Have you ever found yourself out in the jungle mano a mano with a true Predator! Or in heat wave Los Angeles, mano a mono with a true Predator! Or with Aliens and Predators. Or like … a bunch of goddamned Predators? Well you ain’t seen nothing yet! Now there’s … like a big goddamned Predator! Nailed it.
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) What mission was our main character on at the beginning of the film that was so rudely interrupted by the (good) Predator escape pod crash landing?
2) Why was Olivia Munn chosen to inspect the captured Predator?
3) Can you name all of the Loonies and why they are there? Descriptions will suffice.
4) And how did they all die (excepting the main character of course)?
5) Finally, why did the super Predator and regular Predator come to Earth?
1) They were attempting to get back a couple of people who had been kidnapped in Mexico. As far as I could tell he shoots the main guy, but the fates of the kidnapped people were left unknown. I like to think they had their own hilarious Predator adventures, a kind of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to The Predator’s Hamlet.
2) Because, and this is her story, when she was a kid she wrote a letter to the president saying that if they ever found alien life to contact her. She then grew up to be a leading researcher in evolutionary biology. Because her name is forever associated with aliens in a government database (and she’s a scientist), her name came up first when they were trying to find someone to come study the Predator. Whether that story is precisely true I honestly don’t really care.
3) Quinn is the main character, a sniper who saw an alien and who will be stashed away in an asylum and called crazy for the rest of his days (or so it is suggested). There is Nebraska, the leader, who attempted to kill himself. There is Coyle (Keegan-Michael Key) who was involved in a friendly fire incident which killed most of his platoon and now he deflects his pain with crude jokes. There is Baxley (Thomas Jane) the only survivor of Coyle’s incident who has Tourette’s. There is Lynch who was a demolitions expert. And there is Nettles a former helicopter pilot who suffered a brain injury in a crash.
4) Nebraska suffocates / freezes to death on the outside of the alien spaceship as it attempts to take off with Quinn’s son. Nettles gets chopped in half by the spaceship’s shields in the same incident. Coyle and Baxley are both disemboweled (Coyle in a tree, Baxley below facing him) and then shoot each other in a suicide pact. Lynch was the first to die having his arm shot off by the super Predator as it approaches the crashed spaceship.
5) The super Predator is initially just hunting the regular Predator. The regular Predator came because he realized that the Predators, as a species, were upgrading and were going to come and take over Earth (once global warming made it nice and warm for them). He was bringing us a super suit to help us fight the Predators off. The super Predator then realizes there is a nice little bonus human on earth already, Quinn’s son, who is a super genius autistic child and the only hope for humanity, and he continues to attack the humans because he wants to capture the kid and make the Predators super geniuses as well.
So which are you? The autistic kid who also happens to be literally baby Einstein and the evolution of our species (and our species’ greatest warrior … I guess)? Or are you some soldier trying to kill the Predator with stupid buillets (the fools)?