Well, it’s a long story, but let’s just say I am in deep cover with the FBI and had to get beat up in prison to get my cred with the inmates up enough to find a big bounty of gold. And I did it, I learned where the gold was! Except … when getting beat up I sustained a massive concussion and now can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Half Past Dead?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Sasha Petrosevitch (Seagal) is an FBI agent in deep cover with some bad dude criminals (including his friend Ja Rule). What crimes are they committing specifically before they all get pinched by the cops?
2) When Seagal goes to Alcatraz 2.0 he’s called on specifically to talk with Lester McKenna the day he is set to be executed for stealing a bunch of gold and getting some FBI agents killed in the process. Why does Lester want to talk to Sasha in particular?
3) On that same day, the opening day of Alcatraz 2.0, there is also a Supreme Court justice visiting. Why?
4) Morris Chestnut is on the scene though and he wants that gold aaaaaaaaaaall for himself. What is his plan to get the gold?
5) In the end how does Seagal and Lester conspire to save the Supreme Court justice, foil Chestnut, and get the gold?
Bonus Question: Ja Rule got out of prison two years after the events of the film, what job does he get afterwards?
Answers
1) They are specifically stealing cars. You see them delivering a super sweet car to what looks to probably be a chop shop before the police come and almost kill Seagal and Ja Rule in cold blood.
2) Lester wants to talk to Sasha because Sasha has, like, seen death maaaaaaaan. He was Half Past Dead, dead for long enough that he would have seen what is beyond death you know? And Lester is about to meet death. Which he’s content with. But ultimately he’s willing to give up the location of the gold for someone who can philosophically discuss death with him before the execution.
3) Well, prior to being a Supreme Court justice Jane McPherson was the judge who sentenced Lester to death. And now, despite no longer being in that same position, she wants to see the execution through on principal.
4) He infiltrates Alcatraz 2.0 on the day of Lester’s execution with the plan to nab him and escape in a helicopter. Unfortunately there is a big storm that day and the helicopter crashes into the giant set piece Alcatraz roof. So the plan evolves, now they are going to get a new helicopter using a Supreme Court justice who is visiting to witness the execution, and escape that way. And it would have all worked if not for that meddling husky Akito master.
5) Easy peasy. Seagal chases Chestnut to, oh, 10,000 feet in his handy dandy helicopter. Then they wait until Chestnut throws the justice out of the helicopter. Lester blows up the helicopter with a bomb strapped to his chest. And Seagal skydives to save the justice just in time with a parachute. Et voila, everyone is saved. Naturally Lester gave him the location of the gold before he died so the FBI gets all that back as well. BOMB.
Bonus Answer: He becomes an FBI agent duuuuuuh. He’s besties with Seagal, so they become a cracking team of deep cover operatives for the FBI. Ja Rule is the ex-con inside man, a major wheeler dealer in stolen cars. Seagal is his Akito teacher who mostly spouts Bhuddist proverbs and smirks at people. The bad guys can’t stand Seagal, but whatever, he’s really good at shooting people in the face (apparently … it is weird, they’ve never seen him actually commit a crime …). The next case is about a bounty of stolen wine from a train travelling on the secret railway to the White House. And guess who the culprit is? That’s right, the President himself. See this crackling action in An Hour Past Dead: Executive Action.
Wait, is the presidential emergency train line real or was that made up for xXx: State of the Union? I’m so confused now.
Bad Movie Twins 