Oh man, so get this, I decided to go on a skydiving adventure, and got this real rad instructor called Ditch. Then I fell out of the plane and smashed into the ground killing me instantly … or so I thought, actually, I just broke all of the bones in my body and suffered a massive concussion. Now I can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Terminal Velocity?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) In the beginning of the film we see Charlie Sheen, skydiver extraordinaire, flying into a city and landing at a party. What is the part for? What did he think the party was for?
2) Spoilers, Kinski has come to the skydiving place to fake her own death. Initially she’s attached by cable to Sheen, but unclips herself and dives without him. How does she distract Sheen in order to get away from him?
3) The DA comes and threatens Sheen with jailtime for the negligent manslaughter of Kinski, but aha! She’s still alive!! Amazing. She wants him to do one more thing for him and then she’ll help him out. What does he need to do, and what will he get in return?
4) Charlie holds up his end of the bargain, and brings the DA to meet Kinski to get out of his hot water and back to his life. But uh oh! It’s a trick. Who is the DA really, and how do they get away?
5) So … what was on the plane?
Bonus Question: It’s a classic, but how long do Ditch and Chris stay together?
Answers
1) Oh, the party is a little girl’s birthday party. Charlie Sheen, much to his embarrassment, thought it was a bachelorette party (and arrives with fake assless chaps). Now, why someone wants a crazy base jumping lunatic to come to a little girl’s birthday party is beyond me, but Sheen is arrested and embarrassed.
2) While looking out of the airplane window she claims that there is an airplane following her. Now, you could think this to be the case because she is a KGB spy and the bad guys are following her, but in the end it seems like she used this moment to unclip herself and jumped elsewhere while an already dead body (her roommate) was tossed out in an identical outfit.
3) Well, first he has to come along for a night jump. Then he has to land in what appears to be a chemical plant to help her retrieve some information she has hidden there. In return she will give him proof that she is still alive so that he doesn’t go to prison.
4) The DA is part of the Russian mafia, and it turns out Kinski was part of the KGB, until they all got a burn notice. The KGB hijacked a plane and landed it in Tuscon, and now all these guys want is to kill Kinski and steal the gold. They get away by riding a supersonic car into the desert and (once again) faking their own deaths.
5) It’s a bunch of communist gold! It was gold from Russia which the KGB was supposed to convert to hard currency after hijacking the plane. But, I think, ultimately the Russian mafia killed all of the KGB agents in Tucson and are planning on stealing the gold for themselves.
Bonus Answer: Eight years. They never get married, but they get pretty close a few times. Basically, Chris can’t return to the US since she was, you know … a spy and all that. Instead they settle in Moscow. Initially, Ditch runs his own skydiving outfit there, but it never really brings in the same money as in Arizona and is seasonable, but eventually he’s approached by the Russian gymnastics federation to come on as an assistant coach for the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, where the team wins goal. Afterwards he’s approached by the Canadian team to become their full time coach! And that’s where our sports underdog story starts! In the fictionalized version the self-proclaimed “hosers” of Canada really pull together as a team (eh?), teach Ditch a few things about ice hockey in a montage, and go one to take fourth at the 2000 Olympics. And everyone would be like “whoa, that’s an amazing story” right up until they realize that Canada didn’t even qualify to qualify for the team final … like from what I can tell they didn’t really even participate. But that isn’t here nor there, in this version they just miss out on a podium while learning a lot about life and love. Terminal Velocity: Olympic Gold is a straight-to-video sequel starring David Keith. Oh, and yeah, after settling in Canada, Chris eventually once more longs for home and there is an amicable separation as the two heroes go their separate ways.
The title of the film is weird because at no moment during the film does anyone entertain the idea that the Canadian gymnastics team could win Olympic Gold.
Bad Movie Twins 