Oh man, so I’m a workaholic bad dad and I plum forgot to get my son a gift for Christmas (whoops!). Well, while trying to get my hands on that sweet merch in the Mall of America, I got bopped on the head and now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Jingle All the Way?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Arnold is a workaholic bad dad and bad husband. What is his job that he loves more than his wife and child? Moreover, what is Sinbad’s job?
2) And what does he miss on that fateful Christmas Eve Eve that gets everyone (especially Phil Hartman) all mad at him?
3) Well only one thing to do then, go and get that toy. In the end, prior to the parade at the end of the film, we see him explicitly try and get the toy in five different places. What are they? Ignore any and all montages.
4) What makes Arnold, who we find sadly day drinking in his backyard, realize that he has to go out and win back the love of his child?
5) What is so very special about the toy that Arnold ultimately gets his son and what happens to it?
1) He sells mattresses. Sinbad, on the other hand, is just a blue collar working stiff as he’s a postal service employee. Remember that? When the unstable postman trope was a big thing even in kids’ films?
2) He misses his son getting his purple belt for karate. It is pretty impressive. He has to chop a very thin piece of wood in half and everything!
3) First he goes to Nicollet Mall in downtown Minneapolis to a toy store which is, naturally, sold out. Then we see him go to a number of toy stores in a montage (ignore those). Second he goes to the Mall of America where is enters a lottery (but loses the ball). Third, he meets a bad Santa in the mall who tries to sell him a Spanish knockoff (this is on Nicollet Island, so we are back in Minneapolis). He then, somehow, pushes his car all the way to Downtown Saint Paul where he enters Mickey’s Diner (where Charlie’s mom worked in The Mighty Ducks) and (fourth) enters a radio contest to win a Turboman. And finally, after returning home, he tries to steal it from his neighbor Phil Hartman.
4) He sees the club house he built his son with a picture that depicts him as a hero. He then realizes that he has to go and win back his family.
5) It is some special edition Turboman which only one kid gets in the holiday parade. Naturally, what should have happened is they should have immediately disqualified Arnold’s son from getting it because that’s super unethical to have the Turboman actor just choose himself to get it (effectively). In reality it was moot since he gave it to Sinbad anyways.
Ah right. I totally redeemed myself by weaseling my way into a parade and giving my son the ultimate Christmas surprise … his dad (awwwwwwwww).