Oh man. So here’s the thing. I was up on the moon (natch) when a rock punched into my gut and made me go literally insane for some reason. Now I can’t remember a thing! Do you remember what happened in Apollo 18?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Why do they say they are going back to the moon?
2) How long is the planned mission to the moon (the original duration … da da da!!!!)?
3) What oddity do the astronauts find while exploring a nearby crater, though?
4) There are little extraterrestrials though. What do they look like?
5) Well, we better get away from these aliums then! What ultimately happens to the three astronauts?
Bonus Question: Smash cut to Houston as we slow zoom in on a sterile white room. What’s in the room?
Answers
1) They think it is because they are delivering a top secret payload, either an unmanned spacecraft of some kind, a satellite, or equipment to be placed on the moon itself. They are told there is a very heavy DoD payload coming up with them basically, and they won’t know what it is, and the moon mission is a cover … doesn’t make much sense, because in that case just say you are going to the moon?
2) They are to spend two days on the moon setting up cameras and taking samples and junk, and then they will return to Earth … or will they? They won’t.
3) They discover a Russian moon lander. That’s right, it turns out the Soviets also made it to the moon, to the South Pole, and have been running around. But it looks like they didn’t get off the moon and instead went insane and killed themselves / each other or something. Da da da!!!
4) Well, they look like rocks most of the time. But they also seem to look like crabs maybe some of the time? And they cut you and get inside of you and drive you insane. Or at least, that is what it seems. Because it is basically impossible to tell what this movie is trying to tell you at any given time.
5) They all die!!!!!! Obviously. Because otherwise we’d definitely know about the rock aliens. But like also … why don’t we? Why is that a secret? That life can live on the moon? That doesn’t seem like a giant secret really. Why would the various governments who now all know care to hide that?
Bonus Answer: You best belieb it’s a rock spider! The camera swings around to two people, a scientist and a military type. “It seems like we’ve managed to obtain an isolated sample without incident sir” the scientist says. “Very good, continue with the research.” As the military officer walks away, he gets a call. What’s this? Wait … that’s right, he pulls out an iPhone (brought to you by Apple), it’s modern day, and guess what else? Ever so briefly you see the flash of a rock spider on the officer. “It’s done,” he says. Oh shiiiiiiiii he’s a rock spider! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but who’s on the other end of that call? Well you’ll have to watch the movie to find out … fine, it is the President of the United States (obviously). He’s the true blue Rock Spider Manchurian Candidate. And, who’s the only person who can stop the Rock Spider-ian Candidate? You best belieb it’s the daughter of one of the Apollo 18 astronauts who is now a reporter, with a little help from the son of another one of the astronauts, who is an astronaut himself. Obviously, he has to go on a newly minted Apollo 19 mission to defeat the king rock spider and break its psychic link to President Rock Spider (a pretty obvious name if you think about it, but you know, hidden in plain sight and all that). Can they do it in time? Of course. Does it look like we are a race of rock spiders?Well I guess we wouldn’t know. Anyways, it is called Manchurian Candidate 2: Apollo 19: The Rock Spiderverse Chronicles. They gave me too much power. It went to my head during production.
Bad Movie Twins 