Oh man, turns out I have some spooky ghosts in my house … again. I feel like I remember this happening before. Huh … this seems really familiar. Do you remember what happened in Poltergeist (2015)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Can you call that product placement? Well, regardless where did Sam Rockwell work prior to getting laid off which resulted in a very awkward exchange with their realtor?
2) What is Sam Rockwell trying to buy when all of his credit cards are declined?
3) While away at a dinner party the house be all haunted. What happens to each of the three kids?
4) So what’s the plan then. How are they going to get Maddie back?
5) So … why is the house haunted?
Bonus Question: My house has been pretty spooky recently so I haven’t slept in twenty six nights. I’m a tad bit howyousay … insane? I startle when my home phone rings. Who is it?
Answers
1) John Deere. They make super good quality lawnmowers … according to the movie. Yeah, I think this might be bizarre product placement.
2) Squirrel traps! Kind of an odd thing, but yeah, one of the jump scares in the film was that a squirrel was in the house. Also they find what is clearly a human vertebra … but maybe it’s a horse, yeah.
3) The eldest was lured into the garage and then a hand pulled her down towards the floor holding her there. Meanwhile, Griffin was at first bothered by some spooky clowns and then ultimately captured and held by a spooky tree. And of course Maddie was lured into the closet and captured kicking off the back half of the film.
4) Well first they need a bigger boat … ahem, I mean, then need like a bigger ghost hunter. Jared Harris to the rescue! After that he’ll help them go into the other Poltergeist realm via the closet and lead Maddie back through the portal in the ceiling. Easy peasy.
5) Well, it isn’t like Poltergeist 2 yet, it is pretty much identical to the original. The development when it was made was built on a cemetary. And when they started selling houses they were like “it is cool we, uh, moved all the bodies. See all these headstones in this new graveyard?” And people were like cool, makes sense. But guess what? They did move the headstones, they just didn’t move the bodies. Whoops. That made the spirits quite angry. And thus the haunting.
Bonus Answer: Ah, it is my new agent Jacob. He tells me there are some odd happenings at the studio and I should come down right away. When I get there the problem seems rather obvious: they got a Poltergeist. How could this happen? Well … uh, Jacob says nervously, it must be some terrible happenstance or something. I don’t like the wild look in this guy’s eyes. Whatever, I look directly into camera and say, “Bustin’ makes me feel good,” and I don my Ghostbuster costume from thirty years prior. Still fits. As I creep around the basement a portal to hell opens up and Isaac, my prior agent / alien starts to come out. “Listen Patrick, your new agent isn’t wh-” Just then his head explodes as Jacob comes into view also in a Ghostbuster outfit. “Bustin’ makes me feel good.” He quips. Nailed it. Well, I assume that takes care of the poltergeist. NOPE. A new portal opens and a ton of spooky ghosts come out. Then it clicks. “Goddamnit, Jacob. Did you build this agency on top of a cemetery without moving the bodies first!?” Jacob starts to open his mouth to defend himself, but I blast him with my Ghostbuster gun and he evaporates. All the ghosts cheer and high five me and junk and the agency is saved. As I retire my Ghostbuster outfit I shed a single tear and say “Bustin’ makes me feel good.” Daaaaaaaang, I need a new agent.
Imagine if they did make a mashup sequel called Ghostbusters: Poltergeist 4: Bustin’ Makes Me Feel Good, that would be nuts!
Bad Movie Twins 