Oh jeez, so get this. I was in outer space (natch) running some ‘speriments (natch, that’s what we call them in the beautiful mind science biz), when suddenly because my goober friend miscalculated some figured I get a huge blast of cosmic radiation! So he became a rad Human Torch, whereas I’ve become Mr. No Memory Man. Do you remember what happened in Fantastic Four (2005)?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Wait … why do the not-yet-fantastic-and-actually-kind-of-annoying four go to space again?
2) Whoops, now they have super powers. You know what? I’m going to give you an easy one. Name all five superpowers?
3) After the Thing gets all sad (awwwwww) Mr. Fantastic vows to help him out. What is the plan to solve his problems?
4) What is the problem with the solution, and why does it get solved, by whom, and why does that person do it?
5) What is Dr. Doom’s dastardly plan that the Fantastic Four now need to foil?
Bonus Question: After the battle the Fantastic Four are chilling in their skyscraper when they hear a knock at the door. Who is it?
1) Mr. Fantastic need to get to space in order to catch a passing cloud of cosmic energy. He basically has a theory on how the X-Men will be created in a future movie in the MCU (I’m guessing), which is that getting pummeled by this cloud will fundamentally change the DNA of organic creatures. And indeed it does … to them!
2) We got Mr. Fantastic who can get all stretchy. We got the Thing who is made of rock. We got the Invisible Woman who can not only become invisible (useless) but more importantly can create a protective shield and also throw an energy blast at people. We got the Human Torch who can light himself on fire, throw fire, and fly around. And finally we got Dr. Doom, who in this world can conduct and cast electricity and is basically made of steel.
3) He’s going to build the transporter from The Fly and … wait, he’s basically doing the same thing as in The Fly II! Naw, I’m joking. He’s going to bombard the Thing with a specific sequence of cosmic rays to reverse the Thing-ification. The End.
4) That question sounds vague … anyways, the issue is that the Fantastic skyscraper doesn’t have the powah! It don’t work on watah! It is solved by Dr. Doom who, as mentioned, can just generate a huge amount of electricity. He does it because he knows that once the Thing is no longer the Thing and is just lame old Ben there will be nothing to stop his … take over of the world? I guess we’ll see in the next question.
5) Literally like nothing. The plan appears to be to just get rid of the Fantastic Four presumably because he knows they are the only ones who can stand in his way. Otherwise though he’s mostly been taking his revenge on the corporatists who kicked him out of his company after the failure of the … space station? None of this makes sense guys. Small potatoes!
Bonus Answer: Film and Aikido mega-star Stephen Seagal?! “Oh man, we’re such huge fans,” says the Human Torch smarmily. “Oh yeah, me too,” responds Seagal, “But … I’m going to need that rocket launcher you got there.” Mr. Fantastic looks around nervously. “But …” BANG BANG BANG BANG, Stephen Seagal kills them all. At that moment, Larkin, Arthur, and Bartok Jr. enter the room. “Perfect Stephen, you’ve done well, now we’ll be able to put the Half Past Dead formula into that rocket and make all of New York City into Half Past Dead zombies. After that? The world!” They all laugh eeeeeevily and start prepping the rocket. Things are going swimmingly and Stephen Seagal starts to laugh. “What are we … some kind of Half Past Four?” And then everyone begins to laugh. Yeah, they are! We got Larkin, the beautiful mind who can whip up any chemical formula you want. We got Arthur, he’s the money, and he’s drunk all the time which means inhibition is out the window. We have Stephen Seagal, a Half Past Dead monster whose aikido skillz are the best in the biz. And we have Bartok, the Dr. Doom-esque brains of the bunch whose sole purpose in life is to rule the world by hook or by crook. They are … The Half Past Four. Can anyone stop them?
The title is The Fantastic Four Evolution: Part 1: Rise of the Half Past Four and you better belieb it is a part one that will conclude the Fly II Cinematic Universe Phase 1. Will the Fly-vengers assemble to defeat the Half Past Four? Find out, next time.