Halloween II (2009) Recap

Jamie

I think this is dog poo. It’s sometimes hard to tell when a film is so not made for you that you wonder whether its creator in fact explicitly made it for no one. If Rob Zombie sat down and said “I’m going to make something so horrific… so wallowing in the muck and mire of the worst people in the world… to the point where the audience would ultimately side with the monster over humanity… and no one can or will like it because it no longer represents horror, but rather the horror that is my diseased mind… oh and also I’ll fill it with meaningless symbolism that will only confuse and further horrify the audience as it will force them to confront the meaninglessness of art… that’s what I’ll make and everyone will hate it.” If he said that… then is it good? He accomplished his mission after all.

The answer is obviously no. Not just because it’s not possible to purposefully create a bad movie (it must be grown and nurtured organically), but also because that really wasn’t Rob Zombie’s purpose. It just so happened that his true vision was terrible, poorly made and no one would like it. But kudos to him for earning so much money the first time around that they gave him free reign on the sequel. Oh to be a fly on the wall as the producers went over dailies. Trying to make heads or tails of whether they were making something good or bad or something that would fail or succeed at the box office. I’d only be sure that the producers would be thoroughly in the dark about what they were creating, but also absolutely aware that they were going to be battling some dire reviews in their attempt at boffo box office.

To recap, the film turns the original Halloween on its head a little bit by opening with a 20 minute dream sequence where Myers is attacking Laurie in the hospital following the events of the first film. Zombie sets it up like he’s doing another straight remake of the second film, but no no no. It’s all meaningless and soon we are treated to the fact that instead Myers was never found after the events of the first film. He’s instead been wandering the country in wait, a la Halloween H2O. We’re being told that this isn’t your grandpappy’s Halloween. This is Rob Zombie’s Halloween and buckle up cause you’re gonna get a whole lot of gore… and also extended horse metaphors and ghosts… but also gore and gross naked people. It all proceeds from there with everyone now being terrible. Laurie is broken and terrible. Loomis is a total jerk. The whole town is infested with heavy metal groupies (obviously, where else but suburban Illinois would such denizens reside?). This all culminates with a very Halloween 4 ending where Myers kills Loomis and Laurie kills Myers and… bum bum bum… becomes Myers. Nooooooooooo.

As I’ve meditated on this film I do not believe it is as bad as Resurrection, but it’s not what I want out of my Halloween by a long shot. Finishing up with a Hot Take Clam Bake, I will venture to say that this film is good. Whaaaaaa?! No, not actually good, but rather good because a man was allowed to make his vision. A pure pursuit of art. Like Little Nicky before it, Halloween II should be lauded for what it represents and not what it is (which is bad). That’s it… that’s the hot take: Halloween II is Little Nicky and Little Nicky is good. Ergo, Halloween II is good (but also very, very bad). Hot Take Temperature: a nice crisp autumn bonfire. Patrick?

Patrick

‘Ello everyone! Halloween II (2009)? More like Halloween Too Gory for Patrick! The producers got a big fat check from Halloween (2007) and so they wrote a blank check for Rob Zombie … that’s never not a mistake. Let’s go!

  • Oh boy.
  • Oh jeez. This movie is a tough pill to swallow. It isn’t even dog poo in my face. It is just gross and I hate it.
  • Also it bucks the entire premise of the original second film by making the hospital sequence into an extended 20 minute long dream sequence … you heard that right! Rob Zombie did it again! He took a svelte 90 minute horror flick and bloated it with garbage at the beginning.
  • But for real, don’t watch this movie. It sucks. It has weird sequences with Michael Myers as a kid, and people in pumpkin masks, and Loomis is a straight dick. The only redeemable thing in the entire film is Dourif.
  • There is an entire sequence just having Michael Myers stomp a guy’s head in at a strip club and then kill the owner and his girlfriend/stripper … who are these people? Why do I care about this? What is happening?!
  • Michael Myers has a big bushy beard.
  • There is a huge part of the film involving a White Horse that represents … something? Like Michael Myers’ murderous desires, or like his mother or something? The quote that opened the film probably explained this, but I was mostly just astonished that the film opened with a quote. I haven’t seen that in forever.
  • A thousand people die in this film in horrible fashion. At the end Laurie Strode is wearing the mask. I thought Resurrection was a slap in the face to fans of Halloween. This film doesn’t even resemble Halloween anymore. Whereas the first did what needed to be done in putting a spin on a horror classic, this one was just Hostel-ween and it is horrible. No wonder the producers ran away from this direction in the end. It is an abomination. And not like with the vaguely amusing mess that is Resurrection. It is an abomination in the terrible way where you realize there are people who enjoy horror films like this. How bizarre.
  • Yup. I did not like this film.
  • Once again a Setting as a Character (Where?) for Haddonfield, Illinois. And once again an A+ Holiday Setting (When?) for it all happening during Halloween. This film is the worst, I hate it, I recommend it to no one, it is Bad.

Sorry guys, I went into a fugue state for a second there. I had to rent this one on Amazon, so sadly no director commentary or anything else for me. Of course, you can read my sequel to this film called Halloween III: Urban Legend III in the Quiz. Cheerios,

The Sklogs

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