Now, if you had to do the Cannonball Run a second time, which car would you choose? Trick question! You’d use the same grey Volvo 240DL Wagon from the first time. Why mess with perfection? It (obviously) won you the race the first time. Sexy boxy curves, so sexy. Mmmm … oh yeah, time for a quiz.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Why are they running a second Cannonball Run anyways? I mean … you obviously can’t have some normal storyline like suggesting it is run every four years or something like normal people, that would just be too logical.
2) Why does the Sheik hire the doctor from the first film to ride along with him? Obviously it wouldn’t be a Cannonball Run film without the hilarious gross-out humor of the famed proctologist Nikolas Van Helsing!
3) Why does Don Don Canneloni (Charles Nelson Reilly) want to kidnap the Sheik? By the way, this is one of the most confusing subplots I’ve ever seen put to film, so I don’t blame you if you cannot figure this one out.
4) How does Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, and Sammy Davis Jr. infiltrate Don Don Canneloni’s camp to save the Sheik?
5) So … who wins the race?
1) The racist caricature known as the Sheik has brought shame to Ricardo Montalbán, and must show everyone that uh … racist caricatures of Arabs are the fastest people on Earth or something. So the family offers up a $1 million and runs the race himself.
2) The Sheik blames his loss in the previous Cannonball Run on his ulcer. The good doctor is there to make sure it does not become a hindrance again.
3) We see Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin get bailed out with Don Don Canneloni’s enforcers by the Sheik. Don Don, who is also in financial trouble higher up the mafia food chain, decides that kidnapping the Sheik (and stealing the $1 million cash prize) is the only way to avoid getting killed by the mafia. This subplot takes up 90% of the film runtime and makes zero sense, completely bogging down the film in Las Vegas, not even 300 miles from the start.
4) They dress as belly dancers under the guise of a recommended act by Frank Sinatra (who plays himself). Don Don, assuming Frank to have the ultimate ability to scout belly dancing talent (and advanced belly dancing statistics not yet being invented) falls for this ruse and offers them a contract … yada yada yada they run off to save the Sheik, and the rest of the Cannonballers blast into camp to help save the day.
5) The orangutan who drove with the two Good ol’ Boys is suggested to be the winner I guess. Which I guess makes them the winners. Anyways, the sheik decides to hire this literal animal as his driver because he won in some capacity.
So did you win the $1 million cash prize and spend it lavishly on hundreds of identical grey Volvo 240DL Wagons? Or did you lose, like a goober, and get zero (bah!) grey Volvo 240DL Wagons?