Bolero Quiz

Oh man. So I was bullfighting, right? And then I got gored right in the dick! Sucks right? What sucks even more though is that I also bopped my head and now can’t remember a thing. Do you remember what happened in Bolero?

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

1) There is a specific type of person Bo Derek wants to lose her virginity to near the beginning of the film. Who?

2) But in the end it just isn’t the same as in the movies, so onto Spain! In Spain she quickly meets a sexy bullfighter. The only issue is the bullfighter already has a lover. Who?

3) What is the result of the bullfighters tragic accident?

4) But Bo Derek won’t leave her lover’s side. Instead she decides to have him teach her what?

5) In the end Bo Derek and the bullfighter get married and she takes over his family’s business in what?

Bonus Question: In the mid-credits scene we see Bo Derek and her lover in post-coital ecstasy. There is a knock at the door. Who is it and what does the person want?

Answers

1) She wants to lose her virginity to a sheik. Why? It seems to indicate that it is because she was obsessed with a movie where a woman is carried off by a sheik or something. The issue ends up being that the sheik in question can’t really ride a horse, and thus is not nearly as sexy as Bo Derek had imagined.

2) So it is implied that this person goes to an encampment of Roma people and has not one lover, but really two, but one is like 14 and just waiting for him to trade in for the newer model (gross). Eventually you best belieb he dumps all his gfs for Bo Derek though.

3) He loses his superior stickman powers. He’s impotent! What a disaster for our heroine Bo Derek who’s entire life revolves around having sex with this one specific person.

4) Bullfighting duh. You see, both in real life and in the world of Bolero, Bo Derek is a pretty awesome horse rider, and she’s able to ride horses naked and everything (a little known expert-level horse riding skill). And the bullfighting is like, not really bullfighting. It mostly is just high-skilled running away from the bull which is a much more impressive thing apparently, although you wouldn’t know it based on his audience size.

5) His main controlling interest is in a huge winery. Bo Derek’s friend (and her lover, Bo Derek’s lawyer) end up taking it over and it sure seems like they make it a pretty big deal.

Bonus Answer: OH SHIT IT’S THE BULL! It gores Bo Derek’s husband in the dick again, and he’s impotent again, and my my my what a disaster. But poor Bo Derek, she already taught him the joys of bullfighting again through the art of teaching. But there is one other thing that he knows that she doesn’t: how to run a wine business. We are treated to a 60 minute extended montage of Bo Derek going to school for accounting, and mostly Bo Derek and her lover squeezing grapes. But what is this? Just as Bo Derek learns the joys of a fine aged red, and the beauty of a well balanced spreadsheet, they squeeze the most perfect grape and her lover’s loins stir once again! She fixed his dick a second time!

The series mostly follows the Jaws formula, so I guess the third one will be about them buying a zoo where, oh shit, the bull is back and gores him in the dick again. Anyways, for now the sequel is titled Bolero 2: Toro Enojado. That ends up being the somewhat ironic name for the award winning wine made from that perfect impotence-curing grape from the movie.

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