Oh man, so get this. I found some aliums in a pool house and then while feeling all young and spry I did a double back flip off the diving board and really Louganis’d it. Now I have a massive concussion (but I still won the gold! I think. I don’t remember). Do you remember what happened in Cocoon: The Return?
Pop Quiz Hot Shot!
1) Oh snap the aliums are back Jack. Well, what is The Gutes doing (besides presumably evading the authorities for his 30 counts of negligent homicide)?
2) And why are the aliums back?
3) But uh oh, the aliums have a new problem! What is it?
4) So six of them come back. How many go back with the aliums? And why do some of them go and some of them stay?
5) Well then, what is their grand plan for saving their allium friend?
Bonus Question:
Answers
1) He’s been selling garbage in Florida. You know … the usual. Really just living the dream. I guess he put that hush money those old people gave him for looking the other way as they drove their boat into the depths of the ocean. At least, that’s the story the authorities would have thought. How is The Gutes not in jail!
2) Well, you know … they’re friends. They left them behind, remember? But it is a tad bit confusing as to why they could come back five years later this time, but waited like a thousand years last time. I guess more importantly is there have been subterranean earthquakes and it is putting the cocoons at risk, so they went back for them.
3) The dastardly St. Petersburg Oceanographic Institute! Those evildoers. They are there to … well, to check out those earthquakes. And oh ho, what’s this. Some sweet cocoons?! Bet they didn’t think they’d find some aliums, but they’d be wrong.
4) Only two of them go back with the aliums, Don Ameche and his wife. They go back because they are, crazy as it sounds, pregnant, and soon realize that they will never see their child grow up unless they go with the aliums. Wilford Brimley and his wife stay to hang with their grandchild which really need Wilford’s sweet baseball tips. Joe dies by giving up his last lifeforce to his wife who was hit by a car, and she stays to become a preschool teacher.
5) The plan is so dumb. Basically they are going to slow roll their car by the Institute and wait for a truck to go out for a burger run. They then follow it and hitch a ride back into the institute. Meanwhile The Gutes brings in an escape boat on the beach. Once in the institute they shut off the power and Wilford Brimley snags the alium and hides in a broom closet. Meanwhile, another alium flies around distracting and confusing all of the guards. They then all rendezvous at the beach and escape. Easy peasy.
Bonus Answer: Ahhhhhhhhhh shit, dem aliums is back Jack!! It is 30 years later and Guttenberg runs a fake alien conspiracy website vaguely trying to throw people off the trail of the Antereans (and making that cash moneys). David is a marine archeologist under the tutelage of Sara. Suddenly who’s there but an older Kitty! But wait, the aliums don’t age. That’s right, we have to explain this … uh, this isn’t actually Kitty. She pulls out a small recorder and there is a hologram of Don Ameche (brought to you by Industrial Light and Magic) who explains (via, again, a CGI voice) that the aliums have a task for them. This isn’t Kitty, but a different alium, but they thought initially a familiar form would be better. There’s a problem! The aliums abandoned Atlantis long ago because it was falling into the ocean. Well, things just got worse! Atlantis is sinking further, and if they can’t figure out how to stop it the entirety of Florida (and eventually the world) might be at risk. Welp, David and Sara are on the case (with a little help from the Gutes, natch). But ho ho ho, who’s this, but the military man from the second film. Now a crank, he’s been thrown out of the military for his preposterous claims of aliums and has been stalking the Gutes ever since trying to prove himself right. In the end they find a shattered gem in the ruins of Atlantis and learn that the only thing that can heal it is (you guessed it), love! Well, the Gutes has that in spades. The Gutes is given the title of Protector of the Gem by a CGI Denehey also CGI obviously) and told to forevermore guard the secrets of the aliums and the gems, and that one day he too will travel through space and live forever. Easy peasy right? WRONG. You forgot about that military guy. He saw everything. In a mid-credits scene he’s shown back in his military gear talking to a mysterious figure. “I finally got’em, sir.” The End.
It’s called Cocoon: The Protector of the Gem and it is coming straight to Tubi this fall.
Bad Movie Twins 