I guess I could ask a couple of easy questions about Slender Man. Like … how would you describe the body type of Slender Man? (He is slender). And … what get gender is Slender Man? (He is in fact a man). But instead I’ll throw you a few curves.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Why do our four heroines decide to bravely go onto the internet and watch a video about a very very slender man?
2) But wait … then why didn’t all of the guys start getting slenderized later in the movie as well?
3) The moment where things stopped being polite and started getting real was when Katie is kidnapped while on a school trip. Where did they go for this school trip?
4) In order to try and get Katie back the three remaining girls go into the local Spooky Forest and use some internet advice to try and get Slender Man off their backs (jeez dude, chill out, you have a real weird stalker vibe going on here). What do they have to do to escape insanity / kidnapping / death?
5) Why does Wren (Joey King) show Lizzie the Slender Man video? For the record their friend was already shown this video, everyone was being haunted, and their friend had gone missing … but yeah, show your friend’s little sister the video. By all means.
1) Because they heard through the grapevine that a few hunky dudes from school were going to watch it at their super cool boys-only sleepover. They obvs could not be shown up by the guys, amirite?
2) Because the dudes, it turns out, are punks who can’t hack it. They totes chickened out. What (very alive and not insane) losers, amirite?
3) A spoooooooooooky graveyard (I think to see Revolutionary War graves and memorials). The graveyard though should have had a Beware Spooky Slender Men sign, they really opened themselves up to litigation with that oversight.
4) They must destroy something of extreme value to them, repeat a call to the Slender Man, and then not look him in the face when he comes to take your shit or whatever. Naturally, one of the girls just immediately takes her blindfold off and looks directly at Slender Man. Him being very shy (I guess) makes her go insane soon after.
5) Because, to paraphrase, she didn’t think anything bad was happening. Again … they were already all having horrible nightmares and their friend had already gone missing so … that’s really really dumb.
Phew. So how slender were you? Were you like Jamie and were the most slender of all (super slender)? Or did you fail and end up looking goofy like The Bye Bye Man (who is not nearly as slender)?