Do you love guns and Mark Wahlberg? Hell yeah I do, well strap on your sidearm, it is time to foil some international hi-jinx!
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) When the crew attacks the Russian safe house they need a little distraction from their best thespian crew members. What do these skilled actoooooors pretend to be doing near the house?
2) Now in Indocarr everyone is super duper chill and definitely not being total dicks to each other and their families. What does Wahlberg’s right hand woman Alice do to get herself locked out of MyFamilyWizard while talking to her ex-husband. Bonus if you can remember why they were fighting in the first place!
3) Now when the double (or triple …) agent comes to give himself up at the American embassy he is handcuffed for a little physical. This obvs gives us a cool martial arts scene, but before that how does Mr. Martial Arts figure out that the doctor is actually an assassin sent to kill him?
4) The double (or triple …) agent has brought a fancy schmancy drive with him which will tell Mark Wahlberg all about the very-bad-stuff the very-bad-people have stuck into the country! Buuuut there is a trick to it! What is it? And the trick isn’t that it was written by a woman like one character very confusingly insinuates.
5) Now they are on the move (fun!) and their Malkovichian super squad is assembled across the globe. What little figures does Malkovich keep in the room they set up right up until, uh oh, they are all killed because Mark Wahlberg is a dummy.
1) They are pretending to be lost and to fight about asking for directions at the house. And a damn good job they do with it as well, totes duped them!
2) She curses. Can’t be cursing at your ex-partner on MyFamilyWizard. For the bonus point the ex-husband’s new wife wants a cookie recipe to bake with their child, what a b- … very nice gesture?
3) The doctor is wearing some super secret bad-guy boots. Not a great idea, got to change your boots idiot!
4) It will destroy itself in like 30 minutes or something, so they best get him out of the country ASAP!
5) They have little figures of all the presidents in the last 40 some odd years. Including a little Donald Trump complete with little red hat.
I had like forty goddamned questions for this thing, and that’s for a movie I hated! So how did you do? Did you win and blow it like Wahlberg? … Hey wait a tick, I thought Mark Wahlberg was supposed to be good at his job in this film!