Oh man, so no I’m Mr. No Memory Man. A completely useless power. I have no memory. And now there’s a silver surfer guy? Wait … do I know this person? Shoot, I can’t remember. Do you remember what happened in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) The Fantastic Four are back Jack! And they need to get to NYC stat. Why?
2) Hmmmmmm, something is up. In particular the Silver Surfer is in town. What happens right before and after the Silver Surfer appears?
3) But there is actually a bigger problem: what happens a few days after the Silver Surfer appears?
4) How do they separate the Silver Surfer from his sweet surfboard?
5) In the end, where does Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman get married?
Bonus Question: The Fantastic Four are off to fight a new threat at the end of the film? Who?
Answers
1) For the wedding of the century! Mr. Fantastic and future Mrs. Fantastic are getting hitched. For the like … third time or something. They’ve been trying to do it for so long and stupid things like saving the world keep getting in the way.
2) There is a burst of unusual energy, then there is a crazy weather change (in particular things get very cold), and finally in some places there is a giant hole that opens up. And it is all set to a timer which indicates …
3) That Galactus is coming! That’s right, he’s a big cloud of energy and he eats planets. That’s what the holes are for, so Galactus can some and just sap on that sweet planet juice. And the Surfer is there to get everything prepped. Sorry Earth, you’re toast!
4) That unusual energy pulse? Well Mr. Fantastic reversed engineered that junk and now he’s ready to blast the Silver Surfer with it which will cause him to separate from the board and fall unconscious.
5) Japan. And yeah. It is as bad as it sounds. Cultural appropriation all up in this piece!
Bonus Answer: Obviously the Half Past Four! And as we just saw, they get totally killed by them. Luckily for us all the Fly-vengers have, indeed, assembled. We got Brundlefly Jr. with his ability to spit acid and tear people limb from limb with his fly strength. We got Danny the most elite of killers who can silently dispatch any and all comers with his new pair of little red gumboots. We got Stephen Seagal Jr. whose aikido mega-skillz are only rivaled by his undead father. And we got Beth Logan, she’s the brains of the bunch, who knows all of Bartok’s secrets. The Half Past Four are assembling the rocket and it is almost done. “Larkin, go get more Half Past Dead juice.” Yes sir he chirps, but as he exits the room and heads for the elevator a silent and most definitely elite assassin takes him out. Danny whispers into his walkie talkie, “That’s one down.” As Arthur drunkenly stumbles from a nearby kitchen Brundlefly Jr. literally tears him into pieces. It is horrible. After a suspiciously long absence Bartok gets annoyed, “Stephen, go see what that drunk and that beautiful mind are up to.” And then it is time for the confrontation we’ve all been waiting for. Stephen Seagal Jr. faces down his father in an implausibly long hallway. “I see, I knew you would betray me son.” Stephen says. His son gives him a steely look, “Well, I knew you would betray the world!” At that they begin aikido-ing at each other, attempting to use their opponent’s body weight against them. But it is a stalemate! What a disaster … or was it all part of the plan!? At that moment Brundlefly Jr. and Beth bust into the room where Bartok Jr. is now alone. “Give. It. Up.” says Bartok, “Everything is prepped, I just need to push this button.” “Wait!” screams Beth, “I … I’m your daughter.” What? Could it be. But yeah, Bartok sees it. A tear comes to his eye. But that moment of hesitation is all Brundlefly Jr. needs, and he cleaves Bartok neatly in two. It is horrible. The world is saved. Stephen Seagal Jr. walks in and shakes his head. “My father got away, but at least the world is safe … for now.” And they all laugh and eat shawarma. The End.
The title is The Fantastic Four Evolution: Part 2: Fly-vengers Assemble. And with that we conclude the Fly II Cinematic Universe Phase 1.
Bad Movie Twins 