of secrets, as one is wont to do. A few whirly bird dances later and they got it … but naturally, Bryan Cranston’s got them. Whoops! Now they are on an oil tanker!
5) Basically it is a burn list. Elly and Sam Rockwell figured out that the spy agency was dirty and so they got the list of all the agents (including Elly) and they planned on basically exposing it to the world (using Samuel L. Jackson). For all intents and purposes we might as well just consider it an Obsidian Dongle and call it a day.
Bonus Answer: We meet in a nearby coffee shop, but I’m not really liking the wild look in Fred’s eyes. He looks at me and throws my new spec script called Tartan, I read it carefully. “Patrick goes to the theater to watch a film about a fake book and the writer becomes a spy. It is terrible, and the camera lingers on his disgusted face for 140 straight minutes, why is this movie so long? Right after, his agent Frank called him, ‘We need to talk.’ They meet in a nearby coffee shop where Frank throws Patrick’s new manuscript in his face, it is called Houndstooth.” I look up. So what about it, Fred? He looks up incredulous, “You predicted it all! I need to have your premonitions to know how a film would be received … I need to know if Tartan is good!” I shrug, like all my scripts, it will run on the indie circuit, make some money in Germany, and win a modest number of small New York area awards. Doesn’t take a beautiful mind to know that. Suddenly Writers Guild of America of America agents bust in and shoot Fred dead. “Sorry, Patrick, but Fred was deceiving you. You are actually a WGA Agent, but you got amnesia during a New York Critics Circle Awards bit gone wrong. He’s been trying to convince you to write a hit script for him ever since.” Huh, that I guess makes sense. Dang, I need a new agent.
It is called Tartan as you can see and it is a vicious take down of Hollywood, satirizing it to shreds. Take that!
Bad Movie Twins 