Man, so the last thing I remember I was on a carnival ride when it started going super fast, I vomited everywhere, then I bopped my head, sustained a massive concussion and don’t remember anything after that. Do you remember what happened in Problem Child 2?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Why is Junior skipped three grades to the sixth grade?
2) How does Junior stop Ben’s first date? And what about his second? And the third?
3) Where did the Mortville love rock come from?
4) At one point in the movie Big Ben’s dog Nippy goes into a weird coma. What caused the coma, and what snaps him out of it?
5) What causes Ben to call off the wedding?
Bonus Question: How long did Lawanda and Big Ben’s marriage last?
1) Well, Igor Peabody, coincidentally, also moved from Cold Water to Mortville. And so, given his school is K-6 he wants Junior out of his school in a year.
2) With the first date he calls up Ben’s date’s ex-husband who crashes the party with a lead pipe. He smashes Ben in the head. And when Ben fights back she leaves him for being a bully. As for the second he gets to her really early and electrocutes her nearly to death by jerry rigging the doorbell. And the third was Lawanda which he ruins by filling the salad with cockroaches.
3) Well … as played for laughs, the founder of the town stole it from the Native Americans who lived there. It has magic powers they think … love powers or whatever. They didn’t seem interested in it for some reason.
4) Junior wants to hypnotise Nippy to get him to attack La Wanda (I do the same thing with my dog), but it backfired and Nippy stayed in a trance. Later some animal control officers snapped him out of it by giving him some special dog food.
5) At the wedding when La Wanda reveals that she, in fact, hates children, that is the last straw for Ben. Obviously at this point in it all Annie.
Bonus Answer: Thirty years, her death not his. And those years were blissful. Big Ben, using Lawanda’s fortune, rebuilds his sporting good empire in Mortville and ultimately experiences the dream of becoming mayor of a small town (why that is his dream is anyone’s guess). He convinces Lawanda to have a child with him by insisting the only reason he wants to have a kid is so that he can completely cut Ben and Junior out of his will. And in the end, the child, also named Ben, really brings them together. At the age of 70 Lawanda had a heart attack while screaming at a subordinate in a board meeting, dying while doing what she loved. Big Ben was still trucking at 100 (and still the mayor) and would end up dying in office at the age of 120 after 40 years of incumbency. Mortville declared his death a holiday, the end of his oppressive regime which saw the town land used as a toxic waste and nuclear dump site. Mortville was named Healytown, U.S.A. for five years in the mid-2000s, but the change was reverted after the mayor legally changed his name to just Big Ben in 2010.
This is my pitch for the gritty dystopian sequel to Problem Child 2 called Time Under Fire 2: Healytown … yeah, it was sold as a Time Under Fire sequel after the original pitch didn’t work out. I do what I must.