Oh man, so get this. I was giving my daughter some directions to throw grenades around a metropolitan area when one got a bit too close to my head and exploded giving me a concussion. Now I don’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Taken 2?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film Bryan if off to see his daughter in sunny Los Angeles for a driving lesson. But where is Jamie and how does Bryan find her so quickly?
2) Meanwhile the eeeeeevil Albanians (relatively of those killed in the first film) are back for vengeance. They have a two step process for figuring out that Bryan is currently on a job in Instanbul. How do they get the two pieces of information (who he is and where he is)?
3) How does Bryan escape?
4) Where do they head after the escape?
5) And then the coup de grace, how does Bryan find his ex-wife?
Bonus Question: I just finished up detailing my car when my new agent Logan calls me. What does he want?
Answers
1) She is at her boyfriends (awwwww) and Bryan immediately finds her for her driving lesson because he secretly installed tracking software on her phone (oh well … that’s fairly normal now, but you should ask about that Bryan you lunatic). She just wants to feel normal, but having Bryan be an insane person doesn’t seem to be working.
2) So one issue is they don’t know who Bryan is, but they do know that there was a correupt police officer running interference for the Albanian sex traffickers in Paris. So they first go to him and torture him a bunch to get Bryan’s name. Then it is just a hop skip to some Albanian embassy where some correupt official informs then that, indeed, Bryan is currently on a job in Instanbul. Easy peasy.
3) First he talks to Kim and gets her to draw a few circles on a map, but they aren’t accurate enough. So she then set off a grenage and checks the wind to determine where roughly he might be. To get it exactly though she goes to that location and sets of two more grenades following Bryan’s directions until she sees steam coming from a vent he opened. When she arrives she drops a gun down the vent et voila, Bryan has a gun. Huge mistake.
4) To the U.S. Embassy, which is maybe the first smart thing that has happened so far in this film. Now … how Liam Neeson is just let out to roam the streets and seek our his ex-wife (and retribution) is beyond me. Seems a little, how you say? Totally nuts?
5) Oh, this is the best. He memorized the track through Istanbul to the first place they were brought. Now, there is absolutely no reason the baddies had to bring him there, but luckily they did. Because now he knows they went on a boat, and he head a fiddler, and he heard a dog, and then he knows he is there at the broken down mansion where his ex-wife is being held.
Bonus Answer: Help me Patrick! There were bad guys here. Alright, I say, calm down. They are going to take you, but yell out as much as you can when they do. A clown! What appears to be a lion tamer! A seal maybe?! Oooooooooooooooh, that just steams me up. I know immediately who took my beloved agent. When I arrive at the circus the evil ringmaster is there. “How did you know it was us?” “How couldn’t I … dad” I say with tears in my eyes. You see, I say to Logan, long ago I ran away from the circus to join Hollywood and my father never forgave me. Ever since then my father has been trying to find a way to get me to give up my career. Well it won’t work. I shoot Logan in the chest. I will never give up my career. My dad shakes his head and they pack up. Later in Logan’s home country of Albania a coffin arrives and a wizened old man comes to pay his respects. “Who did this to my son,” he says. “Patrick. He’s a screenwriter in Hollywood.” “Oh, anything I’ve heard of,” the old man says. “Nothing of note.” The old man shakes his head, “Then he must die.” Ooooooooo a sequel sting.
That’s called Taken 3: Circus Smirkus and yeah, I have a plan for Taken 4: Albania Mania you best believe.
Bad Movie Twins 